Guide for swinging with single males

[EternallySingle]

This is not a joke. I officially am barred from doing any work that requires repetitive bending or lifting more than 10 pounds. My toolbox at work, empty, ways 15. Therefore, I can't work for the next 4 to 6 months. Back to school, I guess.

Meanwhile, I have been searching the internet for information and books about swinging, especially as it relates to single men. Found something interesting. Not a single one of the online articles has any advice for couples and groups on how to build relationships with single men, even purely sexual ones. Several exist on how to build relationships with single women. Most tell how to build relationships with other couples, but none mention doing anything to give single men a positive outlook on their place in the lifestyle.

There are many books telling men what to do to get into swinging, but thats only half the story. What good is being on your best behaviour when everyone sees you and makes you feel like dirt just because you are what you are, not anything you've said or done.

So, I'm thinking about doing more research and writing an E-Book on how couples should approach swinging with single men. I'm starting by calling clubs that allow single men and asking for interviews with them first. Then I'm going to contact a few couples I knew when I was part of a committed couple and ask their views on single men and how they dealt with them. I'm looking for questions to ask in my interviews and if you think this would be something you would buy for $5.00 a copy.

Also, if you think it would be offensive to couples, clubs, and single women in the lifestyle to give them advice on how to make single men feel welcome and comfortable, tell me now. If any of you learned anything about me in the last few months its that I hate to waste time doing something if its not going to be of any benefit to me or anyone else. This is something I'm seriously thinking about and would like your honest opinions.

I put it in this forum because I felt it would count as a sexual aid.

The former (and future) journalist Aaron

[ionsawmill]

Ideally, this would be written in two parts, correct? How to swing with a single male being the first part and the second part being how to swing as a single male.

[Elusive BiFem]

I think it is a terrific idea!

The cost of $5.00? That seems awfully low to me. I'm not certain that I would purchase it as a single female for any price, but there are tons of men and couples that probably would.

And perhaps a third part...but I'm mulling it over just now. I'll get back with you when I get it clear for myself!

Kudos for having the idea!

- EBF

[CherryPunk]

I would always encourage someone to write about something they care about. $5.00 is a pretty standard price for an e-book. You might also think (if you really feel that you will go through with it) to write up the first 3 - 6 chapters and have a Table fo Contents made up. Send it out to some of the publishers of books that are of similar genres. Seems like you could have a real niche topic for the market.

However, coming from a couple, (at least the male half) don't know if I would purchase it... though you never know (I'm *really* big on books). I almost would think that single men would buy it to see "how" they should be in order for a couple to be interested in them thinking that maybe couple are buying it for looking for them... reverse psychology and all

So, with that said.. make sure you describe all the traits *you* have as the primary ones to look for in a single male ( j/k )

Anyway, good luck to you...

[JustAskJulie]

I agree that it's a great idea. I also agree with IonSawmill about doing it in two parts including the "How to swing AS a single male." So much of how couples respond to single males is based on the actions of said single male.

[redddd3715]

Hi,
I think it would be a great idea.
My opinion about single swinging males is there are alot of single males out there (including myself). In AFF alone there are 53000 single males looking for women and only about 3000 women looking for men. Its just the way it is. Couples and single women can treat us like dirt because there is some many of us.
I enjoy the challenge of competing with so many males for couples and women. I am not hung as a horse. I can not tell any success stories but I can tell that I have met alot of nice people in the process. Most of them after a while stop returning emails which is fine maybe they changed their minds. I just enjoy the challenge.
Have a nice holiday.

Good Luck with your project,
Kevin

[EternallySingle]

Too many negative reactions ("you're saying we are wrong?", "Stop your whining and be a man", "What do you know about swinging", "Didn't your fiance leave you to work for a travel agency in Los Angeles and you want to give us advice?") for me to believe I would be taken seriously except by other single men. Since every swinger's site has articles on how single men should act towards couples and single women, there would be no point in writing another one saying the exact same thing.

Thanks for the support, though.

[Elusive BiFem]

Come on, ES...there are 21,000 + members on this board alone that have shown an interest in swinging if only because they have logged in here and joined. And how many thousands in the US, not to mention the world, might be interested?

And because you've had a few negative responses you are going to throw in the towel?

You know as well as I, and maybe even more so, that any idea you throw out, some are going to have a totally different opinion. Some people don't like chocolate but that didn't stop Mr. Hershey! - EBF

[VegasLee]

If Bush had listened we would not be at war.
If the wright brothers had listened we would be walking or taking boats.

Only reason I can see that you might not want to do this book is because in two days you seem to be giving up.

Think about something here. If we listened to all the negative about our lifestyle, we would not be in it.

[EternallySingle]

You'd be a fool not to look behind you. Its still a good idea and I am going to continue to research it. Its just not going to be something I spend four hours a day emailing and phoning people about like I did the last three weeks. Do you know how frustrating it is when people who KNOW you were involved in the lifestyle on a regular basis now say you have no right to tell them they should have a different attitude?

Besides, there's a green eyed (naturally green!!!) brunette thats been demanding a lot of time from me. Hmm, which would be more rewarding both short term and in the long run? Maybe the project shouldn't die, but it is definitely way behind 'Death, Desire, and Discovery' (my collection of poems and short stories) and 'A Gathering of Heroes' (my science thriller masterpiece of the 21st century).

Oh, and please don't compare me to any politician. I've killed people over lesser insults.

[JustAskJulie]

I hate to see you giving up. Please keep researching and putting info together. If you (as a single male) think it's a good idea, then other single males will agree. If any couples on here think that it's a good idea, then others will agree as well.

Keep in mind that you will ALWAYS get more negative support than positive. Those who think it's a good idea are less likely to respond at all than those who want to put you down. It's just a fact of life. If I only reacted to the negative, this site would have been gone long ago.

[bruncouple_nj]

It's a great idea, and we'd read it for sure, especially if it's done with humor. we know of two guys that would be great sources on how a single man should act and what he should expect and 3 that would be a great source on how not to do it. But I'm sure the 3 woudn't understand the need for a book and the 2 are much too discrete to be interviewed.

Do it!

[Alura]

Originally posted by EternallySingle
Oh, and please don't compare me to any politician. I've killed people over lesser insults.

I think it was more of an example than an insult, Eternally, but I'll get on the bandwagon of encouraging you to write the book.

Think of the money, if nothing else. You have a much larger market than any other aspect of swinging. I think a lot of single men would buy your book! It never hurts to get rich.

Mr. Alura

[curious24]

I know that I would read the book. I feel pretty much the same way as ES. I've been curious for about 5 years now and have yet to have an experience. Part of the reason why is that I am too picky about who I want to have an experience with. At the same time I never really meet anyone who is interested because I am the single male.

What's funny is that I have had a lot of people tell me that I'm a great guy and that anyone would be lucky to have me involved with them. What I don't understand is that if I'm such a great guy why is it then people are so rude to me just based on the pure fact that I am a single guy? Makes no sense to me.

I haven't given up but then again I really am not trying to meet anyone. I've pretty much tossed my hands up in the air and said to myself "if it happens great! If not no big deal."

In the meantime I enjoy at least talking with people, specifically on this site, where the single male's opinion on things isn't just tossed aside and he is called names like in grade school. It's nice to be able to come here and talk with people who are at least open minded like myself. It's the closest I've been to feeling like I am "sexually free" if that makes any sense at all.

[Karina]

If writing a book 'educating' single men is your passion, you should do it, regardless of others' reactions. Of course, being successful is a wonderful benefit (and somewhat necessary to sustain a living), and to be successful, here is my opinion. You must offer something in your e-book that is not offered in any other literature on this topic. Make your e-book unique. How? Get more indepth with the interviews. Reveal more about yourself and experiences. Maybe even do some real-life research when meeting new couples. Of course, if you are getting-to-know someone right now, I suspect this may not be the most advantageous time to meet couples. Maybe you could sell your book at trade shows? And I'm sure there are other ways to angle your e-book to make it unique.

Good Luck!
Great feedback from this group. You are all so loving and supportive.

P.S. I'm trying to create my own service-oriented business (in the brainstorming process right now), so I'm thinking: how can I make myself different from what is already on the market, while at the same time staying true to my passion? If the passion dies, the energy of what I will be offering will more than likely change.