Meeting Couple for First Time, need advice

[gsu22]

Well, I'm extremely nervous. I have met a couple through some friends of mine and after a few weeks of chatting, I am meeting this couple Friday evening for some dinner and drinks. They are in the lifestyle and from what I've learned from them, they're exactly what I'm looking for. Hopefully, I'll be a nice fit for them as well.

Any advice besides to just be yourself? I know I'll be sooo nervous since this will be my first time meeting a couple. I just want to make a great impression. I know I shouldn't expect anything the 1st meeting.

Thanks for any comments

[yawanna]

I hope some of this may be helpful....whatever suits your personality and feels like it'd be a good thing to do ...for you

Don't talk too much....you're not auditioning for a Broadway play - no one expects a portfolio or show tune.

Be very very clean and well groomed (if you aren't already...you may be... I've never seen you )

Let them take the lead and answer any questions and participate in discussions in an open and sharing (discretely) way.

Be honest about your experiences so far - even if it's nil.

Treat them both with respect. Treat her like a lady.

Leave them alone at some point to go to the bar or the bathroom. This will give them a chance to talk to each other about what they think of you and if they want to go further.

Smile, be polite. If it seems to be going well, maybe even secretly go to the bar at some point and order a round of special drinks...that you pay for and doesn't show up on the bill.

Offer to pay your share of the bill.

It's a meet and greet. You may want to bring her a single rose or something...anything more would be maybe seen as pushy.

Basically...this is a 'date' and dating as I remember was getting together with another person to see if you want to spend more time with them.

If you like them, tell them so. And don't pressure....just let them know you liked meeting them and if they chose to do more, you'd love to. If they don't feel the same, tell them no hard feelings. Tell them they're a great couple anyway

Husbands want to feel that you will treat their wives with respect and consideration. As my husband says..'why would I let just anyone bang my wife?' He needs to feel he can trust you to treat her well.

omg I'm so excited for you!! I hope it all goes well

[Elusive BiFem]

Yawanna just about summed up what I had to say, but I want to stress one of her points:

Don't talk too much....you're not auditioning for a Broadway play - no one expects a portfolio or show tune. Don't talk too much....you're not auditioning for a Broadway play - no one expects a portfolio or show tune.

For me, this situation is really no different than any IRL situation in which we meet people and want to put our best foot forward, knowing that "first impressions are lasting impressions." You said something about "being yourself" and that is the best thing you can do...be yourself with your "company" manners on.

The other thing gsu, and something that I personally believe is vitally important. The single male has a hard time in this lifestyle and frequently gets bashed. Please... know that you have value, too. This isn't a one-way street.

I hope everything works out for the best for all of you. Be certain and come back and let us know how things went!

-EBF

[OhioCouple]

Based on what I've read from your postings, I think you'll do just fine. Both Yawana and EBF gave you some very fine pointers. I do disagree with one however.

As posted by Yawanna:

It's a meet and greet. You may want to bring her a single rose or something...anything more would be maybe seen as pushy.

For myself, if a male be he part of a couple we are meeting, or a single, brought me a rose, I would run like the wind from that sort of gesture on a first meet. I would have to know them really well in order to take it as nothing more than a friendly gesture and believe Mr. O would feel the same as well. I think that is the wrong thing to do. However, I do especially like the idea of you excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, taking your time and maybe coming back with a round of drinks. This not only gives them time to talk, but shows that you appreciate them both. Now if you were meeting them at their home then bringing a nice gesture of a bottle of wine or something would be appropriate. Remember it is a "them" and not a one sided situation.

EBF brought up a very good point:

Please... know that you have value, too. This isn't a one-way street.

There have been several discussions on this board about the difference in how a single males and single females are viewed when it comes to dining out and stuff in the intitial getting to really know you stage. Many seem to go over board for the single female and other expect the single male to go over board for them. (The couple). Keep in mind that you are every bit as valuable to them as a single female would be to those that seek them out. You should be treated no differently and if you don't see that sort of respect then you don't want to be with them in the long run, it would be their loss, not yours.

As they have been in the lifestyle for a while (from what I gather thru your post) they know exactly what they are looking for and they have chosen to meet YOU. That says a lot right there. Go to your dinner with that confidence in mind, try to relax and enjoy yourself and their company.

I've a good feeling about your upcoming meet, please do come back and let us know how it went for you.

[Elusive BiFem]

Different people have different thoughts on the rose thing. Personally, I would not be offended in the least, although roses are not my favorite flower. I prefer more of the "wildflower" types of flowers myself and that type might not be construed as so "personal" as a rose might be. Roses are generally reserved for lovers, while the "wildflower" types are seen as friendly gestures. But you know them best. I think it would be nice to take something...if you have any knowledge of their interest...favorite books, hobbies, etc...maybe something along that line that could be enjoyed by both...even a funny card based on a known interest.

The other thought in terms of the idea of taking something...this thought is simply a nice thought. Friendly. Honest. Open. Even if things don't mesh for ya'll, there is not a single thing in this world wrong with the implication (by virtue of a small token gift of some sort) that ya'll are nice, I appreciate your time, and I was thinking of you before I got here. It seems that in this lifestyle, we sometimes tend to forget common, everyday courtesies and sensitivities that we would normally extend to others we meet IRL. - EBF

[OhioCouple]

I'm curious, EBF. Would you take a gift to a first time meet to the couple you are meeting with?

We have never provided a gift as a gesture of such to the couples we have met. Nor have we received one from the numerous couples that we have met with for the first time. Never even crossed our minds and obviously not theirs. However for the couples we have grown to know very well, we may take a token of sorts, but it isn't a criteria and they do the same for us.

As I said above, it is different IMO if you are meeting in their home or private grounds, ie, hotel etc. But a public restaurant, with someone you have only been chatting with for a few weeks via e-mail or even phone and you've never laid eyes on them? Why should it be any different for a single meeting a couple, when couples aren't doing that for each other? (at least all the ones we have met)

[TNT]

Everything that has been said is excellent advice. Just be yourself, smile, laugh, have a good time and always remember you only get one chance to make a first impression, so dress appropriately for where ever you are meeting them at.

As far as bringing a gift (flower/rose), I really have no opinion on that, whatever you feel like I guess.

One thing that does impress me when meeting a single man is for him to shake Ted's hand first, then when I extend my hand, instead of shaking it, he places a light kiss on the back of it. I don't know but this just seems to be the sign of a gentleman to me, it's a tradition that has long been lost and I really wish it would come back in vogue.

Be sure to come back and let us know how things went.

Teresa

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I'm curious, EBF. Would you take a gift to a first time meet to the couple you are meeting with?

Absolutely!! Not that I've met that many people, but I have nary a problem with taking a "token" type of gift to them if I happen to know their likes/dislikes/interest. And where is the problem with that? Many of us say we want to be "friends" with our potential partners. Isn't this something that friends do?

I'm not suggesting a sexy pair of panties or something. My general rule of thumb is something real simple...if we've discussed favorite authors...maybe a book written by same...I met a Northern couple once and took them a little book on "The Language of Texas" or some such title - a humorous book. In my work, I have met tons of people that I have known and communicated with via phone or e-mail, and again, knowing their interest and such, it is not at all unusual for me to take them something that I think they would enjoy when we finally have the opportunity to meet face-to-face. Another time, I had to stop by the store to get some money...happened to see a display of Hershey Kisses, and knowing through chat this woman was a fellow chocolate lover, bought a bag and took them to her in the Kroger sack.

First and foremost, swingers are people and I like to acknowledge them as such. Just as I like to be acknowledged as a person first. - EBF

[OhioCouple]

I suppose that us Northerners do it a little differently than ya'll down south. We have met with many folks from a tri state area and no one has done such a thing and it certainly wouldn't have crossed my mind to do so.

Usually tho, the exchange of e-mail did not really allow us to get to really know the other couple before meeting. However, one couple that we met from Indiana, the male half went out and bought a Wolverines sweatshirt and hat to wear as he knew it would be funny to me. The difference here tho is that we had spent months, due to scheduling conflicts, exchanging e-mails and got to know a lot about each other. He would have never known something like that within just a few short weeks.

I suppose we are all just too far removed from southern hospitality. *shrug*

[wrnakedru]

Originally posted by OhioCouple I suppose that us Northerners do it a little differently than ya'll down south. ......
I suppose we are all just too far removed from southern hospitality. *shrug*

'Scuse me? Pardon me? Who is on your keyboard? Are you NOT the same person holding forth on your "southern" right to determine the indisputably correct spelling for y'all? Or as you firmly avow - "ya'll"?

Is your southern heritage "selective" in its use? Or just in its recollection/practice of graciousness?

Now my opinion on the topic is this: I myself would be "put off" by a male kissing the back of my hand upon first meeting. I would find such a gesture phoney rather than gentlemanly. But that is perhaps because it is so infrequently done, it would seem a contrived device to disarm.

I don't think a single rose is a message of love - mostly because the "rose girls" walk around in clubs here, selling the roses and many utilize such as a method to convey interest to another. They pay for the rose, and have the rose girl deliver it to the object of their intentions. [notice I do not say affections] So the gifting of such would not set off alarms to me.

If my husband and I were to have met EBF as the result of email contact rather than through the "meet & greet" where we did meet, I would likely have shown up with a little bag of treats for her dogs - I believe such a gesture would indicate I had listened to her heart.

Just my take, be it "southern" or not.

[yawanna]

Yes, I was suggesting a token gift - something small but appropriate - like EBF and the Hershey's Kisses. When we are invited to a couple's home, I like to bring some lavender cuttings from our garden. One time I made a little card to go with it. It costs me nothing and it's something I'm giving them for their home. According to folklore, hanging lavender helps to 'cleanse' a home, plus it smells good!

gsu is getting lots of good suggestions from y'all! so YA...we want some feedback after

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I suppose that us Northerners do it a little differently than ya'll down south. We have met with many folks from a tri state area and no one has done such a thing and it certainly wouldn't have crossed my mind to do so.

I don't know that it has anything to do with North and South...not to mention the fact that yawanna was the first to mention this and she's much further North than either of us. I think it is more along the lines of saying to someone...again, swinger friend or IRL friend...I was thinking of you, thank you for letting me know you, thank you for your time, thank you for taking the time to know me...and when someone moves into my area, I usually take them cookies or cupcakes (store bought, I promise!! ), offer the use of my phones if necessary...

And I can't help but wonder...if you are meeting with someone for the purpose of deciding whether you want to swing with them, what is wrong with being thoughtful and showing your thoughtfulness. Otherwise, to me, it becomes a very "clinical" situation.

But if it's not somethin that is done in the Northern regions, why not try it. You may find that the thoughtful gesture is pleasantly received. - EBF

[Elusive BiFem]

Sorry, gsu22...I apologize...we've kind of let this thread get side-tracked from your original questions.

In terms of taking a flower, a book, candy...whatever...just do what is comfortable for you. If you are that type, do it. If not, don't do it. But mainly...go, relax, have fun, be yourself (and somehow I suspect yourself is a real nice person), value them as a couple and value yourself as a person. If things work out for the 3 of you - GREAT! If not...that is OK, too. It will be a learning process and you will walk away from it knowing more than you did when you walked in.

Now, of course!!! We expect to hear all the juicy details hot off the press!

Take Care and Have Fun.....EBF

[BradAndJanet]

Best of luck gsu22

-B

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by BradAndJanet
Best of luck gsu22

-B

Ditto.