My favorite PMs from single guys(please share yours!)

[Infidelsgonewld]

The Mrs. and I got yet another terrible/hilarious private message from a single guy on Swing Lifestyle(despite the "IF YOU ARE SINGLE DO NOT CONTACT US!" at the top of our profile lol!

I don't always complain though. They can be VERY entertaining. Here are some examples(all of these are in their entirety):

"Hello Im GENO from the Arlington Va area.and Today is
Tuesday and Im off work!! but its a little on the cool
wet side..What happen to the hot weather..smile.. I've
relocated to the area beacuse of my Job..however I can
travel to meet you if you like? I'm available today
its my day off!! I'm a very fun laid back guy who just
loves sex Im very good at it and for some reason can't
get enough sex..smile..Im very long lasting and can
cum multiple times over. I'm a very strong ten inches
and not pushy or over the edge.. so I hope we can
connect today.. or tonight..perhaps right
now...smile..my contact info is in this email so look
closely. I'm a performer who will please before my own
satisfaction I'm a very nice guy funny, witty, smart,
and very outgoing..I'd love a sexy woman like yourself
and would love to meet and see if we can get something
hot started. Im not desperate just a very very horny
stud..smile..smile.. no shit!!. [censored phone number..he spelled out the numbers...]..or So please contact
me..looking forward to hearing from you..Geno"

-Cracked me up that he spelled out "smile" and spelled out his phone number at the end. It also never fails to amuse me when single guys think you will drop what you are doing, fumble with the phone from excitement at hearing about his enormous cock, and contact them as quickly as is humanly possible. Before they change their minds!

"I can be your granddad. what a hoot to let me share
my experiences in the bi world with you. write back,
hugs."

-Not sure viagra could have gotten me hard after reading this..and seeing his pic.

"Are you ever available during the day I work a
rotating schedule and have Thursday off interested?"

-As interested as I am in having unprotected sex with the natives of Africa.

"Hey there. I"m Mike... 30 y/o professional who has
been in the lifestyle for a while. Had one
girlfriend that I use to swing with... actually my hs
sweetheart that then spilled over to college. And
I've been with other ladies and couples. Mostly
friends... but some that I've met from Swing Lifestyle. It's a
fun lifestyle... great. amazing... especially to
share something so intimate and special with
someone. With Eileen I use to love to see her with
others... guys and girls. As for the bi thing...
I've had some guys play a bit with me.... nothing
other than hand job and a little sucking. I haven't
don't anything in return. It is a turn out... and I
would like to try it... but it has to be right... and
I think with the right couple - with me it couldn't
just be guy and guy... we need a female in the mix
too... that would help break the ice... say "try
sucking this" or "help me over here"... type thing.
I think that is pretty hott and I would love to try
with the right people. which is another
experience... make sure you're comfortable with who
you play with... very important. had one of my
friends who got out of hand and was trying to get
with eileen all the time. had to put an end to
things with him. I'm in DC until Friday... if you're
around and have some time I'd be happy to meet up and
chat with you more about it. Also happy to share
pictures with you... I've opened them on here and
could also email them.
ps... just some more cause you have me thinking !!
hehe... I use to love when my friends and people I
knew and trusted went bareback in eileen. Also loved
when her and her friend would play with me at one
time... be it a double bj or one on top of my cock
and the other on my face. loved seeing her with
another female... and when we would swap with another
couple... or do a chain. one ice breaker we use
to play is strip poker... and then once you got naked
it became a dare... the winner of the hand got to
dare the loser to do something. maybe to put him in
your mouth, such him, lick her, kiss for one minute,
put him inside you, etc. that way it wasn't them
initiating the act.... it was the other person.
Hope to hear from you and possibly set something up."

-Considering the length of this guy's PM, I am sure that he thought the history of his lifestyle experiences would not only be the highlight of our day; but the answer to our prayers. His illuminating insight into unknown sexual landscapes, would no doubt inspire us to pepper him with questions and pleads for his sexual guidance!

"How it going I'm new to this type of thing I was reading ur. Profile I see we live in tha same area u guys looking"

A literary genius, to be sure...maybe an idiot savant...nah just an idiot.

"fantasy would be for me to be as you wish!
im free tonight and game for????as well!"

Our fantasy=never bumping into this guy at a club. Awkwaaard.

"I'm Tim from Geneva.I would be interested in meeting
with yous and maybe teaching yous about this life
style.Yes I'm Bi as well just don't advertise it. If
you could give me a call some time we could talk and
set up a meeting and we all could have fun,
Hope to hear from yous soon.Tim"

I was sort of afraid to turn this guy down...didn't want to get whacked by a Tony Soprano look alike.

"great ass"

Thanks! Can we fuck you now? Or after you're done with your PBR and chicken wings? And please wipe the mild sauce from your pedo-stache, the Mrs. is wet enough as it is!

"I am a srt8 male, I have a veryperverted mind. Never can get enough sex, I am hwp, nsa, ddfree, I have a verythick 8" cock that lasts along time and very heavy cummer. I love roleplay and plindfold sex. I can also bring a buddy with me that has an 11" cock and a 10" tongue if intersted. I will open webcam and show or u can contact me at yahoo email or IM"

This was a PM that was sent by a 44 year old man. I know what you were thinking What sort of Jersey Shore watching, webcam using, jackhole wrote this?. I was right there with you! But now that you know that he is 44 years old; The mental pic of him starts to include grey lambchop side burns, faded Baltimore Colts jersey with thigh high cut-off jean shorts, and a white Econoline van where he and his side-kick would ravage you ladies with their 8-11 inch cocks and 10" tongues, and try to convince you that you don't need protection. They're clean!

[Chicup]

The 10" tongue would have me nervous he was actually an alien looking for human flesh.

[LagniappeDC]

lol...we got the EXACT SAME message from the same guy that you posted first on your list. I guess he's a cut and paste kinda guy. Makes you really wonder what his bedroom technique is ;-p

[MsGoneWild]

Originally Posted by LagniappeDC

lol...we got the EXACT SAME message from the same guy that you posted first on your list. I guess he's a cut and paste kinda guy. Makes you really wonder what his bedroom technique is ;-p

cut and paste as well? lol

[Infidelsgonewld]

Originally Posted by LagniappeDC

lol...we got the EXACT SAME message from the same guy that you posted first on your list. I guess he's a cut and paste kinda guy. Makes you really wonder what his bedroom technique is ;-p

That is hysterical!

[AskMeOk]

Originally Posted by Chicup

The 10" tongue would have me nervous he was actually an alien looking for human flesh.

Nah, I figure he's just a harmless poly visitor from Denobula!

[TwoAreLooking]

Oh, the horror.

My brain is all hurty now. Tx.

So, what do you guys do when someone sends an IM: "Hi" Really? That's all? Srsly? wtf, dude?

M.

p.s.: yes, the challenge from madame mod is making me chatty, but I also remembered that I LIKE this group. We's fun to talk to 'n' stuff. MY typos are ON PURPOSE, and you all GET THAT.

[Olivesman]

Since we are brand new, we have received some real whizzers. The one we have saved involves the dude who went berserk when we politely (we thought) told him that we were interested in couples only. Not copying it since the language and rage is too strong for even this forum but it was fairly obvious that he was typing with one hand and I bet his bride doesn't have a clue on what he is doing.

Road rage of the genitals!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by Infidelsgonewld

The Mrs. and I got yet another terrible/hilarious private message from a single guy on Swing Lifestyle(despite the "IF YOU ARE SINGLE DO NOT CONTACT US!" at the top of our profile lol!

We weren't interested in singles either, so we used the BLOCK SINGLE MALES feature offered by Swing Lifestyle. I think most ad sites have this option.

You seem to enjoy the contacts, due to the humor they bring you. So I imagine that is why you've not used the block feature.

For those Swing Lifestyle members who don't want contact from them, the block feature will nearly elliminate contact from single males. There will be a few singles/or cheaters posing as a couple (using a couples profile) to get around the block, but we found that rarely happened.

LM

[appliancesex]

recently it's been straight guys contacting us looking to completely bypass me and get straight to camming with the lady. don't get me wrong, i can understand if you're straight and prefer not to do anything with a bi male (and frankly i'd be a little concerned if you were straight and wanted to do something only with me), but it's the speed to which they jump to this proposal.

just now:

him: hello and good morning.
me: good morning.
him: it's mike. who am i speaking with?
me: jon.
me: you're up early.
him: just coming from breakfast. lol [is that a euphemism?]
him: i'm wondering if the mrs. wants to enjoy some steamy webcam sex in this beautiful morning.
me: i'm sorry, that's not our bag.
him: thanks for responding.
---so and so closed his im window--

this is about the fourth one in a row. always in the morning.

my fave so far has been some guy who created a profile saying he's in flagstaff. after a few lines it appears he is actually from phoenix, another 3 hours away from flagstaff. he contacts me at about 11pm on a tuesday (i've got to work at 8 the next day but wants to know if we can meet him in flag to hook up.

i'm like, well, we are about 2 hours away from you.

he says, "Swing Lifestyle says it's 60 miles or about 40 minutes".

i tell him that there are two roads out of our area and it takes about 2 hours.

even if it was only 40 minutes, after play we'd only get back here around 2am? on a school night??

[erotichugs]

wow.. you got someone who actually wrote stuff .. took some time writting a whole letter to you..
what we usually get is something like this..

H R U?
ASL
I horney!!
wnt 2 c me cum?

and that with no pic or nothing on the profile.

[appliancesex]

Originally Posted by erotichugs

wow.. you got someone who actually wrote stuff .. took some time writting a whole letter to you..
what we usually get is something like this..

H R U?
ASL
I horney!!
wnt 2 c me cum?

and that with no pic or nothing on the profile.

would you really want pics at that point?

actually, a 45 yo woman sent us similar messages a couple months ago. i was worried that she was forming whole paragraphs but still couldn't afford any vowels.

[erotichugs]

Originally Posted by appliancesex

would you really want pics at that point?
.

I have petpeeve about this "SMS shorthand" while chatting anyway.. so this kind of converstation goes on till i find the "BLOCK BUTTON" .. then dont have to really worry about anything..

GOD!! I love that BLOCK BUTTON :-) and no pics really dont matter

[meandmyhotgirl]

Originally Posted by Infidelsgonewld

The Mrs. and I got yet another terrible/hilarious private message from a single guy on Swing Lifestyle(despite the "IF YOU ARE SINGLE DO NOT CONTACT US!" at the top of our profile lol!

some people just can't take a hint... or in this case a straightforward statement, hahaha.

[MsGoneWild]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We weren't interested in singles either, so we used the BLOCK SINGLE MALES feature offered by Swing Lifestyle. I think most ad sites have this option.

You seem to enjoy the contacts, due to the humor they bring you. So I imagine that is why you've not used the block feature.

For those Swing Lifestyle members who don't want contact from them, the block feature will nearly elliminate contact from single males. There will be a few singles/or cheaters posing as a couple (using a couples profile) to get around the block, but we found that rarely happened.

LM

we like single bi guys, so blocking them would be kinda counter-productive. And you're totally right, the humor is worth it.