No single males? Why not??

[VegasLee]

Many moons ago when I was single I never felt treated as "second class."

I guess it is all in the attitude and manners of the person.

I will admit there are some couples that treat some of the singles at the club as second class, some of the guys deserve it and some of the couples have no class so it seems to work out pretty well.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

some of the guys deserve it and some of the couples have no class so it seems to work out pretty well.

A better example of karma I have never seen...



Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I think the point was those that do have a gf of some kind are not willing to swing with her and wouldn't be comfortable with his gf as a swinger.

Personally my bias is that if I were single the only reason I'd think about going to a club or the like would be if I was utterly desperate for sex. Otherwise I'd be happily in the vanilla world where I don't have to worry about being thought of as 'second class'. I really question the motives of a male in these situations.

A problem I see over and over is some of the husbands thinking that all single men think like them. Because of so many disparaging remarks against SM I sometimes feel like just quitting swing, but I always come back to it. But, I certainly don't feel I fit the "asshole SM" label so I remember it's their problem. Anyway, just because someone knows they would be a jerk if single again (and anybody can be one heartbeat/phone call/email away from it for many reasons) they shouldn't label every SM with that attitude.


I've broke up with a couple of good girlfriends because they didn't want to swing. I wouldn't swing without them, being in a relationship with them, so it was either decide on a life without group sex or break up. Maybe it was stupid of me to break up with them over that. I still sometimes question those decisions. Maybe next time, I'll give it more time or meet someone that's more important to me than swinging. And, yes I have thought about the fact that someone I marry should be more important to me than swinging. I just haven't met them yet, this time around.


As far as the comment about SM going to swingers club only if desperate for sex made me laugh and is the reason I quoted you, Chiccup. I hear if you have any mojo at all you have a much, much better chances of hooking up at a vanilla club or even the supermarket than a swingers club. Your chances of group sex, now that's a different ball game all together. I've been "picked up" by swinger couples in vanilla bars a few times. So, maybe the chances are better at vanilla clubs than swinger clubs. I don't know, I've only been to a swingers club once so I don't think I have enough personal experience there to give a personal opinion on it. I do know I've had much more group sex with swingers than with vanilla people.

I know many couples don't play with SM, I respect that. It doesn't mean I should say disparaging things about those couples. We're just into different things. No harm, no foul, hope they find what they are looking for and I wish them health, wealth, and happiness. If you're not into playing with SM, fine. But why would you go out of your way at every opportunity as some people do to disrespect and name call ALL SM. If an individual is a jerk call them on it but good grief, why use such a broad brush unless you're dealing with some of your own issues by doing so. One thing I have noticed on the board also is just as there are some couples who seem to have problems with all single males, some couples state they've never had a problem with single males. The majority have had a problem with some single males as a majority have had a problem with some couples. But, nobody is going to say ALL couples are jerks/crazy/problems whatever because.......they are part of a couple themselves and if they said ALL that would include them and that can't be right, can it? If a couple finds EVERY single man they meet to be a jerk, I hope I never meet them.



The motives of a single man in the lifestyle? Likes group sex, thinks the woman is hot and doesn't mind group sex, friends with the couple and helps them live out a fantasy while living one of his own without trying to backdoor the guy, break up the couple etc. etc. There are many many reasons for it, but I don't think easy sex is any of them. There are many reasons for a couple to want or not want to include a SM in their swinging and everybody's desires, needs, wants, wishes should be respected by all.

I think what often causes so much dislike, misunderstandings, and/or strong feelings in and out of swinging is a perception of lack of respect by someone.
If someone says all SM are jerks and a SM male replys that all couples who don't want to play with SM are jerks then everybody is pissed and nothing is accomplished and everybody feels disrespected and mad. If a couple says they don't play with SM because they just aren't into that and the SM says "cool". Then everybody ought to be happy.

I have friends in the lifestyle that do not play with SM. We're all cool with it. I see them at meetups, get togethers, partys, group trips etc. We talk about a lot of different subjects, share drinks, and bitch about having to fly under the radar as swingers because society as a rule doesn't accept us. I do not pressure them to play with me nor do they pressure the hosts to leave me out of the get togethers because we respect each as people and not just as the tags "swinging couple" or "single male".

If you can't show love, show respect. You might gain a friend and you might avoid a bad situation. I wish health, wealth, and happiness to everybody no matter what your kink might be.

I'm sure this could have been said better and probably has at some point, but I checked the board before turning in and saw this and had to comment. It's too late and I'm too tired to check for spelling much less edit it.

[crazycatz]

In my experience, 99% of the single males who make contact ARE the stereotypical arsehole! They have no understanding of the swinging lifestyle and are just horny ignoramuses looking to get laid.

Now having said that, there is that genuine 1% who really do understand and appreciate the lifestyle. And you can spot them a mile off! They fill out their profiles with thought, effort, and contact you in a respectful manner. Sadly...these men are few and far between...hence the reason why we all generally say no or bad things about single males!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by crazycatz

In my experience, 99% of the single males who make contact ARE the stereotypical arsehole! They have no understanding of the swinging lifestyle and are just horny ignoramuses looking to get laid.

Now having said that, there is that genuine 1% who really do understand and appreciate the lifestyle. And you can spot them a mile off! They fill out their profiles with thought, effort, and contact you in a respectful manner. Sadly...these men are few and far between...hence the reason why we all generally say no or bad things about single males!

i think that goes back to what was said in another thread about how the internet brings out the asshole in many. People can and will say anything when they are hiding behind a keyboard - things they would never in a million years say IRL. And 99% of those 99% that are assholes online wouldn't even show up if they were given the invitation. Why? Because they don't get it. They aren't swingers and they've never even tried to be beyond the replies to occasional personal ads or posts online.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

I would be very interested in where you get the idea that single men think the way you believe they think?

Single men, they are not married men, no wife to share and many of them do not have a girl friend or a girl friend in the lifestyle. Does not make them a hypocrite in any form or fashion.

Seems someone forgot the definition of "single."

MOst of the men who IM us are maried or have a G/F at home. Saying there "only interested in the women's pleasure" but leaving theirs home alone is what makes them hypocrites. Telling us that they know all about the rules of swinging (for single males) and that they totally respect "our" relationship but breaking the rules of their own is what makes them hypocrites. Just because they go to a club without their wives or G/F does not make them "single" (But their money spends just as well as everybody elses I guess)

Thats only MY feeling on the subject. YMMV

[VegasLee]

"MOst of the men who IM us are maried or have a G/F at home."


A married man is not a single man, a man with a live in girl friend is not a single man even if they don't have the paper to prove it. Those mostly are cheaters, not swingers.

Cheating me are not a good thing to judge single men by. Big difference. Judging men, or anyone by the way they act on the Internet is not really a good idea. People are not who they really are most of the time on the Internet. There are even people in these forums that I have met, if I had gone by "who" they are on the Internet I would say I would not want to meet them but once meeting them they are much different.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Most single men are just looking to get laid - I'll admit. And their head is screwed up from the word go. But some have it in the right place. Just talking to people openly can reveal their motivations.

We've been lucky.

And because of that I don't think that single men are "hypocrites" simply because they don't have a woman to share...

"Just" being single doesn't mean their also being hypocrites, otherwise we'd all be hypocrites at some time or another. Some of my best friends are single. And we DO talk to people online at at the club. But why is it that the single women we chat with usaully ARE "single," but the "single" men are almost always cheaters? If they are truely single, their the kinds of guys who will always be single. trying to "make nice" and chat with every one of them is like reading every piece of junk mail we get, and we just don't have enuf time or interest for that.

[curiousagain]

I don't think you would have to "make nice" just be nice. "Thanks but no thanks, we don't chat with SM" If the AH comes out in them block them. I've got quite a few couples and SFs blocked on SLS. Jerks and cheaters come in all guises. I don't argue with them, just tell them I am going to block them and then do it. No long drawn out drama and grinding of nerves that way. Kind of like closing the door on a door to door salesman. You say "no thanks" and close the door without slamming it. But, you close it. Which is more productive and less time consuming and wearing on your nerves, blocking AHs or complaining on a forum? But, then again an occasional vent might make some stop doing that, but since we seem to be discussing cheaters and not single males I doubt it will do much good. They're hardly playing by the rules anyway. As far as all SF usually being single on swinger sites or vanilla sites or the bar or the grocery store for that matter. Thanks, I needed a good laugh. Someone said on here once that as long as they had a face pic up they weren't cheaters. Well, not in my world. But, those are long stories and my time is short right now.

[twohots4u2]

Guess we have been lucky. The single males that we have played with were real princes. They were not pushy, respectful, and worked with Bob to make it a great event. BUT, we screened them very carefully.

Anytime read a single male's profile or receive a message from one, we turn on the BS meter and look for any of the indicators that he is not the type of person we enjoy. Married guys looking to get some on the side are out. Guys who come on strong as the saviour of all women are out. Guys with just dick photos are out. Any reference the to word "cockold" gets the guy canned. Any indication of arrogance is fatal. And the list goes on.

The bottom line is that to be successful, a single guy has to realize that he is being invited to join a couple in the most intimate way and that is the ultimate privilege. He has to be attractive (physically, intellectually, and sexually) to the wife, and a non-threat to the husband. His job, should he be invited, is to help the husband give the wife all the pleasure she desires, nothing more, nothing less.

Perhaps the above should be part of the introduction any single guy has to read and agree to before he is allowed to join a swing web site.

So now do you understand? We are not against single guys on the swing sites. We just want the right type of single guys.

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by Sico_tiko

Am not talking mainly about what i like and what i dislike am just saying that not all of singles are rude or caring only about therselves, alot of them are very respectable and could satisfy a woman better 100 times than a married male

Well, that helps the cause.

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by bunny2

I've seen a LOT of places that put great restrictions on the number of single males that can attend, plus a lot of personals that say "no single males, please". What is the problem with single males?

This tread has certainly branched off into many different directions, but we will try to simplify things by giving a direct answer to the original poster's questions (although he's likely no longer around to see them).

Regarding the restrictions on the attendance of single males, that is a supply and demand issue. Far more single men want to participate in this activity than there are couples and single women to accommodate them, so the restrictions are necessary to maintain a reasonable gender balance.

There is no single reason why so many personals say, "no single males." You might receive five different answers if you asked five different couples why they don't want single men. It's not that there is a "problem" with single men; it's just a personal preference on the part of those couples, so don't let it bruise your ego. Just appreciate the fact that they saved you from wasting your time contacting them.

[BCinIN]

The "internet brings out the asshole in many" point reminded me of something funny. There has been one (thankfully only one) SM we've had a problem with. This was on SLS, which recently added some sort of chat feature we never use. One day, browsing the profiles, a window pops up and says "'suchandsuchSM' wants to chat, will you accept?" I clicked "yes" and the following ensued.

SM: hey how r u i have big dik

Me: Uh huh.

SM: i hav big dik pleez ur women good

Me: All of them? That's funny, I didn't know I had more than one womAn. Well, I did come home drunk that one night and saw two in my bed side by side, but they both looked suspiciously like my wife.

SM: wut wrong wit u?

Me: I seem to be having a problem satisfying all of my many women, apparently, and desperately need YOUR help...does that about sum it up?

SM: y u hab many woman and cant pleez?

Me: Well, according to my recently hired internet psychologist/problem solver...actually I'm not quite sure. What is your expert opinion on this conundrum, doctor?

SM: u r a dik bye
(end transmission)

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by BCinIN

The "internet brings out the asshole in many" point reminded me of something funny. There has been one (thankfully only one) SM we've had a problem with. This was on SLS, which recently added some sort of chat feature we never use. One day, browsing the profiles, a window pops up and says "'suchandsuchSM' wants to chat, will you accept?" I clicked "yes" and the following ensued.

SM: hey how r u i have big dik

Me: Uh huh.

SM: i hav big dik pleez ur women good

Me: All of them? That's funny, I didn't know I had more than one womAn. Well, I did come home drunk that one night and saw two in my bed side by side, but they both looked suspiciously like my wife.

SM: wut wrong wit u?

Me: I seem to be having a problem satisfying all of my many women, apparently, and desperately need YOUR help...does that about sum it up?

SM: y u hab many woman and cant pleez?

Me: Well, according to my recently hired internet psychologist/problem solver...actually I'm not quite sure. What is your expert opinion on this conundrum, doctor?

SM: u r a dik bye
(end transmission)

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

Oh, that's so wrong! Sounds like something I would do......

Pepper

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by BCinIN

SM: u r a dik bye
(end transmission)

Needless to say, I immediately vowed to always accept chat invitations in the future--I mean this is the sort of entertainment you just don't get anywhere else, you know?

rotflmao....no kidding!

At least be able to spell dick when you are calling a person one...

We aren't currently looking for SM to play with and as such it is stated in our profile. Do we get messages from them? From time to time. And I always politely respond that we are not currently looking to add a SM. If I like their profile, then I will add that we will keep them in mind if that ever changes.



Maria