No single males? Why not??

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by Percy

Hello all. I am a single male. I have only had a few swinging experiences, and they have all been recent. Now to the last post before mine. I have slept with over 100 women, so to your response saying that we can't get laid I find that offensive. Also I do see your point because I have met a lot of guys that way. My only question is why is everyone so quick to shut us down or ignore us instead of getting to know us?

Because most of us swingers are in this together as a couple wanting to share this with another couple. Nothing wrong with an MFM but its not the primary 'type' of swinging. Add to the fact that there is a seemingly unlimited supply of single men, many of which don't understand swinging at all and you should be able to see why you are mostly unwanted.

Its nothing against you, but if we are at a party we only have so much time, and we are there to play. We don't want to play with a single male so we will spend our limited time getting to know couples who we may play with.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Percy

My only question is why is everyone so quick to shut us down or ignore us instead of getting to know us?

Not everyone is ....there are NUMEROUS, NUMEROUS couples who enjoy single men greatly and it is their primary way of playing. More so than most people think.

The single men who understand about swinging and what couples are looking for are in HIGH demand .

The best advice we can give any single man is to only contact those couples who are interested in singles. Once you are in good with one couple, the word does get around to other couples who are also looking for good single men. And on the same note, if you're a disrespectful jerk this too also gets around. (Same can be said for couples as well).

Teresa

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Percy

My only question is why is everyone so quick to shut us down or ignore us instead of getting to know us?

When a woman goes to a yahoo chat room - especially a sex chat room - she is immediately inundated with:

• "HI!"

• "asl plz"

• "Daddy's home"

• "Wanna be my slut?"

• etc.

In the lifestyle, a couple can get buried with e-mail from single guys - and just like a hundred IM windows popping up all over the place, the e-mail can be overwhelming. So many single men, as Chicup said, simply don't understand the lifestyle. And when you sign in to SLS and have a half dozen messages, you have to make some snap decisions - it is simply impractical to give everyone equal time.

I am sure that we have missed out on some great guys because they got buried in the volume of things. But, I am also sure that our ratio is probably high in that we have avoided some real creeps.

At the club, it just depends on what the couple is looking for. Some go looking for single men - and they may find one, they may be disappointed in the crowd. The majority are probably looking for couples. Single men don't always know who is looking for what, so I can imagine things get frustrating.

Spoomonkey

[EternallySingle]

Yes, Spoo, it does get frustrating. You know what is the most frustrating? Not knowing when the right time is to write someone. I have a rule. One email, then its in your court. If I get instantly deleted because the couple that says they are looking for single men has found two or three and isn't looking for more...oh, well. If I get instantly deleted because the couple that says they are looking for single men gets 100 the day they post that profile and I'm number 99 to write them...oh, well. If someone reads my email and still hasn't responded six months later...oh, well.

I don't have time to worry about those things. I'll talk about them. Sometimes I'll complain about it (LOL), but generally, when it comes to hooking up, I only put REAL time and energy into impressing single women. Couples, while they can be fun and good friends, really don't offer anything long term for a single man OR single woman, so why would a single do anything except be polite, funny, and truthful when contacting a couple? Seriously, I understand the "No Single Men" thing. For a while I had a "No Couples, only single women not afraid of a new swing partner" thing on a site. I actually met two women. We never played together, but one I still meet with when we both happen to be relationship challenged at the same time. I did get blasted for that profile, even though there were many single women on that site that said they only wanted to meet single men in hopes of finding someone to do things with as a couple. But it was what I was looking for and only what I was interested in at the time. Now, six years later, I'm willing to meet couples. I'm even willing to write one or two first. But I'm not looking for couples. They are not what I consider a long term investment.

I like to swing because it was fun way back when I was part of a couple, and I had some good experiences when I was single. But I was in a different part of the country, where people had a slightly different view on life, and I had an edge: I was the bed buddy of one half of a female-female couple, and she introduced me to two more of their female firends and several couples they would swing with.

That situation was one I got into due to PURE LUCK! I was in the right place at the right time. Sure, I said and did all the right things, but that really didn't matter that much. (Single guys you really need to pay attention to this) Being the perfect gentleman means nothing if noone is interested when you meet them or write to them. No matter what they say in a profile, when a couple (and especially a single woman on a swing site) is interested in meeting someone, most are going to choose the last guy that contacted them and meets their criteria, not the first. Not unless they met that guy IN REAL LIFE! So unless you are fortunate enough to be able to attend a swing club regularly, your chances of meeting someone to swing with is very low. So don't sweat it. Read profiles, join in the chatrooms, write in the forums, and try to say something that will catch their eye in a good way.

Sure, there is a lot to be frustrated about. Yes, there are valid reasons to complain, but thats life. I had a great time today looking for someone that could help me learn proper vacuum forming techniques, which I will need to make some extra money selling custom joysticks. I also wandered into an adult bookstore and had my butt pinched by a woman buying a dildo.

At least I hope it was a woman. She had breasts. Then again, she was with another woman. I tried to say hi, but she just smiled and whispered something to the other woman, who laughed.

Dang, I hope at least one of them was a woman

It was a fun day, anyway. Thats whats important. Thats ALL thats important. Have fun today, and don't worry about who doesn't want to play with you. You might miss out on meeting someone who does.

[NVFun]

We enjoy playing with couples AND singles. And we really enjoy and TREASURE, those single guys (and couples) that are on our "regulars" list. There are just some things in our sexual repetoire that require more than one cock to accomplish. (And NO, toys aren't a satisfactory substitute to us.)

Having said that, we DO understand and share the distaste that many couples have for the all-too-common, aggressive, egocentric, single male jerk that we have all collided with at one time or another.

As an earlier post said, "I hear way too many -- "if your husband can't satisfy you then I can" and "can't we get together alone?"from single guys."

All of our regular guys understand that we are interested in FUN. We are not involved in this hobby in order to repair something that is "broken" in our relationship. It's just that we are lucky enough to have no insecurities about our relationship and that allows us to enjoy light-hearted sex with single guys.

So, short answer - some egotistical bad-apples are making it hard on ALL of the single guys out there - but that's the way the world works....

Mr. NVFun

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by EternallySingle

...generally, when it comes to hooking up, I only put REAL time and energy into impressing single women. Couples, while they can be fun and good friends, really don't offer anything long term for a single man...

If you're talking about "romantically" or somebody to snuggle with on a cold night, that's true. But you can't discount the fact that couples, esp the female half of most couples, know a lot of single women. Some of the best 1-on-1 experiences I've had have come about from introductions made by lifestyle friends.

I like to swing because it was fun way back when I was part of a couple

The key word is "was." When I lived in Hawaii, surfing WAS fun...snorkeling WAS fun. When I was part of a couple, swinging WAS fun. Now, the thought of not being able to cuddle, or fall asleep with a person I've just made love...errr..."had sex" with, leaves me a little turned-off. I feel the same way about snorkeling in the Ohio river.

I enjoy sex...the before, the middle, and the after. Maybe I'm a little sensitized by the fact that I'm not in a romantic relationship at the present time, but swinging sex was always, for me, a compromise at best. There was very little "before" or "after" to it. It was mostly just "middle," and even that came with restrictions. It's not that it was bad sex, it just wasn't very good sex. At least, not compared to a 1-on-1 with my wife (then) or a single woman (now).

I'm enjoying the single life...so much so that it's hard for me to imagine being in a committed relationship again. But if I am, swinging will be a regular part of it, just as it was before.

I also wandered into an adult bookstore and had my butt pinched by a woman buying a dildo. At least I hope it was a woman.

Were they pretty? Women don't usually dress up to go to porn shops, because they don't want to be noticed. And how big was the dildo? "Real" women usually buy cute, "girlie" dildos. Trannie's and fags generally buy the biggest, nastiest looking thing they can shove up their ass. The reason is that although they may grow tits, they never outgrow the "bigger is better" philosophy we men are born with. How many guys do you know who've had dick-reduction surgery?

Dude, this is the kind of shit you need to know if you're going to hang around porn shops and the fringes of society, LOL!

It was a fun day, anyway. Thats whats important. Thats ALL thats important. Have fun today, and don't worry about who doesn't want to play with you. You might miss out on meeting someone who does.

That may be the single most important piece of advice that's EVER been offered on this board, to singles OR couples. This should be fun. If it's not, or if you're working too hard or worrying too much about connecting with somebody, step back and take another look at your options. Chances are, somebody's been trying to get your attention and you've been too busy or preoccupied to notice.

"On a clear day, rise and look around you
and you'll see who you are"
Robert Goulet

"Places to go, things to see, people to sniff"
Big Dog

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by JnCC

If you're talking about "romantically" or somebody to snuggle with on a cold night, that's true. But you can't discount the fact that couples, esp the female half of most couples, know a lot of single women. Some of the best 1-on-1 experiences I've had have come about from introductions made by lifestyle friends.

I can believe that. Most of the single women I've met outside of swinging were introduced to me by a couple, usually the wife. But when it comes to couples, I meet them, I laugh and talk with them, I hang out with them, but I don't try to go further than being friends...because it won't go any further than being friends. Even with couples that swing. Even if the husband said 1-on-1 was okay, I would never let anything resembling an exclusive relationship develop. To me, someone that would leave their partner for me would leave me for someone else. I wouldn't be able to trust them.

The key word is "was." When I lived in Hawaii, surfing WAS fun...snorkeling WAS fun. When I was part of a couple, swinging WAS fun. Now, the thought of not being able to cuddle, or fall asleep with a person I've just made love...errr..."had sex" with, leaves me a little turned-off. I feel the same way about snorkeling in the Ohio river.

I totally relate to that. Ever drove halfway across the state, had a great dinner with a couple, two hours of great sex, then had to spend the rest of the night alone? I'm not saying its bad, but its not as good as actually sleeping with the person you just had sex with. No matter how fun it was, something feels like its missing. Again, couples are good for the friendship and sex part, but it won't go any further than sex, and that makes it a little less appealing. Especially since with the same amount of effort I can meet someone single face to face and she'll usually want to spend the night together (or at least until I fall asleep, then leave to avoid the awkward morning after conversation).

I enjoy sex...the before, the middle, and the after. Maybe I'm a little sensitized by the fact that I'm not in a romantic relationship at the present time, but swinging sex was always, for me, a compromise at best. There was very little "before" or "after" to it. It was mostly just "middle," and even that came with restrictions. It's not that it was bad sex, it just wasn't very good sex. At least, not compared to a 1-on-1 with my wife (then) or a single woman (now).

I'm enjoying the single life...so much so that it's hard for me to imagine being in a committed relationship again. But if I am, swinging will be a regular part of it, just as it was before.

I can't really say that I'm enjoying the single life. I'm enjoying my life, but sometimes friends and family aren't enough to talk to. While I'm not LOOKING for a romantic partner, I do enjoy meeting potential romantic partners and seeing where things can go. Again, couples don't offer that, and you usually have to know a couple a rather long time before they know you well enough to suggest somebody that will actually be compatible with you (or at least not get on your nerves all the time).

Were they pretty? Women don't usually dress up to go to porn shops, because they don't want to be noticed. And how big was the dildo? "Real" women usually buy cute, "girlie" dildos. Trannie's and fags generally buy the biggest, nastiest looking thing they can shove up their ass. The reason is that although they may grow tits, they never outgrow the "bigger is better" philosophy we men are born with. How many guys do you know who've had dick-reduction surgery?

Dude, this is the kind of shit you need to know if you're going to hang around porn shops and the fringes of society, LOL!

Well, they were both a little butch, but the one that didn't pinch me bought a slightly smaller than normal dildo that looked more like a piece of art, and the other woman kept picking up different vibrating ben-wa balls, then glancing at different men. Maybe I shouldn't have bent over to check out Michigan Connections magazine. Thats when I got pinched.

That may be the single most important piece of advice that's EVER been offered on this board, to singles OR couples. This should be fun. If it's not, or if you're working too hard or worrying too much about connecting with somebody, step back and take another look at your options. Chances are, somebody's been trying to get your attention and you've been too busy or preoccupied to notice.

"On a clear day, rise and look around you
and you'll see who you are"
Robert Goulet

"Places to go, things to see, people to sniff"
Big Dog

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. And nobody wants to know someone thats always wrong.

[Tat2]

I am a single guy and although I am new to this site I have been a member of another adult site for 4 years and always as a single guy. I was told recently by two different couples that I am different from most single guys. When I asked why I was told because I am nice and because I do not just "offer my services" If you treat it with the same respect as you would in your normal life you will receive a similar degree of good and bad responses from people.
True to say that many couples are only interested in other couples. However there are also alot of couples out there that are interested in single males. LMAO I have the pics to prove it but you will never see them!!!
As a single male I feel quite confident that I will continue to meet people in the lifestyle and that I will continue to have fun. The secret is to have fun and expect nothing.
Not sure who I am writing this to in particular but I hope it might help someone who is down about being a single and thinking they are wasting their time. If you treat people the wrong way then you are wasting your time. If you treat people right, the right people will find you.
Just my thoughts on the matter.

[SluttyWife]

Originally Posted by Tat2

I am a single guy and although I am new to this site I have been a member of another adult site for 4 years and always as a single guy. I was told recently by two different couples that I am different from most single guys. When I asked why I was told because I am nice and because I do not just "offer my services" If you treat it with the same respect as you would in your normal life you will receive a similar degree of good and bad responses from people.
True to say that many couples are only interested in other couples. However there are also alot of couples out there that are interested in single males.

Agree!
It's a matter of looking in all the right places.
Searching for couples actually seeking single male experiences
firsthand. I've seen one altogether different approach lately and that is
meeting couples online and getting a correspondence going there and following that up with a meeting in the non-threatening atmosphere
of a swing club. Quite an effective approach IMHO.

And yes...the golden rule of "niceties" and keeping "pleasantries" going
should always be followed..couple or single.



Slutty Wife

[Tat2]

SluttyWife thank you. I am glad that it is not all in my head. When you think you are headed in the right direction it always helps to see a sign that confirms it.
Here's to all the singles and all that love 'em!
Tat.

[magnum]

Originally Posted by BettyAnnMBSC

In my experience, single men generally don't understand what's really happening here.

I hear way too many -- "if your husband can't satisfy you then I can" and "can't we get together alone?"from single guys. I also have a problem interacting with many single guys -- a single (never married guy) just never seems to understand that paying the rent or washing clothes or cooking dinner or cleaning house are really important.

Sometimes, I find that single guys are way too pushy -- it's all about sex now! and rarely about well what do you like? -- the number of "hey wanna f**k" I get from single guys I never saw before is astounding -- what makes a single guy think I'm a total slut or whore just because my husband and I share this lifestyle?

The simple matter is, we are into sharing -- this is not about get what you can -- now, I do understand that there are many women who are after 1:1 time and a single guy is an acceptable choice -- except that many husbands/SOs prefer that we women not get involved with single guys, to much chance of emotional attachments forming on his part. That love word comes up with single guys too often.

Sometimes we just wonder "if you're such a great guy, why don't you have a wife or girlfriend" and if you have a wife or girlfriend but are playing alone then you are cheating and most of us don't like that attribute in a mans character.

I am not "looking for love" and for the most part, no guy is gonna show me anything I've not seen before. I'm not "a lonely housewife" or a "horny slut". But that seems to be the mentality of most single guys looking for playmates. My husband doesn't fail to satisfy me and your pecker probably really isn't "10 inches long and thick as a beer bottle" and if it is then please leave it in your pants around me. 10" is the distance from my elbow to wrist!

If you want to have a chance with a couple then there are some things single men must do:
* read about the lifestyle and begin to understand what it is really about.
* never ever ever treat her like a whore or slut unless that is what she wants.
* never ever ever assume that you're "the best lover ever" -- you're a different lover who'se been invited to share. That's all!
* she probably isn't interested in falling in love with you and living happily ever after.
* if you're a homophobe then there is likely to be a problem -- when playing with couples, sometimes the husband will see your penis and you will see his sometimes, they will even bump into each other....

Just a few of my thoughts -- looking forward to reading those of others.

I have replied to this thread a few times...Sorry to hear that you have had such bad experiences with single men...We are not all bad...Maybe you should go to clubs that allow single men and talk to them more before you deciede to play with them.

I for one am not looking to beark up your marriage or anyone else's for that matter, I am not looking to fall in love with you either, I am hoping to develop a freindship though, it makes for a more comfortable, understanding, fun play time.

I have never thought of the wife or a single female as a slut or whore, I see them as women that are secure and open minded enough to pursure her fantasy's and explore her sexuality.

I have been single on and off since I have been swinging, not all women are into the life style, which is fine.

I must admit, I did have a concern "when I first got into the life style" about having another cock, let alone a hard cock that close to mine, I am waaaay over that now. We "the couple I play with" did a doudle pussy penetration the last time we played, matter of fact.

Any how, didn't mean to ramble on, but I felt I had to say something. Happy swinging.

Cheers Magnum

[Tat2]

SluttyWife after reading your comments above I decided to check out your profile on SLS. Very interesting and very eloquent. Nice tasteful pics too. I wanted to send you mail there but as a free member that is not possible. I wish you all the luck in the world finding your femme fatale. Feel free to contact me anytime.
Many regards,
Tat.

[HotMoCpl]

I would prefer a guy cheating on his wife before a single male. I've been a single male and know how most of them think. I said..."MOST", not ALL. Knowing myself is reason enough. Find a woman that wants to get laid and then you try to fall in love. WRONG!

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

I would prefer a guy cheating on his wife before a single male.

Interesting...because of the few offers I've had to "play without the wife," most came when I was still married, as our Swappernet profile clearly indicated.

I've been a single male and know how most of them think. I said..."MOST", not ALL.

Hmmmm...so how DO we think? I'm not asking the question in a pejoritive way...there is no 'wrong" answer. I'm just curious as to how we're perceived by married couples in this regard. Of course, I have my own ideas, having been married myself. But I'd be interested in hearing yours.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

I would prefer a guy cheating on his wife before a single male.

Really?

With a single guy, you can get to know him and try to figure out his motives... We have met a couple of great guys - and I am not the least bit worried that they'll try to (or be able to) steal my wife.

A married guy - cheating - he has a wife. I've said it before, and it bears repeating, I won't be a part of one person hurting another. If a guy/gal is a cheater, they are on their own - but not to worry, there are plenty of people who could care less, so they'll hook up eventually... Just not with us.

Call it judgemental - call it whatever - but a person who will cheat isn't the type of person we'd want anything to do with. We put far too high a value on marriage.

Spoomonkey