Single Males Not Allowed

[curious24]

I was reading another site and saw that many clubs don't allow single un-escorted males at any time into the club. However, they have a single bi-ladies night every friday.

I'm sure this has been brought up before on the site, but I was just wondering if any other single men out there feel like we are being segregated.

Now I know how minorities of the south felt like about 50 to 60 years ago. It doesn't feel good. Cause I know there is nothing wrong with me but it's assumed that something is wrong with all of us. It's just not right if you ask me.

[Elusive BiFem]

I started to post some links, curious but there are so many! If interested in many other comments and thoughts, do a search on single males and clubs. That will keep you busy reading for quite some time!

You aren't the first to voice your displeasure with the single male/club situation. Apparently, it has a great deal to do with supply and demand, as harsh as that may sound.

But what about clubs in your area? Have you checked them out? Not all clubs are created equal. Some do allow single men, but from what I understand, the number of men is often limited. If you find a club that does welcome you, there are a couple of threads on etiquette for the single man. You may want to read through those before your first visit so you can put your best foot forward.

Feeling like the minorities in the South 50-60 years ago? I think that might be a stretch.

Good Luck! - EBF

- EBF

[yawanna]

How many single bi females do you know, or have you heard of from your friends? How many single men do you know, or have you heard of that your friends may know. I don't have hard data but I'm gonna make an educated guess that single men far outnumber single bi females.

Why would a single bi female go to a swinger club, and we're assuming she's brave enough to attend - to seek out like minded single women and/or couples.

I sorta hear what you're saying curious. It looks like single men are being discriminated against.

Why would single men want to attend swinger clubs? It's not a 'single bi male' evening, where bi males are (again I don't have hard data) generally frowned upon and swinging has yet, if ever, to evolve to include gay or bi men in an open and supportive way. It's a couples and/or single bi females evening. Granted..many couples like bringing a male into their sex life. It's up to the clubs to know if that is a lucrative enough market based on who their members are and want. Swinger clubs are business ventures and have to make a profit to continue. Who would run a business that always broke even? A charity, that's who

Part of swinging is that it allows women: single, bi or in couples, to explore their sexuality in a venue that is safe, supportive, and unlike generally the rest of the world will not label them something negatively for doing so. Sure their male partners benefit...it's called 'icing' lol.

Do single men need a safe, supportive, open, non judgmental venue to explore their sexuality ? No. They have what we call 'the world'

[curious24]

Originally posted by yawanna
I sorta hear what you're saying curious. It looks like single men are being discriminated against.

Why would single men want to attend swinger clubs? It's not a 'single bi male' evening, where bi males are (again I don't have hard data) generally frowned upon and swinging has yet, if ever, to evolve to include gay or bi men in an open and supportive way. It's a couples and/or single bi females evening. Granted..many couples like bringing a male into their sex life. It's up to the clubs to know if that is a lucrative enough market based on who their members are and want. Swinger clubs are business ventures and have to make a profit to continue. Who would run a business that always broke even? A charity, that's who

I totally understand what you are saying and I totally understand the situation about the single male. I was just venting my frustration about this whole thing. The reason being is that I'm a nice guy. I have been told by several people on this forum etc. I respect the opinions of others and the decisions of others about the single male even if I might disagree with their stance.

I also understand the business of swinger clubs and totally agree with you and it would be aweful if a million single guys showed up and were rude etc.. you would have nothing but single guys at the club.

there are two things that i don't seem to get..

first i have found from reading this site and just "being out there" that finding a good single male is like trying to find a good single bi female.. the only difference is that there is a HUGE pool of single guys with probably 95% of them being jerks.. the other 5% get slammed when they don't diserve it.. but we all know this.. not a new thing.. but anyway.. my point is that finding a good male IMO is just as hard as finding a good female.. that's the conclusion that i have come too and i haven't seen too many others come to this same conclusion and it baffels me how they couldn't...

secondly you say:

Part of swinging is that it allows women: single, bi or in couples, to explore their sexuality in a venue that is safe, supportive, and unlike generally the rest of the world will not label them something negatively for doing so. Sure their male partners benefit...it's called 'icing' lol.

Do single men need a safe, supportive, open, non judgmental venue to explore their sexuality ? No. They have what we call 'the world'

now i don't know if you are being sarcastic or not.. but i'm going to go with you are not.. and if that is the case then i don't think this is true at all.. men do need a safe, supportive, open, non judgemental venue to explore their sexuality.. i don't know what kind of men you hang out with but that's not the kind of man i am... i want to explore my sexuality in a safe enviroment.. but i am shunned at every turn.. why? is it because of all the other single males being jerks out there? or is it percisely this attitude that single males shouldn't be open non judgemental about their and other's sexuality?

We all know that it is more accepted for women to be like this than a man.. and it seems to me that men are not supposed to be like this as it shows a sign of weakness to many.. and men are supposed to be strong. i'm sorry but this is a joke to me.. everyone knows that men have feelings too.. even the jerks.. but i'm sure the jerks just don't get it? i don't know.. i like to think that i get it some what.

to me it just doesn't seem right.. here i am a nice guy trying to find that "safe, supportive, open, non judgmental venue to explore my sexuality" and like i said i'm shunned at every turn.

[yawanna]

Yes.. I was being sarcastic but I believe it's true. Men have many more opportunities to have sex and not be labelled negatively for it. In fact, it's encouraged. Women aren't encouraged to do the same.. how many bars you go in with women hanging at the front drinking and woo-hoooing and trying to get laid

I think a desire for a MMF or a FMF or an orgy or just being in the same room as other people having sex does not qualify IMHO as 'exploring sexuality'. It's definitely an adventure.. I mean.. what guy wouldn't want to be a part of that?

Many women do as well and swinging in large part caters to women because we don't have the same number of options as men to watch porn geared to our sexuality, or hang with 'the boys' and pick up women, etc. etc.

I won't push it but if you are talking about a safe supportive environment to explore a male's bi sexuality, then there are umpteen ways and places to do that. This is not the same for women, who aren't generally allowed to explore much for the very real chance of being labelled badly by others. Even sometimes their own partners, who, as men, sometimes don't know how to process the fact that their partner is sexually charged. Have you ever had your shared sexuality with a significant other thrown in your face as 'proof' you are just a slut? It happens to women, far too often. Men can get scared or threatened by a woman's sexuality...men's sexuality is not threatened..it's actually expected

I don't think men need safe, supportive, non judgmental places to be sexual. I believe women do. Just my thoughts on that

[curious24]

Originally posted by yawanna
Yes.. I was being sarcastic but I believe it's true. Men have many more opportunities to have sex and not be labelled negatively for it. In fact, it's encouraged. Women aren't encouraged to do the same.. how many bars you go in with women hanging at the front drinking and woo-hoooing and trying to get laid

i can kind of agree with you on this.. you are right women who sleep around do get labled as a "slut".. however, in the swinging lifestlye i don't think this is so.. i don't think anyone is labled a "slut" in the swinging lifestly... and just an fyi.. i don't go to bars and pick up women.. ugh.. i can't stand that crap so i usually stay far away.. and if by some unfortune i'm down there i usually don't talk to too many people if anyone...

I think a desire for a MMF or a FMF or an orgy or just being in the same room as other people having sex does not qualify IMHO as 'exploring sexuality'. It's definitely an adventure.. I mean.. what guy wouldn't want to be a part of that?

i agree that's not totally exploring your sexuality.. to me exploring is doing something that you have never done before and trying to find new things that you like to do.. to me exploring is more than just having a MMF or a FMF...

Many women do as well and swinging in large part caters to women because we don't have the same number of options as men to watch porn geared to our sexuality, or hang with 'the boys' and pick up women, etc. etc.

i agree with you with porn.. but for me porn only does so much.. i think any single guy would tell you that they would rather have the real thing other than porn... i also agree with you that "the boys" hang out to pick up women.. i personally don't do that.. i would rather have a conversation with a woman.. but when i even remotely try to do that they think i'm trying to pick them up.. and trust me i have many more examples...

I won't push it but if you are talking about a safe supportive environment to explore a male's bi sexuality, then there are umpteen ways and places to do that. This is not the same for women, who aren't generally allowed to explore much for the very real chance of being labelled badly by others. Even sometimes their own partners, who, as men, sometimes don't know how to process the fact that their partner is sexually charged. Have you ever had your shared sexuality with a significant other thrown in your face as 'proof' you are just a slut? It happens to women, far too often. Men can get scared or threatened by a woman's sexuality...men's sexuality is not threatened..it's actually expected

i'm talking about a safe enviroment for men (be it bi sexual men or not) to explore their sexuality.

again i agree with you about women being labled.. but as you are saying.. they don't get this lable in the swinging lifestyle.. and i've been out with some women who have done somethings that just disgust me.. basically i have my limits as to what i think is acceptable.. but that's just me... some might say that i am threatened by her sexuality.. but i wasn't i was disgusted by her sexuality and what she has done... i just wasn't into the things she was into.. so it just wasn't a match.. i don't think she's a slut or anything.. she has the right to do whatever it is she wants to do..

i think i would have to disagree with the statement that men's sexuality is not threatened.. i think it is threatened in a serious way.. i don't think i'm alone when i say that we really have no safe, non judgemental, supportive, open enviroment to explore our sexuality... speaking as a single male of course...

i think the single male gets screwed in a lot of ways.. percisely because of the ways you mentioned in your post.. the "bar thing" the "boys" picking up women etc.. i see that kind of stuff all the time OutSide of the lifestlye.. but since i'm not in the lifestlye (for reasons i have already explained) i don't have a clue if it's the same way inside the lifestyle.. or if no one actually knows because men are so shunned from the lifestlye...

[yawanna]

well.. I think you were right on saying 95% of the single men that go to swinger clubs or want in swinging aren't exemplary. Because they are very often there for reasons different from the swingers. Well maybe not SO different It's a very different experience imho for single women, bi or straight, and couples.

And I guess I'm not clear, my fault for not asking for that clarification, as to what it is exactly you would like to explore sexually. Again, I don't want to push you to post more than you would be comfortable in doing.

[DeesireCpl]

Originally posted by curious24
I was reading another site and saw that many clubs don't allow single un-escorted males at any time into the club. However, they have a single bi-ladies night every friday.

I'm sure this has been brought up before on the site, but I was just wondering if any other single men out there feel like we are being segregated.

Now I know how minorities of the south felt like about 50 to 60 years ago. It doesn't feel good. Cause I know there is nothing wrong with me but it's assumed that something is wrong with all of us. It's just not right if you ask me.

There seems to be 2 types of single males : 1. A single male: wants to get laid ...heard swingers are easy so jump in head first.
2. A Single Lifestyle Male: A gentleman , researched the lifestyle thoroughly, who knows swingers are more than just sex , we have feelings , we want and demand respect , isn't pushy , is in tune with the Husband and the Wife, knows the meaning of Marriage and Relationship, and generally just gets it.

It's so true that single males are somewhat frowned upon why I think it stems from there is always 1 who ruins it for the whole bunch. Similar to couples , bi females , straight females etc. I have suggested to a few clubs why not let couple's sponsor a single lifestyle male and they would be reponsible for him during the night at the club. There are many 3 sum situation couples out there who love to bring their boytoy out. But other couple's don't like it. Why do people have a hard time with single lifestyle males as long as they are repectful , patient and honest at least give them a chance. All males need to be honest if they are married , bi sexual , and all the other questions which go along with the lifestyle. If I had my way I would sponsor a lifestyle male to take to the clubs and parties with me and once he met a girl what a great situation for all. Single Lifestyle Males should be allowed to express their sexuality as well as couples , bi females etc. in this lifestyle. I understand why single lifestyle males like swinging because of the sexual freedom compared to single's bars where everyone is uptight and looking for relationships. Swinging is the opposite we want friends , fun and sex with no hassles. It's all about Respect ask Aretha ...
Just be patient ....and good luck to you

[Additude]

Hummm,

first i have found from reading this site and just "being out there" that finding a good single male is like trying to find a good single bi female.. the only difference is that there is a HUGE pool of single guys with probably 95% of them being jerks.. the other 5% get slammed when they don't diserve it.. but we all know this.. not a new thing.. but anyway.. my point is that finding a good male IMO is just as hard as finding a good female.. that's the conclusion that i have come too and i haven't seen too many others come to this same conclusion and it baffels me how they couldn't...

Maybe someone could invent a "Jerk Test" so that single males who are not jerks could be identified as "Good Guys"? That would make it a lot easier to let single males into swing clubs....

Oh, but hey, you know what? It may not be about single guys being or not being jerks. It might be about swingers and their preferences. (singles males nor single females are not swingers)

It is a swing club, not an orgy club, or a free for all sex club or an every Tom Dick and Harry come to hang out and see if you get laid club. It's not a local bar, it's a private club.

If you get invited and attend as a single male, then so beit. I know many couples that would stop going to their swingers club if it was subject to single males.

Your discrimination arguement is weak at best. There are many good reasons for being selective.

[EternallySingle]

As a single BLACK man I have been hit three times as hard trying to get back into the lifestyle. So hard I only talk about my experiences in the past and occasionally, when I have time, write to possible women and couples on one or two swing sites with local people I MIGHT be able to have a platonic friendship with. Needless to say, I don't expect much action.

The reason is simple. I've been to clubs down south and out west that allowed single men and the majority of men are TOTAL UNRELENTING SELFSERVING ASSHOLES who don't care about anything but getting laid. Try to talk to one and after two or three sentenes its "are you married?" If you are a guy and say no he walks toward the next group. If you are a woman and say no in five minutes you're trying to call security.

It creates a situation we old artillerymen call Shellshock. The very idea of a single man brings back bad memories of the one or two you've met, even if you've met a dozen good ones. Even the most successfull swingers who do swing with single men remember the three or four bad apples a little more vividly than the good guys. For individuals the solution is easy. Once you find a good partner establish a relaitonship and keep him/her/them. For a club its even easier. Don't allow anyone in that will make the majority of your members uncomfortable.

Nobody has to get to know you. You have to simply decide how much you want something and how hard you are willing to work to get it. I loved swinging, but I loved skydiving too. After one too many parachuting and rapelling incidents, I can't jump anymore. Doesn't mean I don't have fond memories or advice. Just like swinging. I DON'T expect to swing again unless I meet someone special who decides they want to try or involve me in their lifestyle and introduce me to their circle of friends. And as a single male, that IS your only option. Personal ads, swing clubs, and the hit and miss options work, but only go so far. Swinging is a lifestyle and an attitude. And to get the most out of it you have to know what you want and how to tell others so they don't get offended when you don't want what they do.

As far as the discrimination comment goes, you are on the money, but not in the way that most of the people took it. They have a reason for saying single men have reason to be unwelcome at clubs. Whether we agree or disagree with those reasons, until they change their minds, they are right. Remember, noone says you have a right, or even opportunity, to have sex with anyone.

[De and Ci]

totally understand what you are saying and I totally understand the situation about the single male. I was just venting my frustration about this whole thing. The reason being is that I'm a nice guy.

Dude, you sound like your suffering from an affliction known as "Nice guy syndrome" go to http://www.pick-up-woman.com/nice-gu...ish-last.shtml and get help. Besides, what the hell do think your going to get at a swinger's club?? Warm, fuzzy female companionship? I don't think so. Any couple who is looking for a single male, contrary to popular opinion (at least on this board) only wants him for their pleasure, however they don't want to be pressured by the single male and will be turned off if he appears desperate. That's why all the talk about single males being respectful, understanding, blah blah.

If single males were allowed without restrictions, the club would be loaded with them and drive off the couples. Why? For better or worse, Guys need to have better social skills than women to get laid. They have to approach the women and charm them. The woman, assuming she's reasonably attractive, can just sit at the bar and wait for the guys to approach her and she just has to react to the man's advances. A woman usually will score faster than an equally attractive man because of this. Consequently a venue such as a swing club will attract single males cause they think they won't have to work as hard to get laid.

Woman do pay a price. They are subject to the "slut label" which other posts explain in more detail. Since women are physically weaker than men, there is greater "danger" factor for them when going out looking to score i.e. they are much more vulnerable to sexual abuse. So if you want to get laid, you will need to improve your social skills. But look on the bright side, I don't have any statistics but I'm betting a smaller number of single males are getting a disproportionate amount of booty. Since a large percentage of single males suffer from the nice guy affliction, they are effectively removed from the pool of desirable single males. That's why there's always that dude who has all the women while your at home with your right hand.