What Do You Look For In Partners?

[OhioCouple]

As a single, (male or female) when attending clubs or reviewing ads/profiles, what attracts "YOUR" attention to a potential play mate? Do you screen them for specific qualities, interests and such? What prompts you to respond to an ad?

For the single males, have you ever lowered your standards for meeting with someone, just because it is so difficult to get your foot in the door?

[Ttownsingle]

I'm usually looking for people who are located close to where i live first, and then i sort through them by following in order. Attitude, looks, sexual interests, intelligence, age. in my book, a good attitude is very important. I would rather spend my time with a couple who is having fun doing something they both agree on, rather than meeting a couple whose wife is mad b/c she is more or less being forced to comply with her husbands wishes. And then there are the downright pushy people who tell you exactly how it's gonna be down to the details. Not for me thanks.

And yes I did lower my standards once to get my foot in the door to swinging, it wasn't a bad experience overall really, in the end it worked in my favor. What happened was that i contaced a couple who were quite a bit older, and not really the best in looks. They weren't fat or skinny, but haggard looking. Also the female was very aggressive, which wasn't good for me b/c i was new to doing this. Looking back on it, it wasn't too bad really. She was the only woman i ever met who had a squirting orgasm, and they later introduced me to a girl my age that was a knouckout brunette with an awesome body. unfortunately i found out they were into meth dealing and i decided the risks of being at their house during a police raid wasn't worth the sex, and i stopped seeing them.

Nowdays I really don't lower my standards, b/c the sex isn't really that important of an issue. Besides my standards aren't hard to meet to begin with.

[Alura]

Originally posted by Ttownsingle
...i found out they were into meth dealing..

Well, Hell, Ttownsingle, that's why they looked so haggard. They probably had rotten teeth, too. Right?

Mr. Alura

[Ttownsingle]

Come to think of it i believe they did. I'll never understand why people get involved in that stuff.

[EternallySingle]

I almost lowered my standards just to make meeting people easier. Then I remembered what happened the last time I lowered my standards. It was a disaster. If people I'm interested in and who share my interests aren't interested in me, I'll keep looking. If there are none close to where I live, thats my fault for moving here.

As for what I'm looking for, its simple. That elusive single female (bi or straight) interested in a male friend for swinging AND regular stuff too. Close to my age with no kids would be a bonus, but not an absolute requirement.

Oh, and they would have to be able to have a conversation with me without being condescending, even if I know nothing about what she is talking about. Clue here, ladies: If a man is listening to what you are saying, its because he wants to know what you know. If he wanted to get in your pants he'd get you drunk. LOL

[Regularguy]

I am not so much hung up on looks as I am on physical body attraction.

I bust my ass hard to stay in decent shape and am a grooming and cleanliness freak, and I have had many, many women comment on how clean and nice my body and goods were. I look for the same thing in a woman-a healthy, attractive body and with a nice looking clean pussy.

Attitude is very important, as I am attracted to women with the same sense of warmth, friendliness and consideration I have.

I am simply amazed at the boorish behavior that I run into, and in fairness, I see it in guys too, so women don't have a patent on it. it is rather pathetic that so many guys will tolerate such behavior in the hopes of engaging in sexual pleasure....but I prefer to pass because I can. So when I run into the nice friendly in shape middle class woman who just wants some pleasure with a nice normal fun guy, ans she shares my same values, it is an instant turn-on.

[LarrySmith]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
...have you ever lowered your standards for meeting with someone, just because it is so difficult to get your foot in the door?

Gee, that would imply that us males have standards to lower in the first place.

[pa_chip]

Now there's a loaded question!!!
In regards to lowering my standards, the answer is yes. I have never dated any of the women that have made me stop in my tracks. So yes, I guess I've always lowered my standards. My ex-wife was not an attractive woman. But she was athletic, outgoing, gung ho about everything, emotional solid and had a body I found very sexy.

I have been with 2 couples a few times in the last year. Neither couple is super attractive in looks. But I click with them. I get along with them, we have fun together. We have common interests and most of all - mutual respect.

I have never answered ads. In the clubs, my attention is caught by people I mix well with. The looks are secondary. Up to a point anyway. There ARE limits... The one that really got me going one night had a body very similar to my ex-wife's.

So I guess the most important attributes are intelligence, good personallity, hygiene, common interests, on so on.

Shortly after my divorce, I dated a woman who I've been long distance friends with on a professional level for many years. She wanted to give things a whirl so to speak. We get along great on an intellectual level. She is a very large woman (don't flame me, it's just not my preference physically) and one I wouldn't otherwise give a second look to. But we have gotten along so well together, I thought what the heck. Well, maybe her telling me "I'll wear you out!" had something to do with it too. LOL Well, we did do well together and had a couple of times in clubs that were dreams come true. She is the horniest woman I ever met and I swear she could come for days on end. We had a long distance relationship for almost a year.

To sum it up. Looks do matter. But the whole package is what matters most.

Now for a question of my own Mrs. O.

Why do you ask?

Best Wishes - Me

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by pa_chip

Now for a question of my own Mrs. O.

Why do you ask?

I was wondering when someone was going to ask that.

There are many topics on this board in both the General Swingers, New Swingers and the Swinging Singles forums that deal with what couples "expect or look for in a single male" (with single females they are usually accepted without much hesitation.) Also, due to the recent influx of nice men on this board, I've been feeling somewhat guilty for welcoming every single that introduces themselves in the Introductions forum, with always an added tidbit about "Be sure to read through the Swinging Singles forum so that you'll get a better understanding of what couples seek in single men". Now is that like condeming them before they even try to put a foot in the door or what?

I thought it only fitting to find out what the "singles" look for when looking for a couple or partner to swing with. I assumed that they have to have some sort of criteria, no different than couples do.

As posted by myself:

For the single males, have you ever lowered your standards for meeting with someone, just because it is so difficult to get your foot in the door?

If anyone took this in the wrong way, I didn't mean for it too. I know that we lowered our standards once just to say we 'had done it', so couples are not exempt from this either as I am sure many others have done so also.

We have quite a few really nice men on this board and I just wanted to get their perspective. I am of the opinion that if we can all understand the commonalities among singles and couples who chose to participate in the swinging lifestyle, that we will all get along a lot better.

Mrs. 'O'

[OhioCouple]

I'd like to hear more from the single females too. I know that given the fact that a single woman in the lifestyle is probably bombarded with couples, even more so if they happen to be bi-sexual. What do you use as a criteria for selecting those that you may meet and eventually play with?.

Do you spend most of your time fighting off people? Men and couples alike? What is it like for you?

[jen]

Also, due to the recent influx of nice men on this board

OhioCouple

I noticed that too, lots of single guys joining lately. Oh well, no complaints from me.

I hadn't responded to this post because I don't really go looking for anyone or anyones. So I don't really know how to answer.

[pa_chip]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I was wondering when someone was going to ask that.

There are many topics on this board in both the General Swingers, New Swingers and the <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?forumid=10">Swinging Single</a>s forums that deal with what couples "expect or look for in a single male" (with single females they are usually accepted without much hesitation.) Also, due to the recent influx of nice men on this board, I've been feeling somewhat guilty for welcoming every single that introduces themselves in the Introductions forum, with always an added tidbit about "Be sure to read through the <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?forumid=10">Swinging Single</a>s forum so that you'll get a better understanding of what couples seek in single men". Now is that like condeming them before they even try to put a foot in the door or what?

I thought it only fitting to find out what the "singles" look for when looking for a couple or partner to swing with. I assumed that they have to have some sort of criteria, no different than couples do.

As posted by myself:If anyone took this in the wrong way, I didn't mean for it too. I know that we lowered our standards once just to say we 'had done it', so couples are not exempt from this either as I am sure many others have done so also.

We have quite a few really nice men on this board and I just wanted to get their perspective. I am of the opinion that if we can all understand the commonalities among singles and couples who chose to participate in the swinging lifestyle, that we will all get along a lot better.

Mrs. 'O'

1) I know I didn't take it wrong and your motives are honorable.

2) You've long since earned my respect.

Thanks Mrs. "O"!

[LarrySmith]

Please don't flame me for this little slice of reality ...

Although it is not overt, this board does have a subtle undertone of anti-single-male. There are lots of threads on 'horror stories' about single males, advice to single males, etc. On the flip side are lots of threads singing the praises of the elusive-and-sought-after-single-female-especially-if-she-is-bi. I have yet to see a thread on "single males are desirable/wanted/sought-after/in-short-supply".

When a single female posts an ad, she gets flooded with replies to pick and choose from. When a single male posts an ad, he gets bubkis. And so the single male dutifully plunges into the search form to find people to contact. And what does he look for? Anything with a better-than-snowball-in-hell chance. If the photo is too good and professional looking, and the text reads as though it is way too easy, then it's a phony ad that gets you a auto-reply with a link to a paysite. You skip these. If the ad explicitly excludes you, such as "Absolutely no single males", you skip these also.
Everything else gets a pre-written response, because you have to compete with 100 other responses, so you have to answer 100 ads to get any response from the few who take the time to even send a 'no-thank-you' note when they are not too busy .

I'm not pointing any fingers, just expressing a little reality. It's the way things are. There are more male pursuers than female/couple pursuees.

Of course that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.

(Gee, this soap box is starting to smoke around the edges...)

[Soulfinger508]

Originally posted by LarrySmith
Please don't flame me for this little slice of reality ...

Although it is not overt, this board does have a subtle undertone of anti-single-male. There are lots of threads on 'horror stories' about single males, advice to single males, etc. On the flip side are lots of threads singing the praises of the elusive-and-sought-after-single-female-especially-if-she-is-bi. I have yet to see a thread on "single males are desirable/wanted/sought-after/in-short-supply".

When a single female posts an ad, she gets flooded with replies to pick and choose from. When a single male posts an ad, he gets bubkis. And so the single male dutifully plunges into the search form to find people to contact. And what does he look for? Anything with a better-than-snowball-in-hell chance. If the photo is too good and professional looking, and the text reads as though it is way too easy, then it's a phony ad that gets you a auto-reply with a link to a paysite. You skip these. If the ad explicitly excludes you, such as "Absolutely no single males", you skip these also.
Everything else gets a pre-written response, because you have to compete with 100 other responses, so you have to answer 100 ads to get any response from the few who take the time to even send a 'no-thank-you' note when they are not too busy .

I'm not pointing any fingers, just expressing a little reality. It's the way things are. There are more male pursuers than female/couple pursuees.

Of course that's just my opinion...I could be wrong.

(Gee, this soap box is starting to smoke around the edges...)

Amen. I joined another swinger site out of curiousity to see if I can find a woman in my area. I got some decent replies, but I never actually met anyone from the site. I did talk to one on the phone though but we didn't hit it off. For the most part I sought folks ads and I got paysites. One couple was interested in me but the male part of the couple is bi (not my style). So I severed my ties with the site seeing as the results were lackluster.

My experience, I met more freaky girls in regular Internet chat rooms than a paysite. Those things are just designed to get money from unsuspecting people. I rather save it and just meet people in a more traditional way and if they happen to have a freaky side to them, that's an added perk.

[Soulfinger508]

I usually look for a lady that likes to smile, friendly, intelligent, sense of humor and some sex appeal. I'm turned off by women who act snobby and have bad attitudes. Sometimes I do lower my standards, but for the most part, if I was to get with a woman on the serious tip, it would be with someone that has those aforementioned traits.