Things just not going the way we wanted with single males.

[C/S]

My wife and I have been married for seven years. We have had quite a few females come into our relationship, but we just recently started "trying" to bring in single males. We really dont want to swap with a couple, the reason is that we both like watching each other so much that we dont want to miss it. If we full swap with another couple it brings a little "separation" to it. Here is our problem, we have signed up on Swing Lifestyle and adult friend finder. We have met several guys (after several talks, pics,emails etc.) and either the guy gets scared when it comes time, or they do not look like the pic that was sent. We have actually done this (she was with a guy and I just watched until they were done, then the wife and I did our thing) 3 times. Basically, with the exception of one guy (who was just ok) these guys were horrible. They ALL lied about their endowment (they were all smaller than they said), and they all sucked in bed. It has been so frustrating that after this weekend we both said "screw this, its not even worth the hassle". Now we both have really lost the desire to do this again. We will not do this with just anyone. I hope this does not sound conceded, but we are a very attractive couple. I am 5'9" 210 and very into bodybuilding. She is absolutely beautiful, 5'5" 130 blond hair/blue eyes and gorgeous. Two of the guys we have met have backed out because they said they were too intimidated by me, and that she was so hot they were too nervous. I/we just dont understand. How could you pass up an opportunity to be with a beautiful woman who has a great personality with no strings or drama attached?

[Additude]

To each their own I suppose.

The world is full of people who can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk. It's everywhere...and it's not going to change. It's a fact of life.

However, I don't see that obsticle to be your deterrant. I think your main problem is in your selection process.

Define what you are looking for yourselves in a playmate. Whether it be honesty, good looks, age, physique, confidence, etc. But get a picture of what you want. Then only rarely make any exceptions to that definition.

Discover a way validate your potential playmates prior to meeting them. Meet for drinks, ask them how old their pics are, ask them if they look like they do in their pics, ask them to have pics of their cocks, etc. Whatever suits you.

An honest person would have no problem answering those questions. An honest person would appreciate those kinds of questions because honesty is an honor that honest people indulge.

I'd rather bet that those guys that backed out did so because they were liars and were afraid that once exposed, you would crush them like an aluminum can....

Don't give up, keep trying with a different, more strategic practical approach to finding what you are looking for.

[midnightplayer]

I feel badly for you and encourage you not to stop your search. There are many of us out there looking for just a situaiton like yours. The problem is so many men are liers
and dishonest with themselves and in swining. I encourage you to do as the others have said, go slow, search for the right guy; meet him in a non threatening manner, lunch or coffee just you the male, and get to know him and feel him out. Get to know how he relates to men and how comfortable he is with you. If he can interact with you then when you meet as a couple for your night of play you and he will be comfortable with each other. You and only you know what your wife is expecting in bed and you can make sure her needs are met before the three of you get naked. If this preliminary work is done, you wont be disappointed and your play will be so successful, Remember and I dont have to tell you sorry, but sex is between the ears not between the theighs. Good luck and dont give up there are super guys out there I know.

[lizandtom]

C/S, what you are describing is the norm as far as the majority of guys; most can't step up to the plate when it comes time to swing. We've seen it, friends have described their bad luck as well many times over. That's not to say there are some really great guys out there too. The funniest story we've heard is from friends who had a single guy over they hadn't met, and he said "I'll be right back, I need to get condoms," to which my friends said "we have condoms don't worry about it." The guy came back with "but they're my lucky condoms." Out the door and tore off in his car.

As for specific action, you may want to try a club on single guy night where you'd have the pick of the litter, and if she gets lucky, great, if not just a fun night out. Not sure where you are, but there are clubs all around FL ; we usually go to Trap in Lauderdale due to proximity where we stay. Good luck.

[C/S]

Thanks for the replies, we talked about it today and decided we would take a little different approach to meeting people. So we went ahead and signed back up on Swing Lifestyle. We were on adult friend finder as well, but not real impressed with that site. It seems there are a ton of liars,bs'ers etc. on that site. Any other good sites that we could try out? Thanks

[curiousagain]

Looks like you've gotten some good advice. Make sure you're all into the same thing and have the same likes/dislikes. I generally don't mind being watched, but sometimes I do. If the husband participates with the female and once things get going between me and her he wants to sit back and watch a bit it's OK. But, I've met couples and when we met to swing, the guy would just sit over in the corner, fully clothed, having a drink and smoking a cig and saying, don't mind me, go ahead. That's a little bit of a mood killer sometimes.

Sometimes the SM and the female don't click. No matter how hot the girl is, if I'm not feeling the chemistry............... If I get a vibe that either one is really deep down uncomfortable with the situation, it's not happening.


Just find someone you want to meet then both meet and see if you and he are comfortable with each other and he and she have some chemistry, make sure everybody is on the same page and have a go at it.

I'm afraid you're going to find a ton of liars on all sites and of all kinds. You kind of learn to weed them out early after a while.

Good luck in your search

[Chicup]

Remember, most singles are single for a reason.

[PeeTWheatstraw]

Hey Guys and Girls...

I have not been to the site in a while...but decided to stop in and chat a bit today.

I have always advised couples to look for a local group or single male in the area that has experience in hosting and/or arranging meets for couples. A single guy that has been in the lifestyle for a while usually knows how to conduct himself and can refer you to other single males like himself. The chances of his setting you up with a dud are pretty slim since..as a single male he does not want to be put in the category of those single men that couples regret meeting.

I do not agree w/ the comment that most single guys are single for a reason because there are many of us out here that know how to behave, send recent pics and do not lie about our endowment. However, if its a single male that know one knows or he does not party with any local groups there is a good chance that no one has referred him to you.

[vep050176]

We always play with SM. We have found that we had the best action at clubs. The single guys are there for a reason, and they have usually paid good money to get in, so they have a vested interest. One problem though is most SM are not very agressive to come over to chat with a couple. So, a lot of times I have to "encourage" the SM to go over and talk to my wife. That usually breaks the ice.

vinp

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- May I recommend Clubs where the owners can vouch for someone. Also, a webcam chat is direct, yet distant way of having a realtime, g-rated assessment. I know, some take it past that, but that's just not me.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by PeeTWheatstraw

I do not agree w/ the comment that most single guys are single for a reason because there are many of us out here that know how to behave, send recent pics and do not lie about our endowment. However, if its a single male that know one knows or he does not party with any local groups there is a good chance that no one has referred him to you.

MOST single men are single for a reason.

Key word is most.

[MrXxotic]

Like you we are very into fitness. I have been a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter and my wife is a former cheerleader and coach that still stays in shape. We went through a similar situation with Swing Lifestyle a couple of years ago. We tried to hook up with a few SMs for a while and the ones that bothered to show up for a meet were not what they said they were. After a few bad experiences we started going to a club that allows SMs on Friday nights. There she was able to "shop" for someone that caught her eye and approach them. We could chat and if everything clicked retire to a private room for a quickie or to a hotel for a more intimate evening. If everything worked out we would trade numbers/emails and set up other play dates.

[C/S]

Thanks for all the replies guys/girls. We have "revamped" our meeting/qualifying procedure to see if we can weed out some of the knuckle heads. We decided that we do not want to give it up right now, but definitely need to be more picky and make sure the person is what we are looking for. C/S

[crazinred]

We play mostly with single males and the success rate in the clubs far surpass and meetings we have tried to have outside the clubs. In fact all but two of our arranged meeting have ended up with the male canceling at last minute or just being a no show. So now we are lucky enough to have a club close by and tell anyone wanting to meet us to come there. We have meet up with quite a few singles there from the web and some worked and some didn't but if it didn't we all talked and then went an found someone else to play with.

[JDApopka]

patience is the key we have meet many single males online from web sites to chat rooms there were a few that we just meet and never went any further. there was one that was not single as he had said. lucky no drama came from that. and there have been a couple that were not what they said they were in bed.

But we have meet some really nice ones that we had a good time with #1 on the list was a widow gentleman we meet a couple years ago. She and him really enjoyed each other. we lost touch with him not sure why but he was a keeper.
So they are out there as you said revamp the way your looking or things you are asking. and go for it. You'll be glad you did when you find the right one