No single males? Why not??

[bbcpl4cpl]

Originally posted by Flori_DAMAN


I think the rudeness and lack of sensitivity is appalling. Especialy when I hear it from friends. I wonder if people can really put themselves in other people's shoes. Certain people just get off on trying to reduce any semblence of self confidence anyone that doesn't fall into their elite category may happen to have. Not me though.. I would rather be single than be with any one of the ranters I have heard on this board that are so shallow minded and hurtful anyhow....

John

Coming into the lifestyle and from everything on this board that I read I never had a pre-disdain for the single male that wants to swing. There are several men on here that I have found very valuable in reading information from... perseus, eternal and yes, you as well, John. Then there are those few that have been attacked lately.. namely Happy and Bob that I find have rubbed me the wrong way.

And yes, I attacked them too. My problems stem from the whineyness though. Oh poor me crap! I don't stand for anyone be it a male or female in a couple or a single who has such a poor image of themselves as a person that they find it necessary to beg for attention in anyway possible.


I hope I haven't offended anyone on this board when I do choose to speak my mind in a negative manner. If I have, it wasn't intentional. I have valued this board from the day that I have came on. I love almost all the comments from everyone. There are just a few bad apples and some that are just slightly tarnished , cut one side of it off and it would be just fine...

Tigress xx

[alabamafuntonig]

I personally don’t mind single guys. I myself (Mr. Bama) find the company of another companion that I can get along with on a social level more important than a sexual level. If a single male is single it’s his choice. As is mine for making friends with him. I don’t find that all single men fall into one category. I have met my share of “let me do your wife “guys online and in this lifestyle but I have seen my share of nice single men like me before I was married. Most of the obnoxious single men I think people are talking about fit into an age difference category. Young horny men that want to score. If you weed those out the other men would all look like saints?

[Perseus]

Originally posted by bbcpl4cpl
Coming into the lifestyle and from everything on this board that I read I never had a pre-disdain for the single male that wants to swing. There are several men on here that I have found very valuable in reading information from... perseus, eternal and yes, you as well, John. Then there are those few that have been attacked lately.. namely Happy and Bob that I find have rubbed me the wrong way.

And yes, I attacked them too. My problems stem from the whineyness though. Oh poor me crap! I don't stand for anyone be it a male or female in a couple or a single who has such a poor image of themselves as a person that they find it necessary to beg for attention in anyway possible.


Tigress xx

You make me blush milady!

As to the poor me stuff, I knew it was and is gonna be a hard road fitting in to the lifestyle. I don't whine, but I always to to learn.

Perseus

--------------------------------------------
These girls have all the power!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by alabamafuntonig
I think people are talking about fit into an age difference category. Young horny men that want to score. If you weed those out the other men would all look like saints?

I have personally seen men of all age groups (even up into their 80's) that have a lack of respect and are just looking to score. Have managed a rather large restaurant/nightclub for years, you get the opportunity to see it a lot. On the flip side of that I have made many good friends of all age groups that do not behave socially or on the web in that manner. It basically boils down to the offensive leaving a more lasting impression than the those who are not offensive.

Having said all that, even though this is a thread about 'single men', I can also say that I have met many single women through my work environment in which the single men can't hold a candle to the sleaziness that they can portray.

Sleaze is sleaze, disgusting is disgusting and offensive behavior is offensive behavior, with no preference for gender or marital status. It is all in the eye of the beholder. The difference is that there are a whole lot more single men wanting to get into the swinging scene than there are single women. And that is why single women don't get as bad of a rap as men do.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

... or A leads to B and B leads to C therefor C leads back to A

even when C has no relation to A other than the relation the C has to B (when B is related to A)

ie:

A: couples don't invite single men
B: because some single men are not nice
C: but some single men are nice

therefore relate back to A as "couples don't invite single men because they are nice" -- circular indeed, but it doesn't follow.

As to what is posted to the board vs the thread -- certainly there are any number of issues addressed on this board (A) which may or may not be related to this thread (B) which can both be found on the internet (C) so, "anything that is found on the internet is related to this thread?"

The reason we're getting off topic here -- and all too often, is that some people use redirective argumentation to change the subject -- and therby avoid the subject altogether.

For example:
you write...

If you look at other posts on this board you will see that all types of people respond. And all types of issues are looked at.

but this really has nothing to do at all with "No single males? Why not?" It may make for interesting conversation to some, but it is not the point of the thread.

You seem to imply that because "And all types of issues are looked at" on this board, then it is ok to address all types of issues in this thread.

Generally speaking, netiquette demands that threads remain on topic or closely related and off-topic issues that come up be moved to a new thread.

Now, I have tried to keep each of my posts in reply to you within the topic of "why" as this thread began -- I've done that because that's why people click on this thread heading to read it -- they too wonder "why"

So, here's another "why" possibilty for you...

Couples don't invite single men into their bedroom because some single men can't have a conversation and remain on topic. They let their mind run from her to there and back again. This would imply then that they won't be able to stay focused on a couple+single relationship either. It would appear too that single men tend to use "I" with the frequency that couples use "WE" -- many couples have developed a relationship over time that has created not a 1+1 is 2 people but instead 1+1= 1 couple. That is an idea that many single folk can't clearly understand.

[RnLinohio]

quote:


Couples don't invite single men into their bedroom because some single men can't have a conversation and remain on topic. They let their mind run from her to there and back again. This would imply then that they won't be able to stay focused on a couple+single relationship either. It would appear too that single men tend to use "I" with the frequency that couples use "WE" -- many couples have developed a relationship over time that has created not a 1+1 is 2 people but instead 1+1= 1 couple. That is an idea that many single folk can't clearly understand.


I think after reading this thread, I like this reason the best of all.





R

[EternallySingle]

I made one comment about one statement that I hear all the time in real life, and not just concerning swinging either, and state my opinion about it. That statement itself offends me.

I don't have a problem with couples or women who won't swing with a single man, or even with me in particular. It was one statement that I was debating. Nothing else.

Again, I am sooooooooo sorry for upsetting you all. I guess somethings still are able to set me on edge. More meditation (or stronger drinks) are needed.

[Roxysbayou]

First let me just say that I know that I said that I wasn't going to post anymore, but I was asked to view this thread by another member (not John) and tell what I think. And since many feel that my niceness was hurting the board.. no more Mrs. Nice girl.

Originally posted by BettyAnnMBSC
So, now we've attacked OhioCouple too because there was an opinion posted as to why couples don't invite single men and it seems at least one single guy didn't like what he heard. Is it true here then that the single guys can express freely whatever opinion they want but that couples are not allowed the same privilege without the single guys saying they'll take their toys and go home.

Single men can freely address any issue here as well as couples. If one person didn't like what he heard, and it was not just an opinion, it was also derogatory remarks, then he has every right to stand up for what he feels to be correct. The overall tone of this board lately in case you missed it, (and it shows in your next paragraph) is that singles guys cannot freely express thier feelings here because everyone feels that he may some how offend a couple.

Let's grow up a touch dear friend -- this discussion is about why couples don't invite single men into their bedroom -- it's NOT about whether single men should be posting to this board. It's a response to a simple question and one which no single guy is qualified to answer - except possibly by way of observation -- in as much as no single guy is the intended respondent to "why do couples..."

If the intent of this question was for no single guys to answer then why was it posted in the Swinging Single section of the board? Furthermore, several of the "single" men who did respond have had long term swinging careers as a couple and are only recently single. Therefore they have seen the best and worst of both worlds and are probably more "qualified" to answer this thread than you are.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe its not all single guys. Just maybe its your attitude and approach that makes single guys behave the way that they do?

Roxy

[jen]

And since many feel that my niceness was hurting the board.. no more Mrs. Nice girl.

Roxy,

People consider your words hurtful to this board...ouch.

My words are gone. Wow.

I can say that I am glad that the person who asked you to view this thread, asked you, and that you did respond.

I hope that you stay in your very nice way.

[M&B]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I have personally seen men of all age groups (even up into their 80's) that have a lack of respect and are just looking to score.

I have a great deal of respect for women.

Haven't scored in months, though.

[Perseus]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I have personally seen men of all age groups (even up into their 80's) that have a lack of respect and are just looking to score.

Jeeze, why do I feel like Bob here.... Girls don't want to score? Guys are jerks because they do? If guys (or girls) didn't wanna score, you would have those wonderful weddings and babbies. Am I really that wrong? Or am I just another jerk guy.

Perseus

P.S. Yes, I know what you are realy saying, but it is so frustrating to read the 'party line' over and over when everyone knows the score. Hell there would be no swinging if girls didn't get into sex on some level...

Ahhhh...........

I feel beter now...

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Having said all that, even though this is a thread about 'single men', I can also say that I have met many single women through my work environment in which the single men can't hold a candle to the sleaziness that they can portray.

M&B and Perseus.... did ya'll miss this paragraph which was included in the same post that you quoted and responded to? Did I not spell it out well enough?

Let me do so now, in easier terms to understand.

Women can be just as sleazy as the men that are merely looking for a piece of ass. I base this on years of observation from my working environment. Women can also be older than the boonies and still think that every man wants them. Ya wanna hear a good story, well then ask me some time about Cloris Leachman. No one is exempt from being sleazy. (And of course I am speaking of my defintion of sleazy which begins with lack of self respect and those around you.) That is just one of DOZENS that I could relay about women and how they can be disrespectful.

Trust me, women want to get laid just as much as men do.

My comments that you both referred to was in reference to this statement posted by alabamafuntonigh

Most of the obnoxious single men I think people are talking about fit into an age difference category. Young horny men that want to score. If you weed those out the other men would all look like saints?

[jen]

Even tho I have posts within this thread, I hadn't read enough of it to realize.

Well, now I have read way more then I like.

I am sad to see people who communicate so well, do so without realy communicating.

It is obvious that this is a heartfelt topic.

Within this thread are some strong minds with strong opinions. Clashing happens, disagreements happen.

To think that any of the people whose opinions I come here to hear, might go away and not come back over a disagreement is scarey.

Disagreeing is good. Losing friendships over disagreements isn't.

[BettyAnnMBSC]

Single men can freely address any issue here as well as couples. If one person didn't like what he heard, and it was not just an opinion, it was also derogatory remarks, then he has every right to stand up for what he feels to be correct.

While slightly out of context against what I had earlier written -- that was not the point of my post at all. The point of my post was that the thread was heading into the "if I don't agree with the opinion that you've stated, then I'll just leave, I needn't need understand where you're coming from". Of course everyone should state their opinion when a question begins with "why" or "why not" -- single, married, divorced, widowed, etc... But, we needn't jump to the immediate conclusion that any derogatory opinion stated about a generalization is intended for the the specific individual.

The question was though a general question and not specific -- therefor the answer must be general and not specific as well. When discussing a topic of a general nature, we must then consider issues like "most" "many" and "some" -- and not the "occasional" "few" or "one". It wasn't asked "why don't couples invite John Doe?" but instead, why don't couples invite single men - in general.

That said, some of the reasons why couples don't invite single men were presented here by many posting with well reasoned process. Factual and annecdotal evidence was provided as well. And yet, some readers took offense to the generalizations presented (as did I when bi-sexuality of women was generalized by Bob). Taking a discussion topic of opinion into an argument of personality is not only uneccesary but also counter-productive.

The bottom line then is this: do we wish to understand the "why" here in this thread or do we wish to argue that the generalizations presented don't apply to all single men? These are not mutually exclusive ideas but they are contradictory.

There remains a stated fact that most clubs and many couples do not invite single men to play -- it's not important at this point in debate whether "single" be distinguished from the recently single or the terminally single -- only that most clubs and many couples do not invite single men to play. It's not even a discussion of is it fair? this is a discussion of the base process.

So, maybe we need to redirect the debate to that assumption. The original post asked a "why not" question based on that single assumption. Now I ask, is that assumption true? Do most clubs and couples invite single men to play?

This is not a discussion of whether I or anyone else likes single men -- if you read my posts, you will find that the MFM and MMF is exactly our idea of swinging fun. We are one of those couples that requires a single male! That said, we also understand than many couples do not play MFM/MMF but only FMF and MFMF. This does not make them anti-male.

So again, do we want to understand why most clubs and many couples do not invite single men to play or do we want to discuss why some men are not as bad as other single men you meet --- these two discussions are NOT the same!

Of course, we could discuss too whether each of us is a nice/sexy/friendly/smart/wealthy person -- but that's not answering the question either.

Maybe we should just have a threaded chat here with no regard to the thread topic at all.......


Betty Ann

[alabamafuntonig]

I must say passion and vigor Mrs. O.
I guess my point I was trying to convey (without backpedaling)
Is that there is a larger segment of the single male population (and females if you will)
That have no respect to start with. Threw out the course of any ones lifetime they can recall all sorts of people that were just rude. Im making a blanket statement in general. I believe age and wisdom play a major factor in a single mans persona to a swinger couple.

Case in point: Would you swing with Harrison ford or kid rock if they were single?