Advice for single guy to find single girl

[jhitch82]

hi im 28 male boston ma.... just got checked out first party after alot of contemplating if i want to do it.

anyways i want to find a single female, whether it be for a companion for parties or maybe even a relationship (if it goes that far). the swingers with experience suggested i find a girl at a party. only downfall i c to that is, not many groups allow single guys (if they do u need to pay expensive donation) and its not a gaurantee there will be single females at a party (interested in you and vice versa)....

do you suggest i hit up all the swingers forums and swinger websites?

[VegasLee]

Good luck to you.

We have 30+ years in the Lifestyle and have found most of the single women at the parties desire to remain that way. Most of them don't want to be tied to a male, that is why they come to the parties single. Honestly, single women don't need a date or male to have fun at the parties.

You and 1000's of other single guys are looking for the same thing. A single women that will be their ticket into the Swinging Party World.

There are clubs that allow single guys and yes, you tend to pay more as a single guy. Sometimes a great deal more and other times not much.

Using a women as a discount ticket to those parties is not looked upon very highly. We see it many times and find it does not work long term.

You may be lucky and find a women in regular life that wants to be a Swinger. I am betting that will be your best bet since the single women in the Lifestyle pretty much know about single guys already.

[Alura]

Years ago I knew a couple who met through a referral agency. They made video tapes, outlining their hopes and intentions. Mention many things that interest you, including swinging. You probably won't get a lot of replies but the ones you do get will be good ones.

If you're hoping to find a single women as a ticket, you're probably wasting your time. Many before you have tried and failed. As Lee said, single women in the lifestyle don't need you; even couples can do quite nicely without you.

On this board, you'll find a much better reception if you write with enthusiasm and energy. Using one letter to denote a word is considered lazy at best and poorly educated at worst. It's good to watch your punctuation as well. Mistakes are readily accepted but unpunctuated sentences are difficult to understand. Most folks won't bother.

Personally, I think you should heed Lee's advice and seek a woman outside the lifestyle. Strive to learn about her by asking her about her life. It's good to phrase questions, "How do you feel about..." Listen to her answers carefully and don't forget what they were. As your relationship deepens you'll be comfortably enough to ask, "How do you feel about group sex?" A relationship won't "go that far" unless you work hard to make it so.

Alura

[amid]

Originally Posted by Alura

On this board, you'll find a much better reception if you write with enthusiasm and energy. Using one letter to denote a word is considered lazy at best and poorly educated at worst. It's good to watch your punctuation as well. Mistakes are readily accepted but unpunctuated sentences are difficult to understand. Most folks won't bother.


Alura

Don't forget Alura when considering his age he is on the older side but still of the age of text messages and IM's where abbreviations and truncated sentences are the norm. It's almost like a new language. You should see my 12yo daughter on her IM's it's like pidgeon English!

Lmao ttyl bffl amid.

[Alura]

Thanks for the tip, Amid. I know your point is valid, but this board isn't texting and clarity of expression is vital.

My 18 and 20 year old sons are text aces as well but they spell out words and use proper punctuation.

I ain't buyin' it. I really was trying to give the O.P. some tips that might help him.

Alura

[JustAskJulie]

I agree with Lee on his statement that most single girls who are swinging aren't looking for anything more.

My suggestion for single guys is to look in the normal places and just look for ladies who are open-minded to trying new things and talking about sex. If they are willing to talk about sex (not saying they are willing to jump in the sack with you on the first date) but if you go out a few times and you can easily get to the point where you can discuss sexual things then bring up the idea of swinging or best bet start talking about experiences and share with her your experience with swinging and see what she says. If she doesn't run for the hills keep her around and ask her what she thinks of maybe ever participating in something like that.

[SexyNSingle]

As a single female in the lifestyle, when I read the statement about finding a female to perhaps attend with, as a date or guest etc., somehow it didn't sit well with me. Probably because I disagree with the notion that women can enter with virtually no problem but my male counter parts have to virtually pay out the ying yang if they want to attend the same event. I know there are reasons for this, but whose to say that my female counter part isn't as creepy as some guy?

Just saying is all....

[dx01993]

Originally Posted by SexyNSingle

As a single female in the lifestyle, when I read the statement about finding a female to perhaps attend with, as a date or guest etc., somehow it didn't sit well with me. Probably because I disagree with the notion that women can enter with virtually no problem but my male counter parts have to virtually pay out the ying yang if they want to attend the same event. I know there are reasons for this, but whose to say that my female counter part isn't as creepy as some guy?

Just saying is all....

I know what you mean. I'm a single male, but I agree with guys paying more. It's not a fair world, but it's the only way to keep a level playing field. There's no perfect way to do this, but it's currently the best way to filter some creeps out. And yes there are females that are creeps too.

[justinandtricia]

I will never understand why a guy would ever pay to get into a swinger party. The thought of that is insulting, and a sign of desperation. If you are looking for single women to hook up with, I would suggest websites like plentyoffish.com, myyearbook.com, hell even myspace. I know a lot of the girls posts say they are just looking for friends, or wanting a long term relationship, but in all honesty, that is just societies law of "girls that go out looking for sex is wrong" in action. Most women who post a profile on the internet looking for a guy arent retarded, and know that they most likely wont find their soulmate on a dating site. Most are really looking for the same thing that most guys are looking for on those sites, they are just to ashamed by society to admit to it. I have met many women on these websites that said they want a relationship, and kids, and a house and blah blah. But when i went to meet them, guess what. We went out, we had drinks, and we had sex. And hooked up a few times after the first until either the drive got too far for one of us, or one just got bored with the other. And hell some i still hook up with on occasion with my wife for some fun. But anyway, you really should not ever pay to get into a party just because you are a guy, because when you do that, all you are doing is footing the bill for all the other shallow swingers and single women to get together, drink free booze(paid for by your donations) and do things you want to be doing in front of you while you sit in a corner even more frustrated than the frustration that drove you to come in the first place.

[justinandtricia]

You mean those parties that my wife and I had attended before, where married couples and couples in general get in for free, as do single women, but any single guy that doesnt bring some pussy to the party has to pay with money. Yea, you guys are getting ripped off. Basically you are footing the bill to rent the space, pay for the free booze, and in return you get to sit in a corner and watch all the couples do what you came there to do without getting anything. I guess if you just like to watch, then you got what you paid for, but in reality they were using you to fund their little shindig and leave you there even more frustrated than you already were.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by justinandtricia

I will never understand why a guy would ever pay to get into a swinger party...

...You mean those parties that my wife and I had attended before, where married couples and couples in general get in for free, as do single women, but any single guy that doesnt bring some pussy to the party has to pay with money.

We're a couple and always have to pay to get into a swinger club or public party (held in a hotel convention room). I've not heard of only singles having to pay to get in to public clubs/events. We all pay to support the clubs, single guys usually pay a little more.

Private parties are another matter. There the hosts choose who to invite, the size is small and we've never had to pay, neither have the singles (men or women) who attend. People who attend often bring a bottle of wine or a snack to share with the guests. Those parties are usually held in a home or in a hotel suite.

LM

[monkeycouple]

Found on Monkeycouple.com under, "NOTE TO PUSHY SINGLE AND MARRIED MALES:"

Single males that seek to attend a swinger party/club is usually pre-approved to attend, pays extra and/or is sponsored as a guest with an attending sponsor (couple or female), or, they MUST bring a "non-blind" date along with them for entry to and during the whole club event. Sorry to hear, no club allows hoards of single male memberships for the simple fact of the time involved screening single males unable or unwilling to produce a "swinger-date." [Translated, LAZY!] Furthermore, there must be kept a balance of quality and happy couples and single females seeking other quality happy couples or females. For the simple fact, that most single males are pushy and unlearned leaving no attraction for most couples willing to attend. We recommend that you read Google an informational article called, "SWINGERS ETIQUETTE."

Pushy males, while recurrently watching porn, do not take into account that porn is interpersonal, scripted, staged and fictional sexual relationships of adults by adults to inform their viewers of the wide range of important aspects within sexual expression and sexploration. Please note, that these fictional accounts of intercourse do not always exhibit the full range of real life relationships and emotions, but threesomes always do the consenting purpose of the free-willed ministry for every single male! On the other hand, the pushy-male syndrome is abound with cheap and lazy males unable to obtain.

Married men that want to get started in the Lifestyle, but yet, have a unresponsive spouse certainly has a challenge before them. Sure, you might have discussed liberated truths with your wife; but seldom, hardly ever, almost never, do wives change their minds by mental logic and research. Both secular and religious women alike are conditioned from birth to go by custom and by their emotions, and balk at sexual liberation from talk talk talk. They almost never give their husbands permission to have sex with others. Thus, why you are on the internet to try it secretly, or perhaps watching porn to start imaging what will never happen? She knows she can make your life extremely miserable if she just says, "NO!" That's it, the discussion is over! She, knowing full well the whole worldly system is behind her with the whole false Church system backing her up, would gladly have the whole worldly churchy law system punish you for ever fulfilling your sexual dreams with a 60% tax called divorce and child support. Therefore, few wives (or husbands) have the deeper spiritual marriage of real love, that it takes to allow the other to be happy with others and together, making others happy. Communication is the most important aspect of any true love relationship. If you don't feel you can talk to your partner about anything and everything then you are not ready for swinging. If you want to bring up the topic and don't know how, then work on talking with your partner about everything else first.

Find a Lady, talk to her and coach her into the Lifestyle first. Then, why not turn the tables in her favor and choke her logic by giving her a threesome with an additional male? You aren't in a position to consider a threesome with another couple or a one-on-one with another female, when you can't lower your pride to give her an additional lover first. Of course, don't be selfish allowing her a lover just so you can fuck yours, and to further avoid bonding with your spouse. Try real bonding by giving her a threesome with another male that you both choose. I did MFMs for 2+ years and it changed my whole way of thinking and my life! It's called biblical sexual hospitality. Maybe that's the reason I own a swingers club, DJ for, write for, and defend the Lifestyle in FULL liberty because of my past faith! I thank God everyday for my wife and my lovers. She is truly a submissive listener and has been given total liberty to fully explore her fantasies and desires with us both operating in 100% full upfront honesty, trust and faith along side with each other equally!

The summation for married men seeking the Lifestyle without their participant spouse somehow never seems to work out, and as always, learn the hard way that all males must choose a much better choice when choosing whom to contract with in marriage. Mind you, the world does not encourage us to learn about true love. The solution of adding a second lover or husband does help us understand what real love is, that is, in giving our lover what they can appreciate the most. Give, and then later we might receive. But even if we don't later receive, we just do it for sake of love's sake. And amazingly, bringing in another male from the outside, also helps alleviate the pushy-male syndrome, are ministered too in nakedness, and greatly learn to share with the original mate.

Taking a single male into your sacred bedroom or swingers club is a ministry! In our experience, most males/newbies miss the mark and think our sharing is a weakness, whereby thinking they can steal some free pussy. Alas, most miss the mark, but still, nothing ventured, nothing gained and our wives learn to love others in a safe environment where we all stick together and support one another. You married men should show off "your balls," I mean courage, liberates her and shows her true love, all the while, we learn not to compete with fellow males. At the same time, loving, learning and sharing with a single-male solves the problem of single-male syndrome. Great solution, and, it works!
We recommend that you read the information here on SWINGERSBOARD.COM titled "GETTING STARTED" in the Archives section.

[justinandtricia]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We're a couple and always have to pay to get into a swinger club or public party (held in a hotel convention room). I've not heard of only singles having to pay to get in to public clubs/events. We all pay to support the clubs, single guys usually pay a little more.

Private parties are another matter. There the hosts choose who to invite, the size is small and we've never had to pay, neither have the singles (men or women) who attend. People who attend often bring a bottle of wine or a snack to share with the guests. Those parties are usually held in a home or in a hotel suite.

LM

We belonged to an on-premise club in south central Indiana. Yes there was a yearly due that all members had to pay. And you could only become members if you were a couple. Single females were allowed in for free(no membership, no dues, just got in). Single men had to pay if they wanted to get in, something like 100 dollars. And honestly, the single women, and single men were both looking for the same thing. The were looking for a quick lay with a couple that were members to the club. The money that was collected from the single men went to supplying the food buffet, and free booze(booze was free because the club did not have a license to sell liquor). And honestly the single women were as much a nuisance as the single men were when it came to roaming the club and pestering the paid members.

[VegasLee]

Be prepared justinandtricia if you ever venture out side of Indiana. As a couple you will be paying your yearly fee and a door fee each and every time you enter a club and you will be bringing your own booze. Other clubs also do not give out free booze because the laws say if anyone pays to enter, they can not give away the drinks, they must bring their own.

I guess because of the one club you go to you have a much different out look on how the singles are treated in this Lifestyle. In the other parts of the world everyone pays their own way.

The singles at other clubs are looking for the same thing as the couples are, hooking up with someone other than they came with. ;-)

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by justinandtricia

We belonged to an on-premise club in south central Indiana.

justinandtricia ~ Why don't you belong any longer?

How long has it been since you went to a swinger club?


You're neck of the woods sounds unique. As VegasLee said, venture out and you'll find things are different in other states. Around here clubs stay in business because everybody pays to get in. And the booze is never free at a public establishment, it's BYOB.

LM