Getting back into "swing" of things

[Karmickiss]

Hi All,
Honestly, I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this post, I think a couple could fit.But, am a "single", and want to "swing" again, so we'll give it a go Anyway, I actually started coming back here, b/c it's the right time in my life to begin contmeplating my next move, back into the lifestyle. Synchronicity being what it is, I happened to have a conversation with a friend, who was thinking about getting into the lifestyle with her husband. There's a whole story behind this one...but won't gon into the whole thing, except that as I listened, I thought of this place, and wanted to see how this board was doing, and if it was still here...b/c immediately I thought this is great place to ask questions, taking a honest look at feelings...and many more helpful things.
However, the focus is now on myself, b/c this is something I would like to do...and thought it best to start asking myself some questions, too. I have this old membership to a kind of nearby "club" that I used to go to. Now, the location has changed, and there's yet another new location in one of my favorite places. I found out my membership is good, still, and they sent me the new directions...about an hour or more to get there. From what I can recall, it was a really nice place, with nice people...and it used to be, you could bring "guests" with you, like another couple or person. I was thinking of asking my friend(s) if interested, it's meet and greet, and also, I confess, thought going with someone might be a good idea, at least at first.
Well, actually, I was kind of relieved to find they changed policies about bringing "guests", and that is NOT saying anything at ALL bad about mentioned couple, but I see that this is probably why there's such a "good bunch"...b/c they do have to approve everyone, no exceptiopns, now, in order to get in. It wasn't upsetting to me they couldn't go, and I'll see if they wanted to at least have info to join there if they felt it was a good idea.
I am a single bi female...and a little older, hopefully a little wiser...and I used to be, still have it in me.....fearless about going anywhere by myself, including another country. I'm one that enjoys company, but have never been afraid to go out alone....but it's funny how it goes, prehaps having children, aging, who knows, but I wouldn't say I'm exactly fearful of going alone, but wondering about this.
The club has now gotten larger, and there is a online service of some kind I have yet to look into, going along with them...I guess people now have to have a paid subscription to that, to go, if I understood it right, but I was a member long before, so don't "have to" subscribe there as I'm still a valid member. They did say, though, I should 'check it out', and that it wasn't too expensive...and if I wanted to advertize...I guess, like I've been thinking of doing anyway, someplace, but was thinking of looking into the free ones or partially free. However the person said that paying a little is worth it, b/c it's "heavily moderated" and I'm more likely to find good, serious people there.
The jury's still out on that for me...I guess I was always lucky enough before to just kind of "find" folks almost by accident....but it's a new age, for me, and I'm re-thinking things, to see what would be most successful. I'd love to go out there this weekend, but will confess, the thought of driving up with the couple I talked about felt kind of reassuring. The female half and I have been friends, she's not bi, and I wasn't even thinking of "going there" with them(also they're brand new, want to be more of a neutral friend for them), but just nice to have each other, as friends who know each other, though I appreciate the fact they need to be okay'd before hand, I really see the wisdom in that.
I always thought it was a thrill to travel solo, but again, it's been a while. I wondered if anyone here had any thoughts, it came to mind as I was reading another thread, that maybe it's something to think about, as a single woman, going alone...am I inviting trouble? I feel kind of silly posting this, but it's all about thinking things through better, for me, now, where I still am a very spontaneous person, I don't want to be a foolish one, so little nervous and excited about going. I respect a lot of what people have to say here, so wondered if anyone had any thoughts for me about this? My Best to all, karmic

[xxxboxy]

I don't think you'd be inviting trouble at all, but be prepared for a lot of attention. The wit, forthrightness, intelligence and graciousness that you've demonstrated here will easily get you through most anything you'll encounter at a good club (as long as you're not in Miami).

[JustAskJulie]

I say go on your own and check it out. You have past experience to compare it too and you can tell if it's still someplace you'd enjoy. After you do so talk to your friends and see if they'd be interested in going then make the introduction needed to get them approved.

[TheLorax]

Jump in with both feet headfirst!

Based on what you've written and how you present yourself, I think you'll have no problems. Bringing your couple friends would be a really nice thing to do and give you folks you can talk to and hang with if the action isn't something that interests you. The best way to regain confidence is to get back into it. It won't take long to get comfortable again.

[ncmd_couple]

Karmic,

A good club will have good security and they usually have host couples who will show you around the new club and let you get comfortable. Needless to say, you will be popular, but at the clubs that we have been to, when there were single ladies there, the couples were very respectful. We went to a club with a lady friend of our once. When I walked in the door with my two ladies on my arm you could here the eyeballs snap! It was a fun night. So if you want to go, do so, I'm sure that you will have a good time.

S

[Karmickiss]

Hi All,
Thanks so much for the feedback! It feels so nice to get the positive comments, I'm humbled by it. I'm glad that I'm at least hopefully being able to express myself in the way I'm striving for.
I think this weekend I'm going to give it a shot.....one of my car tires needs replacing, but I'm sure it could at least make the trip, it's one of those things where a bunch of unexpected expenses going on...but just life stuff, and I'm very curious to see how it is there, now. It's right by the ocean, so that's a plus, just love being near the water, and feel confident about finding my way to and back.
I do feel ready, and maybe it'll be like riding a bike...lol...at this point in my life, the attention would be great,...big grins... and feel better about not getting stuck in any one situation. I can be my own worst critic, and at first felt maybe I should spend some time in the gym before going.. I'm not in horrible shape or anything, and I know myself I like a woman with curves, and it's hypocritical I guess, to feel like I should get to some unidentified even to myself, place, before getting out and about again. Maybe this is a topic for a different thread, just thought it was interesting to have that feeling come up, when I actually do love other women with the same body type...solid, curvy...but wouldn't be considered "fat"...nervous jitters, I think, it's just been such a long time since I've been "out there" in ANY scene.
I think it's good advice to just take off, and once I'm out, I do relax, and have fun with it....giggles....it kind of feels like I'm temporarily transported back into my first days with this stuff, giddy, excited, and little self-conscious. I've always been a shyer type, but am very outgoing and free spirited once I feel comfortable.
I have really felt warmed by all the remarks and time others here take to make them. So many here, with intelligence, empathy and charm. I can only hope I'm as fortunate in finding those qualities with the people near or in my area!! Sincerely, karmic

[Karmickiss]

Oh, hi, ncmd_couple,
I didn't even think about that, or put it together. It feels like they've become bigger, and having two different locals, there probably will be some host couples, that would definately be a plus. I recall when I used to go when they were small, that there were people, that did notice me alone, and made me feel comfortable, so good point! Thanks for adding it in....Best, karmic

[ncmd_couple]

Karmic,

The majority of the folks at the club will be nice also. Yes, there will be a few jerks, but you have the power and the power is "no thanks" and if they persist, the club staff will deal with it.

S

[Karmickiss]

Hi All,
It's been an interesting couple of days for me. I did end up checking into that site that was recommended by the people from the club I used to go to, like forever ago. It actually was something I felt good about, b/c of the correlation between the two. I know it was a classy, fun place who took care with good atmosphere, and people. So, I put together a profile, and have no idea what to expect in general, never having met people in this particular way, but thought it would be good exposure, lol.

I can't believe it already, it's interesting, a little overwhelming, but educational There's already one couple that I have a feeling about. I'm not going to put any kind of pressure on myself, don't feel any need for that. However it was a transformational experience, sitting here, and looking at messages and profiles. Trying to put it all together in my mind, I had this realization that had I been able to do this years ago, that I would have looked at "potential people" in a much different way than I do now.

It made me realize I'm more open in some ways, and also more able to have a clearer feeling of what I do and what I don't want to get into. Funny, a combination of things, and then I had the urge to come and share a little here. Truly, I feel like it's an advantage to have a place like this place to come to, and get feedback, listen to others, and practice self awareness. Best to all, karmic

[ncmd_couple]

Karmic,

It has been a bit since you posted above. How has the club forum worked out for you?

S

[Karmickiss]

Hi ncmd_cuople,
Oh, that's funny..I was just thinking I wanted to add some stuff, thanks for asking about it I was just thinking today, that wow...it is interesting what happens even if you're very specific about what you are looking for. Real quickly, it has been an overall positive experience, thus far...I still have a feeling about a couple, and made tentative plans to have dinner next Sunday, in an area I feel super comfortable in. They gave me the best compliment, about being "articulate"...LOL..I know, long winded might fit, but that was the nice thing. The conversation in this form, at least, is coming so easy, the whole vibe just feels good. I really don't feel pressure, and feel like at least, I will make friends out of it...but you know how that goes...will have to wait and see.. The male half is easy to speak with, the woman I have a feeling is "actually bi"...again, kind of early to say...but usually my gut responses have been pretty good, and thankfully I have internalized the whole concept of just staying true to myself, and being natural. I love it that this is one of those cases where maybe, just maybe, we'd have looked at each other as coming from two differrent worlds, meeting on the outside, only having the outsides to kind of see where the inside commonalities might be...and I sense sincerity, and there's not any warning bells ringing. The bells do still work..I'm finding that, too. I feel like my choices have a much better chance at being informed ones, right now.

What kind of surprised me, I guess, was some of the people messaging, and it's exactly what I don't want to touch...and I'm recalling now, that the whole, gentle but firm stance is so important. I've had some single guys...or ahh...felt none so far were..but the (married), daytime hours, discreet the biggest must...tell tale signs..I put in my profile that I am not interested in being a part of "cheating" in ANY way. That was pretty easy to weed out, but then I even got this one message from a guy, that was very articulate(there's that word again) and well written, and also trying to convince me that his wife is OK with this. Well...maybe I'm answering my own thoughts here. It threw me off a bit, b/c there was an appeal for me to be "fair", and at least listen....but it just doesn't seem like an "O.K" situation.I don't feel guilty in not wanting to test out his theroy.I feel like I've learned a lot from this board, and one of those things would be, understanding what it does look like, when two parties are really OK..and there was one line that really made me realize that even if it were an "ideal situation" that the attitude of, "My wife knows she could never satisfy me" as why she's OK..well...I just had to share that one

I'm getting some new tires...and I'm definately going to visit the club at some point. There was some interesting things...and the way they are "panning out"..I'm surprised but relieved, again, that my gut felt reactions are at least a guiding light. I'm on the verge of "take off" and have never felt so...not nervous but interested in what's what. Before I stressed a lot about...what if I don't really want to "do anything"after meeting, if the chemistry falls flat, and worst case scenarios. Maybe, I'm "growing up" a bit, and overall do feel ready, and not afraid, to find out. Thanks for asking, and hello and happy day to all....Sincerely, karmic

[ncmd_couple]

Karmic,

I'm glad that you are having success with the site and are finding potential playmates.

S