Why can't people be polite

[Manny]

This is my first post and I'm pissed about something. I am happily married with one problem, due to medication and somewhat her upbringing, my wife infrequently desires physical intimacy or affection. WE have tried for a long time to break through these barriers. She knows I am an open and very physical person. For years we have discussed swinging(usually she brings it up). We have decided a if I met a secure couple, it would be the safest(emotionally) for everyone. They would have to be people that my wife and I could be friends with. She just wouldn't participate in physical activities. I started out answering ads and soon became discoraged. I decided to wait for responses to my ads. I usually post as single or separated because physically I am. I tell anyone who is interested my situation.

Here's my rant: In approximately a year and a half of looking, I have been contacted by some of the rudest people I've ever seen anywhere. If someone asks for a pic, the least they can do is write back with a "thanks anyway". Or if they ask for your life story, is it OK to never hear from them again? I understand there's a weeding out process, but that doesn't excuse poor manners. A single male shouldn't be treated like meat anymore than a single female should.

Here's my plea: Please, at least send a short message saying no thanks. Especially if you make first contact. We originally looked to the swinging comunity because I thought it was about being open, honest and bringing pleasure to each other. I want to believe that's true. OK I'm done.

Take care all,
Manny

[JustAskJulie]

I can understand where you are coming from in regards to people not responding and I agree. It would be nice if people would at least write back and say "no thanks". But it just doesn't always happen. And it has nothing to do with your status. Read some of hte other topics on the board here and you will see that this is just as common for couples dealing with other couples as it is for single males.

As for your situation in general. I think you should be honest in your ads and post that you are a married man swinging with your wife's permission. Since your wife actually wants to be involved in this process of picking the couple it will make it much easier for you. However, posting as a single male just starts you out lieing basically. You aren't single, nor are you seperated. You are still very much with your wife and not stating that upfront is being dishonest.

[Chicup]

Couple looks great on paper.

You chat/email a bit, everything seems good.

They send you pictures and neither of you find them remotely attractive.

Hardest thing to do is say 'not interested' at this point, as its obvious why. Its happened to us before where a couple wasn't interested in us phyically but just stopped emailing and we just accepted it and moved on.

While it may be rude, it doesn't feel any better to get a 'sorry the chemistry isn't there' post either. God knows I hated sending them, and I'm sure they hated reading them.

[JustAskJulie]

Wanted to add something to this. A few years ago I was trying to set up my first gangbang. One of my requirements was that I had to be attracted to the guys in question (imagine that). Well this one guy sent me a pic and I wasn't remotely attracted to say the least. I emailed him back and politely said that he wasn't what we were looking for at this time.

In general we are not superficial people. But in this particular case we weren't meeting the guys ahead of time for me to develop some attraction to them outside of their looks. So it was entirely based on looks.

The guy got pissed off at me. "what do you mean At this Time....", etc. Ripped me apart on a Yahoo message board as well as in email. Basically told me that I was looking for a GB and I was asking guys to be willing to be on camera so I should just take what I could get, etc. etc.

At any rate, the moral of this story for me, was that if I'm not attracted and that is my reason for turning them down I better either not reply or come up with some other reason to give them. And if you've been emailing with someone and then see a pic of them and that's when/why you decide you aren't interested.... it's fairly obvious regardless of what reason you give them, what the real reason is.

[RnKin Fla]

We've had the same problem - we meet a couple and e-mail and chat, then they get our picture and decide they are not interested. Personally, I can understand that.

We are in this lifestyle to have some fun, meet new friends and fulfill some fantasies. If the physical attraction isn't there, then it isn't. And that's ok.

But I'd rather be told the truth rather than some lame lie that the other couple suddenly remembered they had a prior engagement or something.

[Manny]

Thanks for the input. I understand not wanting to hurt someones feelings by saying no thanks right after getting a pic from them. I do think however, that anyone choosing to venture into this lifestyle should realize it is largely physical and initial attraction is important. My taste in women leans toward the shapely, soft, and jiggly side but I have met people like that who became much less attractive to me once I got to know them. I still feel not being attracted to someone doesn't make them a bad person and they should be treated with some respect.

Julie, thanks for your input about advertising as single. I never thought of it that way and it makes perfect sense. Now if I can remember the countless sites I've placed ads on I'll go change them. Just a note: I've met a younger couple who seem perfect and just had my first experience. It was incredible and not at all as awkward as I thought it might be.

Take care all,
Manny

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Manny:
I do think however, that anyone choosing to venture into this lifestyle should realize it is largely physical and initial attraction is important....I still feel not being attracted to someone doesn't make them a bad person and they should be treated with some respect.

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We personally do not place ads although we do belong to two other pay sites where we have a profile and the ability to communicate with other members. One of these sites has the capability to not receive mail from singles, so we have that blocked. The reason for this being is that we do try to respond to anyone who contacts us, but for the first three days on this particular site we received so many e-mails from single men that it became tiresome and annoying.

I agree with you though that if they contact you or request additional information, then they should politely respond with a yea or nay.

I also understand Julie's side too. We had one male which we responded with a polite "no interest at this time" and he literally came back at us with all sorts of nasty remarks. I finally wrote a quick note to him telling him that if he wanted anyone to take him seriously he had better either clean up the discrepancies in his profile or memorize them. For spite I asked him if he was a TV or wanna be. (This guy was on my last nerve, you would have had to have read what he had written to us on three occasions.) Needless to say, he never wrote back to us again. Guess he took his piper elsewhere.

Lori