Figuring out this guy we play with - he seems to expect us to put forth all effort

[Chicup]

It sounds more like you're looking for a boyfriend, then simple extracurricular sex. This has me concerned in the long run for the health of your marriage. There are just a lot of, red flags here, which makes me uneasy, giving any sort of specific advice.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by wisconsin

...When you don't want meet ppl they persuing you everyday,when you want meet somebody it's always hunting...

Have you considered that he may be saying the same thing?

You are pursuing him intently and he may not be as interested in being with you as you may think. Also, continually asking for a bootie call and getting turned down is sending the message that what you're doing isn't working, so change your approach. Some things to think about:

1. Is he really single? You may know for sure, but at this point I don't know this from your thread. Maybe he's too busy with his wife or girlfriend to play around with you...or anyone. Who knows what "I'm busy" really means.

2. IMO, looking desperate never makes anyone more appealing. You are looking desperate for sex from him. Sure, it builds his ego, enough to continue to keep you on his string, but it doesn't make you more desirable.

3. I suggest backing off on the pushy/desperate approach you've been using. It isn't recommended for single males and I don't think it is any better tactic for couples.

4. If he's looking for a monetary handout, he'd be making time for sex with you. I think he's looking to play without much, if any, cost to him. There could be personal image issues playing a role - you're rich, he's struggling for his next dollar - but these are issues I never like to see become a part of swinging. Once you get to the point in a swinging relationship where you see personal issues interrupting the fun of swinging, I think it's time to move on and find someone else to play with.

I would give him some breathing space. Let your relationship take a break from the intensity of your contacts with him. If he contacts you, be friendly and open, but don't ask for a playdate. See if he resumes his interest in playing with you and your husband. If he does, accept.

LM

[Chicup]

Since your husband is all about being bi, I think it would be an interesting twist if the reason he is turning down the sexual advances is not due to the wife but the husband. Perhaps the problem isn't your ability to turn heads, but your husbands

[wisconsin]

Great advices,thanks everybody.I decided it's probably would be a good idea to take a break from swinging for a while.Probably he isn't interested in me.I just need to open my eyes.Today I have chatted with one man and he was meeting our criteria being seriously bi and fairly cute,and then he mentioned that he is fast cummer about 5 min first time. After playing for about 3 hours straight with my boys(hubby and BF) they usually can hold on for about 1hour or even longer.I can't take it today.

[wisconsin]

Ok,where is my mind?Yesterday he texted(not offered anything)just friendly msg,explaining how busy he was.But he knows that I know this is his day when he is available,and time when we usually meet.It was the offer but in the twisted way.
And, I decided to stop by at his place just for a small talk.LOL
Yes,he was busy with his debts paperwork and he got the rase he expected.Life is good.
Oh, and on my way out we started kissing, it was getting hotter and hotter and I couldn't resist, ended up doing BJ to him.He offered to return the favor,but I am in a middle of my period.
So,he got what he needed,I got nothing,(besides good shot of cum which I happily swallowed)and I happily went home.
He knows he turns me on in a matter of seconds.Sometimes I show up uninvited and I only need to take my jacket off to turn him on..He texted because he knew I probably would show up by his door in a hour or so,and yes he likes to keep me on a short leash.What the f.......?
Well,I am not stupid,I understand his game.
Looks like in this swinging world it takes a lot of courage to schedulle a date even with your regular playmates.We have talked several times,I don't want press him on something, but it's almost always a booty call on his part.
About him possibly not liking my husband......My hubby is young 36,in a good shape(working out with a trainer,very attractive man with a beautiful 7,5 inch very thick hard cock).What not to like about him?
I have seen them playing together and our BF doesn't look like he isn't enjoying it.
We haven't played with new ppl for a while(about 3 months or so) and I have little to zero intentions to kiss bunch of frogs before I find couple good ones.
Can just people be more nicer and make plans?He goes to work everyday(an engeener),he takes care of his son (shared custody).It means he can be responsible.Why is it so hard to plan your dates?

[WeMayTryIt]

Looking at this from the outside, with the information you've given , here's what I see. I'm not trying to be a jackass, I'm just keeping it real. It seems you may have bit of a princess syndrome, and he just isn't into catering to that. I gathered this from your posts based on the multiple times you mentioned how beautiful you are, and how you don't like it when a man doesn't pursue you. This statement is the most telling, and backs up my presumption:

Originally Posted by wisconsin

... I have little to zero intentions to kiss bunch of frogs before I find couple good ones...

I think we're all familiar with the story of the princess and the frog.

Some men will trip over their dicks to completely fawn over a woman with a princess syndrome, but a lot of men feel the need to retain some dignity in the pursuit of a relationship, whether it is sexual or otherwise. They're looking for mutual respect and have an expectation of equality. Sure, they may put on a good show to get that booty call, but if it's an ongoing thing, they aren't going to play the game. My guess is he enjoys his time with you and your husband, but he really isn't into the drama that accompanies the full princess treatment. He probably doesn't contact you because he really doesn't want to validate and encourage the attitude.

I could be all wrong, but if I were in that situation, that would be my take. You can do one of three things: 1) Enjoy things just as they are for what they are; 2) Find a different perspective; 3) Try to find a different single bi male who both you and your husband like, who will cater to your perspective and who is a decent guy. Number 3 will be the most difficult.

[Newpants]

The problem with "keepers" is they often do not want to be kept.

Take a look at your own past experiences. since you talk about how attractive you are and that people have told you they would like to "keep" you, how many of them have you actually said, "OK, sure! You can keep me for every beck-and-call."

If he is this great there are a couple of factors you need to consider, one is you are probably not the only one that considers him a keeper and other people are calling him too.

And you also have to consider the fact that if he is this hot then the fact that he is single and in the lifestyle to begin with means that he WANTS to be single and keep his options open.

Some people actually want to be independant and call their own shots and live their own life according to their own agendas and don't want to some rich and beautiful couple's pet.

There are other people that would love to be "kept" so it probably boils down to getting this guy when it is convenient for him and on his terms or find another gigolo that is willing to be your personal service boy and train him to your likings.

[wisconsin]

It's been a while since my post and things have changed. Well,we broke up 2 months ago and last month he texted, like nothing happened and invited me to play.
Again,it was a blast like always. We played for 3 hours straight, and he wouldn't let me go.I was exhausted from cumming so much I would cum from doing BJ to him... When I was leaving he said I was the best he ever had and it was of course a huge boost to my confidence.I would always say it to him,but it was a first time he said it to me.
We have talked to my hubby about being in a LS today and I asked him if we made a right decision.He said he is happy and enjoying it a lot.I said, probably had we not met this man,it would probably be little different at least on my part.I still can't figure out what makes him to have so much chemistry with us/me, it's out of comprehansion.When I say to some ppl that we usually play for 3 hours almost non-stop they freak out and raise their eyebrows.They get scared to play with us.LOL.Anyway thank you folks for your help.