Process of finding our Third

[NewXp4Us]

Anyone else find that the search for your third person can be kind of tedious and time consuming? We have an AFF account and thought we had find someone to play with but were guessing he didnt feel the same after our first experience together.

Now we are needing to find another but dont feel like putting it all out there again, and what we are wondering is if those Resorts like Desire and Hedonism make it easier to hookup?

We were wanting to take one of these trips but since we dont want to go through all the cat and mouse of people playing games were wondering if it would be worth the cost of going because it is easier to hook up or if it is the same bs games people want to play.

[bbarnsworth]

This came up in another thread recently (darned if I remember where), about how much energy it takes to find good matches.

In some ways, swinging isn't any different than regular dating. You spend a lot of time and effort trying to find the right person to date, and then you might only date them a few times and move on to the next before finding one you stick with for a while. It does take effort.

The same is true for swinging. You might hook up with someone, have sex, and then think (or they think) "Well, that was good but I want to move on". So, you move on. And it takes more energy to find the next. It's an ongoing process unless you find that perfect third (and fourth, if you're looking for a couple).

Swinging takes effort and an investment in time, energy, and money. It's very much worth it to us.

[sexylady1970]

Please.....it's like pulling hens teeth! Try to find a good match anywhere online and you have to be very lucky and/or persistent. Most of the single profiles, particularly the male ones are either fake ads, or married men looking to fool around. In fact, I think they are worse than the single female profiles (which are fake enough themselves)

Just be persistent and take your time. Sooner or later one will emerge

[corynlaine]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

This came up in another thread recently (darned if I remember where), about how much energy it takes to find good matches.

In some ways, swinging isn't any different than regular dating. .

Well, I would say that the HUGE difference between swinging and regular dating is that when you set up a regular date the person will almost ALWAYS ACTUALLY SHOW UP. This does not seem to be the case in swinging.

What seems to take HUGE amount of energy is weeding through all the fakes, pic collectors and single men pretending to be couples, endless e-mails where the other "couple" dissapear when you say "OK sounds good, lets actually meet" then you see tha they logged on to their Swing Lifestyle account but can't be bothered to say "we changed our minds we thikn you stink".

After all the time we spent discussing whether we were actually going to swing it is INCREDIBLY frustrating to find out that all these people are actually full of sh8.

We, were talking about this the other night and we both came up with the conclusion that perhaps people that do the house party and on-premise clubs are just swingers who decided that they want to do this so bad that they're willing to forgo any precautions and discrimination's (despite the protestations sure to come) and damn the torpedoes.

[slevin]

Originally Posted by corynlaine

We, were talking about this the other night and we both came up with the conclusion that perhaps people that do the house party and on-premise clubs are just swingers who decided that they want to do this so bad that they're willing to forgo any precautions and discrimination's (despite the protestations sure to come) and damn the torpedoes.

What precautions and discrimination are you referring to?

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by corynlaine

After all the time we spent discussing whether we were actually going to swing it is INCREDIBLY frustrating to find out that all these people are actually full of sh8.

We, were talking about this the other night and we both came up with the conclusion that perhaps people that do the house party and on-premise clubs are just swingers who decided that they want to do this so bad that they're willing to forgo any precautions and discrimination's (despite the protestations sure to come) and damn the torpedoes.

Corynlaine, I'm very sorry you're having so much trouble finding good, honest people who are true swingers.

My wife and I have been swingers for about a year now. We do not swing as much as we'd like to. That said, we have had very little in the way of negative experiences. The only thing I can really point to is a single guy who started out fine, but turned out to be a serious flake when it came to setting up actual play dates with him.

Everything else has generally been a very positive experience.

From our chair, your perceptions of the situation in swinging are not accurate. We do not see people desperate to have sex so much that they throw caution and discretion to the wind. None of our experiences support that conclusion in any respect.

On the contrary, we've met a number of nice singles and couples. Truly nice people that we've enjoyed spending time with. With the one lone exception noted above, everyone we've met has been serious about swinging, not playing games, have kept their dates with us, and have otherwise been great. We have little to complain about, except that we're not swinging as much as we'd like. But, the reasons for that have little to do with fakes and posers.

[Mr_n_Dr_Hottie]

We don't do any online dating, so we can't compare that to the resorts, because we connect exclusively through meeting others at resorts. Because we go often, we usually have a very full contact list that we work from. We play often while we are at the resorts, and sometimes hook up between visits with people that we met there that live nearby.

If you are trying to hook up with another guy for MFM, be aware that Desire in Cancun and Sea Mountain in Palm Springs do not allow single men. With that said, it is still possible to hook up with another guy because some play separately from their spouse, and some attend the couples-only resorts with a "ticket" girl, a friend that they talk into going so they can get in. Hedo allows single guys, so it is very easy to find them there.

We just had an awesome MFM experience last week with a guy we met at Sea Mountain earlier. He was very up front about his status when asked, and was respectful of everyone. It was such a great encounter that we have already arranged to see him again next week. So it is possible to find good ones, even at resorts that don't directly allow them.

Hope this helps!

[corynlaine]

Originally Posted by bbarnsworth

Corynlaine, I'm very sorry you're having so much trouble finding good, honest people who are true swingers.

My wife and I have been swingers for about a year now. We do not swing as much as we'd like to. That said, we have had very little in the way of negative experiences. The only thing I can really point to is a single guy who started out fine, but turned out to be a serious flake when it came to setting up actual play dates with him.

Everything else has generally been a very positive experience.

From our chair, your perceptions of the situation in swinging are not accurate. We do not see people desperate to have sex so much that they throw caution and discretion to the wind. None of our experiences support that conclusion in any respect.

On the contrary, we've met a number of nice singles and couples. Truly nice people that we've enjoyed spending time with. With the one lone exception noted above, everyone we've met has been serious about swinging, not playing games, have kept their dates with us, and have otherwise been great. We have little to complain about, except that we're not swinging as much as we'd like. But, the reasons for that have little to do with fakes and posers.

Well, it is encouraging to hear that and as I said maybe it's just US, but we've had pretty much the run around from both way - people contacting us and people we've contacted.

We've had several "well the wife is not feeling all too well, would you mind if I just came to meet you guys" To yes we're interested but don't have time, we'll get back to you after several lengthy e-mails where we seem to have established mutual interest to find being blown off!?

Like I said, maybe it's just us. maybe it time to

[bbarnsworth]

I don't think it's time to surrender. I think it's time to keep on trying. Take a 'no' as one less 'no' until there's a yes. Don't spend a huge amount of effort on a couple/single that are unwilling to commit to a meet and greet. It's wasted effort. It's not that they are bad, just that if they aren't willing to meet and greet you're probably wasting your time on them.

For my wife and I, from the moment we decided to have a full swap MFM, it took half a year before it finally happened. We too were frustrated. But, now it's happened several times, and we're completely hooked. It's worth the wait.

[JDApopka]

all we have ever done is mfm when we first started it was with 2 differant friends since then it has been with guys we meet online mostly from swinger sites like Swing Lifestyle. we have meet a couple through chat rooms. We have had a couple of duuds and we have also had 1 wife cheater(thats a big no no with the ms). For the most part we have been very lucky. when we meet someone online we chat with them for weeks and if we get a good feel we will agree to meet for a drink some where if that goes well we invite them home or agree to meet at a hotel.

J

[sweet_tna]

In our case, a third person isn't our normal M.O., and we didn't actively seek anyone out. But I can now tell you from experience that with a little luck there are good ones out there.

Meeting for coffee is a great way to go. It's a relaxed atmosphere where you can just sit and chat (vs. screaming over the music at a club). If things don't go well, you can extricate yourselves quickly. If they do go well, you can extricate yourselves quickly!

=)

[absingleman]

Seriously, it is just as hard for a single to find a couple he or she wants to meet or meet again. I recently received three requests on Swing Lifestyle in one week. Unfortunately all were for the same day, and in three different cities. I decided to hook up with the one single female instead of either of the two couples even though she was further away. Even though things didn't work out we still had a good time making fun of the college kids trying to pick each other up at the bar. I really don't think things would have been that easy if there had been no chemistry between me and either of the two couples because if things clicked with one and not the other they would have both become uncomfortable trying to find a way to nicely leave, or they would have just left and I would have ended up hooking up with a single woman anyway. As it stands, I'm still going to ask the woman I met out since there is a festival in her town that I always attend (and maybe things will happen differently this time).

What did I mean to say? Oh, yeah. With more than two people, choosing a sex partner gets harder for all involved. For couples, that means you have to really REALLY learn what turns each other on at the intellectual and emotional level more than the physical level, and go from there. For singles, that means realizing one person will often be more comfortable with you than the other, but if one says no, its still no. Don't come between them by trying to change someone else's mind and don't let them try to convince the other to take one for the team. The opposite sex partner will often try to do that unintentionally so you have to be on the lookout for manipulative talk from the two of them towards each other as well as towards you.

Most of all, remember this isn't the real world of committed, loving relationships. Its the fantasy world of casual sex, just like when you were in high school or college. Keep it there and it won't ruin your life or make you suspicious of everyone that says they want to meet you.

have fun and be safe.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by NewXp4Us

Anyone else find that the search for your third person can be kind of tedious and time consuming?

Actually, the search for any swing partner can be tedious and time consuming...unlike sweet_tna we still haven't been able to find one at Wal-Mart .

Now we are needing to find another but dont feel like putting it all out there again, and what we are wondering is if those Resorts like Desire and Hedonism make it easier to hookup?

The thing is with the LS...for the most part you are going to have to devlop a thick skin about these things. Don't put it all out there and get over invested. Most people are looking for regular playmates (SF/SM/couples) and it's hard to find. I much prefer to have one or two experiences with someone and move on...we are still looking for that ever-elusive regular couple to play with.

It's been said around here repeatedly, swinging is about the variety...and if you are looking for a single guy, they are probably looking for lots of variety and may not necessarily be interested in being some couple's boyfriend of sorts.

The resorts may be a good avenue to pursue...mostly because everyone's there on vacation, are relaxed, and things may flow better when everyone is relaxed and not putting huge expectations on an encounter.

Originally Posted by corynlaine

We, were talking about this the other night and we both came up with the conclusion that perhaps people that do the house party and on-premise clubs are just swingers who decided that they want to do this so bad that they're willing to forgo any precautions and discrimination's (despite the protestations sure to come) and damn the torpedoes.

CorynLaine...I'm not entirely sure where you come to the conclusion that ALL swingers who go to house parties or on-premise clubs have no standards, but we have been to both and the lack of play happening at any given time would boggle the mind.

At either venue you could partake in your activity of choice (which according to your profile is to watch and be watched to start off with and may progress to touching the othe couple).

Most swingers are just like you in that they don't have unlimited time to set up individual dates for just a "maybe" for moving on to playtime. Going the club route (on or off premise) gives people with limited time to devote to swinging the opportunity to meet up with many potential interests without having to devote tons of time. You can be guaranteed that if someone shows up at the club/party/meet n greet that they are the ones that are willing to meet up....not just some guy on the other end of the keyboard getting his jollies and spazzing out when you suggest meeting up.

The house parties we've been to usually consist of the same group of folks that show up time after time, so it's more of a friendly environment (so much so that the socializing takes up much of the evening and on average the playtime doesn't start until almost 2am if then).

So please don't knock an environment(s) you haven't tried that you may very well be able to find exactly what you are looking for. Most people are quite respectful in the LS, I'm sorry that you've run across a few bad apples.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Actually, the search for any swing partner can be tedious and time consuming...unlike sweet_tna we still haven't been able to find one at Wal-Mart .

I'm not gonna' live that one down, am I?

But you're absolutely right, Maria. Most of the time it's just NOT that easy . . .

Why can't Staples make an "easy button" for swingers?

=)