Hypothetical: Can handle it as single, but not as part of a couple

[Tellya Later]

Single guy happens upon swing lifestyle. He is legitimately single. After some time and some great memories he lives for whatever reason. He meets a wonderful lady and has a great relationship that ends in marriage.

Several years down the line and say a few kids later the topic of swinging comes up again. She knows of his past and maybe that is whats prompted it again after so many years. They try it and he finds that he can't bear to see her with another guy.

Hypocritical or just human?

[EternallySingle]

You have to remember, swinging is about fulfilling fantasies, having fun, and sharing what you experience with others. Even jealousy must be shared and talked about if you are going to have a healthy relationship, let alone swing together.

Trust me. After swinging with a woman for four years, she moved to a new state to take a new job. Then she got married and left the lifestyle...all within a year...because her new husband didn't enjoy swinging and couldn't deal with her being with other women, which she enjoyed more than being with other men. You can live without swinging. Can you live without the person you love?

[Brit_Pair]

Tell him: Welcome to the human condition.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Tellya Later
Single guy happens upon swing lifestyle. He is legitimately single. After some time and some great memories he lives for whatever reason. He meets a wonderful lady and has a great relationship that ends in marriage.

Several years down the line and say a few kids later the topic of swinging comes up again. She knows of his past and maybe that is whats prompted it again after so many years. They try it and he finds that he can't bear to see her with another guy.

Hypocritical or just human?

I think I know what you are getting at here.

Eternally Single, pretty much summed it up "You can live without swinging. Can you live without the person you love?"

In my eyes it is human. Just because you enjoyed certain things as a single doesn't mean that you will when you are coupled. I am not a jealous person by nature at all, but for quite a few years after my husband and I first met, I would have pangs of jealousy crop up when I felt my husband was being "too friendly" with someone and I felt it should be reserved for only me. I didn't understand at the time that it is just his nature, but I didn't want to share him in that way with anyone.

Now the real twist here is that after nearly 10 years together, I can still feel those pangs from time to time, in settings of where we do not know that people are swingers. I can share my husband, knowingly allow him to be as sexually adventurous as he wants with another woman and encourage and cheer him on, BUT, put us at a fund raiser or a social function in mainstream society and those old feelings crop up again if he becomes the slightest bit flirtateous.

Human emotions are difficult to figure out and quite often, never are.

Lori

[Flori_DAMAN]

Jealousy is indeed a human condition.

It is an animal condition also. If you have ever seen a person with two friendly dogs, youd better pet them equally or one will indeed get jealous.

This is natures way of torturing us.

Yeah its easy to watch your baby suck some studs cock, but if she has a long conversation with the UPS guy then somethings wrong.

Whenever I got tired of being at a party I would just pick a good looking female and start a conversation.....zip, in ten minutes wifey wanted to go home...hehe...oh thats bad isn't it.

John.

[wiscpl]

Just for the sake of discussion lets say it is hypocritcal. As a single male he never thought twice about giving it to another mans wife or girlfriend. Now that the tables are turned the thought of another man taking what should be his and his alone (in his mind) turns his stomach. Why should something that he took pleasure in make him jealous? To me thats like saying one thing and doing another.
I would be curious to know more about the situation. Was this something that she learned about in his past and decided she wanted to explore? Is there an emotional event in his past that could cause an especially jealous reaction?


Just some food for thought.

[Roxysbayou]

Just a thought....could it be that as a single swinger, maybe you didn't have a whole lot of respect for the women that you were involved with, and maybe know you feel that you want to protect your wife from men with the same kind of intentions?

Or is it more... that you feel that you might lose her, or that she may enjoy another man more than she does you?

There are so many things that can spur pangs of jealousy, I would work through any insecurity that you may be feeling with your wife. Make sure that your marriage and your relationship are totally secure first.

[CuriousAngel]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou
Just a thought....could it be that as a single swinger, maybe you didn't have a whole lot of respect for the women that you were involved with, and maybe know you feel that you want to protect your wife from men with the same kind of intentions?

Or is it more... that you feel that you might lose her, or that she may enjoy another man more than she does you?

There are so many things that can spur pangs of jealousy, I would work through any insecurity that you may be feeling with your wife. Make sure that your marriage and your relationship are totally secure first.

Oh I love your mind Roxy.. and I agree with you. It takes a real wonderful man to have respect for and trust for a woman that is just as human as he is and wants to give her as good as he has gotten. Not to mention be able to handle it like a man can expect from her (or does he expect her to "handle" seeing him with other women and not want the same?) It never ceases to amaze me be it man or woman. Double Standards NEVER Die they just find new ways of cropping up and biting one in the behind. Perhaps there is a lesson he can learn if he digs deep. Cudos for her desire to have pleasure. However.. I also agree with this. Cant recall who said something like this, but, I would have to agree that if he were my husband and could not handle it I could easily walk away from it and not regret it at all because.. nothing no amount of pleasure or sex will ever replace love so I would quit really fast like. And make him give me double time orgasims hee hee for giving up all the excitement and pleasure and get it all from him..
Angel

[Flori_DAMAN]

Just curious,

Is there anyone on this board that has NEVER felt jealousy?

John

[Handyman69]

I know I'm not in the NEVER area. Its hard...especially when we swing with younger couples. I had a hard time with that one...knowing I'm in my 40s and she is in her late twenties. Now ....Am I jealous of her youth or afraid my husband might find her more attractive. Nay.....got to be I want those 10 or so years I want back.

Rhonda

[naughty A]

Originally posted by Handyman69
Nay.....got to be I want those 10 or so years I want back.

you know what they say... youth is wasted on the young.

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by naughty A
you know what they say... youth is wasted on the young.

Too right.

[Nymph an' Satyr]

Aye, youth is wasted on the young....

And BTW, I used to be a UPS guy, and let me tell you..........Nah, use your imagination!

[Ashley]

The real question is "why can't he bear to see her with another guy?"
If he sufficiently analyzes this and is completely honest with himself, he can manage that jealousy.
He can leave the lifestyle or if his wife is thoroughly into it, they can set up certainly boundaries that will reassure him.
In my case, boyfriend knows my jealousy triggers so he avoids them and we set things up so that we are both happy with the outcomes.
One of these things that I've posted about before is women who by their body language seek to exclude me. If that happens we find another couple to swing with, a couple where the woman is more inclusive....she'll let me watch or participate as I choose so it is more of a shared experience. Those have been the best times for me.

[Ashley]

Whenever I got tired of being at a party I would just pick a good looking female and start a conversation.....zip, in ten minutes wifey wanted to go home...hehe...oh thats bad isn't it.

Gee John, thanks for the tip
Funny in the beginning it was always me that wanted to leave first, now it's the other way around