singles finding love in the lifestyle?

[ncmd_couple]

I see profiles on Swing Lifestyle all the time where they are looking for fun, but open to possible LTRs. We have had folks here on SB that said the same thing also. I have to wonder about the population of the site you are visiting if their reactions are so negative to anyone who expresses an openess to a LTR. In my mind, there isn't anything wrong with the sinlges, but there is something wrong with those who bash them!!

S

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by Malachista

Mo, the point is that often when a couple meets swinging the man of the new couple thinks that he now owns the woman.
Like that he now demands that he handles all contacts in her name, tries to get old friends of her to leave them be, and demands that she never again plays with a single male.

I myself have also made an expiriance with a guy who was a bit of a player, and left me hanging, believing that we were in the beginnings of a real relationship while he pretty much said and did the same things to half a dozen other girls

Personaly I don't trust any man anymore right now... so perhaps the topic just comes at the wrong time

So you are saying that there are men that can become controlling and isolate a woman from her friends and family.

-Will try to control all her personal and social contacts.

- Will try to keep her from screwing other guys.

- Will tell her things to keep her around and make her think they have a special relationship and a future while he is out fucking the whole nieghborhood.

That sounds to me like an asshole and assholes are just as prevelant in the vanilla world as in the lifestyle.

If you look back at my original statement it is that I wonder if the lifestyle is 'NO BETTER AND NO WORSE' than any other venue. A woman has no guarentees against meeting an asshole or a control freak at a church social as from within the lifestyle.

My original question was, "is the lifestyle a "viable" place for singles to meet?" Not, 'is the lifestyle the perfect or hassle-free place to meet?'

[athenagirl]

I am a single woman who spent years (yes, years!) on Eharmony and, though matched with hundreds of men, never met one! I signed up with Swing Lifestyle and so far, have met some really great guys, and one in particular whom I'm very fond of.

I hope that I can find love, wherever it presents itself. And the best part of all, by searching on a lifestyle site, I will have a greater likelihood of finding that special man who will share my life and my desire for sexual adventure!

[intensity_too]

I found love in the LS. And I mean that passionate, intense love connection. The kind of love a lot of people are out there looking for.

Was I looking for love when in the LS? No. Did it happen? Yes, and I couldn't be happier about it!

[magnum]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

What are your thoughts?

I would agree...It is as difficult to meet a SO in the lifestyle as it is in the vanila world. I am currently single and have been in the lifestyle for about 8 years. My personal take is, it is not a priority for me that a gf/SO be in the lifestyle. My last GF was not in the lifestyle and I told her of my past "lifestyle/playmates" she did not have a problem with it at all, we had a great relationship.

I have not had any luck meeting a SO in the lifestyle to date...

[athenagirl]

Originally Posted by magnum

I would agree...It is as difficult to meet a SO in the lifestyle as it is in the vanila world. I am currently single and have been in the lifestyle for about 8 years. My personal take is, it is not a priority for me that a gf/SO be in the lifestyle. My last GF was not in the lifestyle and I told her of my past "lifestyle/playmates" she did not have a problem with it at all, we had a great relationship.

I have not had any luck meeting a SO in the lifestyle to date...

Well, Magnum: are you primarily playing with couples? Or do you date women whom you meet on sites such as Swinglifestyle?

Athenagirl

[Chicup]

Being long time married perhaps I'm not one to answer this, but then again perhaps I am as I have had a long term relationship in 'the lifestyle'. Asking singles about finding LTR's in the lifestyle might be a mistake, like asking someone bankrupt for credit advice.

Personally I wouldn't look for a LTR in the lifestyle, at least based on many of the lifestyle singles I've met. While this might make them more open to swinging, (and not necessarily, I'm sure many would find they too have the green eyed monster when its someone THEY love), I'd be somewhat concerned on what brought them to the lifestyle in the first place, especially the females. I'll be frank, outside of the bad divorce, want to have fun, short term swinger single females, I'd say a majority of them are a bit nuts. I've seen these issues come up often with swinger couples I know personally when they get involved with single female swingers they find in the LS.

So if I were single again, I wouldn't be looking for my future love in a club or on Swing Lifestyle, but just like all the vanillas do, normal dating sites and 'normal' locations, from bars to the check out line. The trick is after you meet them, figuring out if they are the kind of person who might be good for the LS.

Now when I met Mrs. Chicup, it wasn't with the LS in mind. It was pure very young lust. I myself was NO where near ready for the LS mentally. Looking back though I can see the signs that she would be open to this sort of thing. She used to read her fathers porn stash, she enjoyed watching pornography with me, I'd ask (with no intent on doing it of course at the time) if she would ever want to do a threesome and she would give that shy maybe which really means yes. She also liked sex, a lot and could talk about it. (That should be a rule in any long term relationship, if they DON'T like sex that often when you are dating, you can count on a mostly sexless marriage)

Despite having the signs, outwardly NO one would think of her as a swinger, she has this aura of "proper" about her with a side of boring. She would have never been a single in a swing club, and wouldn't have thought of doing it if i didn't bring it up in the first place.

So boiled down my advice is simple, at least for the men, dating just plain old normal women, but get to know them. Figure out what they like and dislike. Watch a porno with them and see how they react. Ask them 'so, if we weren't dating, would you want to be that girl in the middle?'

Being a swinger is a mindset and if you don't know your partners mind you shouldn't be in a LTR with them.

[The Fuse]

Here's a thought -- perhaps some of the "blasting" singles find from lifestyle folks, when they say they are looking for love, comes from a feeling of being threatened. Is this single person eyeing my husband or wife?

If you think about this from a purely numbers perspective, most swingers are couples looking for casual sex. Most avoid deeper relationships with their play partners. If a single wants to play with one person from married couple, and wants a relationship, then the other half of the married couple could reasonably feel threatened.

If the OP is talking about singles finding other singles within the lifestyle, which I think he is, then again from a numbers perspective it is difficult. We have to admit this, just as couples looking for single women will mostly admit it is difficult. To ignore the effects of the lopsided population just shows willful ignorance. However, if it works out, then the rewards are significant -- you already have someone who understands the lifestyle. Whether they could function well as part of a swinging couple is another matter, as another poster pointed out.

If I were suddenly a single woman, I would look for a relationship in the lifestyle. But as we all know, I would have a lot of choices. For the single guys looking for single women, good luck... but if you are smart, you will have a Plan B and a Plan C.

[magnum]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Being long time married perhaps I'm not one to answer this, but then again perhaps I am as I have had a long term relationship in 'the lifestyle'. Asking singles about finding LTR's in the lifestyle might be a mistake, like asking someone bankrupt for credit advice.

Personally I wouldn't look for a LTR in the lifestyle, at least based on many of the lifestyle singles I've met. While this might make them more open to swinging, (and not necessarily, I'm sure many would find they too have the green eyed monster when its someone THEY love), I'd be somewhat concerned on what brought them to the lifestyle in the first place, especially the females. I'll be frank, outside of the bad divorce, want to have fun, short term swinger single females, I'd say a majority of them are a bit nuts. I've seen these issues come up often with swinger couples I know personally when they get involved with single female swingers they find in the LS.

So if I were single again, I wouldn't be looking for my future love in a club or on Swing Lifestyle, but just like all the vanillas do, normal dating sites and 'normal' locations, from bars to the check out line. The trick is after you meet them, figuring out if they are the kind of person who might be good for the LS.

Now when I met Mrs. Chicup, it wasn't with the LS in mind. It was pure very young lust. I myself was NO where near ready for the LS mentally. Looking back though I can see the signs that she would be open to this sort of thing. She used to read her fathers porn stash, she enjoyed watching pornography with me, I'd ask (with no intent on doing it of course at the time) if she would ever want to do a threesome and she would give that shy maybe which really means yes. She also liked sex, a lot and could talk about it. (That should be a rule in any long term relationship, if they DON'T like sex that often when you are dating, you can count on a mostly sexless marriage)

Despite having the signs, outwardly NO one would think of her as a swinger, she has this aura of "proper" about her with a side of boring. She would have never been a single in a swing club, and wouldn't have thought of doing it if i didn't bring it up in the first place.

So boiled down my advice is simple, at least for the men, dating just plain old normal women, but get to know them. Figure out what they like and dislike. Watch a porno with them and see how they react. Ask them 'so, if we weren't dating, would you want to be that girl in the middle?'

Being a swinger is a mindset and if you don't know your partners mind you shouldn't be in a LTR with them.

Well said Chicup, I would have to agree with you whole heartedly...

[athenagirl]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Here's a thought -- perhaps some of the "blasting" singles find from lifestyle folks, when they say they are looking for love, comes from a feeling of being threatened. Is this single person eyeing my husband or wife?

If you think about this from a purely numbers perspective, most swingers are couples looking for casual sex. Most avoid deeper relationships with their play partners. If a single wants to play with one person from married couple, and wants a relationship, then the other half of the married couple could reasonably feel threatened.

If the OP is talking about singles finding other singles within the lifestyle, which I think he is, then again from a numbers perspective it is difficult. We have to admit this, just as couples looking for single women will mostly admit it is difficult. To ignore the effects of the lopsided population just shows willful ignorance. However, if it works out, then the rewards are significant -- you already have someone who understands the lifestyle. Whether they could function well as part of a swinging couple is another matter, as another poster pointed out.

If I were suddenly a single woman, I would look for a relationship in the lifestyle. But as we all know, I would have a lot of choices. For the single guys looking for single women, good luck... but if you are smart, you will have a Plan B and a Plan C.

I'm a bit surprised to hear your take on single guys finding single women in the lifestyle... I've seen some swinger sites that seem to have jillions of young single women claiming to want just sex. If that's true, then it seems a single guy would have a great many women to choose from...

[magnum]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

On another forum I am on there was a thread posted refering to several marriages and LTRs that resulted from singles meeting each other in the lifestyle. The OP of that thread has personally attended several weddings and has several more coming up in the near future and she was stating that people shouldn't bash singles for being open to actual dating and finding love in the lifestyle.

I responded by taking a position that males and females will find each other regardless of the venue and that in reality the lifestyle is no better and no worse a venue to find their special someone than any other traditional vanilla dating venue. I also stated that singles that find each other in the lifestyle and become a couple are more likely to stay in the lifestyle as opposed to finding someone in the vanilla world and then returning to the vanilla world. I went on to state that people in the lifestyle should actually be more accepting and supportive of this as opposed to acting like singles are crazy if they are open to the idea of finding a legitimate date or SO in the lifestyle.

I am wondering what your thoughts are here and what you think about singles finding love in the lifestyle. Do you think it is crazy and that singles should stick with E-Harmony and singles bars and church sponsored singles events for finding a legitimate mate or do you think that the lifestyle does offer a viable medium for finding someone?

What are your thoughts?

I may have responded to a similar post in the past...It is and can be just as difficult to find a SO in the lifestyle or in the vanila world. The single females I have meet at parties have not gone beyond the "party" and the single females I have meet in the vanila world and thought to ask if they would like to "play in the lifestyle" have said NO.

I think you need to be very open, if you really like the other person and they are not into the LS, your call, and vis versa, if they are open to the LS and that is what you want, good for you that you have found an open minded SO.

Not sure if there are really set rules to this question???

[magnum]

Secondary question to this post: Who here on the board has actually found love in the LS???

[DE_BBC]

I met this single woman online...I'm pretty sure she wanted to take it beyond the just meeting to hook-up..but I wasn't into it, she was a single mom of three kids(not that there's anything wrong with that)..but it was a bit much for me.

However I was honest about not wanting a relationship..and I think she respected that...we still hook-up(for sex) when I back in my hometown.

[GoNatural]

I know of one guy that started a relationship with a single bi fem off of AFF. They are still together after 2 years, and are engaged now.

He is the only example that I know. This topic of great interest to me.

I think it is much easier to find women that don't really favor monogamy, but don't want to be "in the lifestyle" so to speak either. They don't want to be labelled as a swinger. They generally don't use ads. They usually meet guys in their town by going out at night, or just as they socialize during the day. These women are obviously not the shy types.

[BamaRide]

Actually that is where my wife and I met... we were a 'custom' couple put together by a couple we both saw as singles... it was lust and love at first sight.

BamaRide