No single males? Why not??

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou
I agree with your last starement totally. The thing that I find so interesting about this lifestyle is that I find that my desires are always evolving. When I started out I was only interested in a FMF, and as time went on I progressed to couples and swap. I never really desired a MMF before, but I am opening up more to the idea all the time. I think for me, I would just have to be totally comfortable with the guy. I am not looking to replace or find something better than my hubby. Because there is no better. But there are still tons of fantasies that we have that have not been fulfilled. I think that if we stumble into the right one then we would have no problem with swinging with a single. Until then, I agree that the ones that bombard you with cyber and picture requests are a major turn off.

Yeah the pushy, single guys are a turn off.

For us single guys that don't go there we have a neat world.

The couples that don't do singles are some of the nicest people I have ever met also.

I would never knock them as a group.

There are many couples that I wouldnt touch with my 9 inch pole though. I guess it works both ways huh?

John, who thinks everyone has a place in this world.

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN
Yeah the pushy, single guys are a turn off.

For us single guys that don't go there we have a neat world.

It occured to me, that when I am visible on my IM I get bombarded with guys trying to start a conversation. I don't think many of the ones that I actually have taken the time to talk to were in the lifestyle. I am thinking that they get my IM from some geocities listing or something.

So I guess my question for those of you who have had a problem with this sort of stuff is, are the troublesome guys really guys from the lifestyle? Or are they just browsing the listings and seeing swingers come up and thinking that I am going to be an easy person to get to?

[Les_mcdermott]

I thing Flori_DAMAN raises an interesting concept.

"As I suggested this board is not about meeting people but discussing swinging. Us males that have been swinging for years and are still interested are just as capable of discussing it as the females that may be in the same boat or, just wondering."

I suggest that we open a thread for the single/divorces/widowed "person" who wishes to start or continue swinging.

I was a swinger. I met and married a woman who required me to be monogamous. She recently divorce me. Now that I am "single" again, how do I get back into swinging? How does one meet a female who is interested in the lifestyle? I can assure you that a man should not give this requirement when he meets "most" women!

I am interested in what the forum comments are.

Les

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Les_mcdermott


I was a swinger. I met and married a woman who required me to be monogamous. She recently divorce me. Now that I am "single" again, how do I get back into swinging? How does one meet a female who is interested in the lifestyle? I can assure you that a man should not give this requirement when he meets "most" women!

I am interested in what the forum comments are.

Les

First of all we are all individuals and do things differently. I can only speak for myself. After my wife died, excluding a fling about one year later I was a real single swinger. I had lots of familiar clubs and people that I knew. I went way out of my way to be a familiar face at the local swing club. I bartended and went there at least twice a month, alwys stayed overnight, and on holiday weekends when I could. So I was the quissential single swinger I guess.

I then had a 4 year relationship with a lil blonde that would cute the sharpness off a razor. She enjoyed swinging occasionally, but with the lifestyle we had just between us and a whole bunch of kids it was infrequent.

One day it came time for me to decide to leave. She didnt follow. I suspected she wouldn't tho.

Personally this guy took the whole last year just to get over that. It wasn't even officially over until around feb of this year, although I knew it was.

To answer your question. You just need time. If you are like me maybe you can do it in a year. Maybe two. Sooner or later you will gain self confidence back and find swingers that want to be with you. You will filter girls, like they filter you, and go through lots of fun and lots of dissapointments.

Just go slow friend. Find yourself first. There are many people that like to swing. Think about it, what do they want, and what do you want?

ONly you know these things. Only you can design your future.

Sex is just now becoming a reality for me. But I never go to bars, whorehouses, or pick up floozies. I have dated. Thats a bitch when you have already been round the block. Most gals that date are so wierded out they are scarey. They usually are so focused on any negative factor you may have they can't see you. They end up with jerks that do the same thing there past lovers did anyhow. I hope not many females get insulted by this talk, but its true. Probably for men too in all fairness. Divorcees end up with the same person they divorced but ith a different name quite often. They just end up with more control cuz they insist that the person doesn't act like there old lover, while that was what attracted them in the first place.

So, you wanna find a swinging partner. Find someone that loves you for what you are and swinging will come naturally. There is no female that could claim love for me that could't discuss my past and understand that is me. She may swing with me, or not. It all depends on her though. If it turns her on then thats a big plus, but swinging isnt my biggest priority in a LTR.

Id just suggest that you post a lot, and meet people whenever you can wherever you can. Let the charming, witty, humorous guy out of his cage as often as possible. The pissed off, angry, depressed guy needs to get out now and then too.

People on this board understand both sides of that coin. They certainly have with me anyhow. I'm just beginning to meet people again in the lifestyle and just by fortune some are from this board.

Don't count on that, but allow it. Remember that you are still you. Whatever qualities you had,, you still gotz.

Hope that helps

John

[Les_mcdermott]

I thank you for the encouragement.

[Magicstik]

People People calm down..................


There are enough of us to go around. My experiences have been like this,there are couples who enjoy the company of other couples ,there are couples who enjoy the company of single males,there are couples who enjoy the company of single females,there are couples who enjoy groups,gangbangs,etc. What i`m trying to emphasize here is swinging is for the mutual enjoy of all who are involved.Stick to your particular pleasure and be happy. Dont disdain others if they dont swing as you do. There are jerks in every walk of life,the swinging lifestyle is no different. Not all single men are rude and crude, and just want to fuck ,or fall in love with your partner.I have met and remained friends with numerous couples in this lifestyle.Let me remind you,there are many in this country that take a dim view to swinging. LIVE AND LET LIVE

[Dionysis]

Originally posted by thump29
Until recently we had considered single males up until I decided to give one a chance and he was a jerk.

So umm if you invited a single female and she acted like a whore and tried to take your man away, would you not swing at all then?

Or how about this, you invited a single bi-fem and she tried to seduce you, would you not swing anymore?


IMO couples prefer MFF tristes because the husband/bf doesn't want to see another dick, worries about his SO getting attached, and wants to fulfill his fantasy first. Afterall two ladies playing with each other is gentler than two men playing with a lady according to the common stereotype.

To me, couples are more understanding and forthcoming to let me play than a single female. I prefer it this way because the pressure is off on me and I can have the husband/bf keep her attention from waning while I enjoy her at my own pace.

[LadyCleo]

He wrote, "How about I fuck your wife while you watch?" thinking that he was writing to my husband. I responded, "How about I fuck you in the ass while my wife watches?" and then put him on ignore.

I HATE those ASSHOLES!

That being said, *I* don't have a problem persay with single males, I just don't feel that I need another man. I have already done all of the MFMs that I want to do, having the man from the couple is enough for me.

Good luck to you all!
LC

[Flori_DAMAN]

Originally posted by Dionysis
So umm if you invited a single female and she acted like a whore and tried to take your man away, would you not swing at all then?

Or how about this, you invited a single bi-fem and she tried to seduce you, would you not swing anymore?


IMO couples prefer MFF tristes because the husband/bf doesn't want to see another dick, worries about his SO getting attached, and wants to fulfill his fantasy first. Afterall two ladies playing with each other is gentler than two men playing with a lady according to the common stereotype.

To me, couples are more understanding and forthcoming to let me play than a single female. I prefer it this way because the pressure is off on me and I can have the husband/bf keep her attention from waning while I enjoy her at my own pace.

That would go well on the portals of the swingers entrance

[Flori_DAMAN]

hey its all about what your in the mood for TODAY huh

John

[eddypasifa]

I will admit I am a single male looking strictly for sex with couples or hardcore gangbangs.

If the couples or women out there have a problem with it then that is fine by me, I will respect that and not persue.

If I were to be part of a session, I would also be considerate of the woman's feelings and needs as I love to give pleasure as well as receive.

[curiousgeorge30]

BettyAnn, You post makes me so mad. I hate what you typed. It shows prejudice. However you are right. How can couples sift thru the riff raff and find a decent single guy, even if that is what they were looking for.

It is a bit disheartening to me since I am a single male, but I know that is part of the landscape as a single male swinger. It sucks, but that is the way it is. One bad apple theory I guess, or in this case 2 or 3 good apples left.

Good posts even though it hurt to read them.

[robnbarb]

I read a few pages of this, so if this has been said I appologize since I haven't the time to read every single post here.

I think the major problem is nature of the beast. Most single men are looking for a quickie fling or an easy lay. they don't get that it takes a woman of the group to actually LIKE the guy in some way. I think this is one of the reasons they get pushy.

the other, I believe, is the fact that they honestly beliee the female must be unsatisfied by her husband. While I don't clam to be an expert, I think looking over the board you can easily find plently of women who would be perfectly happy with just thier husbands. But many guys think that this can't be the case cause they are looking for something else. I have seen more than one man confused by that statement, but what can you do.

I think also that contributes to the pushyness. They think they have the answer in thier pants and want to prove it, desperatly.

This desperation which leads to pushyness also lends itself to a "No single Guys" rule with some couples. Now I think some couples just feel better with a couple, but I am willing to bet that at least a few of them got sick of the guys who kept saying "I can fuck your wife better than you will ever be able to." which is not true cause the new guy will never have the "Love" factor.

I am trying to speak from a guy's perspective, this is just my thoughts and nothing more.

[good times]

It is actually kind of ironic that when we read this thread about a year ago it was instrumental in our decision not to swing with single males. It appeared to me at the time, and still does, that this thread is a perfect example of the chasm in understanding that exists between single males and couples motivations. I will also be the first to admit, that allthough I'm trying, I still don't understand why a single male would be interested in swinging.

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by good times

It is actually kind of ironic that when we read this thread about a year ago it was instrumental in our decision not to swing with single males. It appeared to me at the time, and still does, that this thread is a perfect example of the chasm in understanding that exists between single males and couples motivations. I will also be the first to admit, that allthough I'm trying, I still don't understand why a single male would be interested in swinging.

Well, I can tell you this. There are 3 types of single men that swing. The most common, believe it or not, are men that have been part of a couple, got into swinging, and for one reason or another, the woman left. Maybe she died, maybe they got divorced, maybe they were only living together and when one or both got jobs requiring a move, the other wouldn't go. These men usually find themselves suddenly shunned by the same people they partied with a few months ago.

Another common group are young men who, while browsing porn sites or adult book stores, discover this world where married couples have group sex, gang bangs, and threesomes with single men and they want to join, thinking it would be easier to have sex with them instead of building a relationship with a single woman.

The last group are men who fell into swinging when they were invited to join a couple for a threesome and decided they liked it. Like any casual relationship, the couple probably stopped contacting the single man or he moved to a new city for a new job, thus is without swing partners again.

As for the rest of your question, I could ask why would you, as a married man with an obviously loving, trusting, and sexually adventurous wife, want to swing? Easy. You enjoy it. I enjoyed it. But the motivations are different.

I am sure your wife's motivations are not the same as yours. She's a woman, you're a man. You are both looking at the same activity from a different perspective. As a single man, I'm looking at swinging from a perspective that you can't fathom unless you were also involved in swinging when you were a single man. By the same token, your wife has a different perspective on swinging than single women who swing. If I tried to explain my personal motivations for swinging, it would probably take thirty or forty pages. Suffice to say, its because I liked it in the past. While I'd like to get married, I would not consider taking someone else's wife, and neither would most men. How could he trust her if she left with the first guy that comes along? But becoming friends, or at least acquaintences on good terms, goes a long way to broadening your circle of friends, which could lead anywhere.

What is the motivation for serious single men who swing? To meet people who have a similar idea about sex and friendship. That, I believe, is the common thread for all swingers.