single girl getting bombarded by the single guys

[aster]

hi, i'm a single girly and just introduced to the community this week. (no experiences yet, still setting it up.)

why are the single guys who have contacted me so pushy and/or clingy?!! i finally took the "single males" off my options (after 3 days) because i'd had so many messages that made me want to cringe. one that messaged me 3 times after i turned him down. another was cool at first...but then wouldn't take "no" for an answer on the phone number. (so "blocked" was the answer) another got way attached after a steamy chat....even told me the next day he had a bad day cause he missed me. (after i hadn't responded to his sls message, yahoo message, AND email.) um, what??? after i gently told him it needed to stop, and we weren't going to see each other, he respectfully told me ok....but then asked for my photos!

i mean, this is swinging, right? not night at the roxbury? why are all these guys so desperate?

granted, i've had a couple of very nice guys talk to me, and while it won't work out i appreciated their approach. i realize this isn't the entire single male population.

single ladies (or even couples) have you had this experience? is it just the guys i attract?

single guys....do the ladies do this to you? (i mean, maybe it's not a gender thing? maybe it's a single thing?)

i like guys, and i'd eventually like to meet single guys to attend events with. is this something that's just better handled off-line? try to meet through other couples? give up altogether on?

for the record, my experience (communication wise) with couples so far has been surprisingly wonderful and positive.

ok....*vent over*. and i totally apologize if you're one of the guys i'm talking about and i've hurt your feelings....please try to see it from my perspective.

[JustMrJ]

I would say that maybe couples parties or meeting 'known' single males through other couples who can vouch for them would be best. My wife and I would do this for a few of the single males we have met at parties. Some we have even had play dates later with single females that they play with or married females that they play with (yes their husbands know... matter of fact one just likes to watch and was there the whole time).

My wife and I have received quite a number of single male hits when we first signed up for SLS, so I think it's just the large population of single males out there. Not all of whom are "Gentlemen". I must say that most of the ones we have met through various parties where the single males were invited so the ladies had a bigger selection were true "Gentlemen". When I say that, I mean they talked politely at all times (minus dirty talk of course), always treated the ladies like the princesses and queens they are, and most importantly, asked before playing... yes they actually are out there.

Don't give up, but I would suggest finding "Gentlemen" through parties and/or couples.

I notice you are out of San Jose. I would recommend the CoCoCocks, BASEX groups on SLS and Aprhodisia parties. If you need more information, feel free to IM me or find us on SLS.

Good luck!

[Malachista]

I found out that you only get a lot of mails in the beginning.
Those guys just bomb you in the beginning, but after a while when they realize that you don't write back after the second no they stop and you will only get mails from guys who are really interrested or who are new.

After two years on a platform I only get about 2 mails a week, unless I set out a specific add that I want to meet someone on a given place at a given date

[MRSfun]

I would have to see your profile to say for sure ?

Its the internet, your not on a lets be friends site. Your on a site about looking for possible sex. Their men wanting sex, as easily as possible. As a matter of fact, thats the way I wanted it. Just be forward in your profile that you will contact them. The longer you are on line the less they will appear. I know the single males I played with in the past aren't pushy, they knew better. I had no problem telling them that, if they are.

[Dynamar]

My situation is similar to that of Malachista. I've been out there on two sites for over three years... the mail was unbelievable for the first couple of months... I thought I was going to either get carpal tunnel or a secretary! But then tapered off to where, now, I get about 5-7 a week... more if I've changed my city because of travel.

I'm very fastidious about answering every mail, however, just because I think it's the polite thing to do. The "no thank you" email is very simple and direct... "Thank you for writing, however, I am not interested. All the best in your quest." I also state in my profile that it's not prudent to write me back asking "why" if someone gets such a mail from me.

I rarely have anybody who writes me back after I've sent them the no thank you. If they do, or if they try to rip me for it, I just block them. If a guy gets too clingy or weird, I delete him from my Yahoo friends list and report him as spam if he tries to IM me again, and also block him on whatever site we met on. It's always done the trick.

In the interest of fairness, I should also say that I'm very interested in meeting single men, and have met lots of quality singles. All of them have been contacts from online, as I don't go to clubs.

[tribbles]

is this something that's just better handled off-line? try to meet through other couples? give up altogether on?

Off-line is best and through others once you know them is the best way. We have met real nice single guys and even set them up with single gals for some parties.....that way both singles KNOW someone who knows the other one. Seems to make everyone more comfortable.

Don't give up...just give up online meetings.

You live where there are many groups and real people.....ignore the flakes online and don't let them get you down.

[aster]

Originally Posted by JustMrJ

I would say that maybe couples parties or meeting 'known' single males through other couples who can vouch for them would be best. ...
My wife and I have received quite a number of single male hits when we first signed up for SLS, so I think it's just the large population of single males out there. ...
Don't give up, but I would suggest finding "Gentlemen" through parties and/or couples.

I notice you are out of San Jose. I would recommend the CoCoCocks, BASEX groups on SLS and Aprhodisia parties. If you need more information, feel free to IM me or find us on SLS.

Good luck!

Thanks! I appreciate your perspective, and hopefully I'll be able to connect with some people who know good guys. Thanks for the group and party recommendations for the area!

Originally Posted by Malachista

I found out that you only get a lot of mails in the beginning.
Those guys just bomb you in the beginning, but after a while when they realize that you don't write back after the second no they stop and you will only get mails from guys who are really interrested or who are new.

That is sooo good to know!! I'm overwhelmed with the mail right now,I'm glad to hear it tapers off.

Originally Posted by MRSfun

I would have to see your profile to say for sure ?

Its the internet, your not on a lets be friends site. Your on a site about looking for possible sex. Their men wanting sex, as easily as possible. As a matter of fact, thats the way I wanted it. Just be forward in your profile that you will contact them. The longer you are on line the less they will appear. I know the single males I played with in the past aren't pushy, they knew better. I had no problem telling them that, if they are.

Thanks. I am certainly looking for sex but i'm looking for people who a little more relaxed about the whole thing. i'm glad to hear that your experience in person has been good!

Originally Posted by Dynamar

My situation is similar to that of Malachista. I've been out there on two sites for over three years... the mail was unbelievable for the first couple of months... I thought I was going to either get carpal tunnel or a secretary! But then tapered off to where, now, I get about 5-7 a week... more if I've changed my city because of travel.

I'm very fastidious about answering every mail, however, just because I think it's the polite thing to do. The "no thank you" email is very simple and direct... "Thank you for writing, however, I am not interested. All the best in your quest." I also state in my profile that it's not prudent to write me back asking "why" if someone gets such a mail from me.

I rarely have anybody who writes me back after I've sent them the no thank you. If they do, or if they try to rip me for it, I just block them. If a guy gets too clingy or weird, I delete him from my Yahoo friends list and report him as spam if he tries to IM me again, and also block him on whatever site we met on. It's always done the trick.

In the interest of fairness, I should also say that I'm very interested in meeting single men, and have met lots of quality singles. All of them have been contacts from online, as I don't go to clubs.

good advice. i too am trying to answer all the emails (the quick reply feature helps a lot), but the back and forth with the people I've already said "no" to is crazy...i may need to add that to my profile to, and just drop the conversation.

Originally Posted by tribbles

Off-line is best and through others once you know them is the best way. We have met real nice single guys and even set them up with single gals for some parties.....that way both singles KNOW someone who knows the other one. Seems to make everyone more comfortable.

Don't give up...just give up online meetings.

You live where there are many groups and real people.....ignore the flakes online and don't let them get you down.

thanks! that's very reassuring.


so the general advice i hear from everyone is:
- don't worry, it'll die down after a month or two
- there are plenty of wonderful guys, but it's best to meet them through other people/events
- respond politely to everyone, but it's ok to drop the conversation after i say "no thank you"


i appreciate it!

[NumbskullsX2]

Re: single girl getting bombarded by the single guys

Isn't that the purpose of going on a swingers website in the first place?

Originally Posted by aster

i mean, this is swinging, right? not night at the roxbury? why are all these guys so desperate?

They're not the ones who are desperate. Most of them are probably not even single, just looking for something cheap ("free", actually) and easy on the side. They don't have time to "date" in the conventional sense, so they look for relationships that don't require a lot of investment of time or money.

IMHO, that pretty much defines single women who advertise on swingers websites, and the types of relationships they seek (or are willing to settle for).

If getting too many responses is really a "problem" for you, try placing an ad on one of the vanilla singles sites. Make sure to include a clear (and recent) full-length picture of yourself. That should "qualify" the people who respond, and make the number of guys who reply more manageable.

[Taylor74]

Well, what did you expect?

[realcplub2]

In all honesty, they are hoping to find the girl getting involved for the first time with the lifestyle, that as Numbskulls suggests, is easy prey. Although, I would suggest a different Idea, A single Woman getting involved in the lifestyle, has at her finger tips the choices for whatever KIND of encounter she wants, or feels like having at that time.

Allow me to give you a bit of advice, As a single Female in this lifestyle, you have really the ultimate ability to enjoy the lifestyle, because, You can make all the choices..

Get out your wayback machine, look up a song from the 80's.. Billy Squire.. Everybody wants you

Join whatever site you want, let all the idiots write you and read whatever you want, delete the rest.. Just because you are getting involved in the lifestyle doesnt mean you need/want 10 dates a weekend does it?

Moreover, Its a case of, once you get all these letters, deciding WHO you want to talk to.. and Yes, you are gonna run into assholes.. thats why, despite this being a lifestyle of play partners of the moment, sometimes its best to take a bit of time..

No better way to weed out the idiots

[aster]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

Re: single girl getting bombarded by the single guys

Isn't that the purpose of going on a swingers website in the first place?
They're not the ones who are desperate. Most of them are probably not even single, just looking for something cheap ("free", actually) and easy on the side. They don't have time to "date" in the conventional sense, so they look for relationships that don't require a lot of investment of time or money.

IMHO, that pretty much defines single women who advertise on swingers websites, and the types of relationships they seek (or are willing to settle for).

If getting too many responses is really a "problem" for you, try placing an ad on one of the vanilla singles sites. Make sure to include a clear (and recent) full-length picture of yourself. That should "qualify" the people who respond, and make the number of guys who reply more manageable.

i'm not entirely sure i understand what you're trying to say, but i think you've missed the point. a) i'm not seeking a relationship of any kind through swinging b) for the most part, i'm not looking for 1 on 1 encounters with guys...i want a little more "swing" in my swinging.

and c) (most importantly) the fact that the guys are on the website doesn't make them desperate...it's their attitude of pushiness and/or clingy-ness that I was referring to. and the number of guys who responded doesn't bother me....it's the number of pushy/clingy guys that responded. perhaps I didn't write the entry clear enough?

and thank you for saying that a full photo of me would cut down on responses. ;-) that was snarky, and i giggled. i've got one up, thanks.

[aster]

Originally Posted by Taylor74

Well, what did you expect?

haha, well, i expected them to have the same attitudes as the couples. "cool if it works out, cool if it doesn't...lets have fun"

most of the couples (and a few of the guys too) understand that i'm not here to find just one partner. and don't push back if i send a polite "no thank you". and are much more willing to chat about life in general...not just sex. (which is a great topic, don't get me wrong, but i'm more attracted to well rounded personalities...)

now, i was taken by surprise by the fact that there were so many singles looking for singles...and i admit that was a silly misconception. i just figured everyone here was into threesomes or more...lol.

[aster]

Originally Posted by realcplub2

In all honesty, they are hoping to find the girl getting involved for the first time with the lifestyle, that as Numbskulls suggests, is easy prey. Although, I would suggest a different Idea, A single Woman getting involved in the lifestyle, has at her finger tips the choices for whatever KIND of encounter she wants, or feels like having at that time.

Allow me to give you a bit of advice, As a single Female in this lifestyle, you have really the ultimate ability to enjoy the lifestyle, because, You can make all the choices..

Get out your wayback machine, look up a song from the 80's.. Billy Squire.. Everybody wants you

Join whatever site you want, let all the idiots write you and read whatever you want, delete the rest.. Just because you are getting involved in the lifestyle doesnt mean you need/want 10 dates a weekend does it?

Moreover, Its a case of, once you get all these letters, deciding WHO you want to talk to.. and Yes, you are gonna run into assholes.. thats why, despite this being a lifestyle of play partners of the moment, sometimes its best to take a bit of time..

No better way to weed out the idiots

thanks i'm definitely taking my time and trying to get a good personality read on people before going forward with anything.

[fun4Ds]

[quote=aster;343256]

haha, well, i expected them to have the same attitudes as the couples. "cool if it works out, cool if it doesn't...lets have fun"

Cant agree more with you aster

most of the couples (and a few of the guys too) understand that i'm not here to find just one partner. and don't push back if i send a polite "no thank you". and are much more willing to chat about life in general...not just sex. (which is a great topic, don't get me wrong, but i'm more attracted to well rounded personalities...)

Aster, I have to admit. You and your profile shine.... I mean that in a really good way. But with your profile and your looks you are going to get bombed by many. Your attractive and I could imagine having a good time. You remind me of one of our playmates. Its about having a great time all around. Sometimes we do normal stuff like going to a concert or clubbing together as a threesome. We have been known to just kick back around the house to a movie and snacks. Sometimes Mrs.fun and her friends go out bi themselves. Girls night out. The sex is a benefit we all share. But the truth is. The female playmates we have, contacted us. I am not implying anything more than we gave up on chasing women on the websites.

Have you contacted couples that you would like to pursue ? Some we have met on the net. Some we met a clubs or socials and one is a dear friend of Mrs.funs. Like I say though, they approached us with dating/playing.

now, i was taken by surprise by the fact that there were so many singles looking for singles...and i admit that was a silly misconception. i just figured everyone here was into threesomes or more...

Thats exactly what we were in this for. Its time for a break for us from swinging, so that leaves us with some women we have met, that were in this for more than sex. I think my wife Mrs.fun left that out. Sure she wanted the more uncomplicated approach and so did I. I hope you meet couples that can show you more than what you are seeing in your mails. There are some great times to be had. Don't rule out that there are some extremely good singles out there also. Many who understand exactly what you are talking about. We learned allot from our single friends You seem to have allot in common

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by aster

i'm not entirely sure i understand what you're trying to say, but i think you've missed the point. a) i'm not seeking a relationship of any kind through swinging b) for the most part, i'm not looking for 1 on 1 encounters with guys...i want a little more "swing" in my swinging.

and c) (most importantly) the fact that the guys are on the website doesn't make them desperate...it's their attitude of pushiness and/or clingy-ness that I was referring to. and the number of guys who responded doesn't bother me....it's the number of pushy/clingy guys that responded. perhaps I didn't write the entry clear enough?

and thank you for saying that a full photo of me would cut down on responses. ;-) that was snarky, and i giggled. i've got one up, thanks.

I didn't mean to sound snarky. Maybe I didn't understand the question. You posted an ad on a swingers website where men outnumber women 50-to-1, and you're surprised that you received so much attention?

Count your blessings. How would you have felt if NO single males had replied?

You admitted to having "steamy chats" with some guy you've never met, then complained because he tried to contact you on SLS, Yahoo, and e-mail.

How did he get your Yahoo and e-mail addresses, if you didn't give it to him? And why did you give it out, unless you wanted to be contacted by him?

I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time believing that all this attention you're receiving is really a "problem" for you. But in fairness to the single males, maybe it IS better that you have them all blocked. They get gamed enough by the hustlers in this business, no use them wasting their time with all this drama as well.

Block them, and send a polite but firm "sorry, not interested" to the ones who crash your profile.

The suggestion about including your photo applies to anybody looking for a mate on the internet.