No single males? Why not??

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by HotMama

Good points maybe, but not without complaining about how he is an "honest single male" and he has been shunned by people because they are looking for couples..... If you are single male and get mad because people WHO DONT WANT SINGLE MALES don't talk to you. There is a problem.

Oh, I'm not complaining. I hope that's not the impression I left with everyone else. I am very happy as a single male in the lifestyle. There are plenty of swinging couples and swinging single females who enjoy single men that I really don't care whether "everyone" likes me or wants me.

Originally Posted by HotMama

WHAT? It is a couples sport... More crying..."its the husbaands keeping the single males down!" He was so upset he took a poll at a club.

I host the parties that I "polled". It isn't a club. My guests are my primary concern, so of course I would ask them their preferences. How else would I insure the majority of my friends are enjoying themselves.
I simply gave you the results of my "poll"

Originally Posted by HotMama

Oh yeah, clearly marking the profile always works

Don't just mark your profile, read the directions and BLOCK all males. Then you won't be bothered by those pesky guys.

Originally Posted by HotMama

He just sounds like one of the single males looking for a cheap and easy lay.

Hmmmm cheap and easy....So if I pay for it (not cheap) or beg for it (not easy) then it's OK? How is it less cheap or easy for you to go to a club and get laid?

Originally Posted by HotMama

I can see thru the hogwash.

You seem pretty quick to judge. Is there a reason for your hostility?

Originally Posted by HotMama

He should have just said "cockblocking husbands are ruining my chances of getting laid by an easy girl that wants me" psssstt... There are places you can go where the girls do not have husbands....(A BAR)

Psssst.... There are places you can go where you can have as many men as your heart desires - where the husbands who accompany their wives encourage them to enjoy the opportunity.

[hilltop]

Wow, I wish I could harness and store the energy all of you are putting into this.
I could power my house for a month!

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Oh, I'm not complaining. I hope that's not the impression I left with everyone else.

I didn't think you were complaining in your previous post. I think your post touched on some valid points and I thank you for sharing your views with us.

I'm confused why HotMama responded with such hostility.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

The swinging couples [who are interested in couples and single females only] sometimes get purturbed by males who are presenting themselves (sometimes crudly or insensitivly) as candidates. I can only say that those males who do so in ways that offend are being dealt mixed messages.

You're saying that a couple who expresses interest ONLY in other couples and single females is "sending mixed messages" to single males? Where is the ambiguity in that? It all seems pretty clear to me. If you don't understand why they "sometimes get perturbed" then perhaps you're not as attuned to couples, and why they participate in the Lifestyle, as you think.

If you read more than a few profiles of couples or single females interested in males, you will read that they want someone who is "hung" or more than 7 inches or something like that...and please, I've been swinging long enough to know that size DOES matter

Yep, that's true! When a couple gets 30-50 hits a month from single guys, they can afford to be "selective" as to dick size, age, appearance, education, or any other quality they're seeking. That doesn't make them bad people. Lord knows if I were the only male guard in a prison full of females, I'd only fuck the pretty ones. Does that make me shallow, too?

But frankly, when I host parties (I've been doing so for over 7 years) the ones that are the most successful are those where the invited single males (pre-selected by females who have attended in the past) turn out to be the best get togethers....I also have asked the attending couples whether they like the extra males in attendance and generally the females say "yes" and their husbands say "no".

You're missing the point, and perhaps, a fundamental understanding of why swinging works. This is something a couple does together. It matters not that one of them wants to do something, you need the approval of both before it will happen.

Also, I wouldn't put much weight on the notion that women "like the extra males in attendance" at your parties. You make it very clear that single males are invited to your parties, so it would be natural to assume that the people there "liked" them. Trust me on this...there are a considerable number of couples who simply wouldn't attend a party hosted by a single male and to which other single males had been invited. I know, because I was part of one such couple.

Swinging is supposed to be primarily for the females. Us males get rewarded by first pleasing the woman we are with and then receiving her gifts in return.

I don't know where you got that notion, but it's patently wrong. Tupperware parties are primarily for the females. Swing parties are primarily for the males, but orchestrated and controlled by the females.

Let me put this another way...Have you EVER known a group of single women to organize a swing party? Tupperware, yes. "Fuckerware," yes. Skin care products, yes. But a swing party? NEVER, at least in my experience. Why? because NO reasonably attractive woman ever needed to attend a "swing party" to get her physical needs met. I've come to that conclusion after spending the last 25 years on the road, staying everywhere from truck stops to 4-star hotels. At least at a hotel bar or pool, she has a choice of many professional men, and not the 7 or 8 that have been "preselected" by a party host or "$creened" by a club manager.

And considering that most women can have sex anytime, with almost anybody...Do you really think that they perceive "swinging" as a way to reward their husbands for having sex with them? I don't. I think if there are any "rewards" being dealt, it's for all those times they don't screw around on the road, and all the times that they're unconditionally loved and provided for. That includes "bad hair days," PMS days, "carrying a little extra water" days, backed-the-minivan-into-his new-Harley days, and so many more. Love and affection are what motivates a woman to swing, and trust and committment are what facilitates it. Swinging is NOT some silly "reward" system for their husbands having sex with them.

grumbling husbands, think about your positions on this issue.

The "grumbling husbands" have thought about their positions on this issue. Now, it's up to you, and every other single male on the periphery of this lifestyle, to respect their wishes.

This really isn't about your dick.

[HotMama]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Oh, I'm not complaining. I hope that's not the impression I left with everyone else. I am very happy as a single male in the lifestyle. There are plenty of swinging couples and swinging single females who enjoy single men that I really don't care whether "everyone" likes me or wants me.

I agree, but then why lobby "why single males should be accepted" if you have your hands full?

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

I host the parties that I "polled". It isn't a club. My guests are my primary concern, so of course I would ask them their preferences. How else would I insure the majority of my friends are enjoying themselves.

I simply gave you the results of my "poll"[/quote] So "your friends" (the husband) seemed not to want single males.... Swinging and swapping is a TEAM sport. His decision matters too.

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Don't just mark your profile, read the directions and BLOCK all males. Then you won't be bothered by those pesky guys.

What if we don't want to block all males, occasionaly we like to contact one. Why should we not have that option?

You seem to think you will get extra credit for saying you are a single male and not "pretending" to be a couple.....

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Hmmmm cheap and easy....So if I pay for it (not cheap) or beg for it (not easy) then it's OK? How is it less cheap or easy for you to go to a club and get laid?

Because I can have sex with my husband w/o leaving the house.... you will be playing the skinflute by yourself if you stayed home alone and did not go to a club.

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

You seem pretty quick to judge.

Yes, I have children.... I can see agenda thru crap.

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Is there a reason for your hostility?

No hostility, just call them like I see them... sounds like you were crying a river to me.... Whats wrong with saying it?

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

Psssst.... There are places you can go where you can have as many men as your heart desires - where the husbands who accompany their wives encourage them to enjoy the opportunity.

Thats fantastic, enjoy!

[HotMama]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

I'm confused why HotMama responded with such hostility.

Thats what is wrong with the world today, everything is sugar coated...

No one is fat anymore, they are "big boned" or have a "gland problem" or are a BBW.... (It is all fine BTW)

And our children, all have ADD...and need medicine...... when my Husband and I were younger and you could not pay attention, or sit still ... you were "Antsy" ......

I just call them like I see them, if that makes me "hostile" So be it.

Originally Posted by HotMama

Thats what is wrong with the world today, everything is sugar coated...
I just call them like I see them, if that makes me "hostile" So be it.

I'll also call it as I see it-and the way I see it, if it pissed you off that bad then maybe you should've just passed on the 'reply'.

It sounds like you have issues that go way beyond the topic of this thread. It's not fair to unleash it on someone who was stating his point of view in a very non-combative way.

We are all about sharing different opinions & believe me, we have very different ones than most,....but we do our best not to attack others for not sharing them.

Sugar coating has nothing to do with it.

count to ten & breathe.....

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by JnCC

You're saying that a couple who expresses interest ONLY in other couples and single females is "sending mixed messages" to single males? Where is the ambiguity in that? It all seems pretty clear to me. If you don't understand why they "sometimes get perturbed" then perhaps you're not as attuned to couples, and why they participate in the Lifestyle, as you think.

JnCC, believe it or not I agree with you on this point. A couple who is not interested in single males is not sending mixed messages if they indicate on their profile that they aren't interested. On SLS as an example, they can do several things. A. they can set the value for interest in males to zero. B. they can block single males from sending them mail. C. they can block single males from even seeing their profile.

If by some subterfuge a single male (posing as a couple) manages to contact them after they have done everything they can to prevent the contact, then the webmaster needs to be informed of the deceitful single male. From my understanding of the site I just mentioned, none of the blocking methods would prevent a couple from contacting a single male that they found interesting.

However, if the couple's profile indicates some interest in single males, they allow mail from single males or they haven't blocked their profile from single males, then isn't that a mixed message if they really don't want to be approached by them? Maybe it's simply an issue of not being familiar with the mechanisms available to limit access to those they are not interested in - in which case the webmaster of the site should be prodded to provide more visible tutorials on the workings of the site.

Originally Posted by JnCC

Yep, that's true! When a couple gets 30-50 hits a month from single guys, they can afford to be "selective" as to dick size, age, appearance, education, or any other quality they're seeking. That doesn't make them bad people. Lord knows if I were the only male guard in a prison full of females, I'd only fuck the pretty ones. Does that make me shallow, too?

I may be having trouble conveying my thoughts. I don't believe anyone is bad. Nor do I think being selective is wrong or shallow, it's what I think all of life is about - making choices

Originally Posted by JnCC

Trust me on this...there are a considerable number of couples who simply wouldn't attend a party hosted by a single male and to which other single males had been invited. I know, because I was part of one such couple.

I agree with you on this too. I make sure everyone who is invited to one of my parties where single males will be in attendance are aware of the fact. I think that's only good manners and common courtesy.

Originally Posted by JnCC

...Have you EVER known a group of single women to organize a swing party?

Yes. I have also been approached by women asking me to arrange a party for them.

Originally Posted by JnCC

Now, it's up to you, and every other single male on the periphery of this lifestyle, to respect their wishes.

It's all about choices, isn't it?

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

if the couple's profile indicates some interest in single males, they allow mail from single males or they haven't blocked their profile from single males, then isn't that a mixed message if they really don't want to be approached by them?

Is your concern over "couples not responding to single men" because you feel they don't respond to single men in general, or because they're not responding to you?

Couples who are accept mail from single males are usually open to the possibility of meeting one. (There are exceptions, but they are few in number) That doesn't mean those couples are obligated to meet every one who contacts them. As I've said in here before, a successful MFM encounter is probably the most difficult thing in all of swinging to ochestrate, both for the couple and for the extra male. They should be picky about who they enter into it with.

Males who have been in the Lifestyle as part of a couple understand this quite well. Males who fancy themselves "single male Schwingers, Baby!" after reading a book or magazine article will NEVER understand it.

The bottom line to all this? If you're not happy with the reception you're receiving from the swinging community, you need to take a step back and ask yourself, "Am I being realistic in my expectations from this community?" Sad as it may be, most single males in their mid-50's shouldn't have very high expectations from this Lifestyle. I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just saying it's not very likely, especially with women from "21 to 40+," as you seem to be seeking.

I take that back. I see you're in Toluca Lake, L.A. If you throw in an apartment and a BMW convert, and agree not to "visit" more than once a week, you can probably score a thrice-married "40+" woman to party with.

Just remember to keep the Beemer registered in your name...

[C n' D 4playin]

Originally Posted by WoodyInSoCal

However, if the couple's profile indicates some interest in single males, they allow mail from single males or they haven't blocked their profile from single males, then isn't that a mixed message if they really don't want to be approached by them? Maybe it's simply an issue of not being familiar with the mechanisms available to limit access to those they are not interested in - in which case the webmaster of the site should be prodded to provide more visible tutorials on the workings of the site.

It's all about choices, isn't it?

I can only speak from our experience......

Our profile would fit your scenario:
we do not have ANYONE blocked (as a group).....we reserve that for various and sundry morons as they appear over the horizion.
We DO mention in there that we "sometimes" have an interest in a single male.....(we even used red font in hopes of having it noticed)
We feel that it is amply clear .....with very little ambiguity about who would contact who. (there is even a 2nd paragraph further in the profile addressing the issue again........ for those that would / could read)
Your implication that because couples sometimes chose NOT to use "mechanical methods of blocking"... "WE", therefore, are in someway or the other sending a "mixed message" to the poor befuddled single males is ludicrous. The message is "mixed" only if he is illiterate or never bothered to read to see if there might be some basis for attraction. To try to justify unwanted correspondence as the fault of the profile is pretty lame. However...either way...what we have found with this text is a filter that works, for us, to some degree. We have little interest in ANY partner(s) single or couples that can not read or comprehend. We feel those are the first steps to communication, which is important to us in the choice of partners. It does not stop the mail....but it sure makes the delete button an easier judgment.

We, however, are quite sure that somewhere out there...at this very moment... is some single guy.....pissing and moaning about "couples that say they enjoy single guys"...but delete HIS mail. OH!......the speciousness of the situation! :rollseyes

We believe that the few who do read our profile....and respond with some forthought and consideration of what was written find us quite open to discussion.
Those that can't....fall into the "other" catagory...which BTW seems to be about 98% of the worlds population.

Your "mixed messages" excuse is nothing but that...... excuses.

[goyaahhs]

I am a married man and my wife and I have been attending clubs for the past 6 years. 2 years ago we had our first child and she doesnt beel like going to clubs just yet, (hard to find a good sitter) but I still attend occasionally. However since she isnt attending I get the "single male" lable and now looked down upon. Ther are a few friends of ours that know me and accept me as half a couple, but lots of others have the opinion that I am just there prowling for flesh. I do look foreward to my wife rejoining and attending the clubs with me soon.

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by goyaahhs

I am a married man and my wife and I have been attending clubs for the past 6 years. 2 years ago we had our first child and she doesnt beel like going to clubs just yet, (hard to find a good sitter) but I still attend occasionally. However since she isnt attending I get the "single male" lable and now looked down upon. Ther are a few friends of ours that know me and accept me as half a couple, but lots of others have the opinion that I am just there prowling for flesh. I do look foreward to my wife rejoining and attending the clubs with me soon.

So, what you're saying is that you find a world of difference in how you're treated in that situation. That, those who don't know you as half of a couple treat you differently, maybe even worse, since they see you as a single male, irregardless that your behavior is no different than it was before?

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty

It's not fair to unleash it on someone who was stating his point of view in a very non-combative way.

Thank you Mrs-naughty, I am new to the blog world and probably haven't figured out how to make myself clearly understood.

I do appreciate your kindness.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Is your concern over "couples not responding to single men" because you feel they don't respond to single men in general, or because they're not responding to you?

I'm not concerned. I personally respect everyone's interest or disinterest in me.

[WoodyInSoCal]

Originally Posted by JnCC

most single males in their mid-50's shouldn't have very high expectations from this Lifestyle. I'm not saying it won't happen, I'm just saying it's not very likely, especially with women from "21 to 40+," as you seem to be seeking.

Uh, I just ran back to my profile on SLS to confirm the ages I listed that I was interested in. I am NOT interested in women 21 to 40. I listed my interests as 35 - 99. I did say that if a woman over 21 wanted to meet me I wouldn't turn them down. :-) Believe it or not, some women who are are 35 and over actually find me interesting and sometimes attractive - just like those people not as lucky to have the life experiences I have.

And honestly, I have met some very nice women and couples on SLS who enjoy my company. I think my expectations are just where they should be and I personally hold no bad feelings for anyone who isn't interested in me. I certainly don't say "hi" to everyone on SLS, because they don't interest me, so I absolutely respect others who aren't interested in me either.