single male bashing

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by mk7124:
Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else. Well, I used to be a single male (17 years ago) and I have always been respectful of women and do know the meaning of the word "NO". There are a lot of good single males out there.

That is probably true.. unfortunately it's a case of what people have run into. You are talking here with several swingers who do swing with single guys yet you are still getting so defensive about it. However, while you are having this discussion with swingers who do swing with singles.. even we will tell you that we have had more than our share of encounters with single guys who DO just want to get laid are not respectful of our desires.

I see 90% of the ads that are posted on this site (one of the few swinger sites that actually allows ads from single guys).. and I'd say that more of them than not come off as egotistical guys who think that swingers are here to screw anyone and everyone.

NO, they aren't all that way. Which is why if a club is going to allow single guys they not only need to limit them but they also need to screen them well.

I'm really at a loss here for why you are so defensive.. more so it seems than most single guys we've heard from on here. I could understand better if the feedback you were getting was saying that single guys should not be allowed in the lifestyle. But that is not the case. What you are getting is our specific reasons for why each of us feels the way we do towards single guys in the lifestyle (and again most of those who have responded are people who do swing with single guys). That is what you asked for.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[danc694u]

Originally posted by mk7124:
Since I am not a teenager with raging hormones and I've been around the block a few times, I don't have to do a survey to know that most men fantasies about being with two women or seeing two women together

Uh Hello!!! I'm 41, and thought I wanted to watch Maggie with another woman. Note I say thought!

Hell, I didn't last 5 minutes..and I had to get in on the fun Best I can do...maybe 10 minutes LOL

But you do have a valid point there

[Jem]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:


ads that are posted on this site...from single guys.. and I'd say that more of them than not come off as egotistical guys who think that swingers are here to screw anyone and everyone.

NO, they aren't all that way. Which is why if a club is going to allow single guys they not only need to limit them but they also need to screen them well

Julie,

I completely agree about screening the single guys as well. I already stated how I hate the discrimination against single men I find in many places, but I also hate *idiot* single men.

I LOVE single men....*quality* single men. Single men who find me PERSONALLY attractive. Who want to get to know me. Who will take their time, flirting with me and seducing me. That is my personal definition of a quality single man. They do seem hard to find, but I know from personal experience that there are some out there. I know some people are looking for single men for fast and furious gangbang type things. Hey, if that's what they want, great! But that is so NOT what I want!

To each their own though....but when single men complain to me about not being wanted in the lifestyle, I have to wonder if they are the type who goes up to people and says "hey, wanna f*ck?" The type that just walks up out of nowhere and grabs your ass or boobs. The type who acts as though because you are a swinger, you should strip down and jump on them the minute they approach you. The type who would probably treat a $25 hooker better than they treat you. Etc. etc.

Yup, as far as I am concerned anyway, THOSE type of single men are not allowed in *my* world of swinging. Someone may want them, but not me.

But the considerate, flirty single man? Who makes you feel desired as an *individual*? Who wants to get to know you, and not just have a one night slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am? Who is as concerned with your pleasure as with his own? Oh, THOSE single men can call me ANY time!!! :-)

[mk7124]

Boy - I sure did open a can of worms. Thanks to Danc694u, Stratecpl, TNT and JEM for your feedback and input. Your humor is appreciated.

And, yes Julie - I was being a bit defensive (didn't realize that until I read my post again) - my apologies.

My wife and I have not been to any clubs and for now have no intentions on doing so (seems like a lot of the problems with single guys occurs in those settings) and yes we are new to the scene (less than a year). I'll keep all of this under advisement.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Jem:

I LOVE single men....*quality* single men. Single men who find me PERSONALLY attractive. Who want to get to know me. Who will take their time, flirting with me and seducing me. That is my personal definition of a quality single man. They do seem hard to find, but I know from personal experience that there are some out there. I know some people are looking for single men for fast and furious gangbang type things. Hey, if that's what they want, great! But that is so NOT what I want!

I couldn't agree more. I have done the gangbang thing.. but even still only with guys who I knew were nice decent respectful guys. Hell the last thing I would want int a GB scenario is one guy thinking he should be constantly connected to me somewhere, should be first, last and in the middle getting allt he attention... or a guy who thinks that it's all about him. Hell the meaning of a GB pretty much keeps that from being all about one guy (but there are those who would still try to make it about them).

We do most of our playing with single guys, and have several that we play with regularly, but I don't go out looking for single guys to play with (as far as ads or anything go). I just got tired of weeding through 50 ads from the wrong type of single guys to try to find 1 decent one.

I always maintain to single guys trying to get in that if they have a club near them that allows single guys that is probably their best bet at getting a foot in the door. All we can do is hope that those clubs screen the single guys well (unfortunately at most clubs that isn't the case - all it takes is a look at the topic "idiot club owners in the "club questions" forum to see that, or any of the other posts on here from people dealing with single guys at the clubs). It's very unfortunate that that is the case.

It's even more unfortunate that you (MK7124) are so torn about possibly going to a club now because of this issue. On one hand you don't want to visit a club that doesn't allow single males, but on the other hand now you feel that too many problems occur because of those single males to attend a club that does. My suggestion (and what I suggest to pretty much all newbies attending a club for the first time) is to find a off-premise club.. yes there are some that allow single men .. there may still be some forward single guys there (think of it as going to a night/dance club only everyone there is interested in swinging).. but they are less likely to be a problem as you won't actually be swinging THERE. It would let you see what you can expect without being pushed into anything. And hopefully, if you do have any problems with any single guys, the club owners will be responsible enough to kick the guy out and not let him back in.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[LIZA]

Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else.


well.....what else WOULD a single man (or even a single woman) be looking for at a swing club? Friendship can be found many places where you don't have to pay $100.00 to get in on the off chance you'll get to have sex with someone else's wife!

The number one reason a man would go alone to a swing club is to get laid! No big deal, but pretending otherwise is pretty ridiculous.

By the way, I don't know if it is based on age, location, experience or what but I have come across more couples on this board who were accepting of single men than I have in almost 5 years of real-life experience!

The few nights we have gone to a club when single men were allowed it would be mainly 1-2 other couples and 4-6 single men and the single men mainly shot pool all night. I guess it is different in other clubs but in general they are just not in-demand at all has been my experience..

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by LIZA:
By the way, I don't know if it is based on age, location, experience or what but I have come across more couples on this board who were accepting of single men than I have in almost 5 years of real-life experience!

I can't give you a reason for this one.. since everyone on here varies in all of those... but one thought on that....

Being open to single men is one thing .. but being willing to go to a club where there are more singles than couples is another thing. I would prefer to stick to clubs that either allow them only when they are sponsored by a couple OR that screen them very well and limit them based on a quota. But you wouldn't catch me in a club on single guy night. (just my thoughts).

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[mk7124]

[quote]Originally posted by LIZA:
[b]Reality: People assume that a single male simply wants to get laid and nothing else.


well.....what else WOULD a single man (or even a single woman) be looking for at a swing club?

Ah - correction: My original post said absolutely nothing about swing clubs. Yes - as a single male frequenting a swing club I would expect to get laid - no pretense. My comments were based on my experiences so far as a new swinger. And, they are not solely based on what has been said on this board, which - I agree - seems to be pretty friendly towards single males. Since my wife and I have never been to a swing club it might be time for us to visit one, since all the negative feedback regarding single males seems to focus on them.

It is alwasy a good idea to read the original post in a thread before jumping to conclusions.

[danc694u]

Regardless of whether we are accepting of single males or not. As a group (swingers) we're still leary of them.

We do accept single males. But on a very limited basis. Same way with single females.

I should state, that it is based on the personality of the single. If they are pushy...No Way. If the first words out of their mouth is "Want to watch while I bang your girls brains out" or "I got 9 inches throbbing for you" They just lost any chance of ever hooking up with us.

More often than not. Those are the exact lines we hear. Of course the women, as a whole, aren't that bad. But some are.

I've met many single men in this lifestyle. Who fit in nicely. But for every one of them, there are 10 more that are just plain stupid.

In reality, I can not understand why the single men bitch so much about not being accepted. I had to go that route myself for awhile. But, I did have experience in the lifestyle so I knew exactly what was expected of me.

Maybe someone should devote an entire web site just for single males, looking to get into the lifestyle. We've tried to accomodate them on our homepage. And, have received some nice e-mails from single guys. But, we've also recieved the normal stuff too. "Wanna F***"


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It's more fun than checkers.

[pelagic argosy]

In my experience, I've noticed that many married men are as aggressive as the single guys that supposedly cause most of the problems. In fact, the only bad incident me and my wife had was at the hands of married men.

I think it's interesting when people get angry that someone is "hogging" the single women. It makes them seem like they are only at the club for the pleasure of the married people. Sounds a bit selfish for me.

Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.

Edit-
I should say that I didn't realize that there were two pages to this topic, and posted my reply after reading only the first page-thus some of my responses deal with issues raised much earlier on-Sorry if it seems I'm a bit behind.

[This message has been edited by pelagic argosy (edited 10-12-2001).]

[Jem]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:
Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.

I agree entirely. I'm sure I could walk into just about any bar or swing club on earth and find a bunch of guys who would love to "gangbang" me right then and there.

HOWEVER, since that is entirely NOT what I'm looking for, I still have problems finding quality single men. I think one of my/our biggest problems is that we are looking for an ongoing thing with someone (preferably multiple someones!), not just a one-night-stand. And while there are single guys galore out there, there are not NEARLY so many who both meet our other criteria AND want ongoing friendship and play with us. Many just seem to want quick one-time sex.

[Stratecpl]

I agree with Jem on the "Ongoing thing" THat's what we look for number 1, when screening someone...couples or singlemales. We're not into the one night stands and it makes it easy to weed those types out from the way they respond to our ads. Out of countless single men we've had contact us..we've only found a few that were for real. We've developed wonderful friendships with some of these guys too.

Connie

[JustAskJulie]

"Ongoing things" seem to be very difficult to develop in general.. whether with a single or a couple. You figure with a couple that's 4 people who all have to mesh and hit it off. Hell I had enough trouble finding one guy that I meshed with well enough to have an on-going thing.

We have made friends with several couples within the lifestyle tho, and we are lucky. However, none of those friendships are based on swinging, or were developed through the swinging lifestyle (actually most were developed through my amateur site with other swinger couples who also happen to have amateur sites). In all of these cases we are friends first.. and if something happens and we want to play we play.. but there is never anything put out there where any of us feels like when we get together we have to play.

Which brings me back to single guys. We have only found 1 single guy so far in our experience that we have been able to develop that sort of friendship with. In other cases, it either becomes a case of they expect sex every time we get together or a case of you never hear from them again. Both cases suck. I don't feel that I should be put in the position to be someone's object.. and yes this is something we've encountered with married couples as well. And I would say that one of the pushiest males I've ever seen is a married guy. His wife is beautiful and sweet.. and someone you would love to be around.. if only you didn't have to have her hubby around too.

Another issue we've ran into with single guys is that all too often the fantasy that they have in their head is not something THEY can live up to (and this is true for guys in general - married as well). They think they can handle what they are about to do but when it comes down to it... they aren't UP to it.

It's unforunate that like someone said for every nice well-intentioned single guy out there ther are 10 more who are (for lack of a better word) stupid. All it takes is doing a search through the personals on this site or any other and reading the ads that single guys place.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by pelagic argosy:

Finally, I think most women could walk into any swing club, "regular" bar or club, or any other adult venue and set up a MMMF or as large a gangbang as she wants.
[This message has been edited by pelagic argosy (edited 10-12-2001).]

Very true... but think about this.. most women who walk into a swing club realize that what swinging is about and are there looking for couples (just like the couples are looking for the single females)... unless of course that single female just walked into a club like the Fox Hole in San Diego... then she's probably looking for a gang bang.

And like someone else mentioned.. there's a big difference between being able to get as many guys as you want to fuck and being able to get the KIND of guys you want to fuck you.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[danc694u]

We're getting ready to go out. Soooo maybe you guys can get some slack from all the posting LOL..

Turning this thread around. After reading Julies post with regard to "some" married men. Oh Hell Yes! Some of them are worse than the single men!

We've met married men that just could not take a hint. Some were extremely aggresive, to the point of having to be told flat out, Get the hell away from us!

But, that's an entirely differant subject altogether. Maybe even a new topic for posting

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It's more fun than checkers.