No single males? Why not??

[dirtwr04]

Curious Again,

I'm not sure what you are talking about re: new ID vs. real one, I am new to this site and fairly new to the lifestyle. Please do not mistake my observations and preferrences about clubs to be complaints. The clubs have provided me a place to explore myself and my girl and our relationship in ways we couldn't comprehend. I think some of them are really great. Even the ones that allow single guys.

My post was not meant to offend just voice and opinion based on circumstances we've had. The last club I went to I met a guy who wanted to get with my GF. The s.guy seemed decent and we appreciated his approach even though he didn't fit her desires, after all, we are all there for some variation of the same reason.

I know perfectly well that 1) assholes come in all statuses, 2) we are or were all single at some time and 3) there are a higher number per capita of single guys who can't seem to behave. For us, it is not worth it to go where their are a lot of single guys - don't get me wrong, couples don't do it for my GF either, but we have had a lot of good experiences talking with them, and being around them and my girl has never been literally scared of them the way she has been when single guys sit down next to us, get two inches from her, whip out their dick and try to stroke off on top of her in a circle (not to say a girl, or attached male/couple can't do something to scare her or turn her stomache, just that it hasn't happened and we believe it won't happen at least not frequently) which we can't say the same for single guys. Some single guys appear to be normal, but their seems to us to be a disproportionate number of guys who appear to be sick - they tends to have a glassy eyed stare as they are jerking off two inches from a girl's face like if they just stick it in her mouth she WILL want to suck them off because they are such studs - there are a lot of behaviors that single guys at clubs do that border on sexual assault which gives decent single guys a bad name. When a girl (or anyone for that matter) is sexually assaulted or harrassed they feel violated and it really screws up the mood. Most girls who go to these clubs have a higher degree of sexual openness and don't have a lot of the sexual hang ups common in mainstream society. That doesn't mean they want to suck off everyone in the club. Most of these girls are very confident and have no qualms about asking (or demanding ) what they want - if they wanted cum in their hair from four guys they'd simply say you, you, you and you come with me. They need to feel safe and secure and in control and choose who to "play" with and how far to take things, not be thrust upon.

Fact: Couples and single girls can make unwanted advances to the point of taking away control from the receipient/other girl/couple.
Fact: It doesn't happen nearly as often with couples and single girls as with single guys.
Fact: Some single guys will be lumped in with the bad apples who even if they don't outnumber decent single guys they appear to based on the severity and harshness of their bad behavior.

I don't know your personal preferences and I try to live and let live but consider going going to a club with a girl you really care about - it may open your eyes to a whole new world and you may see things from a woman's point of view regarding single guys. You will probably feel like you want her to feel sexually free what ever her preference and comfortable not subjected to a facial or gang bang. Sometimes as guys we tend to forget that we don't have to deal with being less physically powerful. How many guys do you know carry mace? How many girls? I think you'd agree they live with more fear than you or I. Single guys make the girls and by extention the guys they came with, uncomfortable at a rate many find unacceptable.

Someone before me said She is A, He is B the other guy is C. For me the other girl is C but you catch my drift. I'm sure not everyone subscribes to that formula but the experiences I've had with my girl and another girl were about us far more so than the other girl (not something I would have believe prior to experiencing it). From talking with other couples this sentiment is often shared. Yes we treat the girls we meet with respect and are attentive to their needs too but to be honest I can't remember what any of them look like even though they were a part of some of my most interesting experiences in my life. Prior to my enlightenment, I thought cool, I'd love to bang two chicks. It was all about my fantasy. After having my eyes opened, the fantasy is the physically the same but now it's all about her and to a slightly lesser extent all about us, but not so much about me. Don't get me wrong, it feels pretty cool to have 2 girls rocking your world, but it just can't compare to the feeling when that experience is with someone who loves you. It the feeling is so much more intense because of the degree of trust she places in me and it makes me humbled and feel honored. For myself and my GF, hooking up with single girls makes us feel like a team and brings us closer together. We get to experience something we both enjoy and at the end of the night, she feels good I am going home with her - our relationship stronger, I feel lucky to be in a relationship where I can be free to be me, how great is it to drive down the road and catch my girl looking at some hottie, or have her catch me looking and not neither of us feels threatened or jealous (it took me a little while to accept that she would be mad if I was selfish and didn't point out some hottie and didn't give her the opportunity to look too), nor do we have to lie or make excuses. We can just be happy knowing we think alike. Most girls I've been with would feel bad if they caught me looking at another. I'd feel bad for making them feel bad. There are a lot of power issues with sex and a lot of empowerment issues. Jealosy is definitely an "issue" magnifier in my book and something I'm glad I don't have to deal with. It allows me to get on with enjoying her and myself in way's I didn't think possible. Swinging requires a lot more trust in your better half than most people can stand, and is directly related to the likelihood swinging will enhance a relationship or destroy it on a one for one basis. If everyone trusted their make like successful swingers do, there'd be a lot more love and love making and the world would be a better place.

PS I like your tag line.
My favorite is.
Everything Affects Everything Else.

[midlvacpl]

We gave the single males a shot for a brief period. We received more than 300 dick pics the first week and a ton of "dump your husband and let me show you how a real man fucks!" We are into sharing and watching each other and, as one of the other responders put it, the single guy rarely brings anything to the table other than testosterone.

Just our $.02

[curiousagain]

Great post dirtwr04. Of course I am a little prejudiced, a lot of what you posted, I have posted in some form in the past.

I said the majority of single males in the lifestyle earn their reputation. I have several friends in the lifestyle and I am privey to their problems with single males as a whole. If I was part of a couple in the lifestyle I would do what many couples who do occasionally play with single males do and block them. They contact ones they are interested. It is just the easiest to do. A friend of mine read off some emails they had gotten in just one day and I was ready to hunt them down and make them apologize to his wife. Good grief where do these people come from!!

I have "filled out a foursome" for some friends on a few occasions. Either going with a single female or being invited by the couple who had also invited a single female. I've seen good and bad behavior from the males of the couples. I think just like some single guys think because they paid to get in a club or join a website they are entitled to whatever they want, some males in couples feel that way because "they brought a woman".

One reason I would be hesitant to go to a club even with a female friend/lover/wife whatever is because of scenarios you have described. Are these people retarded?? Don't they get thrown out or something?

You bring up a very very imortant point I have tried to get across to so many people. You have to put yourself in the woman's shoes. Here she is, she is the one that decides yes or no most of the time. It's her market so to speak. She is the less powerful physically. Why would she want someone without manners, or who smells bad or she is afraid might hurt her?? Besides, she isn't going to really enjoy herself unless she feels safe and doesn't have part of her attention taken by looking out for her safety. And, if she isn't going to enjoy herself, what's the use for either one of you? While I am on a soapbox why in the world would a male of a couple be ok with a single guy or couple if he thought it was even remotely putting the female in danger either physically or just in harrasement? I just don't understand people sometimes. I know and have met quite a few swinging women. Trust me, they will tell you what they want and if they want it from you, they'll let you know. There is absolutely no need to be the pursuer in a swinging situation. I know in the vanilla world that is our role but not in the swinging world. Maybe that's it, they just become super pursuers instead of changing gears and waiting. I don't know. I wish I had some advice or instructions or magic wand that would change it, but I don't. I have been accused of "not being interested" because I am so laid back and trying to make sure they know the ball is in their court. But, I would rather take a chance on that as take a chance that someone saw me as a jerk or worse yet a danger to them.

I might give a club a shot one day, but not just yet. I have been invited to go with some couples but not just yet.
Thanks again for a great post.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by tribbles

we just might have to try out his parties

Please consider it. I'm sure you would have loads of fun, even if you just visited with the other party goers and didn't play at all.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by SBcpl

We're pleased to take credit for having introduced Woody to this Board. And, based on our first hand experience, we can attest to the fact that he is every bit the gentleman who goes far out of his way to ensure that a lady's every desire is fulfilled.

~ A & B ~

I aim to please! facelick Thank's for the delightful recommendation A&B.

By the way, for those of you who haven't made the acquaintance of SBcpl, please say hello to them. They are wonderful! ! ! especially Mrs SBcpl.

[SBcpl]

In Post #131 at 04-17-2005, 06:14 PM—

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

I hope you will all remember that males are raised to be the pursuers. We are told to step up and offer ourselves to those females that we find attractive. ...

... Swinging is supposed to be primarily for the females. Us males get rewarded by first pleasing the woman we are with and then receiving her gifts in return.

In Post #168 at 04-21-2005, 11:59 AM—

Originally Posted by curiousagain

You have to put yourself in the woman's shoes. Here she is, she is the one that decides yes or no most of the time. It's her market so to speak. ...

... There is absolutely no need to be the pursuer in a swinging situation. I know in the vanilla world that is our role but not in the swinging world. Maybe that's it, they just become super pursuers instead of changing gears and waiting.

Oh, dear! It sounds like you two are in violent agreement. Is that allowed on this thread?

~ B ~

[slowluvr65]

I too would like to separate myself from the impatient, desperate, testosterone laced, horny guys. Slow is in my handle for a reason. I believe in making every hook up special. So far I have found I can be quite passionate about it--and when we are finally done, I can walk away. As Woody said, I aim to please--that is what I get off on.

I have my problems, I can articulate them in detail if you want. Suffice it to say, I have no interest in displacing your guy. I'm probably not capable of sustaining a long term relationship. But it is rewarding as hell to get asked back for a repeat performance occasionally. It keeps it fresh but still familiar, does that make sense?

I guess the simple message is. Judge me and the other guys by the way we behave, not on a blanket categorical exclusion. Occasionally you might find a gem within the rubble.

[tribbles]

I don't know where some of you are finding the rude single males. We went to the only club we belong to so far and discovered their Singles Sundays includes males! Their website says no single males, so this was a surprise. Plus, if we had known, we would have brought our own single male... (BYOSM?).

No one stared, although they did watch us from a distance as we played in the jacuzzi area. When we stopped playing and were just still in the jacuzzi, the males slowly came in and talked with us. I got the impression they were presenting themselves for inspection. Weird feeling, since we are new to this, but still they were so polite and respectful.
We talked and we offered our email address. Only one guy took us up on that offer. The experience taught me that I don't want to do strange single males-I want a chance to get to know them a bit and how they think before any play.
Later in the group room, us and another couple were playing, as was a porn movie and a single male came in to the far end of the room, laid down and quietly watched and masturbated. That seemed very polite as well. He was far enough away that he allowed the couples private space but enjoyed the movie and live shows.

[wutchawant]

Oops, okay, I made a boo-boo, I thought the "swinging" lifestyle would be a good way for me to meet women that are open to having sex. I was looking for "friends with extras", I'm serious guys, I was. I'm sorry, but after reading some posts about why "single" guys don't get offered to events, I felt horrible. It's because of people like me. Now don't get me wrong, I have not offended anyone or anything, but I did have the wrong idea. Look, in my defense, it's been tough since my wife left me, hell I like making love just as much as the next person, I invested 8.5 years into that relationship for her to just up and leave and go to my best friends house. I got left out in the cold, and yeah it hurt and pissed me off if I might be frank. I'm not a club hopper, and I wouldn't dare disrespect a woman by suggesting she sleep with me after just meeting her. So anyway, that's my story, it DOES bother me that I have "needs" and I'm made to feel "abnormal" because I don't like sleeping alone. Anyway, I don't know if yall care, but I'd like to make friends. I don't have to be invited to any events or anything, but it would be nice to have people to talk to as well. So that's my story. Sorry, I didn't know. Now I do.

[wutchawant]

And furthermore, i too would like to learn about my own sexuality, desires and fantasies, I haven't tried anything "exciting" in the way of sex. I believe in romance, I went thru great lengths to serve my ex-wife. Bubble baths, cooking, cleaning (on a regular basis, not when I wanted "some"), I was raised by 5 women, so taking care of women comes second nature, to my own detriment, I might add. I spoiled her, and I got what I deserved, some may say, but I don't care, I am who I am, and I figure, hey her lost. I'd like to see her new 20 year old come home everyday and cook dinner and do laundry and then have the time and energy to give her full body massages with oil and the slowly kiss, lick and suck every inch of her body and then say "okay" after she was satisfied but too tired to return the favor, and not be upset about it. I enjoy pleasing my mate above myself, it brings me pleasure, I love giving soft kisses, massages, I can truly be satisfied by just touching and carressing and pleasing my mate. It's not all about "getting mine", I'd much rather bring a woman to her heights, and then lay down next to her and hold her and sleep, I'd snore loud. I've found that with this method, a woman will be normally more than happy to please her mate after this type of treatment, and if not, she can know that he is there for her pleasure, not his own.

[woodyxyz]

Whew! What a thread....
As a single male, I understand that many couples do not seek out single men. But I have been fortunate enough to have wonderful initial experiences with a few couples who, in turn recommended me to others. As a result, I have more intimate friends than time allows for. I also think older, more mature single males tend to be the respectful type and therefore more fun to play with.

[EternallySingle]

Originally Posted by wutchawant

And furthermore, i too would like to learn about my own sexuality, desires and fantasies, I haven't tried anything "exciting" in the way of sex. I believe in romance, I went thru great lengths to serve my ex-wife. Bubble baths, cooking, cleaning (on a regular basis, not when I wanted "some"), I was raised by 5 women, so taking care of women comes second nature, to my own detriment, I might add. I spoiled her, and I got what I deserved, some may say, but I don't care, I am who I am, and I figure, hey her lost. I'd like to see her new 20 year old come home everyday and cook dinner and do laundry and then have the time and energy to give her full body massages with oil and the slowly kiss, lick and suck every inch of her body and then say "okay" after she was satisfied but too tired to return the favor, and not be upset about it. I enjoy pleasing my mate above myself, it brings me pleasure, I love giving soft kisses, massages, I can truly be satisfied by just touching and carressing and pleasing my mate. It's not all about "getting mine", I'd much rather bring a woman to her heights, and then lay down next to her and hold her and sleep, I'd snore loud. I've found that with this method, a woman will be normally more than happy to please her mate after this type of treatment, and if not, she can know that he is there for her pleasure, not his own.

Wutchawant hit a nerve with me. Not just in swinging, but in vanilla dating as well. I was also raised in a house full of women. I also grew up hearing about "how bad men are" and swore I would learn from that and be the kind of man women wanted.

Well, I ended up being the kind of man parents and friends wanted for their daughters and friends, but not the kind of man women REALLY wanted. Why? I wasn't selfish enough. Strange, but true. I guess they couldn't reconcile someone being truly generous AND being able to stand up for himself and others. Don't get me wrong. I had plenty of bed buddies and three incredible relationships, but not many real girlfriends. The three relationships, ironically, were with women who were also swingers. I guess they did understand that a guy could be totally giving and strong enough to get the job done at work, in the community, at home, and in the bedroom.

So maybe this is the right place for Wutchawant, myself, and other guys like us. My best friend, when he was forced to move, lived with a couple that swings. Lucky bastard. Unfortunately he is sort of a Christian conservative and while he was willing to overlook their lifestyle, he burned his bridges with them because they didn't like the fact that he was into the extreme video games (Grand Theft Auto, Doom, Halo, etc) and they had a big argument about tolerance. Damn. I could have had a very local contact, but now I don't. He won't tell me their names, but I think I know them, anyway.

Wait a minute. Gotta little off track. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. He's a good friend, but my swinging experiences are not something I can talk to him about. He doesn't want to hear it. I started to explain the lifestyle to him in a hypothetical way when he brought his experience up, but he got really defensive about his stance. His choice, I'm not going to push the issue. He's one of the few male friends I have. All the rest are women that won't sleep with me. No single males? I don't care. Those who want to meet me will try to find me. I'm just going to have fun and hope someone wants to have fun with me.

"If you're falling off a mountain, you might as well try to fly." I think thats from the I-Ching. It sounds Taoist.

[KittKatt]

Well heres my thoughts....and I bet alot of people agree..

First off, my hubby and I are fairly new to the lifestyle, but we do share OUR FANTASIES with each other. Thats what got us IN the "lifestyle"...

Now for us it is very simple...we love str8 mfm 3somes!!!! and as far as we are concerned a SINGLE MAN is our CUP OF TEA for the simple reason..No pissed off wife is going to hunt us down for revenge!!!! Yes we do prefer friendship and I'm not the kind of woman that likes to be treated like a slut! Only gentlemen are welcome here....And guys there is plenty of you that are WONDERFUL GENTLEMEN and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

Ok that being said....we would also like to have a bi-fmf relationship as well, but thats a bit harded to find. I think due to the stigma on womens sexuality "I'll be labeled a slut!" But I'm sure in time we will cum across the perfect situation for that.

We are listed as seeking couples also, but it is slow going at first, but should meet some couples soon. wooohooo
Now, I don't think we are wanting to CHEAT on each other....for goodness sakes!!! we all have our differant wants and needs and should NEVER JUDGE others in the lifestyle because of their fantasies!!!!
NOT EVEN SINGLE MEN.....that are gentlemen....

As for the guys in it for the F***.....not for us....but some may prefer it!!

[SandJinVT]

My hubby and I are generally full swap, same room with other couples. I'm bi, but no way will my hubby sit back and watch - we ALL play, or no one plays.

That said, we have invited single men into our home - and when that happens, they'd better be respectful, uninhibited, perfectly willing to share me, and have a pleasing personality. That means that from the initial email, I don't want to hear "I'm the best fuck you've ever had", or "I'll take you to paradise" or "Hi! I'm what you've been waiting for". lol I'm not waiting for anyone. I married the best fuck I ever had (and I was single for a long time!), and I already live in my paradise, so none of those lines are going to work.

If you want a response from a couple who normally plays with single men, take my advice - be polite, be very open in your first email, be polite, save the physical description of your cock until the second email at least, be polite, send them a G rated pic first not a cock shot, and be polite. Getting the drift?

We've met some very nice single men, some I was attracted to, and some I wasn't. I have to be extremely attracted to a single man before we invite them into our home (not I said ME). My hubby accompanies me to a meeting with you, we talk, we discuss what you like sexually, then I go away to decide if you're what I'm looking for.

Just my two cents.

[Percy]

Hello all. I am a single male. I have only had a few swinging experiences, and they have all been recent. Now to the last post before mine. I have slept with over 100 women, so to your response saying that we can't get laid I find that offensive. Also I do see your point because I have met a lot of guys that way. My only question is why is everyone so quick to shut us down or ignore us instead of getting to know us?