Meeting "Open Minded" Single Women

[robw99]

Although it may seem strange to the readers on a message board such as this one, there are some people who abstain from sex before marriage due to a conservative upbringing. I did that with my first marriage, only to find out as I got into the marriage that my wife and I had vastly different sexual "appetites". This did not lead to the breakup of the marriage, but it did not help prevent it either.

I would like to make sure that does not happen in the second go at marriage. I buy into the swinging concept 100%. Not for the sex purposes, but for the enjoyment of the interaction with other couples, the openness, the recognition that no one person can be everything to another person. I've been to a number of on-premises clubs and I've really enjoyed just being in the room watching couples enjoy themselves (and no, I don't mean the back rooms... I'm talking about the bar area, the dance floor, etc...)

So my question to you (and the purpose of this post) is this: How would you suggest that I go about meeting women to date that would be open to the swinging lifestyle. For a long term relationship I am interested in a whole bunch of other things that are in the long run much more important than swinging. Shared interests, similar backgrounds, etc. But I want to also make sure that sex is a very important part of our relationship.

Any comments or advice?

Thanks

[JustAskJulie]

Rob,

I don't think there is a way to make sure that you only date women who are openminded sexually. I think the key here is that you just be open and honest with any woman that you do date. Let her know what you are looking for and if that's not her bag, move on.. eventually you will find someone who is open to your ideas .. maybe she's already in the lifestyle (or had some experiences) or maybe she's brand new and you get to be the one to show her the ropes. But it all comes down to openness and honesty.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Rob,

Have you tried or considered placing an ad online? There's sites online that are free of charge and some that are not. You can either browse the ads and/or answer ads as well, and/or place your own ad too....

Just a thought....


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[robw99]

CyberMWCouple

No, I haven't, and to be quite honest, I'm a little bit nervous about that. Being open to this lifestyle is important to me, but there are probably 10 other things that are more important, and I guess I'm afraid I'd be tempted to overlook those other important things if I started a relationship based just on this one criteria.

I suppose there is a paradox to this online world... on the one hand it is really much easier to discuss and explore sexual and other highly personal interests... on the other hand it is harder to judge other things that may be important.

Oh well... I guess if this were easy, we'd all have it down pat by now... :-)

Rob,

We know whatcha mean....Hubby & I met online, but not through any ads. We met in a cool chatroom while meeting and making new friends online. As for the lifestyle, so far we've met all our couple friends online as well, they were either from placing and/or answering ads.

A few of our personal friends have placed ads online, listing who and what they're looking for in a relationship. It takes time and patience, like anything else when it comes to relationships.

Just keep plugging in (and with patience) and don't cut yourself short of your "wants & goals" in your search for this dream relationship of yours, and your search will be worth the wait!


GOOD LUCK with your search!
Wife of CyberMWCouple

My question is that I would like to meet a female that I could possibly have a relationship with and a future, How do I go about meeting a single female that is into swinging?

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by <funnyman01>:
My question is that I would like to meet a female that I could possibly have a relationship with and a future, How do I go about meeting a single female that is into swinging?

OK your question is how do i go about meeting a female that is into swinging. Your first statement is that you would like to meet a memale that you could possibly have a relationship wiht a future.

Ok the easy part is finding a female that is into swinging. They are easy to find. They will usually be at swinging clubs or on the net advertising for people like themselves. Of course these females are married.
Perhaps you do not understand that the true definition of swinging is sharing sex with your partner.
So females into swinging usually have partners.

So its easy to find females into swinging.
Now for the first part of your post.
You would like to meet a female with that you could possibly have a relationship and a future.

Well my friend, you do what everyone else does. You date women.

If you MUST have a swinging mate then you have narrowed your prospects considerably.

I believe your question should be worded differently.

You meant to say "how do I find a female that i can a relationship and future with and she swings".

You need to figure out your priorities.

Find a woman that you can have a relationship and a future with. That is the important thing. If she will ever swing it will be because you likely cultivated the possibility with her.

You do not find swinging mates. You create the possibility by sharing fantasies and agreeing on them with people that you have established relationships with.

If you are very lucky and trip over one then you are doing what many men dream of.
You need to be creative.
First and foremost find a woman that you can have a relationship and a future with.
If you put swinging as a priority you will eliminate 99.9 percent of all available single women.
Find a gal that can talk about sexual fantasies without judging you. Never demand anything from a female.
Beleive it or not you can have a great life without swinging.

If my wife said "no more swinging for us" then so be it....it would cease immidiately. Because I cherish and love my wife.

It can take several years to develope the trust and communication necessary to swing.

Get off the swinging sites and the net advertising and go out and find a gal that you can share a life with.

If the swinging part is such an important thing then talk about your ambitions soon in your relationship.

You will definately find that most women are turned off by the idea.

You need to create the desire by using an old trick. Honesty.

If a female truly trusts you and you trust her then you can talk about anything. Bring the subject up AFTER you decided you want a relationship with her.

Do not expect that she will go for it though. Most won't. It sounds like you need a relationship and a future more than you need swinging.

Swinging is cool and great but if my wife said " no more swinging for us" then so be it. There would be no more swinging.

Don't make swinging the basis for a relationship. If your heart truly desires it and she likes it also then you can develope a swingers lifestyle. But don't count on finding a swinging mate by placing it as the number one priority. Try finding a woman that has an open attitude toward sexuality and go slow. John

[danc694u]

Man have you ever opened up a can of worms with this. For yourself, not any of us on this board.

I've got another, just like it for you. Can of worms that is!

While I agree with everything John said. There is another side to this issue. You can look for potential "life mates" that are swingers. But, you have to be willing to spend a lot of time "dateless".

Rather than spend half an hour typing it here. I've made a page dealing with this very issue. You're welcome to look at it.
http://www.geocities.com/yeswedo2000/single.html

Prepare to be one LONELY s.o.b. for awhile. Voice of experience speaking here.

David -- the male half

[ 11-23-2001: Message edited by: danc694u ]

[ 11-23-2001: Message edited by: danc694u ]

[JustAskJulie]

As has been said, the chances of finding a female that is already a swinger is slim.

Best Bet: Look for a single woman that you are comfortable with that has an open mind. Be honest with her about what you are looking for. You will probably find her.

I have several friends who are swinging couples that started this way. The guy wanteda partner who would be open the lifestyle so he was just honest about what he wanted... and he lucked out and found not only someone who was open to it but someone who he could love and spend his life with.

[SagaCapt]

FunnyMan,
Life is tough, but don't give up. It seems to my wife and I that there are more available females than males in the general date game once you're over 30. Within the lifestyle though, we see ( are hit on ) by lots of single guys and very few single women.

Its taken us a while to find an explanation we like. The single women are looking for relationships. The single guys are either NOT single, liars and cheaters, or just looking for fast sex without a relationship. These guys figure they can hit it quick with Swingers. They quickly find otherwise but that's another post.

If you are looking for a relationship you'r probably better off than most of the guys out there. Start by looking for a relationship first and be open with your potential partners about your desire to swing. Don't start with the swingers. Put ads on the normal Yahoo and other boards, not the swingers sites. Be polite, sincere and honest. You shouldn't have too much trouble. You might want to put a line in your ad about swinging or open relationships, you might not, but if you do want a swinging relationship be sure to make that plainly visible quickly. Springing this on someone after you're well into a relationship complicates things.

Good Luck,

Hugs,

Alan

[Stephen]

I agree with the above posts that finding a mate beyond swings ads is the only way to realise your goal.
But you will soon find out if the woman is a sexually liberated type by the nature of the sex you have together. Two previous girlfriends to my current partner loved to talk dirty and either fantasised about playing with another woman or a single male. They were unconventional hedonist types, who loved sex. If your lover is open to sexual experimentation, sharing fantasies you can begin to introduce the subject.
For a bizarre treat you could suggest a fetish club night - she will probably view it simply as sexy fancy dress. Hopefully the experience will break down the barriers as she begins to think creatively of new sexual dimensions to her life. So find a woman you can love, who has either had bad sex from a previous partner and is looking for great sex or an uninhibited sexually confident lover. Hopefully you will grow together on many emotional levels including sexual expression.
But the sex is important, a relationship with a closed up prude is unlikely to last the distance - let's be honest here. We are people who prioritise sex in our relationship and the only way to prove it is to give your new lover the best f**k she's had for a long time.

[Kail]

funnyman,

I'm in the same situation as you. Send me email if you want and we can trade tips, stories, advice, etc.

legomir2000@yahoo.com