What do couples look for in a single man

[Flori_DAMAN]

This question is posed to assist the single man as well as the couples seeking them.

Many single men are admonished in the lifestyle by those that just don't do them. IF you fall into this category please disregard it.

On the other hand, if you fall into the category of being a couple that would like to try it, or have but are having a difficult time finding the right guy then this is for you.

Are you impressed with adds that state how handsome the guy is?
How large his dick is?
How good he is at giving oral sex?
That he is "exceptional" in bed?

These seem to be major turn offs for my wife btw.

She prefers the type that simply sends a pic and say they would enjoy pleasing a couple. Their hetero/bi preferences are important also. They must be willing to verify there marital status and if married must have consent that she will verify by talking with there wife. Work numbers, cell phone numbers and pagers will get a no response from us. Another guareenteed no response is an explanation that they have no scanner and cannot send a pic at this time. It takes a few minutes to go to kinkos or someplace and get one on a disc. Do this BEFORE you start your hunt.

Most guys think they are great in bed and most with experience actually are. A major turn off for Tam also is when a guy says he will make her "cum like there is no tomorrow" or something similar. This shows an egotistical side that for her is just plain hogwash. It takes a lot to make her have a good orgasm. Patience, gentleness, cleanliness and honesty rate much higher than the "adonis" type.

How do other singles and couples feel about these subjects?

If you are a single male, what do you do that is different than the others? The success rate for single guys in the lifestyle is quite low and some reasons are because the guys try to outdo each other by claiming they are "the best around town".

Another turn off is when they request pics from us. We will be happy to describe ourselves but pic collectors abound on the net and we are not about to send out pics before meeting any single man. The exception is a g-rated facial to verify that we are what we describe. John and Tam.

[nycpl]

We agree with you completely Michigancpl! We are primarily interested in single men and boy are good ones hard to find! I am turned off by the same things, braggarts, penis size, naked from the waist down pics, blah blah blah. We much prefer a nice email stating who they are, what they are into, and a G rated pic of their face and upper body. Really, when you get down to it it is all about a vibe and chemistry. I am having a hard time deciding exactly which of the emails we have recieved from single guys I should repy to. They are all the same. Only a few really stand out to us and they have been clean cut and classy, no bragging and writing what they think we want to hear.
I know good guys are out there for us to play with but its hard to tell which ones they are by email. How do you decide which ads to respond to and once you do what next? Phone? Drinks? :p

J wife of nycpl

[TNT]

Hmmm, lets see, things that turn me off with a single guy...well a lot of the same things that turn Tam off, lol.

Dick size is NOT important to me, honestly, it's not. And, I really get turned off by a guy that sends me a picture of his dick, that just tells me that he is one himself. I much perfer a good face pic to anything else.

A man that says he can eat pussy all night long, LOL, sorry dude, no one can do it all night long and if they could, well, I'm afraid I wouldn't want it all night long anyway, it would show lack of imagination on his part.

The ones that IM me or send an email and say, "Hey baby, nice pic on profile, when can we meet"? Well, sorry again, thanks for the compliment, but unless you have some brains, and that one comment shows me you do not, it's not going to happen.

When a guy says he can do things to me that would rock my world, LOL, lets get real, hubby and I have been together over 20 years, do you honestly think that there is something you could do that he has not done at least once in over 20 years? The man has a very vivid imagination and blows my mind every time. Sorry, don't mean to burst anyones bubble, but 20 years versus one or two nights, there really is no comparison.

I guess that single men think ( and some married ones) that just because a woman is in the lifestyle and does have sex with men other than her husband, that she does and will have sex with anyone. This is definitely not true in my case.

The things we look for in a single guy is someone who looks at us as a couple. Someone who understands that we are in this to experience things together. A single man, MUST show respect to both of us. One of the things that impresses me the most is when I am chatting with a single man and he can actually carry on a conversation without any sexual comments whatsoever. It's probably just me, but I consider that a sign of a true gentleman.

We look for someone who is willing to help us fulfill our fantasies, and in return, we hope to help him fulfill some of his. Being able to laugh and not take things so seriously is another plus in our book, after all, we're in this to have fun.

A single man must have enough patience to allow the couple to get to know him (in our case anyway). By patience, I mean, don't chat with us for a night or two and then expect us to meet and jump into the sack. We don't do that with couples and definitely aren't going to do that with a single man.

Basically, a single man should remember the things that his mother taught him while growing up, be a gentleman.I know, that is probably old fashioned of me but, a gentleman, will always have a better chance than a self proclaimed stud, lol.

Be honest, polite and respectful and remember NO MEANS NO.

Teresa

<small>[ 05-28-2002, 07:59 PM: Message edited by: TNT ]</small>

[ 05-28-2002, 08:00 PM: Message edited by: TNT ]

[MiCpl]

We swing with single guys as much if not more than with couples and have to agree with everything that's been said so far.

TNT, your line about a picture of a guys dick showing you that that is what he is... is pretty much the same thing I've always said. The last thing I want is a pic of some guys cock. You can tell so much more from a facial pic.

Actually tho, we have pretty much never met a guy online through a personal ad that we have swung with. We've tried placing ads for single guys a couple of times but every time it ends up the same, tons of responses that all pretty much sound the same ...."you look hot, when can we fuck".

Most of the single guys we have met and played with we've met in real life through other things or I've picked up out at a club. Usually it's the guys that don't at all come off as if they are trying to get you in bed that are most likely to end up going home with me (or vice versa).

quote:

---

I guess that single men think ( and some married ones) that just because a woman is in the lifestyle and does have sex with men other than her husband, that she does and will have sex with anyone. This is definitely not true in my case.

---

I think the above is one of the most true statements I have seen regarding single guys that we have come across in swinging (or usually gusy wanting to get into swinging... cuz with that attitude their chances of actually breaking in are slim).

[sexypairca]

If I am not attracted to someone, it just isn't going to work. I love to flirt and need the chemistry in order to even consider a sexual encounter. Since face pics are the best indicator for that, dick shots are a waste of my time.

My favourites responses are the "I like to play, tell me your fantasies" and the "I'll treat you like no other man ever has". The second come on there really gets me. Yeah, I'll play with someone who just insinuated that hubby has something to learn from him - NOT!! Some of these guys are so egocentric that it is hard to imagine them in bed with anything but their ego.

I think that a simple 'I'm interested' follow up with a G-rated pic and a few essential details (bi/straight) is enough for an initial contact for us.

"A" the wife

[TNT]

OMG! TO FUNNY! I just got done chatting with a single man and he did/said every thing that we all pretty much agreed was a total turn off, lol.

Actually, he wasn't even single, he was married and his wife didn't know he was cheating on her. When I told him that we didn't play with married men unless their wife also played, he wanted to know why? DUH...why would I want that kind of problem when real single men are a dime a dozen? (even if it is hard to find a good one, lol)

I think I will start directing all single men to this board, maybe they will learn something.

Teresa

[NittanyLion]

Count me as a single male who is following this thread and taking notes. It didn't take long for me to discover that most couples are tired of shallow egomanics, and that taking the time to actually converse and be a real person is as enjoyable for me as it is respectful for them. The appeal of swinging has to be more than only sex but sex with people you like and who like you back so that the sex becomes part of the relationship, not the only component.

I also agree with the need for single men to be honest about who they are and who they are hoping to meet. I'm very open about being bi and wanting to meet couples with bi men. While coming out as bi has most likely limited my opportunities to meet couples, the couples I have met aren't going to be surprised or shocked to find out at the last minute.

NittanyLion

[Cheekyimp1]

We totally agree. It is very hard to find men who can handle a threesome and won't back out at the last minute. And yeah a nice face pic and some details about the man himself are the best way to start out. As far as being married it is totally important to both of us that he either be single or have permission.

[curious24]

wow... being a single male i knew it was hard to do anything.. well because just look at all the reasons you all have stated you would like to find in a male to join you all...

as for myself... i just be myself and chat around find someone interested talk to them find out more etc.. at the same time i hold others to standards just like you all hold single men to some sort of standards.. i just won't hook up with just anyone anytime like a lot of single guys out there....

because i think this way i've never actually met anyone offline.. however, i have found people online but they are either way to far away to meet or if they are close to me they won't talk about A, B, or C when i bring it up.. so why would i want to go out and meet someone that won't tell me something as simple as what they look like...

this whole process could be very frustrating.. but for me it's not that important.. the way i look at it is that if it happens it happens.. if not no biggie...

i guess my point is not all single guys out that will have sex with just anyone.. myself being an example of that..

So Now That It's very easy to see what is needed out there in the world. A new way of thinking of ones self. No need to try the "MACHO cool Baby" routine. A shallow person is a Shallow person, IS a shallow person! Swinging Sex just makes SOME people even more self centered.
No ppoint in faking It, "Live it, & Feel It."
Have a Swinging Day

So I guess an immediate and impulsive blow-job is out of the question?

[clrwtrcpl]

Single Guys...

Be Normal! I wish I had a better word to describe it than "normal", but normal is at least a good launch point!

The thing is we aren't looking for the world's greatest lover. Just the thrill of doing something "naughty" will add enough spark to make it good.

Some women like oral sex in moderation. Going down on me all night long will get you a ticket to Get-the-hell-out-of-my-bed-ville.

Size. Maybe I stand alone of this, but as long as you don't resemble a 9 year old girl you should be fine. Should you happen to be endowed, shut up because no one cares. Oh and listen to me carefully: PUT THE CAMERA DOWN, we all know what a cock looks like.

We look for guys we would hang out with beyond the bedroom. If I could envision hanging out with you at a pool hall and drinking a beer with you, you stand a much better chance. Don't just jump right in to discussing sex, take time to get to us. Let me stress the "US" part. We are a couple. My husband is there too. You are not meant to replace him, merely to compliment an already happy relationship. Basically you are Cinnamon: Totally Unneccessary, but nice to have occasionally.

Keep your heads up!

Siera

[Greekgod]

I couldn't agree with you more, but from some of the ads I've seen that couples post they want photos of well hung 8" to 9" cocks, so go figure. Second I can't post a facial photo of me on a ad because I don't want to be recognized on the Internet. I have to be discreet plus most of my friends have computers. Just recently started corresponding with a couple and the wife like the size of my penis and wanted to trade photos, didn't say anything about wanting to see my face.

[FTnPV_Pgh]

I agree with most all thats been said about "what you look for in a single guy". I'd like to add my 2 cents. I think it's not only important that the guy can relate to the lady in a social way (ie. the pool hall analogy) but also and maybe more so the husband. They need to be able to interact in a "normal" social atmosphere with the husband also. He's the one who's sharing his prize with you. If you make the husband feel comfortanble with you, I feel you've come a long way towards having some fun in a private atmoaphere also. I'm not saying that sex shouldn't be talked about, but I think in a sexy flirty way would be best. Maybe by telling the husband what a looker she is or what a great butt or set of legs she has or even how pretty she might be, but stay away from ANY crude comments. The same attitude needs to be taken with the wife also. Crude comments are almost always a way to the exit. Another thing the single guys need to have is patience. This isn't something we are wanting to rush into. We have great sex at home by ourselves, adding the single guy is supposed to enhance that. We may meet a guy out socially a time or even two before we decide we want to share our intimacy with him. Be clean, well mannered and polite....that will get you in the door!

[JustAskJulie]

A great question to be posed to all couples who look for single males. So many single males get lost in the shuffle because they just don't understand what it is that they need to set themselves apart.

In reality it is all but impossible to really know the answer to this, because every couple is different. And single guys, no matter how hard you try you can't be who you are not. So even knowing what it is that a couple (or many couples) are looking for won't really help you unless you are what they are looking for.