single male bashing

[mk7124]

Let me begin by saying: I am a married male and my wife and I are new to the swing scene. An observation: There seems to be a lot of single male bashing in the swingers community. Are single women better than single guys or is it just a fact that so many men have fantasies about being with two women? Are women more inclined to fulfill their husbands fantasies? Why do so many of you think that you are doing the male a favor? Maybe he is doing your wife a favor. I firmly believe that this whole swing thing is driven by male fantasies, therefore I am perplexed by the anti single male rhetoric. I have also noticed one of Julie's comments about what can get a single male into a couple's door: Being well hung! Duh! I have had plenty of discussions with mature females that really enjoy sex and ninety percent of them admit - yes it would be nice to be with a well endowed male. Why is that? Here is a news flash: Most of us have an average penis! So, of course women are inclined to look for something different. How many well endowed men do some of you know that actually swing? Narrows the field doesn't it? It's like being a priced bull. But you want that priced bull to be married - hm? Insecurity on your husbands part about loosing his sweetheart to a single male. Better go with the married one - he is safer. I think most people that swing are hypocrites.

[danc694u]

We just covered this, in a sort of fashion.

But, I can sum it up in just a few words for you. And give you a new look at the problem.

Hang a sign outside your house stating; "Free sex for women"

Have your female neighbor do the same. Except say "For Men"

It's simple math my friend.
Which line do you think will be longer?

Simply put, we get 25 offers from single men (all of them hung, they say), for every one offer from a single woman. And we do allow singles within our lifestyle

We just hate to see someone beg

[Stratecpl]

I like singlemen...of all sizes shapes and colors... Size ain't important to me..it's how well you know how to use the tool.. Since we've been involved in this lifestyle we've met some very nice single males, some have become very near and dear friends...We have had 3 or 4 times more MFM 3sums than we've had 4sums with couples. My hubby isn't in the least bit worried about me running off with a single guy....We're in this for fun and friendship...married couple or single man makes no differance to us...I find that single men are way less complicated than couples and much easier to please..

Connie

[danc694u]

Originally posted by mk7124:
I think most people that swing are hypocrites.

I couldn't resist returning to this LMAO. Come on in. There's always room for one more

[TNT]

Well, many men do fantazie about being with two women, my husband does, but not in the way you might think, he likes watching me with another woman, luckily, I like this too. But, his favorite fantasy is me with another man, so that is why we love single men. I do not feel like I am fulfilling only my husbands fantasy when we are with a single male, because it is also my fantasy too. The single man is doing us a favor by helping us to fulfill our fantasy and we are doing him a favor by allowing him to be a part of something that is very special to my husband and myself.

As far as the lifestyle being run by male fantasies, I don't think so. The male half of a couple might be the one to bring it up, but everyone knows that the woman rules the bedroom/club/social, or at least they do at the ones we attend. Every husband there will tell you whatever she wants is fine by him (as my hubby says, when momma is happy, everyone is happy).

Well endowed men? I personally know four that would put porn stars to shame. Do I like big dicks? Yes and no, there is such a thing as being to big and like Connie said, it is what you do with it that matters. By the way Connie, I totally agree with everything you said.

As far as my husband feeling threathened by a single man, NOT BLOODY LIKELY ! He knows I LOVE HIM and when we are with a single or a couple it is because we both want to be there and are having fun TOGETHER.

As far as single male bashing, its the ones that have no respect for couples that give the great ones a bad name.

[Jem]

I have also frequently wondered about the bias against single males. MANY of the clubs do not allow single males, or only allow them on certain nights.

Now, it is very true what danc694u said...there are many more single men interested than there are single women. However, a quota system would seem to work well for me...as in, a club could let in one single man for every so many couples they let in. This way, the club would not be overrun by single men, yet they would not be being discriminatory. I know some clubs do this, but FAR too many ban single men outright.

We have not yet attended a club. But I will NEVER knowningly attend a club that bans single men WHILE ALLOWING SINGLE WOMEN. If a club wants to be couples-only, that is fine. But the minute they start letting in single women, they better also admit single men (*within a reasonable quota*) or I will not go there ever.

I think it is an especially large annoyance point with me, because my fave thing ever would be a MFM threesome. Or a MMMF foursome. If a club bans single men, they largely cut off my possibilities for that, and are not taking into consideration MY wants. At the same time, I understand that most couples would not feel comfortable at a club that had 4 couples and 50 single men at it (though I would love it!). That would be messing with THEIR wants. That's why I think a quota system would be the best solution.

As for the "well-endowed" thing...yes, I realize that some women are very into that. I am not. There is ONE position in which I like it. Other than that, it is just painful, which therefore cuts off a lot of possibilities for me! I would by FAR prefer an average sized guy!

And I do not believe swinging is "driven by male fantasies." Yes, most of the couples that *I* personally know got into it at first by the suggestion of the male. But what KEPT them into it was the female! I know that in our couple, he suggested it. I thought he was CRAZY at first! :-) When I FINALLY tried it though (a year at least after his suggestion) I loved it way more than him...not that he didn't like it, but he's not into it on the level I am now! I think this happens with a lot of couples...at least the ones I know about.

[mk7124]

Originally posted by danc694u:

I couldn't resist returning to this LMAO. Come on in. There's always room for one more

Touche - my bad!

[danc694u]

Originally posted by Jem:
because my fave thing ever would be a MFM threesome. Or a MMMF foursome. If a club bans single men, they largely cut off my possibilities for that.

JEM,

I think your wrong in that line of thinking. We have had many chances for a MMMF. In clubs that strictly forbid single males.

We occasionally slip back to the room to get something , and as a matter of manners, we invite folks back with us. More than once, but not always, only the men return to the room, while the women stay. Sometimes, it works the other way around LOL. That's when I get nervous

I think many come expecting a MMMF. But, it's never happened. Number one Maggie isn't comfortable with it. She hates even the thought of anal. So it would be gang bang and BJ's for all.

Number two: Knowing this, I've never requested she try any of the afore mentioned.

We're very comfortable in a group, 6 or more. And enjoy the hell out of the choices But, we lean more to MFMF, MFM, or FMF.

There are many chances for MMMF...and more, at any club. You just have to make yourself availible to them.

We certianly understand the need for singles at a club. Because there are nights we would rather do a MFM or a FMF. But generally, that is based on the other spouse being unacceptable, or not interested. And, we understand that too.



------------------
It's more fun than checkers.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Jem:
Now, it is very true what danc694u said...there are many more single men interested than there are single women. However, a quota system would seem to work well for me...as in, a club could let in one single man for every so many couples they let in. This way, the club would not be overrun by single men, yet they would not be being discriminatory. I know some clubs do this, but FAR too many ban single men outright.

Keep in mind that those who run the clubs are usually doing their best to keep the couples (their main clientele) happy. Without the couples it wouldn't be a swinger club it would just be singles club. Personally, I do swing with single guys..but they are also very easy to find when I/we choose to play with them.. couples are not as easy to find.

The club that we used to have near us, asked the members if they wanted single men to attend.. and while I few were for it, the majority was not.. so they weren't allowed.

There was one instance where they did allow a single guy to balance out the single female that was invited.. unfortunately what happened was that the single guy pretty much hogged the single female (of course that was as much her fault as his).. but it made some of the couples feel put out who were interested in the female and felt they couldn't approach her because of the single guy.

I have no problem with single guys at clubs but they should be limited (on a quote system of some sort) as was said, and there should be nights where it is couples only.. I think that would be the best way to appease everyone. But if the club only meets once a month or less often it makes it very difficult to have single male nights.. and if the couples for the most part don't want single males then the hosts pretty much have to do what they have to do to keep the couples happy and coming back.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by danc694u:

I think your wrong in that line of thinking. We have had many chances for a MMMF. In clubs that strictly forbid single males.

I'll have to agree here as well. With so many bi-women looking for other girls to play with that leaves lots of hubbies looking for someone to play with.. I've never seen a woman at a club have any trouble getting as many guys as she wanted.. even when it is couples only.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by mk7124:
Let me begin by saying: I am a married male and my wife and I are new to the swing scene. An observation: There seems to be a lot of single male bashing in the swingers community. Are single women better than single guys or is it just a fact that so many men have fantasies about being with two women?

None of the above. AS Dance694u pointed out it has much more to do with numbers. There are just fewer single females out there. By allowing single females into the clubs at all times, it helps many couples. And even the fact that they allow them doesn't mean they show up. Single females are just harder to find.. so by allowing them into the club that might help a couple or two find that elusive single female they have been looking for. And most often it has less to do with a guys fantasy of wanting to see two women together (or have two women) as it does with the females fantasy of wanting to be with another woman.

Single males on the other hand are much much easier to find for couples who want them. As I stated in my previous post, I agree that clubs should allow them in moderation or have nights where they allow them (if the club meets on multiple nights). But overall it does come down to what the club members want. And if the majority of those club members say they won't come in if there are single males.. then the club owner is smart to not allow single males.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
I'll have to agree here as well. With so many bi-women looking for other girls to play with that leaves lots of hubbies looking for someone to play with.. I've never seen a woman at a club have any trouble getting as many guys as she wanted.. even when it is couples only.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

(Connie perks her ears up at this one!!) Julie..... I haven't ever thought of that scenerio...This could be the happy medium I've been looking for! Now I'll see things in a more positive light at the next party I go too...gang bang here I come or is that cum?

Connie

[mk7124]

And most often it has less to do with a guys fantasy of wanting to see two women together (or have two women) as it does with the females fantasy of wanting to be with another woman.

I disagree! Since I am not a teenager with raging hormones and I've been around the block a few times, I don't have to do a survey to know that most men fantasies about being with two women or seeing two women together (I am probably one of the few men who'd rather be in a MMF situation with my wife).

I have no idea where these stats come from, but I do not know one woman who'd rather be with another woman than with two men (my wife included). It seems to me that even the swinging community would want us to believe that the FMF scenario is more acceptable than the MFM one.

And don't get me started on the single bi-male issue. They most definitely have no place in the swinging community (according to most swingers I know). Hence, my point about the swing scene being male driven (or should I say heterosexual male). BTW: I have never had a bi-sexual experience and consider myself straight, but for the sake of my wife and partner I would reconsider if it pleased her (ok - so maybe I am bi-curious). I am so confused! Anyway - there is wide spread discrimination against single males in the swinging community - period. And the fact that there are so many more males to choose from has nothing to do with peoples mind set. Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else. Well, I used to be a single male (17 years ago) and I have always been respectful of women and do know the meaning of the word "NO". There are a lot of good single males out there.

[CanadianCouple]

mk7124 --

Check out some of the posts from those who have attended parties with no limits on single men attendance. Reminds one of John Belushi in Animal House.

Dan

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by mk7124:

I have no idea where these stats come from, but I do not know one woman who'd rather be with another woman than with two men (my wife included). It seems to me that even the swinging community would want us to believe that the FMF scenario is more acceptable than the MFM one.

I know many women who only swing with other women. They probably don't even consider themselves swingers, but I do because they don't limit themselves to strictly their husband. They find that their hubby is all they want when it comes to guys, but they are totally bi and enjoy that side of things as well.

And what I stated above was from my personal experience, not something I made up. Keep in mind that every persons experience in this lifestyle is different. You said you are new.. have you ever bee to a club? If not, or even if you haven't been to the clubs I have been too.. then you have no reason or right to say that what I am saying is untrue.

Many people come into this lifestyle with misconceptions of what it is or what it will be for them. Don't put yourself in that position. Until you experience it, you can't say that certain things do or do not go on. I have seen plenty of females turn down extra cock in preference of a female or three. To each their own. Sounds to me like you have this preconcieved notion (due to your Swinging is Male Fantasy Driven idea) that every female just wants extra cock and that anytime a couple engages in a FMF threesome or a woman is with another woman instead of another man that it is because of her man's fantasy.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com



[This message has been edited by JustAskJulie (edited 10-11-2001).]