No single males? Why not??

[bunny2]

I've seen a LOT of places that put great restrictions on the number of single males that can attend, plus a lot of personals that say "no single males, please". What is the problem with single males?

[RnLinohio]

I don't know everyones reasoning behind it, but i have several reasons for it.

First of all, we are in this life stlye to help me be able to explore my (the womens) bi-sexuality. I feel that i have a man at home that pleases me very much and right now I am just looking for other women. That being said, we are willing to go with couples with a bi female, for the women to play and men to watch then maybe afterwards, the women play with there own partners. There for a single male is not what we are looking for.

Second of all, we feel that a single man just doesn't bring much to the table other than (ok i know i am going to hear it for this one) him just wanting sex. Ok, yes i do agree that it could be said the same thing for women. But i am mainly looking for friends more than sex out of this, so we would be more happy going with a couple more than a single female. This is just IMO, and i hope it doesn't upset to many people.

Robin

[BettyAnnMBSC]

In my experience, single men generally don't understand what's really happening here.

I hear way too many -- "if your husband can't satisfy you then I can" and "can't we get together alone?"from single guys. I also have a problem interacting with many single guys -- a single (never married guy) just never seems to understand that paying the rent or washing clothes or cooking dinner or cleaning house are really important.

Sometimes, I find that single guys are way too pushy -- it's all about sex now! and rarely about well what do you like? -- the number of "hey wanna f**k" I get from single guys I never saw before is astounding -- what makes a single guy think I'm a total slut or whore just because my husband and I share this lifestyle?

The simple matter is, we are into sharing -- this is not about get what you can -- now, I do understand that there are many women who are after 1:1 time and a single guy is an acceptable choice -- except that many husbands/SOs prefer that we women not get involved with single guys, to much chance of emotional attachments forming on his part. That love word comes up with single guys too often.

Sometimes we just wonder "if you're such a great guy, why don't you have a wife or girlfriend" and if you have a wife or girlfriend but are playing alone then you are cheating and most of us don't like that attribute in a mans character.

I am not "looking for love" and for the most part, no guy is gonna show me anything I've not seen before. I'm not "a lonely housewife" or a "horny slut". But that seems to be the mentality of most single guys looking for playmates. My husband doesn't fail to satisfy me and your pecker probably really isn't "10 inches long and thick as a beer bottle" and if it is then please leave it in your pants around me. 10" is the distance from my elbow to wrist!

If you want to have a chance with a couple then there are some things single men must do:
* read about the lifestyle and begin to understand what it is really about.
* never ever ever treat her like a whore or slut unless that is what she wants.
* never ever ever assume that you're "the best lover ever" -- you're a different lover who'se been invited to share. That's all!
* she probably isn't interested in falling in love with you and living happily ever after.
* if you're a homophobe then there is likely to be a problem -- when playing with couples, sometimes the husband will see your penis and you will see his sometimes, they will even bump into each other....

Just a few of my thoughts -- looking forward to reading those of others.

[OhioCouple]

This is a pretty touch subject for me.

While I think single men can be and are swingers, I also think that there is a vast majority that think it is a cheap and easy way to get laid. Having attended a club on a night that allows single males and belonging to two different pay sites, my overall observation is that I am not someone's visual or written masturbation tool.

If you don't want to spend the cash to do so, go to Adult Friend Finder or any other pay site that offers a free or trial period and you'll get a good idea of why most couples do not prefer to receive mail from single males. Be sure not to block the single males. I guarantee you that you will get a ton of responses in addition to a lot of pictures that you just would prefer not to see. This alone is enough to taint the image of the single male. Top that off with a club on a night where singles are allowed and it just becomes a done deal in the way of thinking.

There are many great singles on this board....unfortunately there are a few that have once again tarnished the image of the single male. I am sorry for them, but facts are just facts. I've never been duped by a single female....but then they are not usually flocking in droves looking to seek a swinging relationship. I have been duped numerous times by single men.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

oh, I forgot!

with clubs and parties -- if you invite every single male that wants to get laid then you'll have 100:1 male:female and hardly anyone has any fun.

now, if she's into the train scene that that's ok -- but I've only met a few women like that....

[Flori_DAMAN]

As I have said, tomorrow you could be single, if you still want to swing and happen to be male you will be subjected to narrow minded sharp tongued remarks that will not take you into consideration.

Take me for instance. I daily read posts by certain people that jump at every post that mentions single men as an excuse to lump them together and insult them openly without consideration as to why they are single or what they really do in the lifestyle.

I don't happen to swing, however I have (with partners for the most part), for over 20 years. Imagine the sting when people you feel close to just stick barbs into you by lumping you into a category without even considering your feelings.

It just plain hurts.

John

[pna42]

Most single guys aren't into 'swinging' as much as they're into just getting laid. I'm a single guy and I've seen it first hand. I think a lot of it is just wanting to live out a fantasy and then be on their merry way. For me, I like to get to know people and have a little communication. I like to be friends with the people I'm with. We're not all evil, ugly, little trolls like I get the impression I get here sometimes. Some of us [ok a FEW] are actually decent people.

[EternallySingle]

Sometimes we just wonder "if you're such a great guy, why don't you have a wife or girlfriend"

Ok, I've heard a lot of valid reasons so far but that one just is so 1800s. I don't swing primarily because of people who throw around statements like that.

I have nothing against people who say they prefer not to meet with single men because they don't feel they have nothing to contribute to their swinging experience, but when you start criticizing why we are single, you are insulting those of us who had to make hard decisions concerning family or business responsibilities and those of us who became single due to the death of a loved one.

And who says that because we are men we HAVE to find someone else after a breakup or tragedy? I don't see you making that same judgement about women. Don't go there with us unless you want to have your reasons for swinging questioned as well.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

As I have said, tomorrow you could be single, if you still want to swing

Now, I have found that divorced/widowed men are NOT the same as single men in general.

What many of us complain most about is not the simple fact that the man is single -- but instead, how single men generally act. Those unsolicited nude photos, the fakers and game players, and those guys who ask all too forwardly "hey bitch, - wanna f*ck?" -- those are the single guys we have trouble with.

There are guys within a couple that act that way sometimes -- but it's not a "once-in-awhile" thing with single guys. That behavior seems to be the cours de jour

Understand too -- there seem to be more couples looking for 1) single bi female for FMF or 2) couple for FF while hubbys watch or 3) couple for full swap; than there are couples looking for a str8 single male for MFM.

Part of the issue then is opportunity -- the single guy is not the commodity of the day and is very often nongrata persona.

As for the 1:1 issue -- IMHO, that's not swinging that's fooling around or some on the side even when it's an open and acceptable arrangement. And all too often, the 1:1 is really cheating and few of us want to participate in that scene....

Just a few opinions for what they're worth.... I'm not saying it's right -- just expressing my opinion. If you wanna talk about the sting of inequality then maybe we should consider the plight of the short (under 5'5" man) man -- coupled or not.... or the pain that some women of size often endure.

There is reason and reality to social inequality. Some people make that topic their life's work. Sometimes it's painful but unless we seek to clearly understand mores and values, issues and desires; unless we seek to truly understand the issue at question, there can be no adapting by those who face these inequities. We must remain aware of the very real emotional effects of inequlity and discriminatory behavior, but we must also try to understand the issues beyond simply exclaiming "it's not fair."

Maybe it's not fair -- so let's create some understanding...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wonder if women who weigh 125# ever consider, that when you say "I'm fat, I'm so fat" in front of a woman that weighs 180-200# plus that what you're telling her is "damn! you're really fat!"

[BettyAnnMBSC]

but when you start criticizing why we are single, you are insulting those of us who had to make hard decisions concerning family

The original post asked a "why" question. I provided some "why" answers. Bottom line is that a couple may elect to include whoever they want to for whatever reason they want (or don't) and the potential partners reserve the same privilege.

What if we changed this topic slightly? What if we were discussing the why issue of race, age, sexual orientation, education level, social class, height, weight, hair color, breast size, penis size, financial stability... need I go on?

Marital status is one of many considerations considered when selecting a potential partner. It's not (IMHO) reasonable to ask a question and then attack the answers provided. Even if the answers are wrong.

Do any of us think that couples or women never consider "if you're single then why?" It is a fact that women are attracted to men that are already with another woman -- go figure! It's that old "if she wants him then I do too" and many men will recall the same situation over the years...

In answering this question, I am not attacking single men or defending couples -- I'm simply stating my observations. Use them if you want or ignore them if you want -- but please don't take offense to my observations, they aren't directed at anyone in particular....

unless of course, the shoe fits

[pna42]

Man, Betty Ann. You're really well thought out on this. Remind me never to argue with you. LOL! My brain hurts from reading all that. Whew!!!

[Flori_DAMAN]

After reading the biting remarks daily lately about single men, my position on this board seems almost meaningless. I consider myself an advocate for good single men. Many couples have befriended me as well as single single females.

Rarely is a compliment offered. Yet when you read the experiences of couples with single men some of the hottest stories pop up. I think it is a matter of fact that jerk single guys tend to be jerk single guys, but why dwell on them. We are here and its like we have leprosy. It is so much fun for people to relish in insulting those they consider inferior due to circumstances....it nauseates me.

If I were a good single guy that had never been exposed to the lifestyle I would think it is for jerks only reading this board, maybe that is why so many seem to be coming on board lately. No one offers advice. They just feel it is there duty to mankind to let everyone know they wouldnt ever ever ever do a single guy because they are all a bunch of lying, scrubs....IM NOT.

Lets see some compassion for the guys that are nice. (AS IF HUH?) I don't think anyone of us hasn't been single at some point. Once that ring goes on the finger it does not make an asshole suddenly a prized bull. It would seem that once the ring comes off a perfectly good man should just put his tail between his legs and listen to the holier than thou, righteous preaching from those people that are in a good relationship.

I think the rudeness and lack of sensitivity is appalling. Especialy when I hear it from friends. I wonder if people can really put themselves in other people's shoes. Certain people just get off on trying to reduce any semblence of self confidence anyone that doesn't fall into their elite category may happen to have. Not me though.. I would rather be single than be with any one of the ranters I have heard on this board that are so shallow minded and hurtful anyhow....

John

[BettyAnnMBSC]

Maybe as an idea for undertanding "the shoe on the other foot" might I suggest this...

If you want to truly understand why many couples and women don't explore single men....

create a couple or female screen name and profile with Yahoo. Then take that screen into a chat room for "romance in x-town" Don't say anything except "HI" to the room and then wait.

See what the single men are actually doing to damage the road for everyone. You'll be appaled!

All of this said, please don't think that I never meet with single guys. We actually prefer MFM or FMF over MFMF -- MFMF gets too busy

And if we ever do meet and he or I decides that "it's not right" then it's probably not solely because you are single... Find the other issues or ask...

[Flori_DAMAN]

[


-- the single guy is not the commodity of the day

Gee, I coulda gone all day without that one....lolol

John

[bear_n_bunny]

From my perspective (Bear), it is really rather simple. This lifestyle is about swinging; couples getting together to play. (Yeah, I know there are the usual number of married bi-females out looking to demonstrate their ability to lick the chrome off a '57 Studebaker, but that's not the end-all and be-all of swinging.) And the operative word here is COUPLES. Yes, I know there are the usual percentage of couples looking for single bi-females (see previous reference to the '57 Studebaker... ), and even the OCCASIONAL single male, but this last is pretty rare. Most swinging couples are looking for other COUPLES to play with, and for the most part do not need any single men around. We've all seen the web sites with the cock shots and all that. Personally, having been a single male myself not so long ago, I am of the opinion that the single guys who come around swingers are those who have a hard time getting laid to start with vis a vis single women, and seem to think that women who are into swinging are easy fucks. Anyone who has been involved in swinging for more than about five minutes knows what b.s. that notion is. Sure, I've been in a swing group or two where the women who were running things starting thinking with their cunts and brought in a lot of single men, which just ruined things for everyone in time (soon enough, they saw the error of their ways... ). Fortunately that does not happen very often. Another problem is with clubs that allow single men in, and don't control them (such as keeping them at the bar, and letting any couple who is interested approach them). What ends up happening is that the guys start cruising the couples, hitting on the ladies, often with bad technique, which pisses off the husbands, with disagreements resulting shortly thereafter. This is why many lifestyle clubs don't allow single men in, or only under certain circumstances. Frankly, I'd be happy if the single guys took a hike. By and large they are not wanted, and those swing couples who do want them, know where to find them (yahoo, AFF or sexyads come to mind).