Whatever Happened To "FWB"(Friends With Benefits) or "NSA"(No Strings Attached) ???

[DRxDON]

This MAY be more appropriate for the "Ever Elusive Single Female" although I do believe that these terms were STARTED by SINGLE FEMALES. A year or so ago, this was THE new sensation among SINGLE Swingers/Lifestylers(as if I hoped there would EVER be such a thing), but it seems that ALREADY women/girls have gotten "cold" feet and the term has become synonymous with denigration and showing "no respect". I don't know how many women NOW reply "how can I respect you if you're fucking someone else"? The terms NSA and FWB I believe were STARTED by women(I could be wrong) to indicate a loose friendship and/or encounter where sex was involved but no desire for a Long Term Relationship, or even any kind of commited or "attached" relationship at all. Something more than a "one-night-stand" where they may or may not be *some* kind of on-going contact but a "sex first/test the waters/no regrets if there is nothing more than good, friendly hot sex. This has NOW almost TOTALLY disappeared among single women, at least in my area of the East Coast(Phila). It first started to decline among the 30-somethings who are back to wanting "secure/semi-secure" relationships again, while a few months ago it was still somewhat popular with the late 20's crowd. NOW it's trickled its way down to the early 20's and highschool/post high school group, however, most online ads on sex sites in this age are totally phony!!! What's a single guy in his mid to late 30's supposed to do who used to see "Utopia" eventually arrising out of the mists???

[Malachista]

As we say around here: Adapt or die
Or keep searching

[BiloxiCouple]

It's all part of growing older. Them whipper snappers just don't know nothing.

[Chicup]

*confused*

[slevin]

In my experience, there are lots of women around who are open to the idea of NSA and FWB, but if you actually TALK to them openly about it they will say that they aren't. Lots of people say things that go against their own actions. Just like almost any man will say that he'd love it if a woman walked up to him at a bar and said "Take me home and fuck me", but in actual practice most guys freak out under such circumstances.

Also, most single female ads on swingers sites are fake, it's just something that everyone needs to deal with. I'm sure that's been going on much longer than just a year

[iapr]

I doubt if female sexuality has changed much in 100, 000 years. The only thing that changes over time is how a particular culture trys to regulate it and control it at any given time.

It's just not in the female nomenclature to be very freewheeling with their sexuality. When I was a young'en and my mother started telling me about the facts of life she told me that men were ok with the idea of fucking any woman that would have them as long as they weren't discusting and it wouldn't cost them anything. however women were very selective about who they had sex with would only give it up to specific men that made them feel special, safe and secure and would provide them with a home and a family and status in the community.

Now that I am in my mid 40s after being a single male untill my early 30s, then in a traditional and monogamous marriage for ten years and now that I have been an active swinger for a few years I really haven't seen anything that contradicts what my mother told me more than 35 years ago.

Since you are talking about single women as opposed to married female swingers I will challenge that it is the single females that tell you that they are looking for purely physical and recreational sex that are bullshitting you.

Women are just not programmed to fuck any ol' guy that comes along and makes her an offer for purely recreational sex.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by slevin

In my experience, there are lots of women around who are open to the idea of NSA and FWB, but if you actually TALK to them openly about it they will say that they aren't. Lots of people say things that go against their own actions. Just like almost any man will say that he'd love it if a woman walked up to him at a bar and said "Take me home and fuck me", but in actual practice most guys freak out under such circumstances.

Also, most single female ads on swingers sites are fake, it's just something that everyone needs to deal with. I'm sure that's been going on much longer than just a year

I actually think it is the opposite. I think there are a number of women will that will say they are open to the idea of NSA or FWB but it is either them trying to sound hip and cool or they are just trying to fool themselves into believing it.

There may be some mitigating circumstances such as recent divorce or something like that where people just want a warm body in their bed but I think most people (male and female ) have a strong innate desire to have their own special someone. For a variety of reasons people may accept a FWB/NSA in the short term but most people want to share their sexuality within the context of a significant relationship.

As far as the man in the bar scenario, if I was just sitting there minding my own business and some gal came up to me and said "take me home and fuck me" I'd run for the door cause there is something wrong with that chick and I wouldn't want to be the one who finds out what that malfunction is

[slevin]

Originally Posted by iapr

Since you are talking about single women as opposed to married female swingers I will challenge that it is the single females that tell you that they are looking for purely physical and recreational sex that are bullshitting you.

Agreed; the other side of that is that people who keep it to themselves are often open to it. However if you were to ask openly they would be more likely to respond in a socially acceptable way rather than admit to you (and themselves) that they are open to a FWB situation that goes against sociologically acceptable behaviour for women. This doesn't mean that given the right circumstances that a woman wouldn't be open to a FWB or NSA situation, just that given how society views womens sexuality, how women are taught about their sexuality and what women think they are supposed to want all tell them that NSA sex is not what they want. There is some biological pull towards finding a man to procreate with as well as a man who will protect and provide for the mother and the baby (not necessarily the same man; all biologically here, not a conscious thing). That doesn't mean that biologically women are programmed against casual sex as we can see that in the swinger community easily with the number of women who are very much at ease with casual sex. The procreation thing and pure sex drive thing can be exclusive of each other and most people tend to fall in and out of one or the other (as you noted). As things change the desires and wants change as well.

[josephanthony69]

Too many times a lady who is highly erotic and looking for FWB gets called a slut - usually by other women who may fantasize about it or guys who don't understand - women today do have the right to be "dogs" just like guys have been for years. A lot of what I see or hear today is the 40 somthing/50 somethin who is either recently single or choosing to be single after divorce, death, etc and looking to enjoy their safe FB's - regular guys who periodically need and want the same thing she does.

Just one guys opinion!

Originally Posted by slevin

Agreed; the other side of that is that people who keep it to themselves are often open to it. However if you were to ask openly they would be more likely to respond in a socially acceptable way rather than admit to you (and themselves) that they are open to a FWB situation that goes against sociologically acceptable behaviour for women. This doesn't mean that given the right circumstances that a woman wouldn't be open to a FWB or NSA situation, just that given how society views womens sexuality, how women are taught about their sexuality and what women think they are supposed to want all tell them that NSA sex is not what they want. There is some biological pull towards finding a man to procreate with as well as a man who will protect and provide for the mother and the baby (not necessarily the same man; all biologically here, not a conscious thing). That doesn't mean that biologically women are programmed against casual sex as we can see that in the swinger community easily with the number of women who are very much at ease with casual sex. The procreation thing and pure sex drive thing can be exclusive of each other and most people tend to fall in and out of one or the other (as you noted). As things change the desires and wants change as well.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by iapr

Since you are talking about single women as opposed to married female swingers I will challenge that it is the single females that tell you that they are looking for purely physical and recreational sex that are bullshitting you.

Women are just not programmed to fuck any ol' guy that comes along and makes her an offer for purely recreational sex.

I've got to challenge you here. I did the FWB/ recreational sex thing for a couple of years after my divorce. It really was all I wanted and I was the one constantly reminding the guys that slept with that 1. This was not a relationship, nor heading towards one. 2. I was not monogomous, and 3. The second it started looking like they wanted more they were gone.

I was not bullshitting anyone. That said, I was also not fucking "any ol' guy", I picked the guys I wanted to sleep with and I was usually the one who initiated the sex in the first place. There is such a thing as recreational NSA sex without it having to imply that ou sleep with anyone who comes along.

[jimmigeorge]

I had seen the a couple of posts on other sites using the term NST and could't rerember the meaning. I knew what FWB meant. I came across the answer ina thread this morning hear. NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! Dumb Irshman.