Would you approach me at a club or party?

[Playful1]

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but it really is genuine.

I'm a single female. Bisexual, in law school (so i do have a brain) and most people seem to think im very attractive (5'4", 108lbs, 34B-24-35 and currently work as a model). I'm very friendly/talkative in group settings and very laid back, no drama (no, really!). I've been in the scene for 7yrs.

Here is my issue. I love playing, and play with a wide variety of people, but no matter how friendly I am people just don't really approach me Once people have played with me once, they have no problem with it. However I want to keep meeting new folks. I talk to them, flirt with, etc. but nothing.

I'm talking about on premise events and house parties btw.

I don't mind being the aggressor, but I admit, sometimes it would be nice to have someone come after me. My male swinger friends, both single and coupled, say I intimidate people because of my looks, but i have trouble believing that. A) because i dont really think im attractive enough to intimidate people..im not a supermodel or something and B) i have trouble seeing myself as intimidating in any way. Why not just approach, express and interest and go from there? or are people assuming I'll say no?

So my question to you is two fold...

1) would you approach me (based on the very little i gave here)? Why or why not?
2) if you say no...what could I do to make you approach me?

[Coupleerotic22]

Yes, we would approach you if we BOTH found you attractive.

But, I can certainly see why some would not. It is not unusual for people to avoid situations where they might get rejected. I think that is true even in the lifestyle. You sound stunning from your description, so I can see that as an issue for some.

Other reason I can see:

• Apparently, based on polls on this site, many men are more interested in MFM than FMF. Personally I like em both, but ot each his own.
• If the women is not Bi, a Bi female in a FMF might turn them off because they expect you will have more interest in them than their husband. And that is not what they are looking for. I have heard this a few times at parties.
• One party in the couple may not want that much competition from a very attractive person. I find it strange that people feel that way, but some people are insecure with their relationship.
• SF can be difficult to get to in a party. Generally, someone of your description is surrounded by males and females who are very interested. She clearly can have her pick. Maybe we would be the pick maybe we wouldn't, but since we usually are talking to at least 2-3 couples that have a mutual interest in us at parties, we are quite happy to let the other 19 jockey for position and spend time engaging the couples we are with. But certainly if you were alone or mingling we would approach you.
• We have met SF that were really not a match. They were not really into 3somes (interested only in the female half), some were quite arrogant (they held the cards and knew it, and made sure you knew it too), some just have fun being the center of attention and are not interested in playing, etc. Not that we judge all SF by a few bad apples, but I am sure some people do.

Often we are the worst judge at how others perceive us. I am a large man, former athlete. But I am gregarious. My wife says I can be intimidating because of my size, I have deep loud voice, and I am not shy to go up to people. She says it can be intimidating for some. I think I am just a big old teddy bear (she thinks so too, but she knows me). But the point is I have to go out of my way to make sure others get to know me rather than allowing them to judge me based on first site.

It is frustrating to hear comments, even from people I have gotten to know well, that refer to my size as being intimidating. Females coming to me because they know the guy that keeps hounding them will leave them alone (don't get me wrong I am glad to do that for them). Or husbands joking about not getting out of line with my wife (they wouldn't anyway, they are gentleman, but it just humor to them.)

As odd as it may sound for a beautiful woman you may have to go out of your way to put people at ease, because beauty can be intimidating. You may need to make an effort to mingle more, because some will figure they don't have a chance or won't wade through the crowd if the odds are stacked so highly against them.

That is my 2 cents, it may be a load of crock, so take it for what its worth.

[DigginIt]

I just want to say that CoupleErotic hit some extremely good points.

This may or may not apply but thought I would add it to the list. Something I was told in one of my first posts here over a year ago is that people at clubs will often associate you with the people you associate with.

People see you playing with people they feel are "out of their league" or have rejected them at some point in the past so they are afraid to approach you.

People see you playing with people they feel are "not in their league" so they won't play with you.

I will even go as far as saying that it could be simple jealousy or a feeling of inadequacy that one partner won't allow them (inadequacy) or their partner (jealousy) play with you.

[VegasLee]

Yes I would approach you.

Mainly to see what your attitude and personality are like.

Many times people have the preconceived notion that "pretty people" have to much attitude. Many of them think they are special and god's gift to the world.

If I found that to be the case I would leave you alone no matter how hot and easy you may be. Just how I am.

If you are truly easy going and not stuck on yourself then I would spend time. Nothing wrong with a pretty girl with the RIGHT ATTITUDE.

Besides, it is most everyones fantasy to get to screw their attorney. We party with two female attorneys, we used to be their clients.

[Cajun2Step]

Yes we would both approach you. But then we are more secure in who we are than many folks.

In your case it may be a curse to be good looking. You might need to make people more comfortable when they are around you.

We both suggest that you become the aggressor approaching those you are interested in or those you might sense are intimidated or appear insecure.

[Coupleerotic22]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

People see you playing with people they feel are "out of their league" or have rejected them at some point in the past so they are afraid to approach you.

People see you playing with people they feel are "not in their league" so they won't play with you.

Great point!

One more thing I noticed. I was in college when you were born. I know it is a cliche for men to seek out younger hot women. But when you are my nieces age or younger, well......

It is just a mental hurdle for me. And certainly one for my wife. One I wish we could get over, LOL. I am not sure most would agree with me about not looking for ladies that much younger, but I do know more swingers fall into our age range than yours.

It is also not just age. We have played with younger couples, still a several years older than you. So far it has not been great, there has been drama every time due to lack of maturity. If we are interested in younger couples now, we take even more time to get to know them because sometimes that immaturity doesn't show up in a couple of meetings or even until you are in a sexual situation. That is not to say someone is immature because they are young, age and maturity do not go hand in hand. But if it happens regularly then you get gun shy. We have moved our "age range" up as a result.

So we don't search for people nearly as young as you. If you introduce yourself or someone introduces you to us at a party, and you strike us a very mature person, we might entertain the idea. But if we saw you across the room, no matter how attractive, I doubt we would approach you from a sexual stand point. As friends? Yes! As playmate? Probably not, but we might be in the minority on that.

I can tell you from experience, it is a real mood killer when you are having sex with a women and she tells you are not much older than her father. It just made me feel like a creepy old man. But that is really my issue, clearly not hers, she was with me. My wife likes older guys as well, but not old enough to be her father lol.

[ENCRYPTEDTX]

Would I approach?

I wouldnt necessarily hang up my jacket and make a bee line for you ask you to hit the sack with me. I really enjoy conversations, and while the host or hostess were showing me around, and during the hand-shakes and hellos, I would certainly ask for a side bar with my host/hostess and ask if they knew you or knew your desires towards single guys. If they dont know you or dont know your preferences, I will make some friendly gesture to you in the evening.

I like to smile in passing and make a joke. Body language is just wonderful when you understand it. If I see you are giving positive body language, I will ask you if you would like to shoot a game of pool, need a drink refill or would like to rob a bank later on this evening? The answer isnt really as important as how you say it. If we have chemistry from there we will get the guns, or pool cues or mixers for the drinks........


Do you ever consider you are giving off negative body language? Looks are important, but people generally flock to laughing, smiling up beat people.


I had to read many books about body language to understand some of my flaws. A friend once told me I never blink my eyes. After reading and understanding about me, I learned not blinking is an intimidating body language signal.

Kyle

[Playful1]

lots of good responses, thank you.

In this case I will say that giving off negative body language is not my problem, lol, believe me.

As to the other replies, I think they are all valid. Sadly, I can agree that many younger swingers seem to come hand in hand with a lot of drama. I imagine people experience that enough and say 'no more'. I'm not generally surrounded by a lot of people, so i dont think it is an access issue.

I think attractive single women also do have the reputation for bringing drama (again, i can say this is often true unfortunately), so when you combine that with age, well, it's already 2 strikes before they even talk to you.

Also, a lot of people more than 10yrs older than me seem to think (based on posts, conversations, etc. that i have seen/heard) that they will have nothing in common with or nothing to talk about with someone my age. I find that sad. As some of my best conversations have been with people 15+ yrs older than me, as well as some of my best partners.

For now I'll just have to keep being the aggressor and hope that as I get older people will be more willing to approach.

thanks for all the responses and good thoughts

[Cajun2Step]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Also, a lot of people more than 10yrs older than me seem to think (based on posts, conversations, etc. that i have seen/heard) that they will have nothing in common with or nothing to talk about with someone my age. I find that sad. As some of my best conversations have been with people 15+ yrs older than me, as well as some of my best partners.

For now I'll just have to keep being the aggressor and hope that as I get older people will be more willing to approach.

thanks for all the responses and good thoughts

C2S and Lady C2S both here. We have taken a personal poll. Feel free to be the aggressor toward us and we will let everyone know how good it was.
From your posts we both feel we would enjoy meeting, conversing, and partnering with you.

Seriously good luck in your pursuit.

[Rick2112]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but it really is genuine.

I'm a single female. Bisexual, in law school (so i do have a brain) and most people seem to think im very attractive (5'4", 108lbs, 34B-24-35 and currently work as a model). I'm very friendly/talkative in group settings and very laid back, no drama (no, really!). I've been in the scene for 7yrs.

Here is my issue. I love playing, and play with a wide variety of people, but no matter how friendly I am people just don't really approach me Once people have played with me once, they have no problem with it. However I want to keep meeting new folks. I talk to them, flirt with, etc. but nothing.

I'm talking about on premise events and house parties btw.

I don't mind being the aggressor, but I admit, sometimes it would be nice to have someone come after me. My male swinger friends, both single and coupled, say I intimidate people because of my looks, but i have trouble believing that. A) because i dont really think im attractive enough to intimidate people..im not a supermodel or something and B) i have trouble seeing myself as intimidating in any way. Why not just approach, express and interest and go from there? or are people assuming I'll say no?

So my question to you is two fold...

1) would you approach me (based on the very little i gave here)? Why or why not?
2) if you say no...what could I do to make you approach me?

Yes I would, you sound nice, and seem sincere, yet my instinct says you are aware that you are very attractive to the majority of men...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, a cliche yet I must Insist it is true...Smart....I've made a habit of getting to now people that are more sucessful and better educated than I..Why?? My hidden agenda is to show them things they never learned in school, I've made a few good friends that way...Not on the exchange of knowledge rather the joy of learning something new..In this Forum the women are both king and queen for the most part, you don't need a poll for what your eyes see day after day...
As for me, sometimes I would rather stimulate my mind than my physical being...thats not true...I love to stimulate them both at the same time..
Thanks for listening...Rick

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but it really is genuine.

I'm a single female. Bisexual, in law school (so i do have a brain) and most people seem to think im very attractive (5'4", 108lbs, 34B-24-35 and currently work as a model). I'm very friendly/talkative in group settings and very laid back, no drama (no, really!). I've been in the scene for 7yrs.

Here is my issue. I love playing, and play with a wide variety of people, but no matter how friendly I am people just don't really approach me Once people have played with me once, they have no problem with it. However I want to keep meeting new folks. I talk to them, flirt with, etc. but nothing.

I'm talking about on premise events and house parties btw.

I don't mind being the aggressor, but I admit, sometimes it would be nice to have someone come after me. My male swinger friends, both single and coupled, say I intimidate people because of my looks, but i have trouble believing that. A) because i dont really think im attractive enough to intimidate people..im not a supermodel or something and B) i have trouble seeing myself as intimidating in any way. Why not just approach, express and interest and go from there? or are people assuming I'll say no?

So my question to you is two fold...

1) would you approach me (based on the very little i gave here)? Why or why not?
2) if you say no...what could I do to make you approach me?

As a single man I can relate to what you are saying. Not the cause but the consequence. I think the fear of rejection or wariness of probable drama are the main barriers you face, but the solution is easy. Call me next time you want to go to a club.

Just kidding.

Seriously, it may be a body language thing, but not the way you think. It may be that you are, as you said, eager to meet new people and willing to play at on-premises events, and people see that and think something is wrong because you are trying to be open and friendly and approachable, something attractive SINGLE women at on-premises events usually are not until they are a little closer to my age and perceived to be more confident, wise, and in control of their hormones.

I had a recent experience where a young woman's body language said she was looking for sex was so apparent even the college guys playing pool were afraid to approach her because she was gorgeous and should not have wanted anything. After a few minutes I and three other older single guys worked up the nerve to ask her to join us while we played pool and told lies about our time in the military. An hour later when she said she didn't know who to pick, two of the guys chuckled and walked away leaving me and another guy there. When I asked where she lived, she looked at my shoes, asked if I walked there (it was only two blocks away, dammit ) and she left with the other guy. Too funny, now, but disappointing then.

Just be aware that sometimes you may be broadcasting your desires too loudly and others might be intimidated by that. I know from experience that single men intimidate, and sometimes even frighten, women with their body language when all they are looking for is companionship. Being too open is just as bad as being standoffish (is that really a word?) so maybe try to moderate your posture when you are at on-premises events.

Of course, you could call me and we could go as a couple. LOL.

[corncobb72]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but it really is genuine.

I'm a single female. Bisexual, in law school (so i do have a brain) and most people seem to think im very attractive (5'4", 108lbs, 34B-24-35 and currently work as a model). I'm very friendly/talkative in group settings and very laid back, no drama (no, really!). I've been in the scene for 7yrs.

Here is my issue. I love playing, and play with a wide variety of people, but no matter how friendly I am people just don't really approach me Once people have played with me once, they have no problem with it. However I want to keep meeting new folks. I talk to them, flirt with, etc. but nothing.

I'm talking about on premise events and house parties btw.

I don't mind being the aggressor, but I admit, sometimes it would be nice to have someone come after me. My male swinger friends, both single and coupled, say I intimidate people because of my looks, but i have trouble believing that. A) because i dont really think im attractive enough to intimidate people..im not a supermodel or something and B) i have trouble seeing myself as intimidating in any way. Why not just approach, express and interest and go from there? or are people assuming I'll say no?

So my question to you is two fold...

1) would you approach me (based on the very little i gave here)? Why or why not?
2) if you say no...what could I do to make you approach me?

we would because we have been looking for someone for a while and you sound like what my husband is looking for.

[Learning]

I'll be one to say no I would not approach. Just because DH and I are pretty shy but we were getting better at it. In your department single girls can have their pick so why would you be interested in a cpl who approached you? In away I would assume if you were interested you would approach us. Seriously you can usually have anyone you want.

[BR1957]

Originally Posted by Playful1

Ok, this might seem like an odd question, but it really is genuine.

I'm a single female. Bisexual, in law school (so i do have a brain) and most people seem to think im very attractive (5'4", 108lbs, 34B-24-35 and currently work as a model). I'm very friendly/talkative in group settings and very laid back, no drama (no, really!). I've been in the scene for 7yrs.

Here is my issue. I love playing, and play with a wide variety of people, but no matter how friendly I am people just don't really approach me Once people have played with me once, they have no problem with it. However I want to keep meeting new folks. I talk to them, flirt with, etc. but nothing.

I'm talking about on premise events and house parties btw.

I don't mind being the aggressor, but I admit, sometimes it would be nice to have someone come after me. My male swinger friends, both single and coupled, say I intimidate people because of my looks, but i have trouble believing that. A) because i dont really think im attractive enough to intimidate people..im not a supermodel or something and B) i have trouble seeing myself as intimidating in any way. Why not just approach, express and interest and go from there? or are people assuming I'll say no?

So my question to you is two fold...

1) would you approach me (based on the very little i gave here)? Why or why not?
2) if you say no...what could I do to make you approach me?

Hello I am Barry I WOULD always come back to you, would you to me.........I am 53 now, and disabled. I am very friendly, caring, horny, and I got a girlfriend who is 30 and bi, I love girls with brains too, she has a PHD. I live in the UK, if you want me as a friend or more..........please contact me poetbarry57@aol.com, or via Facebook, or Twitter. If not sorry to have bothered you, take care Barry.

[Trace Ekies]

The Mrs. would definately approach...I would be very careful and decide to stay clear...

At 46 years old I would find it difficult to approach a single woman in her late 20's to early 30's (my assumption based on your description) due to the high volume of "hits" you'd typically receive and my fear of making fool of myself approaching someone so much younger than me.

It is not beauty or intelligence that I fear...it's being the "dirty old man" in the eyes of others...

While I understand that "there's an ass for every seat", I will almost always assume that a beautiful young woman is looking for someone near her own age...

Feel free to approach myself and Mrs. Ekies anytime...

Good luck in your swingin' travels,

Trace