Writing an effective profile

[floridanudist]

Hi, I'm back after a 4-month hiatus.

I have often wondered what is the most effective way to write a profile, for the single male. Should it be short and to the point, or go into great detail about what one likes and dislikes. The title may also play a major role. My title is rather boring and unexciting "Seeking couple or woman in my area."

My profiles at AFF "floridanaturist" and www.swappernet.com -FLNUDIST98118 are rather lengthy and wordy. Maybe I need to shorten them way down, and come across as more of the strong silent type, instead of somebody who likes to talk alot. Everybody I've talked to about them all liked my photos, so the photos are good.

The #1 most popular single male profile at swappernet, a 36-year old guy, is extremely short and simple, and has a very catchy title.
Fred

[jen]

Maybe if you're going to write a profile it should suit you and be you.

Maybe instead of trying to suit the general opinion and ways of every other profile, focus on making yourself known.

You typed of should it be long and wordy; well if you are a long and wordy type person then it will be and should be.

Nothing wrong with being who you are.

If you are a silent type - doesn't say much person, nothing wrong with that either.

Some people can write themselves better then they can speak themselves.

The thing about selling yourself, or advertising yourself, is that you want it to - above everything else - be true to you...yes?

So instead of wondering what everyone else writes in their profile or wondering what others will think of yours, just write you as you and however it comes out will be from the heart and right... I think.

Of course I don't have any experience to speak of in this manner, this is just my opinion.

Either way I wish you good stuff!!

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung...smiley-027.gif

[Elusive BiFem]

Actually, in my opinion, Jen's comments are precisely on target.

Not writing about who you really are might be some of the reasons connections frequently seem to 'fail' when it comes down to the actual meeting part. Tho' not necessarily intended, you don't want to start a relationship based upon deceit, and if one reads you to be the "strong, silent type," when in reality you are not...wellllll....

Personally, I prefer reading profiles that are long enough to give me a real idea of the type of person the poster is, yet short enough that I'm not left thinking it is a novel. That is over-sell, to me. And I like to know someone's interest. For example, I like pets and tend to zero in on that type of person. But not a simple statement. "I like pets." What kind of pet? Does your pet have personality? Is your pet a 'family member'? That is a silly example, but it can apply to any of your strong interest. Sports enthusiast, cooking, movie buff, reading..."My interest range from Z to A, but I always set aside time to attend local sporting events."

And you are right about the catchy title. "Seeking women..." are a dime a dozen. Something new and invigorating would serve you well. Just my thoughts...-EBF

[floridanudist]

I think I have good profiles with great photos, but I must be doing something wrong. It could be the title.

As for a catchy title that gets people's attention instead of using "Nudist seeking couple or woman in my area" maybe I should use something like "Let me rub you down with oil!" since I massage is something I really enjoy, or maybe "Hot & horny nudist" since I'm into nude sunbathing.

Fred

[EternallySingle]

Not many people read the profiles of single men. On dating sites, regular or adult, most women and couples wait for men to write them, THEN they read their profiles (one of the reasons they get contacted by so many "winners" in my opinion). For that reason, your profile should simply state what you are looking for, what you like to do, what your everyday interests are, and who/what you do not want to meet. Everything else is irrelevant, since most of your contacts are going to be from people you've written, not people who browsed your profile.

[floridanudist]

Despite the fact that women make up at least 50% of society, single men are pretty much the underdog at the swinger/dating sites. I wonder how it ever evolved this way. Also, it's only single men who get targeted by the personals scams at AFF.
Fred

[Soulfinger508]

Originally posted by floridanudist
Despite the fact that women make up at least 50% of society, single men are pretty much the underdog at the swinger/dating sites. I wonder how it ever evolved this way. Also, it's only single men who get targeted by the personals scams at AFF.
Fred

I was a member of AFF at one point and when I think about it most of those ads do look a bit suspect. During my brief period I only recieved a few geniune responses. The rest were ads for another site designed to suck my pockets dry and ruin my credit rating.

[EternallySingle]

Four years ago AFF was not as bad as it is now. I got three legitimate replies. One said I was too fat and too old, one said she didn't have sex with black men, and the last I did meet, but only for coffee and we became friends, but thats all.

Since then, it seems that AFF has become a fundraising site for their mainstream sites, Friendfinder and Sharerent.com. I actually used Sharerent.com to locate a couple in Florida who let me stay with them while I was attending an Army reunion. It was cheaper than a hotel and the food and company was better (no, they didn't swing but the wife had a sister my age who was single and...).

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by floridanudist
Despite the fact that women make up at least 50% of society, single men are pretty much the underdog at the swinger/dating sites. I wonder how it ever evolved this way. Also, it's only single men who get targeted by the personals scams at AFF.
Fred

Lets face it. I read once in a news magazine (I think it was Time) that 70% of the eligible single women in a given city are going to date 25% of the eligible single men in that city during a two year period of time. If you look around your own community you will see that its pretty close to accurate. Bottom line is that women are more likely to go on dates than men.

Because of that, there are fewer ACTUAL women on dating sites than men, and the few who are rarely go three or four months before either leaving or meeting someone. Either way, they don't stay unless, like the swingsites, they can meet even more new people and make more social contacts. It just isn't as hard for women to meet men as it is for men to meet women. As for quality, thats another story.

[floridanudist]

The biggest problems with the swinger sites that really pisses me off to no end are 1) the people who bubble over with enthusiasm and excitement about meeting me, then lose interest and blow me off. 2) People who simply don't bother to respond at all. 3) people who cancel a meeting because of sickness, or other problems, then NEVER bother to reschedule a new meeting to give me a second chance, to go onto to find somebody else.

I think the people at the swinger sites in general are WAY TOO PICKY. It's a waste of my valuable time & money, when I go through the trouble of driving 35, or 40 miles to go meet somebody, then 24hr later they blow me off. Come back with some blanket excuse like "The chemistry wasn't right" or "We just aren't compatible" etc.. followed by "we should have no further contact," and never give me another chance. It's like their meat shopping, and looking for Mr. Perfect.
Fred

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by floridanudist
I think the people at the swinger sites in general are WAY TOO PICKY. It's a waste of my valuable time & money, when I go through the trouble of driving 35, or 40 miles to go meet somebody, then 24hr later they blow me off. Come back with some blanket excuse like "The chemistry wasn't right" or "We just aren't compatible" etc.. followed by "we should have no further contact," and never give me another chance. It's like their meat shopping, and looking for Mr. Perfect.
Fred

OK, Fred. While admitting I'm not in the best of moods today, these kinds of comments really strike a chord in me.

Explain to me exactly WHY people should NOT be WAY TOO PICKY when it comes to deciding who they want to share sexual pleasures with? Time is a valuable commodity to all of us, as is money, but if these people are taking their time and money to meet with you in the first place, they are utilizing their resources, as well.

I can fully understand getting blown off by those you may be 'chatting' with...chat, chat, chat....disappear into internet heaven never to be heard from again. But if you are continuously being blown off by those that have actually taken the time to meet you, then you might need to look at yourself and your presentation.

And you're upset that they tell you the chemistry isn't right or we just aren't compatible? What would you prefer they tell you? Personally, I'd much rather here those comments than something along the line of you're ugly, you're overbearing, you're an idiot...or whatever else they might come up with.

Frankly, I've had people tell me the chemistry wasn't right or we're not compatible, but I've NEVER had a single person/couple tell me "we should have no further contact." That would be a huge red flag for me in terms of the way I had presented myself.

As for people looking for Mr. Perfect? Again, tell me exactly where you see a problem with that? Everyone absolutely SHOULD be looking for the most perfect person for themselves. Everyone has their own definition of perfect. You are expecting them to go by your definition. Sorry. The world doesn't operate that way. If they've made up their minds that you are not the person for them, why should or would they give you a second chance. In another thread, I believe it was you that said something about this being like a job interview. Yep. In many respects it is. And you only get once chance to make a favorable impression. If someone doesn't come across to me favorably during that first meeting, I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to "allow" them to change my opinion. Just like a job interview...the dress code allows jeans. Most likely, the person dressed in business casual for the interview will get the job over the person that comes in wearing faded jeans with holes in them.

I understand that as a single male, you may be behind the '8' ball before you even start, but again, that is the way life is. All of us are behind the '8' ball in various aspects of our lives and we just have to deal with the hand we are dealt. Simple as that.
- EBF

[floridanudist]

EBF,
Im afraid I have to agree with you.

Actually, it was only one couple whom I met at a sports bar who said "there should be no further contact."

Since the couple whom I recently met told me they have experienced many of the same problems, that made me feel I'm not alone. It isn't just single males whom people blow off on the internet before they ever meet. It happens to couples too.

I am happy to say that I was looked up and contacted by a new couple who's interested in meeting me next week. Hopefully I have learned from my past mistakes, so that I shouldn't make them again. I owe the other couple's husband thanks for his honesty. It will help me a lot to improve my presentation in the future.
Fred

[OhioCouple]

Speaking from the aspect of a couple, we are VERY picky in who we choose to invite into our intimate lives. We reserve that right and would not critisize anyone else for doing so either.

Over the course of two years, we have met many people that just didn't fit into our personal scheme of things. Some we have continued to remain online friends with, others not. We have made some mistakes in the past with chosing those we meet and we have refined our criteria, several times. I'd have to say we are extrodinarliy 'picky' now. If someone sees that as being abrasive or rude, that is on them, not us and frankly I don't worry about it anymore.

Just as difficult as finding that 'perfect' single is, it is just as difficult for us to find other couples. To date...all of ours require an overnight stay and some driving distance.

[Soulfinger508]

Well playing the singles game is a lot like playing the lottery or in some cases a scratch ticket. Some times you'll win a few dollars or get your numbers exact and other times you'll lose. And some of us just have fun playing the singles game for the risk and unpredictability factor. From my experiences travelling to meet women from the net, nine times out of ten we did something, even if we didn't see each other again. After all, we did a lot of talking on the phone and over the computer, when we meet in person what else is there left to do?

[DevilzAdvokit]

When someone actually goes to the trouble to meet you and they use the old " the chemistry is not right" or " we just arent compatible" line, more often than not one of three things has occured.

1) You looked better in your photos than you did in person.
2) They didnt find you to be very sensual ( your attitude and your way about you)
3) They thought you were weird/odd (psychologically)

I'm not trying to insult you. I'm just brutally honest.

So if your posted pics are not unusually flattering or a misrepresentation of your current age and state of fitness it is more than likely one of the other two.
If you are a sexually confident individual who's got game( meaning youre not the only one who thinks this and are actually told this by others on a somewhat regular basis) then you freaked them out by something(s) you said.

1) Is easily remedied. Current pics that are not unusually flattering. We actually tried to choose pics that were less flattering than we actually look in person. That way if they met us based on the pics we sent they would even be more impressed in person.
2) Harder to remedy. You usually either have it or you dont.
3) This can be fixed. There are so many places in this area to drop the ball I cant even begin to tell you but most are easily remedied if you are capable of self analysis, have the ability to be objective about yourself and are capable of accurately determining how others could have possibly perceived you.

The Devil