Should Single Women Split the Room Cost with Couples?

[realcplub2]

On the Swing Lifestyle forums, someone was in a situation that got alot of debate. The opinions were all over the place and I figured it would inspire at the very least a bit of interesting talk

Ok, situation was this, appartently they were lucky enough to bag a unicorn, and then the whole evening fell apart after expecting the other woman to SPLIT the cost of the room... She became indignant, and read them the riot act..

Ok so we were trying to arrange a hookup with this bi single female and we asked her if she would like to split a hotel room with us seeing how none of us could host. It seems she got kinda pissy and responded by saying " i don't want to pay to have sex " then got off line as if we offended her, is that our bad? Should we have offered to pay even though she asked us out? I could see if it was just me as a single male taking a girl on a date but we are a couple? Do we take on the " masculine " role and pay for dinner, drinks, dates, rooms etc?

Our inital reply was, Along the line of " You're kidding right" And a basic, where is your head at?

So, I am asking whats your take, and what would your position be?

Ours would be, well, we wouldnt even ASK, let alone question the idea... Instead, we would be too busy getting INTO the ROOM

[Chicup]

This is one of those reality vrs ideal.

Ideally she would split the cost, since shes part of the whole process and shes supposedly enjoying herself too.

In reality I'd never expect her to, nor would I bring it up.

[Dave_kat]

Dave here...

I firmly believe in being a gentleman, regardless if it's just me and Kat or we have company. That being said, it would be more so appropriate for me (although it is mine and Kat's joint account) to pay.

Now if she offered to split the cost, after a lot of no's on my part, I've seen them slip Kat their half before, and not said anything (discretion being the better part of valor perhaps there)

[LFM2]

We're like you. We'd be too busy getting into the room.

Now, if we asked her, it would be our total responsibility to pay, right? After all, we're the ones that were so very lucky to bag the unicorn.

On the other hand, she asked us! We bagged a unicorn. Who would pay? Us. After all, we were so very lucky to bag the unicorn.

Seriously, they're unicorns. I believe they don't have to pay for anything and they know it. They can always find someone else who will.

[Speed & Trixie]

We wouldn't ask, even if we were hosting a couple (let alone a unicorn) in our hotel room. If we wanted to have sex with her/them, we'd just pay for the room. It'd be nice to be offered to split the room, but who the hell cares REALLY?! We just don't -- but if we feel ever like we're being taken advangae of, we'd end the relationship. So far that hasn't happened, and we've only been with very generous, hospitable people.

Trixie

[Dynamar]

If we were only going to have sex in the room, and then leave... I have always offered to pay 1/3, however, I've never had to actually make good, because the couples would never hear of it.

If I was staying over someplace, I would always have my own room to retire to (which I've obviously paid for) after playing anyway, so either they would have sex in my room and then leave to their own; or vice versa.

[bbarnsworth]

With no disrespect to anyone, I think this is pretty obvious and someone who attempted to get a unicorn to pay for anything is making a seriously bad move.

[sexcupid]

I would say on the first meeting...we would offer to pay for the room if no one was able to host at home.

But renting hotel rooms can rack up some pretty serious expense after a while (which is why to date I think we've rented a room once to meet another couple...we have gone to on premise clubs, house parties, and hotel parties where playrooms are provided). After a few times, it would only be courteous of the SF (or other couple) to offer to defray part of the cost...even if it's only a token guesture.

Now, if you want to stay at the Hilton everytime we meet up...then you better be willing to pony up part of the cost...because there are plenty of perfectly acceptable places to be had for well under a C-note.

No one likes to feel like they are being taken advantage of. Just as no one likes to feel obligated. One of our friends is a SF and she always offers to pay her way (or does in most cases...but those have been primarily SM that she's dealt with in those cases). Some of her actions are courtesy because most people have been taught if you can't afford it, don't do something (because seriously...where else in life do you expect people to lay down your every demand at your feet?)...but I can't help but wonder if her desire to pay her own way isn't in some way linked to a desire to not feel a little bit obligated to the couple or SM.

[VegasLee]

Not to hijack the thread but to be fair.....

Should Single Men Split the Room Cost with Couples?

In both cases you are all still there for the exact same thing.

Just fewer Unicorns around then single men.

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Not to hijack the thread but to be fair.....

Should Single Men Split the Room Cost with Couples?

In both cases you are all still there for the exact same thing.

Just fewer Unicorns around then single men.

There are more available single men than unicorns, but there are far few male unicorns in existence than female.
If you combine a knowledge of proper swinger etiquette with bisexuality (something that most couples will overlook in a single female), the numbers drop even lower.

Now, to get back on point, I'd never expect a woman to pay for a hotel room (even in a vanilla relationship) unless the difference in our financial standings was just that great. To be honest, I've only been invited to a single woman's hotel room (without having my own room available) on 3 occasions: A Japanese businesswoman on a "working holiday" who took advantage of the "different timezone" rule to try some interracial sex, an apostate divorced Tunisian woman (who I met at a swingers club in Frankfurt) looking for a second helping, and a deliciously jubbly Peruvian BBW (think 44F chest to a *gasp* 32" waist) who I met in my hometown. And they all had two things in common: they came from male-dominant/female-negligent households and their self-esteem was so battered that they thought that they'd have to offer more than their bodies in the bargain. If you think that you can find a woman in America who's been raised with no idea of her "worth" (bedroom-wise), you'll have to look for a long time. Modern TV culture has shredded that idea into confetti.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Not to hijack the thread but to be fair.....

Should Single Men Split the Room Cost with Couples?

In both cases you are all still there for the exact same thing.

Just fewer Unicorns around then single men.

A lot couples I have come across expect a single male to pay the ENTIRE room tab, which I think is rude as hell. Many post the fact that they expect the dude to pay in their profiles, which is also rude as hell. As a single who believes in equal-opportunity swinging, I'd never play with a couple who had that attitude.

[realcplub2]

Ok, to be honest, the single male aspect never crossed our minds.

Way back when we were into threesomes (before we graduated to couples) we would openly discuss hosting and where play would take place.. And yes, most of the time we were offered portions of splitting the room costs, that we refused. But that added to our jaded view of single males.

As was pointed out, the moment it becomes an on going thing and playing in motels, it does become rather expensive. But I would tend to think, the conversation of how to proceed with future play.. Or re arrainging things so hosting can be done on some level.

One local couple we are friends with came up with a solution.. They swapped a boat for a camper, and with all the local national parks, take advantage of them. It was rather enjoyable to spend an evening around a campfire, as a distinct diversaion from the dinner or bar route.

But I digress. While it would be great if there were clear and distinct rules that everyone followed, that spelled out the proper code of "conduct" there isnt.. How everyone plays, is as diverse as the snowflakes that fall in winter.. And yes that includes the diluted folks that offered the original question on Swing Lifestyle

[UnicornChasers]

When reading the OP the first thing that crossed my mind was "What a dummy." I wouldn't have asked, as I would have expected to pay. After all, you never look a gift unicorn in the mouth... or something like that.

Now if the Unicorn offers that is a different situation, however we would never ask.

[Tybee Swing]

This is interesting to me, since I have two different perspectives.

When I was half of a swinging couple, on the rare occasion that we did manage to meet a geniune unicorn and take her out, we (the couple) treated her like a real date and took her out to a nice restaurant, then to the club as our date, then to a very nice hotel suite, prepared ahead of time with candlelight, bubblebath in oversized tub, all of the ambiance that a woman appreciates - all on our nickel. It was all appreciated and rewarded. Seriously, is it wise to do it any other way, especially if you want to make a good impression and hope to see her again? I think not! I think that only a pair of idiots would ask a unicorn to pay for half the room.

Now, from my new and opposite point of view (divorced), that makes me the potential unicorn, since I'm now single and not even dating yet, at this point. Do I still feel the same way about unicorns? Yes, I would expect to be treated as I've treated unicorns in the past.

[cocpl2007]

Has never been an issue, as hard as it is to actually "find" the elusive Unicorn, the last thing I'd be interested in, was having her cough up any money for the room! It's on US, no questions asked!