why not single males, but single females?

[Flori_DAMAN]

Practically all the adds I see seeking singles are for single women....of course preferably...bi....

Is the reason that single men are not sought after?
If your wife wanted to do a single guy would it be ok?
Would you be somewhat concerned about bringing up the idea if you are a attached woman?

[FTnPV]

I'm not sure how long you've been in the lifestyle, but we picked up right away that the majority of women involved in it are bi. Most all of the parties we've gone to it "almost" seems like the women are there looking for and playing with other women. I almost gives the impression that the guys are a second thought. I don't have a problem at all with this either so don't start flaming. I surely enjoy the benefits of the girl/girl paly as it turns us both on a lot!

On the other hand the majority of guys are straight. Single ladies are very much in demand because both halves of the couple will enjoy having fun with her. With single guys (of which we partake), the woman gets to enjoy the sex and the husband is a sex partner also and may possibly benefit from seeing her with another guy (I do). Guys who get off seeing their wives intimate with other guys are in the minority.

[JustAskJulie]

I think the reason why single males aren't as sought for is pretty straight forward. As was mentioned, the overwhelming majority of swinging women are bi (or at least bi-curious... or at the very least their husbands want them to be bi-curious).

Single males are easy to find if you want one, not as much of a need to post an add to find one. There are thousands of single males who have already posted ads if you want to go that route you can just sort through those or find a single male any number of ways.

I think the better questions here are the last two.

1. As a guy what would your reaction be to your wife wanting to bring in a single male for fun?

2. As a woman would have a problem bringing up the idea of adding in a single male?

For us, this is how we started (with single males) and it came about because hubby obviously enjoyed hearing stories about what I did when I was single.

[MrMuse]

I know my story is rather ironic. I'm a 41 y/o male. I was, until about 3 months ago, married for 22 years to my best friend. For the last 4 years we were active in the swinging lifestyle. Every once in a while we would seek out a single male for a threesome, but it was usually the tyoical fmf, or couple w/bi-female thing. Even our adds said the usual, "no singles males...if we want one, we'll find you!" Ironically, as of July, I've been one of those "SWM" outcasts. WOW...what a rude awakening!!!! Even some of the married couples that we "played" with have regarded me as an outcast! And I thought we were good friends! But yet, my ex-wife won't have anything to do with those people and I would love to just "hang out" with them if they'd have me. it could be easy for me to become bitter about all this stuff, but I keep plugging away, knowing that somewhere out there are women and couples that want a handsome, entertaining guy like me!

Newly single in Flint, MI

[OhioCouple]

I personally think the double standard stinks. With any divorce tho, remember that it includes darn near everything you did as a couple. Rarely after a divorce or separation is there a continuation of mutual friends. That is just life in general, swing or non.

Don't give out hope, just know that your work and your search is cut out for you. There are many special someones who may be seeking someone just like you and their search is just as difficult.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

I just responded in an older thread that I had missed a long time ago about what is swinging to you. Which brought me to look for a topic similar to this in the Single Male Forum.

I would like to hear from other couples why there seems to be such a bias between whether or not single males or females are swingers.

It seems as though single women are treated like the hidden treasures of the earth and that even that most awful ones (and yes there are some really awful ones in my opinion) are accepted without a hesitation. They actually have the red carpet rolled out for them. You can be a really nice guy, great conversationalist, well groomed and be shunned in a heartbeat.

We have never swung with a single male and I don't know that we ever will, but I don't understand the double standard that exists. In all honesty we have had just as much contact with couples that are WAY less than desirable in their actions than we have with single men. We have several single male friends in this lifestyle that I would not hesitate to recommend to another couple or a single female, if I thought they might be mutally compatible and attacted to each other.

Anyway! My question is, why the double standard? Is it a perceived notion from reading all the negative comments that have been made over time? Or is it ACTUAL First hand experience that soured you?

Lori

[2New2it]

We have no objections to a single male, but most of them don't have a clue how to act. They approach an invitation to a threesome as if the husband is incapable of satisfying his wife and with the misconception that he is going to salvage the marriage by giving her the greatest mercy fuck of her life. He wants the husband to sit back and watch him in action and not interrupt his magnificant style.

Every single male should keep a few things in mind. He is being invited to be a guest and should act like a guest, not an overbearing stud, bent on embarrassing the male half of the couple. He should be polite, gracious, deferential and grateful for the invitation. He should treat the woman like a queen, not a slut and treat the man as a host, not a bother. He should ask the couple what limitations there are, what they want him to do and how they want him to do it.

Single men who act like that will receive their share of invitiations.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by 2New2it
We have no objections to a single male, but most of them don't have a clue how to act. They approach an invitation to a threesome as if the husband is incapable of satisfying his wife and with the misconception that he is going to salvage the marriage by giving her the greatest mercy fuck of her life.

This is not an attack on your response but what if anything do you have to guage it by on how a single swinging female behaves? Do you have as many to compare it to?

This is what I really don't understand. If you have one female for every 1000 males what are the odds of there being more men unable to behave themselves. Certainly greater. Without question there will be more men seen as misbehaving since there is a greater ratio from men to women.

I base this on the fact of having tended bar in my lifetime both in front and behind, working in other environments that had a lot of both genders and I can tell you there are just as many misbehaving women as there are men. They may or may not have been swingers but they were definitely playing the field to get laid.

I have no bias against single females as we would love to include one too in our relationship but it just bugs me because of the bias that exists in swinging.

I am sure I will get slammed for this but....this is my opinion.

I think the reason that so few women join a pay site or answer an ad for one is that it is just too damn easy to walk up to some dude standing in the produce section of your local grocery and get a nice dinner and a hot night of sex with no problem. I believe the ones that do are serious about finding like minded folks that can share their interests and maybe get lucky enough to find a lifetime partner to do so with. For the men, I believe it is much more difficult to walk up and pick up some gal in the produce section and they resort to pay sites. I also believe that out of the men which join the pay sites, answer and put out ads are cheating married men. Women cheating or otherwise do not have to work hard or have to pay to do it since it is too easy for them to do otherwise.

Now for the last of my opinion before I step down off my soapbox here, is that I believe there is an abundance of true single males out there in the sea of ads that are looking for the same as the few women who post in ads are. I think it is wrong to classify all men based on the high number of males that advertise as opposed to the females. The difference in numbers of availability stinks for the truly swinging single male and they pay the price for it.

Lori

[2New2it]

My opinion is based on conversations with single men that we try to get to know. You only have to read the personal ads to discover the percentage of single men, and some married men, whose profile is nothing but bragging about how many times they can make your wife orgasm, or how hung they are, or how well-built they are. It's all about them.

I didn't even suggest that there weren't single men who knew how to conduct themselves around couples. There are, we've met them, and we've played with them. The problem is that you have to shovel a lot of manure before you find the right guy. That has not been the case with our single woman experiences...but of course they are rare.

[R&C]

For me, MFM holds no intrest at all. Now FMF, works for both of us at times. C isn't always interested in being with a woman, so we tend to stick with couples. With friends we will occasionaly split up and go with a single w/o the other with the knowledge of the other.

We do what we are interested in sexually, and don't do what we aren't interested in.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by 2New2it
I didn't even suggest that there weren't single men who knew how to conduct themselves around couples.

I know that. That is why I said it wasn't an attack on your post. I am just trying to get other couples to respond to their reasonings as to why the choose what they do and the difference between the negative images of a single male and a female.

By no means was it a reflection of your post, I was just expressing what really bums me out about pre-conceived notions.

Lori

[ATAK]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Practically all the adds I see seeking singles are for single women....of course preferably...bi....

Is the reason that single men are not sought after?
If your wife wanted to do a single guy would it be ok?
Would you be somewhat concerned about bringing up the idea if you are a attached woman?

I believe that the primary reason men are not as sought after in the swinging scene, is the sheer abundance of us versus single women in the lifestyle. As has been said to me recently, "Women control half the money and all the pussy" Women seem to be able to handle periods of time without sex better than men, in my opinion. I believe this to be a direct result of a woman's ability to seek out a sexual encounter at will, whereas a man has a more difficult time seeking out a sexual encounter and therefore feels the need to try harder and be less discreet. This can sometimes have the very bad side effect of people labelling him a "dog" or "player". Within the lifestyle or not, women pretty much know that at any time, they can make a request of their husband to bring in a woman, and the majority of men will be delighted to have the opportunity to at least see 2 women have sex, then possibly join in.

This leads to another subject which is another reason I believe women are more sought after. On the whole, homosexuality or bi-sexuality is more accepted in women than in men. Most men, that I know, do not like the thought of placing themselves in a sexual situation with another man. You can look on any pay site you want to, and you'll find that the vast majority of men in couples are straight. There are a few bi-curious or bi men, but the straight men far outnumber them. On the other side of the coin, the vast majority of women in couples on the same sites are either bi or bi-curious. Bi-sexuality is more accepted in women than in men by the mainstream in America. Even if the straight men want to seek out another man for their partner's pleasure, you will still not find them engaging sexually with the other man.

In short, there are more men who'd rather see 2 or more women together sexually, than there are women who want to see 2 or more men together sexually. IMHO. I believe that is the primary reason for the perdicament we find ourselves in.

My 2 cents...

[Ashley]

I think the reason bi-females are in such demand, especially in the clubs, is because it's an easy ice-breaker. As a woman, I have an easier time approaching another woman than I do a man(not sure why, I guess I know how I like to be approached). We can talk, dance, kiss, play and then bring our partners into the mix. The men are grateful because they don't have to do all the work like they do in the traditional "dating" model.

[kycpl4bifem]

Straight women can be just as pushy, rude, obnoxious, and anoying as single men. They two can develope the attitude that your wife must be doing something wrong and they are there give the poor hubby a mercy fuck. Trust me I know. In the worst case we encountered the single straight woman we had been seeing for some time tried to start a conversation with me about leaving my wife. I told my wife and we broak it off for good. This was the last str8 woman we ever agreed to meet. The hardest part of the whole situation was that my wife is truely bi. Not meaning she will lick and play with other women if horney enough she likes women in the same way she does men and she had fallen hard for this str8 woman. She cried to days after I put an end to things over not getting to spend time with her. We now only meet cpls and bi women. I may be wrong but I think any time it is two str8 of one sex and someone of the opposite sex the one sidedness of the situation makes it to likely to lead to trouble. ?What do you think?

[YOUSQQ]

WHY,WHY YOU ASK? Please women rule! The power of pussy,hmm. EVERYONE, wants a woman their the best.
bottom line Women Rule