status quo MFM vs FMF

[Flori_DAMAN]

The more things change the more they same the same.

I am wondering about honesty.

My curiosity has been piqued by recent leans toward the acceptance and not acceptance of single males in the lifestyle.

I know that most men actually initiate the swinging relationship by expressing an honest desire to have a single guy involved with them.

The honest part is that I truly believe that a good percentage of married/attached men fantasize about watching their girl do it with another male.

I wonder if many couples started this way..so I am going to do a poll on this subject.

I would like comments about how the MMF thing went over with the females if it was initiated that way. Were you turned on by it..but kinda felt it was a ploy on his part to just swing with other women?

For me it was a true fantasy. And I have always enjoyed it. But there did come a time when I felt that whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

So without using any numbers I would like to hear from the females on this issue.

Did it start that way with you?

And did you hubby feel threatened when you enjoyed it?

I will bet a number of ole time swingers will respond to this one.

I would kind of like to change the negative aspect of single males...and clarify their very important aspect of swinging in the lifestyle.

All I see lately are negative posts about married guys or horny pushy toads...but I'd like to hear about the females perspective of how single men actually created the atomosphere that allowed it to progress to couple swinging

Johns thought for the day..

[JustAskJulie]

Our first couple of swinging experiences were with male friends of my hubby's. The first was a 3some. The guy in question was a long time friend of hubby's and he was married. Prior to us getting married my hubby had been the single male in their 3some scenario and we had had soft-swing (same room) fun with both of them. They had an open marriage and we knew where they stood so the fact that he was married and she wasn't there was not an issue.

We all enjoyed it. Hubby loved seeing it and there were no regrets.

The next time we did anything after that was also with a single male. Another long time friend of both of ours. Hubby knew I had a bit of the hots for this guy and one night he gave me the ok to go over and visit him alone. I did, you can imagine where things went from there. I got home and told hubby about it and we had some of the best sex we had to that point.

[TNT]

Our very first experience was with a single man. This happened over 19 years ago, a lonnngggg time before we knew there was any such thing as a "swinging lifestyle", lol. He was a buddy of my husband's and although I don't really remember how things progressed to the point of all three of us in bed together, I do remember it to have been a very enjoyable encounter .

Jump forward about four years (still no clue there is such a thing as swingers) we had an encounter with a couple we were friends with.

Fast forward another thirteen years, NOW we know what swingers are , and we go back to another single man.

As far as hubby being threatened, no he wasn't/isn't, lol...it's one of his biggest fantasies and has often said that if that was all I ever wanted to do, he would be more than happy with it. Luckily for him, or myself, depending on how you want to look at it, lol...I enjoy all aspects of the lifestyle.

Teresa

[Flori_DAMAN]

I think that single males are the initiating point of a good percentage of swinging couples experiences.

I also feel that after they get into it they tend to do an about face with them...single guys are very mistreated overall. It is assumed that they are no longer needed after the inital introduction into the lifestyle by many couples.

Id bet that many couples that put in large caps NO SINGLE MEN...started that way too.

Coul any of those NO SINGLE MEN posters comment?

Of course the vast majority of introductory couples seek single females...but its the same toin coss...its a way to ge into it in the first place.

A good quality truly single man has a real place and need in the community of swinging lifestyle in my opinoin.

They are thrashed and abused by the very people that started there experiences with them.

I think the single male should not have to apologize or act like he is inferior to couples.

If he is in fact single and passionate about swinging.

I am amazed at the outward anomosity against them to be honest.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

---

Originally posted by michigancouple:


Id bet that many couples that put in large caps NO SINGLE MEN...started that way too.

Coul any of those NO SINGLE MEN posters comment?...

Of course the vast majority of introductory couples seek single females...but its the same toin coss...its a way to ge into it in the first place.

---

Our profiles both say No Single Men at this time and on one of the sites we have both single men and women blocked being able to contact us as we were flooded with e-mail from single men and single men posing as women. Now as much as I detested all the one line e-mails and agree with that, I did soften the lines in our profile to say they were not ruled out, but we chose to seek them out. Hubby on the other hand had he typed it in would have boldly put in NO SINGLE MALES, with probably a bunch of !!!!!!

Our original goal when we first began was to find a single female. Well everyone knows the story on how elusive that is.

Our roadblock with single men has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my husband. For some reason he shies away from the prospect. I feel it is more of an insecurity issue and I really don't get it myself. I know he is not insecure being around married/committed couples in any way. But they must be just that and not a single just playing with another single for the sake of having sex. We have met with one single male, for dinner only and have yet to meet with him again. The hubby usually makes some excuse and I feel bad for the guy we did meet as we all got along very well. Perhaps some of you single guys have experienced this as well. Do you know what the fear factor is? Can you sense it in a couple you meet? Why would a man who has absolutely no problem in a foursome, cutting one out of the picture and having a threesome be so afraid of just a threesome?

For me the single male thingie is an elusive dream.

Lori

[IndyDuet]

I see that we are kind of the odd duck. After much discussion, we sought out a local club, that is a couples only club. We've never had an encounter with a single male or female. Maybe because we are both straight or maybe because we want to be sure the other doesn't feel left out...not really sure, just know that we prefer couples...committed couples at that. At least at this time. We know things change and we may decide later to include a single. I guess we are a little backwards!

the wife

[Flori_DAMAN]

Maybe married men feel threatened by single males. They seem to welcom females.
I am going to post anther topic concerning this issue. Joh.

[FTnPV]

Our first swing experience (if you could call it that when you're naot married) was with a single guy. It was hubby's best friend and he was a real hunk. We we'e all 21 at the time. Hubby and I had dated since 9th grade and I hadn't experienced any other guys besides him. We talked about it and he was getting real excited about seeing me do this so we did. Huby had a great time watching and joining in the fun. For me it was just OK. The other guy wasn't nearly as good in bed as he was good looking and he had an odd shaped cock (I had only had hubby's cock to this point so what did I know). He wasn't very talented orally and if it weren't for hubby, I'd probbly not had an orgasm that night.

After that we talked about what had happened and agreed that "if" the opportunity came up, we might pursue this again with other guys. Hubby is completely comfortable in the presense of other guys and not intimidated in the least. He is very good looking and a fantastic lover and ALWAYS helps me to multipl O's. We have been with couples and other singles and enjoy it all with a preference of MFMs. Needless to say if the other guy is good (nice looking, clean,considerate and a good lover), I have a great time also!

Twenty three years later and we're still at it!! Married 22 of them!

[FTnPV]

Our first swing experience (if you could call it that when you're naot married) was with a single guy. It was hubby's best friend and he was a real hunk. We we'e all 21 at the time. Hubby and I had dated since 9th grade and I hadn't experienced any other guys besides him. We talked about it and he was getting real excited about seeing me do this so we did. Hubby had a great time watching and joining in the fun. For me it was just OK. The other guy wasn't nearly as good in bed as he was good looking and he had an odd shaped cock (I had only had hubby's cock to this point so what did I know). He wasn't very talented orally and if it weren't for hubby, I'd probbly not had an orgasm that night.

After that we talked about what had happened and agreed that "if" the opportunity came up, we might pursue this again with other guys. Hubby is completely comfortable in the presense of other guys and not intimidated in the least. He is very good looking and a fantastic lover and ALWAYS helps me to multiple O's. We have been with couples and other singles and enjoy it all with a preference of MFMs. Needless to say if the other guy is good (nice looking, clean,considerate and a good lover), I have a great time also!

Twenty three years later and we're still at it!! Married 22 of them!

[ October 18, 2002, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: FTnPV ]

[Alura]

Our idea of swinging is two or more couples playing together. We simply see no reason to include singles, male or female. That could, of course, change if we met the right persons but it hasn't yet and we don't seek them out. We don't run ads so we don't have to say, "No Singles."

Married couples, particularly those with long-term faithful relationships, have much more in common with us, offer far fewer risks, both emotionally and with std's and seem to be a lot more fun because of the greater number of combinations possible.

We make no apologies for our stand on this subject.

Alura

[halfbreed]

I am a single maleand have been very dissapointedin swinging because nobody seems to want to swing with single men. I really believe it's because most men are so insecure! If you are that insecure, maybe you shouldn't be in this lifestyle!!!!!

[IndyDuet]

quote:

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Originally posted by halfbreed:
I am a single maleand have been very dissapointedin swinging because nobody seems to want to swing with single men. I really believe it's because most men are so insecure! If you are that insecure, maybe you shouldn't be in this lifestyle!!!!!

---

The decision to not play with single males is not always made by the male of the couple. Our preference, at least at this time, is to play with couples. We feel we have more in common and we prefer relationships that extend outside the bedroom. I'm sure we are not the only ones that feel this way.

I see a lot of concern that single males are stereotyped, but aren't you doing the same with couples that prefer not to entertain a single male?

Angie

[ddrewd]

quote:

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Originally posted by IndyDuet:
Our preference, at least at this time, is to play with couples. We feel we have more in common and we prefer relationships that extend outside the bedroom. I'm sure we are not the only ones that feel this way.

---

Very true. However, it's something I've always bristled at, socially and sexually. When I was young, as my friends would marry they would stop socializing with me and start hanging around other married couples.

Yes, you want to hang around people with whom you have something in common. But does that mean that married people have nothing in common with single people, especially their (former) friends?

When I got married I made it a point to be balanced in the types of people we socialized with. It's true that when married people hang with singles, they're more inhibited in displaying their affections, I think couples can stop pawing each other for a couple hours and have a little fun with single people.

In the interests of honesty, I've never had a relationship with a woman who embraced the lifestyle, so I don't know how I would handle swinging with a single male in that situation.

Drew

[dave_susie2001]

quote:

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Originally posted by michigancouple:

If he is in fact single and passionate about swinging.

---

And that's the crux. Are they passionate about swinging or just out to get laid?

To all of the guys out there that have daughters, how do you feel about them going out on that first date? You remember what it was like to be a young man, don't you? No matter how much you trust your daughter, you worry about her, for several reasons. But for me, it's because I remember what it was like to be the guy...hormones raging, ready to screw anything!

That's kind of how I feel about single guys in swinging. Are they really swingers? or are they just out to get laid and don't care about the relationship I have with my wife. Now, I'm not stereotyping all single men here. I know for a fact that there are sincere single male swingers out there. Would we play with a single? If we felt that he was sincere, sure. (that's Dave's opinion by the way.) Susie says no.

She says no for the following reason:

There are several reasons we swing, the first and foremost being because we love to watch and share with each other in recieving pleasure. For Dave, that's no problem. A single man will certianly give Susie pleasure! For Susie, it is a problem. She can't watch and share in Dave recieving pleasure.

Now single women are another story. Since Susie is Bi, we can both watch and share.

We have no negative opinion on single males. We just perfer couples. Like I've seen it said on here before, there are so many combinaions that can be explored (MFM, FMF, MFMF) that we don't see and disadvantages. Bottom line, it's what we're into, and you can't fault anyone for that!

And by the way, with one exception, every swinging encounter we've ever had was with a couple. The one exception was our second encounter which was with a single bi woman.

[ October 21, 2002, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: dave_susie2001 ]

[Alura]

Yeah, Dave_Susie2001! Right on! Mrs. Alura is the main "no singles" opinion holder in this marriage. Her reasons are pretty much the same as Susies but she hasn't fully explored her bi side, if any, just nibbled around the edges, as it were.

Alura