Great Expectations???

[TNT]

This is a question basically for single men but couples are welcome to state their point of view as well.

You are attending a social where things get extremely wild. Virtually everyone in the place is either eating pussy or sucking dick. You yourself have gone down on several women and women have gone down on you. There was one couple that has showed you a little more attention then they did anyone else throughout the night. Once the social is over and people are retiring to rooms to continue the party, do you feel as if even though the couple did not come out and directly ask you back to their room that their actions were an unspoken invitation for you to join them? Or do you look at the whole night and the attention you received as just a good time had by all?

The reason I ask is because this happened just recently at a social we attended. It got rather wild in the room. The next day I received an IM from one of the single men who had attended stating that he felt like one couple had led him on. I asked him if they had asked him back to their room. He stated no, but she let me eat her pussy then when it was time to leave they brushed me off.

My response to him was that slap and tickle and actually playing are two different things and that no one should go into a swinger’s social situation thinking that they are entitled to sex.

Within this particular group of people oral sex is almost like shaking hands and unless you are directly asked back to a room to play, you don’t expect anything further to happen. Granted, this is an extremely wild bunch and not all socials are like this one, but he was told the rules and what to expect before he was allowed in, and he stated he understood.

Just curious as to what others thought.

Teresa

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by TNT
This is a question basically for single men but couples are welcome to state their point of view as well.

You are attending a social where things get extremely wild. Virtually everyone in the place is either eating pussy or sucking dick. You yourself have gone down on several women and women have gone down on you. There was one couple that has showed you a little more attention then they did anyone else throughout the night. Once the social is over and people are retiring to rooms to continue the party, do you feel as if even though the couple did not come out and directly ask you back to their room that their actions were an unspoken invitation for you to join them? Or do you look at the whole night and the attention you received as just a good time had by all?

The reason I ask is because this happened just recently at a social we attended. It got rather wild in the room. The next day I received an IM from one of the single men who had attended stating that he felt like one couple had led him on. I asked him if they had asked him back to their room. He stated no, but she let me eat her pussy then when it was time to leave they brushed me off.

My response to him was that slap and tickle and actually playing are two different things and that no one should go into a swinger’s social situation thinking that they are entitled to sex.

Within this particular group of people oral sex is almost like shaking hands and unless you are directly asked back to a room to play, you don’t expect anything further to happen. Granted, this is an extremely wild bunch and not all socials are like this one, but he was told the rules and what to expect before he was allowed in, and he stated he understood.

Just curious as to what others thought.

Teresa

Hi, Teresa. I'm a single woman. Can I answer? You sure? OK, thanks.

From your description of things, I think I can kind of understand this guy's response, especially if this was his first visit to that social. Even tho' he knew the rules, I believe it is reasonable that if this particular couple showed him more attention than others, he anticipated an invitation to the room. Apparently, in the open area, he had impressed them enough to warrant the extra attention.
We all "understand" things within the context of our own experiences, and his experiences, up to this point, probably indicated that the extra attention would allow him to progress beyond the open room.

I think the real issue would be how he handled the situation at the time it occurred. And was he IM'ing you to whine and moan about it or was he seeking your advice? That would tell me a lot about him, too.

Another point I'd like to make and one I think we sometimes forget...single men have feelings too. I don't know how he reacted, but is it possible he may have felt completely rejected and like nothing more than "a mouth" for providing oral sex? Or a piece of meat, as we women frequently put it?

Just thoughts....EBF

[JustAskJulie]

Like EBF, I think the extra attention factor here is what sets this apart. If they had focused much of their attentions on him throughout the night and played some then I could see how he would expect an invite later. Then again a lot depends on the situation. Did they go back to their room alone? Or did they find someone else to invite back? Often people play at a club and then don't invite anyone back to their room so they can finish the night together... or perhaps they are just too tired to continue. Maybe ... just maybe... they will keep him in mind (if he handled things well) and contact him later for more fun outside the club.

On the other hand I can see the other side of the coin, as with what you guys said regarding the difference between Slap and Tickle and play. But from the sounds of it, it was more than just Slap and Tickle (or at least he had reason to think so). If, at the club, they had played with him, moved on, played with others, etc. Then I would see that as Slap and Tickle and say he needs to get over it. I've dealt with guys at parties that I ended up wanting to just say "Hey I've already screwed you now go away" to.

That last sentance just made me think of something else. You said you got the IM from the single guy. Is it possible that he mispercieved things and that perhaps they weren't paying him as much attention as he wanted to believe? That they were just being nice and he took it as more?

[lobo0553]

As a single male with some experience I say keep going back to the same club. where you can make friends. Believe me you will make friends with some of the regulars and from there things just progress. I've found swingers to be just like everybody else except that they love sex with more than one person and that they're more than willing to share. We all love attention. Maybe start there. Go to a club with the sole intention of making one woman or couple feel like a million dollars. Don't even bring up sex unless they initiate it. Make friends. Then go home and keep a diary. Note names, what they look like, regulars or newbies, favorite activity(usually the guy will fill you in on this), and whatever else you can remember. Make it a game. I felt so out of place during my first visits but I memorised as much as I could about the people there. Eventually, I met a great couple who took me upstairs.
I'm now known as the game guy because I taught some couples a game one night that seemed to go over pretty good. So now other couples want me to teach them "The Game". Anyway, it certainly hasn't been easy(read my posting "humiliating experience" on this board) but I'm glad I went back. Thanks to the replys I got from that posting, I was able to see the couples point of view. Good luck to all.

[Additude]

Bottom line is no one is entitled without an invitation.

There could be several reasons the individual was not invited. One being the couple simply was going to meet someone else. Another is that if the individual would have more assertive, approached the couple and asked, "Would you like some company", the results would have been different.

Without knowing the couple and the situation, it's impossible to tell if it was deliberate or innocent.

Now, where was that party located and when is there next meeting.

[TNT]

Thanks everyone for your responses, they have given me a few different views that I didn’t have before.

Julie, you are correct when you said that he perceived things to be more than what they were. Having also chatted with this couple, they complained that he was a bother to them. By the way, there was also another couple that also complained about him and both of these couples went back to their rooms alone that night. Having myself been on the receiving end of his over zealous attention at times throughout the night, I tend to believe them.

As EBF asked…he was IM’ing me to moan and complain, but also asking advice on how to avoid this in the future. I tried, to the best of my ability, to explain to him what most couples are looking for in a single man’s behavior. He did thank me for that and said he had learned some important things. This was also his first time at a social.

Although Ted and I are not the ones who hosts this social, we are very directly involved, actually I guess what would be known as co-hosts. This was the first time in over a year of doing these socials that we have ever had a complaint from a couple about a single man and the first time a single man has ever said he was led on by a couple. My question was asked in hopes of figuring out a way to explain to couples proper etiquette when dealing with a single man’s feelings and how to explain to single men proper etiquette when dealing with a couple, in hopes of avoiding this problem in the future.

Everyone enjoys attention but there is a fine line where the attention becomes annoying. Couples and singles both need to know where this line is because once your attention has become annoying you have crossed over to being what is perceived as pushy and desperate.

Please keep the comments coming.

Teresa

[fun_pairTX]

There is a saying that covers this that pretty well sums it up.

"No expectations, no regrets" What happens happens. We are creatures that try to predict the behavior of others to suit ourselves, when in fact these circumstances are well beyond our control. I realize that this is kind of an Existentialist approach, but if you expect nothing, then eveything is a gain.

[wrnakedru]

Quote TNT: they complained that he was a bother to them. By the way, there was also another couple that also complained about him and both of these couples went back to their rooms alone that night.


Shhhhh! Whispering, so as not to be rude. Wondering, too.

This wasn't, um, er, ssshhhhh - Bob123, now was it?

Or perhaps his friend, that Happy kind of fella? :slam"

However, I really do miss Perseus who was so very nice, witty, intelligent, polite in a shy kind of way with his dry wit. Where did
he go and why? Does anybody know?