all single guys aren't jerks

eric45840 · 11-23-2000, 06:43 PM

I was involved in this lifestyle a few years ago while stationed in Germany. My girlfriend at the time and myself were both free spirited and we each enjoyed watching the other having fun.

However, now that I'm single, I have found the going a lot tougher this time around. I understand that many couples want to swing with couples, and I can respect that.

What I've found is that many single males put their sexual fantasies and desires above those of their partners (singles, couples, or group). In doing that, they deny others the opportunity to fully realize the beauty and fun of this lifestyle. I myself am more interested in pleasing others and getting off on their response to me. I appreciate the fact that I am not God's gift to sex, and I am comfortable in pleasing someone else.

Not all single men are interested in stealing another man's wife. I, for one, am looking to be friends first and if everything clicks and we end up in a sexual situation, so be it. I want to meet good people and enjoy life to its fullest.

However, I am sick and tired of the actions and attitudes of the majority of single males prejudicing all couples and singles out there, and ruining any chances that a nice guy has for creating a wonderful friendship.

Maybe I'm just ranting here, but I'm very passionate about this.

***JustAskJulie*** · 11-24-2000, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by eric45840:
I am sick and tired of the actions and attitudes of the majority of single males prejudicing all couples and singles out there, and ruining any chances that a nice guy has for creating a wonderful friendship.
Maybe I'm just ranting here, but I'm very passionate about this.

You are so right. Unfortunately the actions of a few (usually married "single" men) ruins the fun for many others. Too often I've talked to guys who are too quick to think that swinging is just an easy way for them to get laid when they can't get laid any other way.

I'm sure that having been in the lifestyle as a couple previously does give you a better view than what most single guys see. You have seen both sides of the coin. Hopefully, a nice couple or (single female looking for a partner) will see this and grab you up.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

watcherone · 11-25-2000, 02:22 AM

Dont get discouraged by all the flack that single men get in this lifestyle. My wife and I have been in this for awhile and we need single men. We have found that when we get to know a guy we are thinking of swinging with, it becomes obvious what they are looking for. If they are jerks they dont get past the friend stage and they will eventually drop away. We dont have any problems though if a guy has a fantasy he is wanting to act on, after all, we have our fantasies so he should too.What we look for is a man that is caring, discreet, thoughtful and someone who is definately not looking for aa one night stand. You sound like you would fill those shoes and couples like my wife and I appreciate guys like you. Without you, our fantasies are only dreams, the guys who are mature enough to understand what this is all about help us fulfill our fantasies. Dont change, there are plenty of couples who will seek you out and fulfill your fantasies.

11-25-2000, 08:13 AM

watcherone...Thanks for your thoughtful words of advice! Food for thought....

Good luck, eric45840 & niceguy!

Wife of CyberMWCouple

eric45840 · 11-25-2000, 04:26 PM

Watcherone, I just want to say thanks for the great reply. I know that there are people out there like you and your (I'm positive she is) lovely wife. *VBS*

It's people like you that make a single male like me feel comfortable in this lifestyle. When I was involved in swinging in Germany, I was not hesitant about involving singles in our sexual fun.

If you ask me, it seems that the people with the problem are the married men out there with their wives!!! A lot of them are so hung up on the fantasy of two women at a time, that they don't ever see the possibilities of involving a single man in their fun. Or they are too ready, almost desperate, to screw another woman, that they deny that they were ever single themselves.

Not all of us single men are so naive as to believe that there won't be some jealousy there, but many of us, myself included, try and do as much as we can to assure the couple that we aren't there to screw and steal anybody away. I'm not there to destroy marriages, only make them stronger and more pleasurable.

Again watcherone, thanks for the reply.

watcherone · 11-26-2000, 03:09 AM

Eric, ther are a lot of guys that may think themselves to be swingers but are actually only interested in getting free sex and that is as far as they can see. I have met men like yourself who are truly gentlemen and are there for the same reason my wife and I are there. I have had a close friend that I trusted and thought I understood to be like you who actually kept up a front to me while he did his best to come between my wife and I. This board helped me finally accept the truth about what he really was and he is no longer welcome by us. I think that there are probably many like you who are held accountable for the others actions and I hope that other couples will get to know who you are and accept you into their lives. I only wish that you lived nearby to us because we do appreciate men who have your attitude in this lifestyle. Like I said before there are too few men like you and the swinging community needs anyone with your attitude, men and women. Wouldn't our world be a much better place.

Davidjay1 · 11-28-2000, 06:19 PM

As an australian "single" male, I would like to that all single males are not jerks...but unfortunately make it hard for the genuine ones to be accepted into the lifestyle. I have been lucky in meeting some great couples where i have been accepted and have some great times treating the coupe with respect and honesty. This had led to further introductions and contacts... so for all the genuine guys...keep trying...it takes time and perserverance but it is worth it. To all the jerks..if you want another "notch" on your gun.... why not pay for it and stop making it hard for us genuine guys.

Stratecpl · 12-20-2000, 10:20 AM

we do have in our ads that we are seeking single males as well as straight couples..because..well we are! LOL We have had MANY single male responses and many that we have turned down because they were the types just looking for a notch in their bedpost but out of all of the jerks we HAVE found 3 good guys..two we have had fantastic times with already and formed wonderful friendships and the other we've just met and even though we've not had that first time with yet seems to be our kinda guy also which makes the anticipation of that first time very exciting. Personally I love the MFM threesomes

and so does my husband. He loves to watch as well as participate and we've found that the MFM threesomes we've had have been much more erotic, and exciting than the couple experiences have been. We've also found that a few of the single guys are much nicer than some of the couples we've ran across since we've been in this lifestyle. We're still looking for that perfect couple for us out there and I know they are out there somewhere..

But in the meantime I plan to have many hot times with the guys!! LOL besides my gang bang fantasy has yet to be fullfilled..

Connie

Lysander · 07-25-2001, 04:28 PM

The best way for a single guy to do this is to find the right woman FIRST who might be willing in the future.

There are too many guys who think this is some big friggin' porno movie. Big mistake.

[This message has been edited by Lysander (edited 07-25-2001).]

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-26-2001, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lysander:
The best way for a single guy to do this is to find the right woman FIRST who might be willing in the future.

I can't tell you how many times I have given that exact advice. Every guy wants to meet a woman who is already a swinger or open to it, so they can have a swing partner right now. When their best chance would be to just put the effort into finding a girlfriend for who she is, someone who is open minded in general. But then again that would defeat their purpose since most of them are only out for the sex anyway.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

04-20-2002, 08:04 PM

I was also married, and we were in the lifestyle, now single.. but still enjoy some of my friends.. I have found that I love being around those in the lifestyle, just because they are more honest and sincere and thus more fun to be around.. Sex or no Sex.. couples in the lifestyle usually and its the norm, are more honest and funloving people to be around ..because of the honesty. so I know now that Im single,everyone says were frowned upon? whatever.. I still have the friends that were my friends when I was married,and always will.. because we were all friends before we were lovers.. Understand! single guys!? hang in there be yourself, and just have fun. be honest and make friends never.. "Expect" anything and a jerk is a jerk single or married.. right..

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12-20-2000, 10:20 AM	#23 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	we do have in our ads that we are seeking single males as well as straight couples..because..well we are! LOL We have had MANY single male responses and many that we have turned down because they were the types just looking for a notch in their bedpost but out of all of the jerks we HAVE found 3 good guys..two we have had fantastic times with already and formed wonderful friendships and the other we've just met and even though we've not had that first time with yet seems to be our kinda guy also which makes the anticipation of that first time very exciting. Personally I love the MFM threesomes and so does my husband. He loves to watch as well as participate and we've found that the MFM threesomes we've had have been much more erotic, and exciting than the couple experiences have been. We've also found that a few of the single guys are much nicer than some of the couples we've ran across since we've been in this lifestyle. We're still looking for that perfect couple for us out there and I know they are out there somewhere.. But in the meantime I plan to have many hot times with the guys!! LOL besides my gang bang fantasy has yet to be fullfilled.. Connie __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

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11-23-2000, 06:43 PM	#16 (permalink)
eric45840 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2000 Posts: 2 Location: Findlay,Ohio USA	I was involved in this lifestyle a few years ago while stationed in Germany. My girlfriend at the time and myself were both free spirited and we each enjoyed watching the other having fun. However, now that I'm single, I have found the going a lot tougher this time around. I understand that many couples want to swing with couples, and I can respect that. What I've found is that many single males put their sexual fantasies and desires above those of their partners (singles, couples, or group). In doing that, they deny others the opportunity to fully realize the beauty and fun of this lifestyle. I myself am more interested in pleasing others and getting off on their response to me. I appreciate the fact that I am not God's gift to sex, and I am comfortable in pleasing someone else. Not all single men are interested in stealing another man's wife. I, for one, am looking to be friends first and if everything clicks and we end up in a sexual situation, so be it. I want to meet good people and enjoy life to its fullest. However, I am sick and tired of the actions and attitudes of the majority of single males prejudicing all couples and singles out there, and ruining any chances that a nice guy has for creating a wonderful friendship. Maybe I'm just ranting here, but I'm very passionate about this.

11-25-2000, 02:22 AM	#18 (permalink)
watcherone Active Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 45 Location: West Virginia, USA	Dont get discouraged by all the flack that single men get in this lifestyle. My wife and I have been in this for awhile and we need single men. We have found that when we get to know a guy we are thinking of swinging with, it becomes obvious what they are looking for. If they are jerks they dont get past the friend stage and they will eventually drop away. We dont have any problems though if a guy has a fantasy he is wanting to act on, after all, we have our fantasies so he should too.What we look for is a man that is caring, discreet, thoughtful and someone who is definately not looking for aa one night stand. You sound like you would fill those shoes and couples like my wife and I appreciate guys like you. Without you, our fantasies are only dreams, the guys who are mature enough to understand what this is all about help us fulfill our fantasies. Dont change, there are plenty of couples who will seek you out and fulfill your fantasies.

11-25-2000, 08:13 AM	#19 (permalink)
CyberMWCouple Posts: n/a	watcherone...Thanks for your thoughtful words of advice! Food for thought.... Good luck, eric45840 & niceguy! Wife of CyberMWCouple

11-25-2000, 04:26 PM	#20 (permalink)
eric45840 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2000 Posts: 2 Location: Findlay,Ohio USA	Watcherone, I just want to say thanks for the great reply. I know that there are people out there like you and your (I'm positive she is) lovely wife. VBS It's people like you that make a single male like me feel comfortable in this lifestyle. When I was involved in swinging in Germany, I was not hesitant about involving singles in our sexual fun. If you ask me, it seems that the people with the problem are the married men out there with their wives!!! A lot of them are so hung up on the fantasy of two women at a time, that they don't ever see the possibilities of involving a single man in their fun. Or they are too ready, almost desperate, to screw another woman, that they deny that they were ever single themselves. Not all of us single men are so naive as to believe that there won't be some jealousy there, but many of us, myself included, try and do as much as we can to assure the couple that we aren't there to screw and steal anybody away. I'm not there to destroy marriages, only make them stronger and more pleasurable. Again watcherone, thanks for the reply.

11-26-2000, 03:09 AM	#21 (permalink)
watcherone Active Member Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 45 Location: West Virginia, USA	Eric, ther are a lot of guys that may think themselves to be swingers but are actually only interested in getting free sex and that is as far as they can see. I have met men like yourself who are truly gentlemen and are there for the same reason my wife and I are there. I have had a close friend that I trusted and thought I understood to be like you who actually kept up a front to me while he did his best to come between my wife and I. This board helped me finally accept the truth about what he really was and he is no longer welcome by us. I think that there are probably many like you who are held accountable for the others actions and I hope that other couples will get to know who you are and accept you into their lives. I only wish that you lived nearby to us because we do appreciate men who have your attitude in this lifestyle. Like I said before there are too few men like you and the swinging community needs anyone with your attitude, men and women. Wouldn't our world be a much better place.

11-28-2000, 06:19 PM	#22 (permalink)
Davidjay1 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2000 Posts: 1 Location: QLD, Australia	As an australian "single" male, I would like to that all single males are not jerks...but unfortunately make it hard for the genuine ones to be accepted into the lifestyle. I have been lucky in meeting some great couples where i have been accepted and have some great times treating the coupe with respect and honesty. This had led to further introductions and contacts... so for all the genuine guys...keep trying...it takes time and perserverance but it is worth it. To all the jerks..if you want another "notch" on your gun.... why not pay for it and stop making it hard for us genuine guys.

07-25-2001, 04:28 PM	#24 (permalink)
Lysander Registered Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 7	The best way for a single guy to do this is to find the right woman FIRST who *might* be willing in the future. There are too many guys who think this is some big friggin' porno movie. Big mistake. [This message has been edited by Lysander (edited 07-25-2001).]

04-20-2002, 08:04 PM	#26 (permalink)
<frenchman> Posts: n/a	I was also married, and we were in the lifestyle, now single.. but still enjoy some of my friends.. I have found that I love being around those in the lifestyle, just because they are more honest and sincere and thus more fun to be around.. Sex or no Sex.. couples in the lifestyle usually and its the norm, are more honest and funloving people to be around ..because of the honesty. so I know now that Im single,everyone says were frowned upon? whatever.. I still have the friends that were my friends when I was married,and always will.. because we were all friends before we were lovers.. Understand! single guys!? hang in there be yourself, and just have fun. be honest and make friends never.. "Expect" anything and a jerk is a jerk single or married.. right..