Is it possible to go from single swinger to a couple swinging?

[Uptime24]

Hi All,

I just wanted to ask the group a couple of questions

1. Has anyone met a partner while single swinging?
2. has anyone continued that partnership into a long term relationship?
3. Do most couples who swing, start as couples or individuals?

As a singel swinger I find it difficult to find singel females who are intereted in the swinging lifestyle. It would appear that most couples who swing "grew" into it as a couple. I may be totally wrong on this one, I am happy if peopl want to correct my mis-conception

I enjoy reading the board so thought I would finally try to contribute in a conversational manner

[Elusive BiFem]

I believe there have been several people on the Board that have mentioned they met their longterm partners or spouses through swinging. I would imagine, it would be like any other relationship-bonding thing...people meet through common interests.

I would also suspect, for the most part, that many of these couples may have met through lifestyle events, as I would imagine it might be difficult to start dating a woman and bring it up in the early stages of the relationship.

Seems that it might be difficult for a single male to meet a single female since there seems to be such negative attitudes towards single men attending clubs and parties - where one would be most likely to meet a single female interested in the lifestyle.

Just my thoughts since I'm single, too, and have never met a single man involved in the lifestyle (at least not that I know of )

And thanks for contributing in a "conversational manner." It is an interesting set of questions and ones that would apply to single females, too. - EBF

[jen]

I enjoy reading this board too, and its good to know there are single guys out there who want to explore information, opinions and ideas.

Thanks for bringing some of your thoughts to all of us.

As for your questions, I dunno.

I think EBF is right though, it is possible to meet someone anywhere, everywhere.

http://smilies.networkessence.net/s/...d_computer.gif

[EternallySingle]

It is possible, but not probable. I don't know about all single women in the lifestyle, but with only three exceptions, most of the women I've met in the past wanted nothing to do with single men except as an occasional sex partner and if you gave them any indication you even thought of them as anything but casual friend and sex partner, they ran scared.

and men are supposed to be the ones with commitment issues

[wrnakedru]

I knew a couple in Houston who met at one of the clubs. [off-premise in nature]

She was coming out of a long term marriage, [they were not a lifestyle couple]. Her hubby had gotten his secretary pregnant and decided he wanted to marry her. Wife got a huge settlement and ongoing payments to provide her the education for a career, since she had never worked before.

She came to the club hoping to find something new exciting and completely different. She wanted a sex life that included a social life with no entanglements. Needless to say, she was a welcome addition to many parties and private dalliances.

About a year down the road, she met what she at first thought was a "cowboy" [ended up he was a CPA - LOL] on one of the evenings single men were welcome to the club. [Only Saturdays were couples only] They hit it off and began dating. The club and the activities it lead to continued to be something both desired. They eventually bought a home together, and a year after that - they did marry. They continued to be active in the lifestyle.

The other single women I knew, or knew of - either: continued to be single and mostly pursued activity with couples, only on rare occasion including a single man - but the status remained the same for each. They were not considered to be a couple - simply two singles. OR I know of two who married men who were not lifestyle participants and in both instances, the men didn't want their wives to continue any kind of contact with lifestyle couples or individuals.

Most of the couples I have know over the years came to the lifestyle together, as a couple. And the decision to do so most often was a joint decision. There are always cases where one is pushing at a faster speed than the partner is comfortable about - and that in itself brings a huge number of problems that can affect others besides the couple.

[shadesofgrey69]

My wife and I met online thru a local "vanilla" chat group. It wasn't until our first real date that I found out that she was into the BDSM lifestyle and I told her that I was a swinger. Since then we have met quite a few singles thru lifestyle chat rooms (like alt.com and adultfriendfinder)
I once met a woman thru a yahoo chat room.
But I have to say that of all of the lifestyle people that we have met we only have 1 couple, no singles, that have become long term.

[Uptime24]

Thanks for all the replies. It confirms what I thought that most couples come to the lifestyle as "couples" not as individuals who then become couples

The search continues

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Uptime24
Thanks for all the replies. It confirms what I thought that most couples come to the lifestyle as "couples" not as individuals who then become couples

The search continues

Hi there, Uptime24. As I recall, you were going to be in the Dallas area for some type of training a while back. Were you? Did you? Have fun? It's a great city.

Anyway...was reading back over this...thinking...although this is a small sample to have come up with this conclusion...if it is accurate that couples come to the lifestyle as couples rather than individuals who then become couples...why do you (or anyone) think this would be true. The first thing that comes to mind for me is the difficulty inherent in establishing a one-on-one relationship in the first place. I would think that it would be doubly difficult to be trying to establish that type of relationship, while at the same time swinging with others. One of the most basic issues to couples swinging is "communication" and "trust." (OK - 2 issues) For a newly established couple, those things are not there yet. Just thoughts...- EBF

[yawanna]

As someone who met my husband via swinger venues.... when the two are right for each other, it doesn't matter their backgrounds or special interests....they will work them out if it's workable.

[Uptime24]

Hi there, Uptime24. As I recall, you were going to be in the Dallas area for some type of training a while back. Were you? Did you? Have fun? It's a great city.

EBF,

Dallas was a busy time, I did not get any replies to the emails I sent to people in the Dallas area who have Personal Ads. I had some good beers at Champs bar just of the freeway not far from the hotel I was training at.

As to the "couples" theory, Maybe I am not basing my conclusions on "hard and fast" evidence. Me experience and general feeling is that most (not all) couples come to swinging together. I have never really found ono on one relationships difficult to form, keeping them together is another matter
The difficulty (speaking personally) is finding a partner who is also intersted in the lifestyle. Not exactly one of the criteria you pick out on Cupid.com :p I agree with you on the "trust" issues in the early part of relationships which is a MAJOR reason that singles dont form partnerships from within the lifestyle becasue that trust is not there.
I don thtink I am expressing my thoughts in a clear manner so I would like to take some time before I reply to your post
You make me think which is always a good thing:p

[Alura]

Originally posted by Uptime24
Not exactly one of the criteria you pick out on Cupid.com [Interest in Swinging] :p

Why not? You probably wouldn't get many replies, but the ones you'd get might be really great!

Mr. Alura

[Uptime24]

It is not one of the standard "click" criteria that you could do a search on

[Alura]

Originally posted by Uptime24
It is not one of the standard "click" criteria that you could do a search on

Well, that's too bad! Seems you ought to be able to customize your criteria. Otherwise, it kinda makes you one of millions, doesn't it?

Mr. Alura