Figuring out this guy we play with - he seems to expect us to put forth all effort

[wisconsin]

Ok,this my my first post here,so little bit introduction. We have been in LS for about 6 months and on a most part enjoying it a lot. My hubby is bisexual,not curious or anything else but seriously bi.He enjoys men and women equally and for us to find a good match is very tough.Most single guys are either str8 or curious,or they have no idea how to play with bisexual couple.Couples are usually freaking out about bisexual man.They somehow think that they are all gays and dirty.and i don't know why.What's is the problem?It's ok to rear end the women but taboo with a man,if you use a condom?Anyway it's a a topic for a different post.
We have found a man we have been playing with for about 6 months.From all men we saw and played with he is a "keeper''. Average '' Joe'' but unbelivable sexual performance.One time I told him he would make a lot a money if he decides to be a gigolo.LOL.We have played with couple former gigolos and they weren't even closer to him.Can't even compare.He reads my body,my mind like an open book.My hubby likes him a lot too.We are newbies but very quick learners and always get invited 2nd time for playdates.Some ppl wanted to keep us in their closets,some under their desk at work.And I forgat to mention that I am very good looking girl,no seriously I am originally from Eastern Europe so I am always dressed up in heels,skirts,stockings, makeup, with perfect salon styled hair.Bodywise I am a mother of 3 so I have my flaws but it's a size 6-8.so nothing is hanging .I always get heads turned whenever I go.
So this guy always makes us call him for a date.It's always about 30/70.He is busy with work and his kid,but still....We would stay in same chat room and ingnore each other for an hour,until we page him...He is looking there for something...Not always but looks like we are inviting him more than he invites us.


So, I am getting closer to my questions.He knows my hubby is a wealthy man,and he mentioned couple times that he would love to find a rich girl.He is in a lot of debts.He complained about it on several occasions.Does he want us to pay him?Does he need fresh meat everytime?Does he not like playing with us?(he is always rock hard with me 2some or us 3 some).And he complimented my sexual performance several times.What's going on?He knows I like him a lot.Is is a problem?When we visit him we always bring treats,drinks,he got a Christmas monetary gift from us.What does he need?I really want keep him.Is he jelous about our succesful careers?
Sorry guys for my brain storm.Any words of wisdom?I know you guys are quite smart and intelligent folks.

[dumbasarock10]

First off; let me be the first to say to the board. Lots of advice to be had here. Secondly, I can sorta relate to the issue of wanting experienced players, and not have to coach the newbys all the time. But I take no folly in the newbys. They gotta learn some how. I was once, myself new and had to learn. I'm not all that experienced myself, but I find that I rarely enter an awkward situation anymore. Or at least none that I can't figure out on my own as a grown up. I'm kinda curious myself, but that's because a situation has never presented it's self for me to move beyond the curiosity. And Thirdly; as for your confusing playmate, I'm afraid I have little to offer by way of advice as I've never run into that before. But I wouldn't read too much into it. That's just me. However I hope and wish for the best for the 2 of you and your playmate. Sounds interesting and I'd like to see what comes of it. Keep us posted. Have fun.

[wisconsin]

Thanks for your responding and for welcoming here.About luck of experience..Some ppl have it some don't.When you meet ppl for sex you expect to get an equal game ,at least me.When you leave and think that you got f... in 5 min and was asked if he was good it's hard to see this person 2nd time or tell him''You know honey you were good,but...can you make it next time 10-15 min.I guess I can't teach and I am a bad teacher.I want leave my date and be happy,I want remeber it as gratifying equal experience.
With him it's more of a connection on a cellular level,freaky,right?i
It's like in Avatar movie,where they would connect with their tails.Maybe it's little bit primitive but something closer to it.I know I never had it before and he knows it and probably uses it against me.LOL So unfair.
He is always a player.When I text him and ask if he would want meet,he would say "You need it bad?
My hubby is totaly opposite.He is an honest man,who doesn't play games and always a man of his word.I almost forgat how to play this cat and mouse game.It was 18 when I was dating last time,and now I am 37 and don't get it.

[bbarnsworth]

It is all too easy to read all sorts of innuendos into situations where you are lacking information. Some people just prefer to be contacted rather than do the contacting.

If he responds well to being contacted, and you get to play with him occasionally, count yourself lucky. Don't pay him; his money problems are his own. Just keep the relationship sexual.

[sweet_tna]

Who knows what the guy really wants. Whatever it is, I would keep money OUT of the equation. If ya'll enjoy having sex with him and want to continue to do so, then go right ahead. Does it really matter who makes the call?

=)

[wisconsin]

Thanks for responding.I know it's hard to say not knowing the situation.The thing is 1) I am a very attractive girl and like when I get invited( I got used to it),I feel downgraded when I have to make a move myself .2) he responds to texts always.,but it's like I said 70% of my offers he would decline by saying he is busy.Last time we played 2 weeks ago and I am horny but i don't want play with anybody else.does it sound like i have a crush on him?

[DigginIt]

Originally Posted by wisconsin

Thanks for responding.I know it's hard to say not knowing the situation.The thing is 1) I am a very attractive girl and like when I get invited( I got used to it),I feel downgraded when I have to make a move myself .2) he responds to texts always.,but it's like I said 70% of my offers he would decline by saying he is busy.Last time we played 2 weeks ago and I am horny but i don't want play with anybody else.does it sound like i have a crush on him?

Well, not until you mentioned it, lol.

Seriously, Mrs Diggs, when she finds someone that meets all of her desired qualities (not that there are a bunch, maybe 3, attractive, nice body, loves oral - ) she latches on. You said it above that the guy reads you really well. It just sounds like you are craving more fantastic sex. Having said that....how does it go...don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I'd keep looking for a 'pinch' hitter.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by DigginIt

Having said that....how does it go...don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I'd keep looking for a 'pinch' hitter.

No, I think it's "Don't put all your legs in one basket"

My wife's found a very good partner, but his availability is unfortunately very limited. She's on the lookout for another. I'd advise doing the same.

[wisconsin]

Yes,that's what my hubby says.Lets find another one.
Don't forget guys, that we only play with bisexual guys or couples so it makes my chances of finding somebody like him are very slim.We get hits from best men from Swing Lifestyle,and aff(by their look and testimonials) but most of then srt8 or at least the guys I find interesting to me are str8.Hubby would not let his trophy wife play with a str8 guy,not even a chance.Most bisexual guys are slightly older and not that appealing to me or not experienced enough to offer a good ''game'' so i feel I am stuck. I already put my pride in a toilet and texted him last 5 times in 2 weeks with getting "sorry busy 2night".

[sexcupid]

Keep looking...it obviously took a while to find this guy, he's not the only one out there that will rock your socks off. As one of my single female friends tells me, she's kissed alot of frogs in the last few years to find only a handful of playmates that she enjoys trying to keep on her to do list.

You said it yourself, this guy is a player. Most players like to be pursued. Plus, if he is as good as you say he (and openly bi), his dance card may be full (perhaps openly bi-guys are a different kind of unicorn in the LS? lol) and his schedule is busy...but he may be trying to keep some modicum of discretion and not hurt your feelings by saying that he's busy because he already had booty calls set up.

Also...you may just need to reorient some of your thinking. Why is it putting your pride in the trash when you text him? Yes, yes...you have mentioned repeatedly that you are attractive...but sorry most pussies aren't lined with platinum and perhaps this is the first time you feel like you've had to be the hunter instead of the hunted. You want to fuck him, when he asks something like 'oh you want it bad?' play the game with him (even if it's a little more crude than you would like)...you do want him bad, tell him so. You have said that there is a primal sort of attraction to him...go with that and just fuck the guy when your schedules jive. Also...why is it that courtesy seems to be forgotten when single males are concerned...instead of texting him the day you want him to come over...try scheduling something. And put the ball in his court. If he doesn't return it...then try to move on because you know where you stand.

He isn't the only needle in the haystack, but he will be if you stop looking.

[wisconsin]

Thanks.Yes, I constantly remind myself to have a clear head about it...I haven't seen him for 2 weeks,he was expecting to get a promotion at his job.( I suspect he didn't) I don't want bother him with sexual advances because not sure what mood he is in.I need to stay on a same page and not sound rediculous,maybe sex is a last thing on his mind lately.
Funny,last time I checked there was no platinim in my pussy.Maybe I need to double check,maybe something else is growing down there I am not aware of...It's been a while since our last playdate.
Yes,it feels like being a hunter,not something I got used to.LOL.Don't like it,not a good feeling.Is it always like this?When you don't want meet ppl they persuing you everyday,when you want meet somebody it's always hunting.Not fair.

[lovinher]

Originally Posted by wisconsin

Thanks for responding.I know it's hard to say not knowing the situation.The thing is 1) I am a very attractive girl and like when I get invited( I got used to it),I feel downgraded when I have to make a move myself .2) he responds to texts always.,but it's like I said 70% of my offers he would decline by saying he is busy.Last time we played 2 weeks ago and I am horny but i don't want play with anybody else.does it sound like i have a crush on him?

Yes, I think it's obvious you do have a crush on him and it's clouding your judgment. Move on.

[JustAskJulie]

It could just be that he's a gentleman, in that he doesn't want to come off as some needy single male (as they can sometimes do) so rather than assume you want him hanging on you all the time and taking all your time, he waits for you to come to him.

As far as him not putting forth effort in your relationship outside the bedroom, maybe the connection is only one way, or maybe he feels since you are a couple that he should just be the third and is trying to keep a safe distance.

The only way to really know is to talk to him about it. Ask him why it's always you doing the calling/contacting. Let him know it's ok to contact you and that you enjoy him and what you want out of the relationship, and see what happens.

[TwoAreLooking]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

The only way to really know is to talk to him about it. Ask him why it's always you doing the calling/contacting. Let him know it's ok to contact you and that you enjoy him and what you want out of the relationship, and see what happens.

Julie, you are a smart lady. Just sayin'.

M

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

It could just be that he's a gentleman, in that he doesn't want to come off as some needy single male (as they can sometimes do) so rather than assume you want him hanging on you all the time and taking all your time, he waits for you to come to him.

I was just thinking that he has probably been on this board and has read the 647 (approx) complaints about single guys being too pushy. After that, he perused another 1000 ads from couples on Swing Lifestyle that said "Single men, don't contact us, we'll contact you!"

There's a lot of single guys reading this right now thinking "Shit, I can't win either way".

You have fun together when you hook up. Don't create a problem where there isn't one.