Why Do Singles Swing?

[OhioCouple]

I did a search and also scanned through about 7 pages of topics and couldn't find where this question has been asked before.

Singles (both male and female), Why do you swing or what makes you want to try swinging solo? Were you in the lifestyle while in a prior commited relationship and continued afterwards?

What appeal does swinging bring to you? What is it that turns you on about swinging?

[CLITFRIEND]

Wow---How do i want to approach this question without getting into trouble?? Ok--It is the truth that counts--and if it gets me into trouble--then so be it--(I am kind of use to getting into trouble anyway).
I was married for 15 years. I was married to a very beautiful young lady whom I still love and adore to this day. I have three children--all three of them with her. She was and is a wonderful woman in every compacity except for her sexual desires.

Now before you say--"Uh oh---another man complaining he wasnt geting enough--" let me assure you--that I was getting enough as far as her capabilities would allow her to do so. U see my wife was very visciously raped when she was just 12 years old. To make a very long story short--it set up a life time of sexual withdrawals for this beautiful woman. Yes I knew this when I went into the marraige. I did not let that bother me. I wanted to show this woman happiness, peace, and perhaps I though, I would save her world.

It didnt work out that way. We litereally got down to making love about once every 3 months. I never wanted to cheat on my wife--but at the same time--my needs were driving me up the wall. So I turn to porn on the net. She caught me---and told me it was cheating--and one thing led to another--and voila--here I am--single again.

Now what does this all have to do with the question at hand? It is simple---I want to get back with my wife--I am working on it---but I know that one thing I simply must do is get as much sexual eagerness out of me as I possibly can. Maybe we will never get back together as actual husband and wife. But we are talking---She does know that I am seeking to date--but she is not aware of to what extent. I know that if and when I am able to return to being the husband that I want to be--I will ahve to make some very dramatic changes in my lifestyle. And I fully intend to concur to do so.

I also want to swing because as my name would indicate--I am a sex addict! I love sex!! What I love the most is being able to pleasure women--to make them enjoy themselves because of what I do to them. My absolute favorite thing on earth to do is to give ladies long oral sessions because I just honestly enjoy the taste of a woman.

That is my answer----does it get me into trouble???

[Perseus]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
I did a search and also scanned through about 7 pages of topics and couldn't find where this question has been asked before.

Singles (both male and female), Why do you swing or what makes you want to try swinging solo? Were you in the lifestyle while in a prior commited relationship and continued afterwards?

What appeal does swinging bring to you? What is it that turns you on about swinging?

Hmm, well, for me, my ex and I had quite a few good times in our relationship (though we never actually called ourselves swingers). We had a couple of threesomes (birthday presents for me ) and once she brought home a couple from a club while I had be home watching the kids (that was an interesting night! ) That and the fact that I am attracted to more mature people (crazy 20 something single girls are NOT my thing) makes swinging a much better fit for me then the club scene.

Perseus

[oriel]

I got involved in swinging while in a previous relationship (and a previous country!).

I'm getting back into it now as a single for a number of reasons. Firstly, I find it exciting. Secondly, like Perseus, I prefer more mature women and find swinging a good way to meet them. Thirdly, my job means I am travelling almost constantly so I'm not looking for a long term relationship - given that fact why not swing since I enjoy it anyway. Fourthly, I will probably return to Ireland in the near future. Again, not looking for an ongoing relationship so why not meet couples rather than singles?

[EternallySingle]

I am not actively swinging, and really don't expect to anytime soon, but I was active in the lifestyle once and like the ability to talk about it to others who understand (or want to understand) how I felt and want from it. As far as why I want to swing...why not?

Two of the three moderately successful relationships I've had were with single women in the lifestyle, and it was the ability not only to admit attraction for others but the ability to joke about it and, on occasion, act on it that I feel made those relationships successful.

As far as swinging as a single, I would ONLY do it if I were able to truly become FRIENDS with the women and couples I met. I value friendship over sex and my past experiences with swinging shows that you can have both without making all parties involved feel uncomfortable.

[Soulfinger508]

About five years ago, I started getting mail solicitations regarding swing clubs and pen pals who would be interested in meeting me. I never followed up on this because there was money involved but I was still intrigued, nonetheless. Not long after that, I was forwarded a swingers newsletter via the Internet but most of the parties were couples only. I asked a lady that I knew for quite sometime if she would be interested in coming to a party with me. She said "Hell no!". Apparently she wasn't into that scene, so this pretty much deterred me from asking other women to accompany me to these parties.



Flash forward to 2000. I was approached by a female half of a couple who wanted to screw me in her van. When I first met her she was wearing a trenchcoat. Her hubby was with her and he was very laidback about the situation. When we got back to her van she revealed what was under her coat. She was naked as a newborn baby. My mouth dropped. I was so stunned I couldn't say anything. Needless to say, we had sex in the back of the van. Her hubby got out of the vehicle when I started to have sex with his wife. He encouraged me to have fun and pull his wife's hair because she likes it. I felt like I was in a porn movie. We exchanged numbers afterwards and would get together like two or three times a week for more fun. The whole event was a mind blowing experience.

This past March, I went to my first swinger party. It was way out in the burbs. The party reminded me of an episode of HBO's Real Sex. There wasn't too many single women there. There were more single men, but I still had fun. There were couples at the party who liked single males and being that I was new there were people who were anxious to meet me and get better acquainted. There's another party this month, but I won't be able to go because I have my family reunion, but I'm counting the days until the following event. In my opinion, swinger parties are lot better than clubs and bars because swingers are more straight forward about what they want and I appreciate that.

[Flori_DAMAN]

I think a large proportion of single swingers are those that for one reason or another have swung but lost there swinging partner. ONce you have been in the lifestyle (for me it was a very long time), you don't just lose the desire to be a part.

John

[jen]

I really can't say that I am involved in swinging. I am actually sitting on the edges. I ponder and ponder the thoughts presented here and elsewhere regarding swinging, mingle those thoughts into my own, with my heart and some creative visualization, then I read and ponder some more.

Maybe that is all I will ever do. Then again, maybe not.

[Perseus]

Originally posted by jen
I really can't say that I am involved in swinging. I am actually sitting on the edges. I ponder and ponder the thoughts presented here and elsewhere regarding swinging, mingle those thoughts into my own, with my heart and some creative visualization, then I read and ponder some more.

Maybe that is all I will ever do. Then again, maybe not.

May I ask what some of your thinking is? What attracts you and what are your reservations? I know for me, when I considered going in single, I was afraid that my looks, race, age, package, prefrences, etc, wouldn't make me attractive to couples as a single man is the lifestyle (perceptions and sterotypes are funny things). I know now that they is someone for everyone, but it was scary at first. I don't get with a new couple very often, but when I do, it is worth it to me.

Perseus

[jen]

May I ask what some of your thinking is? What attracts you and what are your reservations? I know for me, when I considered going in single, I was afraid that my looks, race, age, package, prefrences, etc, wouldn't make me attractive to couples as a single man is the lifestyle (perceptions and sterotypes are funny things). I know now that they is someone for everyone, but it was scary at first. I don't get with a new couple very often, but when I do, it is worth it to me.

My thoughts involve all the aspects that you mention. My appearance, attitudes & preferences, etc.

Also, I wonder things like; if I involve myself in this lifestyle - could that have a negative affect on my opportunities in meeting a someone who would be my special someone.

There is also a huge shyness factor. People repeatedly say "be yourself" to shy people, well, myself is -- shy. Posting here and conversing in chat rooms has helped alot, but my nature is that of shyness. So I am the type to think and think again, before taking any action.

Perceptions and stereotypes are very funny things.


What attracts me;
The idea itself attracts me. The thought that people can and do share their most intimate world with others, creating friendships and believing in their spouses enough to be so open & so giving. Wow

Ok and sex, I like sex.

Hey thanks for asking and for quoting...giddy again

[Soulfinger508]

Originally posted by jen
My thoughts involve all the aspects that you mention. My appearance, attitudes & preferences, etc.

Also, I wonder things like; if I involve myself in this lifestyle - could that have a negative affect on my opportunities in meeting a someone who would be my special someone.

There is also a huge shyness factor. People repeatedly say "be yourself" to shy people, well, myself is -- shy. Posting here and conversing in chat rooms has helped alot, but my nature is that of shyness. So I am the type to think and think again, before taking any action.

Perceptions and stereotypes are very funny things.


What attracts me;
The idea itself attracts me. The thought that people can and do share their most intimate world with others, creating friendships and believing in their spouses enough to be so open & so giving. Wow

Ok and sex, I like sex.

Hey thanks for asking and for quoting...giddy again

Hopefully Mr. Right doesn't hold it against you that you participated in the swinging life. After all, Mr. Right must've had some type of wild life before he meets you. Why should he hold you as some sort of object of virginity or sexual purity? We're not perfect. I'm a bit shy to a point, but someone once told me the best way to deal with your fear is to confront it. Next party you go to, ask the host to introduce you around. Dancing is also a good way to break the ice. As I mentioned in my previous post, there are a lot of single men who attend these parties (well the parties that allow single men). I'm sure out of that single bunch you'll find one that you'll probably hit it off with and perhaps be in a long term relationship. Just a thought.

[ciscosv]

At a time before my wife, I was simply not looking to be involved with *anyone*. Swinging sounded to me like it would be an easy way to get some no strings free sex. That's my single man answer.

Now that I somehow met the woman I was never looking for, here we are!

[Ttownsingle]

Hmm, I'd like to throw my 2 cents in on the matter of the how and why single guys want to swing.

I started out after my first real relationship failed due to her promiscuous ways. (I think that whats you call 6 guys in one month?) Anyhow, I was trying to meet girls my age back then, and it seemed that most young 20 something girls were all basketcases. Either they wanted to move in and set up house, or they had serious issues that they dragged me into. Well, since that wasn't working out, I decided to give swinging a try. I knew that it was mostly older couples, and I figured that if they were an older married couple, then they would have to be stable mentally. After a few times with different couples, i found out that I was correct. And, not only was it a really fun thing to do on a friday night, but I discovered that I was attracted to the older women and the attention they gave me. All of them were very cordial people, and were very welcoming. In retrospect, I think I enjoyed it most because I knew that I was sexually pleasing people and that was like an ego boost, which made me feel confident about my love making abilities.

After swinging for about a year with about 5 steady couples, I had to break the news to them that I had found someone that I was comitted to. My relationship started great and then went downhill. Near the end of it i found myself wishing that I could swing again, not so much for the sex, but for the carefree conversations and the relaxed attitude. And now, i am single once more and free to do as i please.

[Geometrixs]

As to why I attend a party now and then, ..I like the people, the openness, the desire to have fun and enjoy. I like the dynamics of people coming together and playing. Yeah, I like to participate, when asked and with the right person(s), but I’m also content to just mingle and enjoy the evening. You find a little of everything at a swingers party and for the most part, swingers are a very comfortable group of people. I also travel a bit and it’s pleasant to attend a party and be warmly accepted the minute you walk in.

[ATAK]

This is a good question and so far has garnered alot of good responses. As for me, my first experience with multi-partner relationships was more orgy related singles than committed swinging couples. Needless to say, I enjoyed the sexual freedom that my tight-knit group of friends offered me, but I began to realize then that there was a distinct difference between sex for fun and sex for love.

When I became involved in a committed relationship, I was made to feel like I was the "typical horney male" for thinking there was a difference between fun sex and love sex. So for years I dismissed the notion. As recently as a year ago or so, I began reflecting on the good times I had when I was younger and my belief of fun sex resurfaced. Once my relationship had diminished to the point that there was no saving it, I began to seek out people I knew understood what I was thinking. Swingers. In my search, I came across the SLS website and consequently, Swinger's Board.

After posting my profile on SLS and a few posts on this site, I began recieving a few e-mails and contacts thru Yahoo. I decided to follow up with one of these and met a very nice lady who lives in Myrtle Beach, SC. She and I had dinner one Friday night and went to a couple of swinger's bars that she knew of and had a blast.

As far as swinging from the perspective of a committed couple, I've not had that experience yet. But as for swinging single, it's because of the association and friendship with good people who believe as I do that there is a seperation of sex for fun and sex for love. Couples generally look for other couples, but once in a while, you become friends with the right people and discover wonderful things about them, both in the bedroom and out.

Note to Jen: Anyone who considers swinging looks to fulfill a need or desire. We are all at different stages in our lives with different reservations and limitations. I applaud you for being open with us and sharing your feelings. I hope you become fulfilled with whatever steps you take into this world. I can't help but believe that if you have an honest interest in swinging that you will find that your "special someone" will also have that interest. While it's not mandatory, chances are if you associate with people who swing, you'll meet someone in that crowd. You will already have something in common.