Single male with erectile dysfunction, am I wasting my time

[crazi429]

Hello all I have been here for several years but never got a start in the life style. My girlfriend Littlered has decided to move on so now I am single again. I just had a hip replacement last week so will be out of service for awhile. I hope to figure out someway to get involved in this life style as I really love sex and really don't care that I can't get a hard on. I have tried all the pills with very little results. I do plan to go to urologist as soon as everything is ok with the hip surgery. But my main question is am I wasting my time trying to get into this life style as a single overweight lip male. Even though I know how to use my large hands and tongue pretty well.

[fun4Ds]

Sorry to hear what you have been through. Who is to say what a waste of time, is ?

I think if you are pursuing something you like. Go for it. I would think it boils down to caring about yourself enough, to do what is possible, for the betterment of your health.Go for it! If the possibility of swinging motivates that, all the better.Go for it!

It's worth all the time in the world.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by crazi429

Hello all I have been here for several years but never got a start in the life style. My girlfriend Littlered has decided to move on so now I am single again. I just had a hip replacement last week so will be out of service for awhile. I hope to figure out someway to get involved in this life style as I really love sex and really don't care that I can't get a hard on. I have tried all the pills with very little results. I do plan to go to urologist as soon as everything is ok with the hip surgery. But my main question is am I wasting my time trying to get into this life style as a single overweight lip male. Even though I know how to use my large hands and tongue pretty well.

You know, I've read several stories of paraplegic men who go to Nevada brothels. I'm not suggesting you do the same. But, if they can be sexually active, even with a penis that will never ever get up, so can you.

Decide what you want to achieve in swinging. Be the best at it you can be, and be clear about what you can and can't do. You might be surprised at the results. My wife for example finds very good body massages to be nearly as good as so-so sex.

[cplnuswing]

No, you're not wasting your time, but it may take a little more time, if that makes any sense. There are a lot of swingers out there in all shapes, sizes, etc. and they aren't all looking for the same thing. Full swap intercourse may be the most common, but it certainly isn't the only scenario people are interested in.

Be honest and upfront about what you offer to a potential playmate, and as others have said you will probably be surprised at the results. Sure, your set of circumstances might not be what some are looking for, but they might not be looking for someone with your color eyes, hair, or whatever either. Why someone is or isn't interested in playing doesn't change that the chemistry just isn't there, but that doesn't mean you can't have an enjoyable time getting out there searching for the combination that does have the chemistry. Sooner or later, you'll find it and the fun you had along the way looking for it certainly won't be a waste of time.

[Chicup]

Define 'waste'.

Single male - Very difficult to 'succeed' aka get laid in a swinger setting.
Single male over weight - Even more difficult.
Single male over weight and ED - Sort of the ultimate in difficulty.

So perhaps you will find someone out there, the planet is large, and tastes widely vary, but if I were in your position I'd find a different hobby.

Personally fishing.

[crazi429]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Define 'waste'.

Single male - Very difficult to 'succeed' aka get laid in a swinger setting.
Single male over weight - Even more difficult.
Single male over weight and ED - Sort of the ultimate in difficulty.

So perhaps you will find someone out there, the planet is large, and tastes widely vary, but if I were in your position I'd find a different hobby.

Personally fishing.

Thanks for the replies I do hope to get past the ED but for the time being my large hands, willing tongue, bearded face and desire will have to do. I can get myself off no problem but it just isn't nearly as fun.

As for other fun I love to 4 wheel in my bronco. And with the hip thats not happening anytime in the near future.

I just wish my lady friend hadden't change he mind right now because it would make sitting and laying around all day much more fun.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Define 'waste'.

Single male - Very difficult to 'succeed' aka get laid in a swinger setting.
Single male over weight - Even more difficult.
Single male over weight and ED - Sort of the ultimate in difficulty.

So perhaps you will find someone out there, the planet is large, and tastes widely vary, but if I were in your position I'd find a different hobby.

Personally fishing.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I've got to agree with Chicup on this. He's pretty much laid out the 3 strikes.

Think of it as "what would my likely Return on Investment be for my time and energy spent pursuing swinging?" I think your ROI would be very low.

Get healthy, get mobile, see the urologist, then go from there. All things in order of priority.

Good luck to you.

[Mr.Essex]

Accentuate the positive. As long as you aren't trying to bill yourself as "Mr. Big Swinging Dick", you'll be able to get a bite or two. And who knows, you may discover that your lady for the evening is a bit more stimulating than a computer screen.

The first time that I visited a swingers club in Germany, I was far too nervous to perform. But I played my part. The next time that I visited, I was less nervous and my willingness to give pleasure was well received and commented upon. So, I was able to enjoy myself thrice, as well as enjoy the attentions of 4 women. Always look for the brighter side.

[TravlParty]

female perspective:

Be honest about your limitations. Also, consider what bi-women do; we buy very nice silicone dildos and use them along with our mouths. Vibratex are very realistic.

Because you have limitations, you'll have to be more creative.

Good luck to you in your recovery - that's most important.

[crazi429]

Originally Posted by TravlParty

female perspective:

Be honest about your limitations. Also, consider what bi-women do; we buy very nice silicone dildos and use them along with our mouths. Vibratex are very realistic.

Because you have limitations, you'll have to be more creative.

Good luck to you in your recovery - that's most important.

yep I am very interested in toys as one of my fanticies is to have one used on myself

[crazi429]

Well the hip is healing great I am already walking with out a walker. I hope to be back in action soon and see what kinds of ladies I can meet. I wonder about going to clubs or parties I always hear about the single male thing. I am not your typical male so trying to figure out if I could make it work well at these parties. I joined Swinger zone central and am always getting invites but I don't want to be one of the creepy single guys that turns everyone off.

[JustAskJulie]

I'm curious you said you can get yourself off... so is it that you can get off but you just don't get hard? Or can you get yourself hard?

As others have said you are probably facing the ultimate in difficulty of trying to get into the lifestyle. You will probably have the most luck just as most single guys do... and that is by looking at people you already know, or by trying to get to know people as friends and move on from there. There are those couples who are only looking for a tongue (where the guy won't go down but she wants some oral) and you may be able to fill that void.

[tribbles]

I'd say put up a profile on Swing Lifestyle with your limitations and explain what you can do and enjoy doing. Also see if there are any parties in the area you live that you can go to.
You have nothing to lose by putting yourself out there.

There is a house party we go to where some of the guys are like you and they DO get the chance to play at times. I know a few have gone down on me in a group setting and it was fun for us both.

I also remember a guy at a different party asking if he could eat me while I was giving a bj to another....that was good too!

[chgocupl]

I was always told as I grew up that if you CAN'T do anythng about a problem, DON'T worry about it, and if you CAN do something about a problem, DON'T worry about it!! The point I'm making is you CAN do something about the weight, and you should try. You CAN do something about a partner, and you should try. You CAN'T so anything, probably, about the ED, so don't worry about it, there are lots of other ways to satisfy a partner. Get to know those, and both of you will enjoy. I too, have ED, and my wife had a stroke 5 yrs ago. Both those facts are on our profile prominently so we get those out on the table up front. Those that don't like it will pass us by, to the many others that we have and currently swing with, it is obviously not a problem. Work on the issues you can fix, and remember life is short, make the most of it.

[crazi429]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I'm curious you said you can get yourself off... so is it that you can get off but you just don't get hard? Or can you get yourself hard?

As others have said you are probably facing the ultimate in difficulty of trying to get into the lifestyle. You will probably have the most luck just as most single guys do... and that is by looking at people you already know, or by trying to get to know people as friends and move on from there. There are those couples who are only looking for a tongue (where the guy won't go down but she wants some oral) and you may be able to fill that void.

I can only get semi erect at the most. Even with double the dosage of any of the prescribed pills out there I can only get hard for less than a minute. surely not enough to give a lady any pleasure. But even semi erect I can reach ejaculation. I plan to see the doctor after 1st of the year when hip is well healed and start checking into injections. I am all about pleasure of my partner. There is nothing like feeling the heart beat increase and tensioning of the body before a lady cums. I do have very large hands and do know how to use the pretty well plus I love to eat pussy. Anal play is fun also. I have joined several list trying to see what reactions I can get right now I cannot drive for several more weeks then I may have to check out some clubs. I am a very quiet shy type of guy so I am unsure of how clubs will work for me. I really appreciate all the input and help I have received here.