singles finding love in the lifestyle?

[gnb4u]

On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

What are your thoughts?

[dayhiker]

I'm with you and your thoughts on the topic gnb

[BiloxiCouple]

I don't think the lifestyle has enough unicorns to be able to find a LTR in the lifestyle. I have seen it happen just not that often.

You would be better off where the ratio of single men and single women is better balanced than in the lifestyle.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

I don't think the lifestyle has enough unicorns to be able to find a LTR in the lifestyle. I have seen it happen just not that often.

You would be better off where the ratio of single men and single women is better balanced than in the lifestyle.

The fact that you say you have seen it happen proves my point that it IS happening. I agree that the numbers are not balanced and they never are and no where on earth are there any guarentees.

My point is that if a single (and I'm talking about true singles here and not cheaters) is open to the idea of finding someone special and conducts him/herself in that manner, then the possibilitys are there.

As far as the number of single fems, if the lifestyle were a little more single friendly and was a little more accepting of and supportive of singles finding each other the numbers of single fems would probably increase.

For some background info: on the other site I was refering to, any time a single makes any mention that sounds like they are interested in dating or of finding anyone or of having any kind of encounter that isn't strickly a sexual encounter they get bashed for being on a "sex site" and told to go to E-harmony or Match.com. They are often told the only people on that site are only looking for pussy or cock and that the lifestyle is not a place to find a legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

When you say people bashing them. Are you referring to couples (who only play with other couples) or, all people in general ?

We know single people We (would and do) promote their relationships as we would anyone, anywhere.

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue.

I can see that.

I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world.

This... I don't know... People come and go in the lifestyle. from all walks, for different reasons. I would think for them, just like us.. Someday, we may walk out and just spend the rest of our days together, without lifestyle friends. We, may not be such good examples.... But we never know the future.

I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

Here again I don't understand... Why would we be un-supportive of our single friends finding a good relationship ? When they have told us of someone they have grown emotionally attached and involved with. We are genuinely, happy for them....

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

There was a time we felt this way. Not now though, we have learned allot from singles in the lifestyle. Some are searching for different things. From, no strings attached sex, to soul mates. We all come from different paths in life. In their search for friends and companionships, they usually discover what we have found as a couple. The community, the swinging/ lifestyle. Everyone is entitled....

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

When you say people bashing them. Are you referring to couples (who only play with other couples) or, all people in general ?

We know single people We (would and do) promote their relationships as we would anyone, anywhere.

I can see that.

This... I don't know... People come and go in the lifestyle. from all walks, for different reasons. I would think for them, just like us.. Someday, we may walk out and just spend the rest of our days together, without lifestyle friends. We, may not be such good examples.... But we never know the future.

Here again I don't understand... Why would we be un-supportive of our single friends finding a good relationship ? When they have told us of someone they have grown emotionally attached and involved with. We are genuinely, happy for them....

There was a time we felt this way. Not now though, we have learned allot from singles in the lifestyle. Some are searching for different things. From, no strings attached sex, to soul mates. We all come from different paths in life. In their search for friends and companionships, they usually discover what we have found as a couple. The community, the swinging/ lifestyle. Everyone is entitled....

The bashing I am refering to can come from singles and couples alike. It really doesn't have anything to do with play preferences or whether people play with singles or couples or anything like that. What I am talking about is people (in general) often ridicule or malign any single that appears to be open to the idea of legitimate dating on the website or in any kind of lifestyle setting. It is implied if not blatantly stated that all single men in the lifestyle are dogs that are there for pussy only and are not dating material and that the single females are either sluts that are fucking the whole town or are nieve little dimwits that are too dumb to handle themselves in the lifestyle realm.

In other words singles are treated as if neither single males or females in the lifestyle are candidates worthy of consideration for legitimate dating. If a single talks about anything other than hardcore 'slam-bam, thank you-ma'm' fucking they are told to go to E-Harmony or other traditional dating venues.

This does not just occur on the website either. We have some single friends we know from the clubs and whenever they are dating someone from within the lifestyle they are often treated like they are crazy for thinking that someone from within the LS would be a legitimate dating partner. In otherwords they are treated like if they want sex only, they should look from within the LS. But if they want to date and have a legitimate relationship, they should look from within the vanilla world.

Does that clarify it at all?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

For some background info: on the other site I was refering to, any time a single makes any mention that sounds like they are interested in dating or of finding anyone or of having any kind of encounter that isn't strickly a sexual encounter they get bashed for being on a "sex site" and told to go to E-harmony or Match.com. They are often told the only people on that site are only looking for pussy or cock and that the lifestyle is not a place to find a legitimate boyfriend/girlfriend

I see what your saying, I think.

People are people. We all go through life searching for happiness. Along the way,there are obstacles and people for what ever reason, who encourage or hamper, the search for happiness. (Such is Life)

If its true love and life companionship one seeks.... Love will find a way....

We learned there are bumps, crossroads and uncertainty along the path.

People judging us, on the websites.... Are more like a bug hitting the windshield. We move on.... If they get thick, we just keep the wipers on with some periodic washing and turn up the radio.... Were cool...

[TNT]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

What are your thoughts?

The lifestyle is as good a place as any to find love...I know we've lost a few good single men who found their partner through swinging.

One never knows where love will be found.


Teresa

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

This does not just occur on the website either. We have some single friends we know from the clubs and whenever they are dating someone from within the lifestyle they are often treated like they are crazy for thinking that someone from within the LS would be a legitimate dating partner. In otherwords they are treated like if they want sex only, they should look from within the LS. But if they want to date and have a legitimate relationship, they should look from within the vanilla world.

Does that clarify it at all?

Yes, but we are bad/good examples. We promote a good relationship, for everyone in life. Single,married, gay. whomever....

Maybe, we are Karma at work....

[JustAskJulie]

I don't think the lifestyle should be THE place they are looking for love.... but I don't think there should be an issue with a single swinger who is ALSO looking for love along the way... and good for them however they may find it.

[arvcpl]

I agree with what Fun4Ds has said. I have seen firsthand several singles find love and happyness in the LS so obviously it can and does happen.

I wouldn't say that it is the best place or even a good place necessarily but there are no guarentees anywhere and places like E-Harmony et al have their problems as well. At least in the LS the guys aren't pretending that they aren't looking for a piece of ass

[Malachista]

Reality has made me way to ynic to believe that this can work

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Reality has made me way to ynic to believe that this can work

Please explain more. Why do you not think this can work?

I am assuming that you think more traditional singles venues such as vanilla singles sites, vanilla bars and church sponsored singles events are more productive. Pehaps I too am becoming cynical in my old age as well but I see those venues as no guarentee and no walk in the park either.

Please explain your thoughts and rationale more.

[LFM2]

Our single left us to pursue a relationship with a single gal. We hope he finds everything that he was looking for. Even though she isn't in the LS, he hopelessly fell.

[Malachista]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

Please explain more. Why do you not think this can work?

I am assuming that you think more traditional singles venues such as vanilla singles sites, vanilla bars and church sponsored singles events are more productive. Pehaps I too am becoming cynical in my old age as well but I see those venues as no guarentee and no walk in the park either.

Please explain your thoughts and rationale more.

Mo, the point is that often when a couple meets swinging the man of the new couple thinks that he now owns the woman.
Like that he now demands that he handles all contacts in her name, tries to get old friends of her to leave them be, and demands that she never again plays with a single male.

I myself have also made an expiriance with a guy who was a bit of a player, and left me hanging, believing that we were in the beginnings of a real relationship while he pretty much said and did the same things to half a dozen other girls

Personaly I don't trust any man anymore right now... so perhaps the topic just comes at the wrong time