What type of behavior can a couple expect from the typical single male at a club?

[DRxDON]

I've just started to "get into the club scene" to get a feel for it and see what it's like. I'm a VERY thorough "investigator". I've been to three clubs in the Mid Atlantic area, going with no pre-conceived notions of what to expect, nor expecting to "get laid". Well, I didn't "get laid" yet, nor did I meet anyone for a future meeting, NOR did I ACTIVELY try to. As I said, I went as sort of an "investigator" to see what the "vibes" are like at various clubs so that when I DO "get serious" I'll be able to handle myself correctly,.....eh... that's not exactly what I meant to say, LITERALLY. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed myself at all three clubs just being myself, flirting, playing the "theme game" they had at one (being a 'best breast judge) ,and just enjoying the open friendly erotic atmosphere. The clubs were your "average classy clubs", which only allowed one single male to every six couples and charged around $80 for entry and $35 for membership. Aside from just wanting to make some extra bucks from a few horny men, like Julie said elsewhere, I think this is also a part of their "screening process", cause before you can come to one of these clubs, you have to talk with the owner or manager on the phone where he asks you about what kind of work you do, what activities you enjoy, how long have you been involved in the lifestyle, etc. I guess they try to get a "feel" for what type of person you are, but the most financially well off "proffessional", well- spoken person can be the biggest jerk in the world, while a gas station attendant could be a real nice guy. You know what I mean? The next time I go to a club, the next time I can AFFORD to go to a club, since I put off friendly, attractive "vibes" and think I'm a pretty cute guy <he said so humbly>, I think I'm just going to mingle and flirt and not really try to actively "approach" anyone and introduce myself.

We have found that most single men are pushy, and some quite rude. The club always push the quote NO! means NO! But the fact is, the club doesn't want to turn down the revenue from single males. And I guess some guys feel if they don't give up they might get lucky.

[BK4169]

Hello folks, this is my first post, (be kind), after reading the replies, it seems that most single male encounters at clubs are similiar to single male encounters at bars, you have rude, obnoxious people acting the way they normally act. Having said that, I have not been to any clubs as yet, and I'm interested in doing so, but I would like to go with a couple, to get a feel for what really is happening. I think that to go as a "loner" is asking for too many egos to be kept in check, and that is a tough thing for most folks to do. Just a thought,,,

BK

[OhioCouple]

Hello Bk4169. Why not stop in on the introductions forum and introduce yourself and tell us a little more about you.

You are right, single men in the lifestyle have a very difficult time 'cutting the mustard' so to speak. Many times the single male thinks of a club as a visual entertainment arena, thinking that they can view some live action and if they get lucky maybe get to join in.

I suggest you read through all the topics in the single male forum and the new swingers forum to get a better feel for what couples and single females seek to find in a single male. If you take the time to do so, you may unlock the secrets of becoming a sought after single male.

Lori

[uberkraker]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
you may unlock the secrets of becoming a sought after single male.

*Chuckle* Sought after? "By the grace of God" comes to mind, here...

But seriously, to me swing clubs are like training wheels. I had an experience with my best friend and his wife, decided I liked the "lifestyle" (God, I cringe at that cliche') then started exploring and went to one, twice. Much like anyone else new on the scene you're looking for like minded folks. You can meet some cool people in clubs and (before I slam them) it helped me get an "understanding" for stuff in the beginning.

However, I quickly formed the opinion that most (if not all) suck. If you're going to play as a single male understand that you need to bring more to the party than your dick, if you expect a repeat performance. Swing clubs that allow single males are just not good environments for relationship building, IMNSHO. I'm not trying to slam couples who go in search of the anonymous pickup - it's just not for me.

I would suggest to all single males playing in the "lifestyle" that they take at least one trip to a swing club. Keep your dick in your pants the entire time. Converse with couples like you would at any regular bar. Don't have too much to drink. Just observe and try to figure out WHY the couples are in the club - what do they want to get out of the experience? Once you figure that one out, then you can decide if MFM or MM or MF (or anything in between) is for you. You'll have a much better understanding of whether or not you can provide what it is that they're looking for. Remember - it's not about you.. and a swing club is not a bordello or somewhere you take your buddy for his bachelor party.

If you're cool (and lucky), you'll get invited out to dinner, drinks, house parties, etc... It's really not that hard if you can refrain from being an asshole. I personally think that house parties are the bomb because there's no herd-mentality erection-in-hand crowding behavior (unless, of course, the scene that everyone agreed to in the first place involved lots of erections and crowding around and watching).

[JustAskJulie]

Great post and suggestions Uberkraker. I don't think you were slamming the clubs at all. The truth is they aren't for everyone. From the sounds of it your experience was only with on-premise clubs. You might want to check out an off-premise club if you can find one that has a singles night. You will find that many more couples attending off-premise clubs are actually looking for something more than just fun for a night.

[Brassman]

I play at a club in San Diego, and there is this "herd-like" mentality with most of the single guys.. they'll follow a vacuum cleaner around just to watch it suck up dirt.
I hang back, casually open a conversation and let it go from there. I learned that if a couple asks me to play it'll be after an interview of sorts, and that is really the best way to let it happen.
The woman usually will decide who joins and she'll feel more comfortable after seeing the available "stock" and then deciding.
Some couples will come out and ask just by sight, but this is rare in my experience so far. I can roll with it, and I find more successful play time by letting it happen without obnoxious prodding, and overkill. Let your goods be seen and don't over play things, that's what I would say. Also, be a gentleman and understand that "no" is "no"
Ken

[Flori_DAMAN]

I have witnessed this "herd like mentality" on many occasions.

I may have changed my opinion on some matters due to some recent posts.

I can't count the number of times my partner and I have had to change rooms because of the gang of guys that crowd around to "witness the event".

It is nothing short of disgusting.

I just think it is because of the fact that most single guys don't understand the concept of swinging.

It is not a titty bar.

It is not a cheap way to see a real life porno flick.

I hear guys bitching about the cost of getting into clubs but they are probably the same ones that go to the titty bars and throw hundred dollar bills away like they are tissues. They figure that paying 60.00 to get into a swinging club is like a lotto. They have a chance of getting much more than a surly hooker that will charge them 200.00 for a lot less fun.

This is the reason that couples that are new to the scene are scared shitless of clubs that allow single guys.

Who wants there wife to be a go-go dancer? CMON

Guys gotta stop this crap. And club owners have to make it clear that it goes beyond the ole adage that no means no. It goes so far as that if you are gawking at people having sex you are a nuisance. These guys figure because they paid 60.00 or whatever they have a right to do as they please as long as "no means no".

If you stalk some guys wife waiting for her to leave his side to approach her because she may have had a few drinks you are a slimeball.

A single guy should pay at least 200.00 to attend a swingers club event. He should be seperated from the crowd until he establishes himself as a true swinger. Not physically seperated but monitored by established clientele.

OK, I have shifted my mentality a bit. I think the term "herd mentality" got to me because I could never find such accurate words to describe it.

But I have been thinking about this for a while and I as a newly single guy am afraid to attend a swinging club because I know I will be lumped into the other guys. I would gladly pay 200.00 and apply by very strict rules just so people know that I am of means and not just looking for a cheap shot at someones wife.

And single females should be let in free. I know that this contradicts some things I have said before but the words "herd mentality" really got to me.

He should be told that he is lucky as hell to be there and if he don't like it then there are plenty of titty bars and hookers around that don't charge so much.

If I ran a club that is the way I would run it.

Many clubs don't allow single guys in because they are so damn stupid. Some of the patrons would still like to have single guys but they should be "translucent", but visible, not obtrusive.

This may piss some guys off but I am truly interested in making the swinging club atmosphere good for couples, single guys and single females.


John.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN


A single guy should pay at least 200.00 to attend a swingers club event. He should be seperated from the crowd until he establishes himself as a true swinger. Not physically seperated but monitored by established clientele.

I have to whole heartedly agree with most EVERTHING you said here. The only ammendment I would suggest would be if a membership couple sponsored and brought in a single male, taking full responsibility for losing their own membership, should he be one of the *herd mentality*, that single male who has shown that he is indeed a swinger with the right outlook, should be charged only half the rate of what the couple's rate is for admission and allowed to participate in the same manner as couples do.

Now if he proved himself over time then he should be allowed in without having to be sponsored and should not be charged the higher admission. I realize this would take a lot of policing on the club owners part, but is that really any different than the policing that is done when one invites select people to their house parties in which no money changes hands? If the average swinger can invite those that they know to be respectable true *swingers* single or couples, then I think those that are pulling in the dough can do the same.

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN]

After re-reading my post it does sound a bit over done.

I have also seen lots of couples come in together and then the male half acts every bit as obnoxious if not more than lots of single guys do.

It all comes down to good club management I suppose.

The club that I frequented in Michigan had problems in both areas but they were known to boot the jerks out occasionally however it was such a money maker for them (and they really needed the money), that sometimes things got out of hand with both singles and couples.

I guess there is no perfect situation.

Club management is more than some club owners seem to be aware of.

Now TTS in Lansing was one of the best run off premises clubs I have ever attended. Are they still active in Lansing Michigan? Just wondering, not that I could even go there anymore.

I won't be planning on attending any clubs unless I happen to stumble across a couple that invites me. Here in Florida. South east Florida. Right near 95. In Florida. The southern part of eastern Florida. Just in case. John. (from southeast Florida).

[ATAK]

Many times the single male thinks of a club as a visual entertainment arena, thinking that they can view some live action and if they get lucky maybe get to join in.

Am I to understand that couples/singles engage in sex right in the club for all to see? Having never been to a lifestyle club before (I'm always DJ-ing in regular clubs), I've never had the opportunity to go into a lifestyle oriented club.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by ATAK
Am I to understand that couples/singles engage in sex right in the club for all to see? Having never been to a lifestyle club before (I'm always DJ-ing in regular clubs), I've never had the opportunity to go into a lifestyle oriented club.

It depends on the club. There are both on-premise clubs (where sex occurs AT the club) and off-premise clubs (also known as socials) where it is nothing more than meeting others, dancing, etc and if you want to play you go to your hotel room/home/etc to do so.

[ATAK]

Wow. Kewl.

[ATAK]

It seems that most couples prefer (as they should) to at least do a quick assessment of any single they want to bring in to their bedroom. Once the single person gets past the physical attractivness scan, then comes the personality scan. Couples can talk to singles and gauge almost instantly whether they think this person is someone they want to spend more time with...

I have a large number of lesbian and bi female friends that hang very close to me. One of these lesbians is my best "male" friend. She and I hang out like guys, talk like guys and both are looking for the same thing. She keeps telling me how much MORE play she gets from being in a straight bar versus a gay bar and I believe her behavior plays a large role in how much play she gets. She's NEVER overbearing, she always let's women come to her. Once an attraction is established, she works her mojo much like anyone would, but she's never pushy or rude. In fact, she goes out of her way to be nice to people and she's very patient. This is one of the reasons she's my best friend. I truly do NOT think of her as a woman, because she doesn't! I see her as my best "male" friend and she sees me the same way.