Is there a DOUBLE STANDARD here?

[sexualhealingmn]

Is there a DOUBLE STANDARD applied to couples and single males?

OK for couples to exchange partners, but not OK for a single male to join in with one or both of the partners?

I.M. Healing!

[halfbreed]

IMO, yes, there is a very big double standard! My ex wife and I would swing with area couples and had no problems finding a couple or single(m. or f.) to party with. But since becoming single, the couples we(my ex and I) used to swing with won't even give me the time of day. I find it discouraging to say the least, that I can't seem to get back into swinging because of being single.

[Alura]

Gentlemen, I'm just a hick Okie, but it seems to me most single men never seem to understand, even those who've been in the scene when married.

Would you go to the Ferrari club and expect other members to let you drive their cars because you have developed an interest in Italian Sprots Cars and "want to get into the scene"? Would you call them "stuck up" when they refused?

You must live with the fact that you offer nothing a married couple can't offer. For that reason, and a lot of others, few married couples who swing are interested in you. If you're lucky enough to find one who is, you're very lucky indeed and best show your appreciation instead of screaming "discrimination!".

Mr. Alura

[Quin]

Just to add, single men are a dime a dozen within the life. Unless you're truly a gentleman at heart you will never find yourself being accepted.

For the one that used to have a wife that he swung with. You might want to sit back and re-evaluate your actions and how you are with people. The man I'm dating was married for 20 years and his wife and him swung together as a couple. They divorced (for reasons that didn't have to do with swinging) and have been divorced for 9 years...while his wife has left swinging, he is still active within his swinging circle and is never *left out*. He credits that to always being a gentleman, having some very good friendships within the circle and always treating everyone with respect (not to mention that he is very charismatic, has a great personality and just as cute as can be, but that's my thoughts not his. Geez, I'm gonna have to see if these running shoes can still run I think I'm being roped in).

The two single gentlemen within my swinging circle have had to prove themselves over years that they aren't just some ole hound dogs out to get laid. Your competition is many, you have to go above and beyond to attract the attention of couples. Having an attitude of how you're so badly discriminated against and how unfair it is, won't help you in the least.

Quin

[JustAskJulie]

You may want to check out this topic:
http://www.swingersboard.com/cgi-bin//ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=4;t=000018

Which is basically the discussion over whether or not single males belong in the lifestyle.

[coolwetbreeze]

A double standard? How funny!!! I think that single men should get a grip on reality. I don't consider it a double standard. Everyone has the right to decide what they want to include in their play just as the single man has chosen he wants to play period...I don't give one thought to a single man although my guy would love to have it happen...I have a man....If I'm going to find a single man he is going to have to be exceptional...and I have thousands to choose from...As far as the married men that swing and then get divorced and are no longer accepted into the swing lifestyle. You must not have been all you could be when you were swinging. Maybe you have a great pkg. or you are a real stud muffin but there had to be something lacking or your former swing partners would not exclude you...that's just my opinion of course.

[sportync]

IMHO damn near everything has a double-standard if you look deep enough....live isn't fair or equal, but it's a whole lot better than the alternative of sleeping in the cold, cold ground.
For some reason, we humans always seem to want what we don't have, and if we get it, we soon loose interest and start looking for that something else that we don't have and on and on.
It seems difficult for us to sit down and really begin to appriciate the things that we do have, those things that are really special to us. It took me a lot of years to realize this simple fact...most people aren't satisfied with what they have...they always want more...bigger house, faster car, cooler boat, whatever. And those people will never be happy. They will always feel that they need something more. As for this former married man who is now single, it sounds like he wants what he used to have, but somehow let go. He wants to swing, but he brings nothing to the table. I can sympathize with his situation, but he must face it...life ain't fair, it's just life...make the most of the days you have left here and continue to look for people who are like-minded and maybe he can get back onto the swing. And Quin, what's that distant sound I hear??? Sounds like.....maybe.........wedding bells??
If you need a photographer, give me a call(LOL)!
Sportync

[Alura]

quote:

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Originally posted by sportync:
And Quin, what's that distant sound I hear??? Sounds like.....maybe.........wedding bells??
If you need a photographer, give me a call(LOL)!
Sportync

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Mrs. Alura and I think that's a great idea, Quin! Of course, we'd want you to be sure but we think the world would be a better place if you were the wife of a swinging couple rather than a single female swinger.

Mr. Alura

[sportync]

Alura, Right on!!!! But in the immortal words of Mr. T, "I pity de' fool!" (lol). Just kidding, Quin, but whoever gets ya' will sure have his hands full...reminds me of the old saying,"be careful what you ask for...you just might get it". Hell, if I've pegged Quin right, she would have a closed, very private wedding, then invite the whole message board to the honeymoon!! Now for that, I'll definately bring my camera!!
Sportync

[curious24]

something tells me that the female that left this guy would more likely be accepted back to swinging with the couples that he and her used to swing with...

this to me is very discouraging and it will always amaze me how stereotypical some people can be.. and i'm sure it makes the male half seem like he isn't "good" enough for them.. and if i had to guess i think that's what this is about?

[Quin]

No, no, no I don't hear any wedding bells in the future. Quin don't do marriage. I still have the running shoes on, laced up and ready to run at the first hint of commitment beyond just seeing each other. He seems to be quite happy with things they way they are also.

We have been talking about venturing out of mine/his bedroom into others, as a couple. This poses a HUGE problem. He's been within his circle for a long time and I have been within mine for over 15 years. Neither of us want to leave our circles. Now the monkey wrench into it all...his sister and brother-in-law (who originally fixed us up) are in my circle.

Quin

[sportync]

Quin, I must say that I'm relieved about the way you took all of the kidding....I half expected a Weatern Union guy to hand me a telegram from you reading, "Sporty...fuck you...nasty letter will follow".(lol) I can certianly sympathize with your situation, though. Sounds like you should maybe throw one big party, invite both circles, tell them all to bring masks, and then just have at it! Of course they do say that Cancun is nice this time of year. Sportync

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Quin:
No, no, no I don't hear any wedding bells in the future. Quin don't do marriage. I still have the running shoes on, laced up and ready to run at the first hint of commitment beyond just seeing each other. He seems to be quite happy with things they way they are also.

We have been talking about venturing out of mine/his bedroom into others, as a couple. This poses a HUGE problem. He's been within his circle for a long time and I have been within mine for over 15 years. Neither of us want to leave our circles. Now the monkey wrench into it all...his sister and brother-in-law (who originally fixed us up) are in my circle.

Quin

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Never say Never Quin, the old marriage bug can strike you when you least expect or want it.

Since the sister and brother-in-law are involved in swinging, chances are they know you both are too. I would have to assume since these are long term circles of friends for each of you, socialization is as much, if not more, than the swinging aspect.

Going to functions in either circles doesn't mean you have to bare your butts in front of them.

Lori

[MrMuse]

quote:

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Originally posted by curious24:
something tells me that the female that left this guy would more likely be accepted back to swinging with the couples that he and her used to swing with...

this to me is very discouraging and it will always amaze me how stereotypical some people can be.. and i'm sure it makes the male half seem like he isn't "good" enough for them.. and if i had to guess i think that's what this is about?

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You know curious24, it's funny you should say that. In a way I'm really hurting inside by reading these posts about this very subject. On the other hand I'm glad to get some of this off my chest.

I'm a 41 y/o male who was married for 22 years to my lifelong best friend. We became involved in the swinging lifestyle four years ago at my wife's request. For a while it was just fantasy talk between us about adding another person(s) to our lovemaking. Over these last 4 years, people would comment on how we always appeared to be on our honeymoon! I was the perfect husband and she was the perfect wife. That is until this July...

She had an affair and I found out. I was crushed. She wanted out of the marriage and wanted to start life out on her own...she claimed "mid-life crisis." She assured me that I did nothing wrong and she still loved me...as a friend...

Of the three different couples that we used to swing with, and "seemed" to be VERY close friends, two of them have alienated me and won't give me the time of day. Even the men, that I used to go out with on "guys nights out" won't speak to me. They want my wife...funny she wanted to leave the lifestyle and won't respond to them!

The third couple was very sympathetic to my situation and have accepted me and we still talk and have our playtime regularly. In my opinion though, the difference between the three couples is that the first two are nowhere near as mature or confident in themselves as this third couple. Sure they are a little older than the other two, but they still treat me as a "friend".

To those that say a single male doesn't bring anything to the relationship, I say you're not looking! In fact you're probably a pretty shallow person if you say that. I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there who fit "that" category. Also you may say, "...if his wife left him, he must not have been doing something right to keep her..." That's a crock of shit! Women usually ask that same question of themselves when the men have an affair. And what is the answer???? It's not that the wife wasn't good enough, it was that he was looking for something "different." I don't need to go into detail about THAT one...we've all heard ALL the different excuses for that right???

So far, in the last three months of my single existence I've had VERY good success meeting women and couples. First, I'm not hung up on my "penis." I have a g-rated picture in my profile. Next, I don't wait for couples to contact me. When I do contact them, I read their profile and find something to compliment them about. I also send them a photo of myself (lets face it, most of them won't take the time to look in your profile). I also try to assure them that I'm not just a typical guy wanting to bang the hell out of some other guy's wife. I'm honest in telling them I'm just looking for "like-minded" friends. I tell them why they should consider me. I list all my good character traits. I sell myself. I know there are thousands of other men out there and I make myself stand out.

Lets face it guys, being single is hard enough, let alone being a "Single male" in the swinging community.

Yes, single guys do have their place in the swinging community. It's just that everyone is looking in the wrong place!