Telling new lovers about your past history

[californiadon]

Just need a bit of advice ... after being in the lifestyle for many years (1977 - 1991) .... would you tell your new lovers about your past swinging history.. or wait until the question comes up in a normal conversation?

[DigginIt]

Hmmm, I would want to say the earlier you say something the better but you don't want to scare them off either. Mostly, I would say that it's going to have to depend on the type of person you are dating because they could be turned on by that or repelled.

Wish I had better advice. I'm sure you will probably hear of people who did both but at the end of the day, nobody is the same so your results will also vary.

Good luck though!

[SecretAsianMan]

I'd only bring it up if it was part of the topic of conversation & I could sense the "vibe" that they weren't going to be weirded out by a VERY open discussion about our sexual histories.

[DiscreetDesires]

I guess I am somewhat different in that.
If it is someone that I have a relationship with.. then yes, I would tell them most definitely.
I am very honest and expect total honesty out of the those I am sexual with and especially someone I am carrying on a relationship with.
Within the first few conversation I had with my now husband, I made sure I disclosed myself completely.
I was scared to do so, but I would rather someone be with me because of who I actually am, rather than someone they think I am.

[SecretAsianMan]

Originally Posted by DiscreetDesires

I guess I am somewhat different in that.
If it is someone that I have a relationship with.. then yes, I would tell them most definitely.
I am very honest and expect total honesty out of the those I am sexual with and especially someone I am carrying on a relationship with.
Within the first few conversation I had with my now husband, I made sure I disclosed myself completely.
I was scared to do so, but I would rather someone be with me because of who I actually am, rather than someone they think I am.

Yes, definately... in terms of "building a relationship" with them - honesty cannot be overly emphasized & encouraged.

But there's such a thing as "over-sharing too early" - which can frighten off some folk.

[JustAskJulie]

Having been in that position, I always based it on the situation. If it was pertinent then yes, if it wasn't then no. If we are just having sex or not in a serious relationship then I didn't feel any need for them to know anything about my past, it is (after all) the past. If it was part of your current situation (ala you are still swinging and dating then it may be more pertinent for them to at least be aware that you are sleeping with more than just them). If the relationship got to a point where I thought things might get more serious then I would probably tell them about the past exploits (especially if I was hoping that they might entertain the idea in the future).

That said, if you are getting serious with someone for a relationship to really work both partners have to be honest and have to be ABLE to talk to each other about anything. So while it may not be necessary to tell them about it, if the relationship is serious you should feel that you CAN be honest with them about your past without being judged by them.

[xxxboxy]

Depends on the level of the relationship. I revealed to my spouse my past promiscuity, which far exceeded hers, prior to getting engaged. It came up in the normal course of conversation about our past lives and I never considered lying about the number of past lovers...or even some of the less savory things like cheating with married or otherwise attached women. To say she was a bit shocked is an understatement but she certainly took a pragmatic approach after the initial response. There have been times when she's seemed a bit..anxious..about how she compared but I'll chalk that up to new relationship insecurity. She certainly doesn't have any issues at this point in our lives and since she's bisexual she's doing a damned good job of catching up.

[Lindonca]

In my opinion if you intend to have an ongoing relationship with the person and you also know that you wish to continue in the lifetyle, then yes. The sooner you bring it up the better. If you do not intend to continue in the lifestyle then the past is the past and leave there.. BUT should you change your mind later you could be digging yourself a deep hole.

[magnum]

Originally Posted by californiadon

Just need a bit of advice ... after being in the lifestyle for many years (1977 - 1991) .... would you tell your new lovers about your past swinging history.. or wait until the question comes up in a normal conversation?

I would have to say, it depends on your new partner??? Is she open minded, a little adventursome? If so, I would say yes, tell her. if she is a bit "up tight", I might wait to see is she brings it up in conversation or just let a lying dog lie.

Let us know what you decied.