Question for Single Females

[JustAskJulie]

I know there are a few of you around here.

Since most people feel that single females that do exist are more likely to be looking to date and find a relationship than to be interested in swinging. It made me wonder if it's more likely that those single females who are interested in swinging (rather than dating) are single for the second time around, either following a divorce or an intense relationship.

So single ladies, hit the button to post in the poll.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[OhioCouple]

Naturally, I am not single, but I can say this. Had I known about swinging during my single years between marriages I would have definitely considered it. I wasn't looking for a relationship when I met my husband and it would have been nice to fulfill my sexual desires with no strings attached and no playing the mating, dating game.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

You see where I'm going with this question then right? The idea that a woman who has just come out of a serious relationship is going to be a lot less likely to be looking for another one... and if anything would be interested in a situation where her sexual needs can be met while being around friends... without any pressure for more than that.

Does that sound about right?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie
You see where I'm going with this question then right? The idea that a woman who has just come out of a serious relationship is going to be a lot less likely to be looking for another one... and if anything would be interested in a situation where her sexual needs can be met while being around friends... without any pressure for more than that.

Does that sound about right?

Says it all for me. Out of the 15 years I was "single" I wasted three years on a married man (I didn't know he was married) and five were spent with Gene, who is now my husband. For two years prior to meeting him, I had refused to date anyone. I was sick of the playing the role of an available girl, (not tooting my horn here) but one that guys wanted to marry. No siree. In plain and simple terms, I wanted to get laid. Nothing more. No emotional commitments, no wining and dining. In all honesty, I would have much preferred someone that I was sexually attracted to, to say "To hell with dinner, let's fuck". And it would have been just that, nothing more. Unfortunately the only guys I would meet were just a tad too respectable for that. They wanted to wine, dine and romance. And for the record, my husband was the same way too. It took him five years though to convince me that tying the knot was the best way to go. I couldn't argue that point and have never regretted it. He is a sweetheart.

If I were to find myself single again, (fingers crossed and knocking on wood that I won't) knowing what I know now....

I would definitely look at swinging as an alternative to dating until the time I would be emotionally ready for another relationship. Marriage is the greatest, but I wouldn't want to play the same games that I did in my younger years again.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

Julie,

Can you add an option to the poll that reflects something like "This does not apply to me, but I would like to see the results of the poll"?

I don't want to mess the poll up with an inappropriate vote, but am curious to follow the results.

Lori

[Elusive BiFem]

OK, OK!! I'll reply to this and a prior post. I just hate doing this - I can't write a short thing to save my life!
First...I was widowed many, many years ago at a very young age (he was, too). I became totally immersed in my career, and while I frequently dated, I really had no desire to marry again. I never wanted kids, so that may have been part of the reason. After this many years of being single and happy with my life 99.9% of the time, I have absolutely no desire to marry. However, I also have no time to waste on the so-called dating scene. I'm not a big party person, drink very little...I'm self-employed and by necessity have to work long hours...and quite frankly, have very little time to invest in a relationship. Also, and important, most men my age (headed towards 54) have the proverbial "baggage" from prior relationships. I don't want to deal with that. So, being the single female involved with a couple can be ideal for me. That being said, I need/require/demand the more long-lasting, personal and friendly relationship with a couple. I've only been involved with 2 couples, both long-term. Both situations have been great - good friends both in and out of the sexual arena.
For me, the best and most satisfying sexual experiences evolve in direct proportion to the emotional/mental relationship. I don't fault those that can involve themselves with different people every week, and in some respects, wish I could. Just doesn't work for me.

Now...regarding the younger single females...I was one of those,, too, but just once. I was much, much, much younger (and much, much, much cuter!!), we had all been the very best of friends for many years...one single time...too much wine (and a few other things) and it just happened. Guilt!! Was I weird or something? As my failing memory will allow me to recall, it was really the greatest (and still the greatest because they were both people I really cared about), but all I did for those many years was worry about it - am I gay? am I bi? or am I just plain weird? And remember, gayness or bisexuality was not as well received/accepted back then. As a young single woman, I would have never pursued any type of relationship with another couple simply because only "bad" people or "gay" people would do that. Nonetheless, that single experience led me (finally!!) to where I am today.

I agree that most youthful single women are looking for relationships (a very time consuming process), but I also think many of them are simply far too young/inexperienced to understand that sexual activities out of the mainstream can be fun, exciting, and don't make you a "bad" person. How many of us encourage our young adult daughters to explore their sexuality? (I don't count - don't have kids and don't know what I would do.) Look back at some of the postings from people who attempt to hide their activity from their older teen/young adult kids. We (generically speaking) have come a long way in our liberal views, but we still have a long way to go. Views will probably change significantly with just one or two more generations. We've already come a long way, baby!!
OK, I'll quit...but I could write more...

[Roxysbayou]

If I had known then what I know now, I would definately been into this lifestyle. I always say that if I ever found myself alone again I would want to stay that way and swing by myself. Maybe I have become addicted. But I love the freedom, and I love the people that I have met. I can't see myself "dating" again, but I can definately see myself swinging. LOL. Does that make sense? I hope so.

[traceywitney]

I went for the option, which says that I have never been in a serious relationship because it applies to me.
I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t want to for now at least.
There are several reasons for that.
Until I was almost 24 I believed in traditional vanilla relationships only. As I said on “single ladies why do you swing thread”, I believed a man could have more than 1 woman, but he had to be discreet about it.
In February 2002 I met both my playmates and they helped me open my mind a bit.
When I realised that I was attracted to 1 of them and told him so, he told me that he could only go for that type of no strings attached involvement and that I didn’t have to go along with it if I didn’t want to. The main reason he gave for not wanting a relationship was because he is very busy and he simply doesn’t have time.
It was difficult for me to accept that because I was madly in love with him at the time, so I thought about it long and hard and asked a friend for advice and at the end decided to go along with it. The reasons for that were:
ь I was attracted to him.
ь I felt at ease with him.
ь We had quite a lot in common
ь I felt he was trustworthy for the first sexual experience
ь He was willing to give me the first time of my dreams. I.E. being gentle, not rushing it and providing music and candle lights.
Now I see what he means by not having time for a relationship because I’m in the same situation now. I can make time to meet up for sex when it suits us both, but I wouldn’t be able to do all this regular meeting up and talking on the phone and texting on a regular bases. Personally I would find it rather smothering.
In addition to this both my playmates know I’m involved with an other and what’s more they ask me about those adventures and listen with interest when I tell them.
There is not even a hint of jealousy or possessiveness there.
This mightn’t be the case in a serious relationship.
Also Like EBF I don’t want kids. Perhaps I will change my mind in the future, but perhaps I won’t.
Finally in the situation that I am now I don’t have to get my family involved in this. However if I was in a relationship and the relationship would get serious enough, I would have had to introduce my partner to my family. This is a prospect I don’t relish at all! I know my mom would start interfering and criticizing and who needs that?
I would also like to say that I have more respect for people like my 2 playmates who tell you straight out that they just want a sexual involvement with no strings attached than those who would promise the world to you when in fact they were only looking for sex.
I also love going out to restaurants for meals. In fact it’s one of my favourite socialising activities. I’m not really into noisy parties, but I feel you can also socialise like that with your swinging partners. You don’t necessarily have to be in a relationship to do that.
I do realise that one never knows what’s around the corner and perhaps I will meet someone in future and I might want a relationship with them. If it happens that is fine, but if it doesn’t, that’s fine too.
Maria.
PS. Sorry for the long post.

[Amy Blue]

Hello all.

I'm pretty new here, but wanted to respond to this question.

I am a SWF who is brand-new to the swinging experience (ask me after Saturday night how it went but not the concept.

I've always, until now, been a one-man woman. Almost every relationship was serious and eventually became restrictive in more than one way. I'm a very independent woman and also require a lot of solitude (just my nature) so I am happier living alone.

I have pondered many options in the past few months. Regular dating, polyamory, total celibacy, and now swinging. I have found out as much about poly and swinging as I can because I lack experience with either. I'm torn between the two, because like many women, I am not yet comfortable with the idea of sex just for sex's sake. Previously I always had to have a deep emotional bond with someone and work up to the sex.

Let's face it, single women can go to almost ANY bar and get laid if they simply want that. There's no need to hit a swinger's club for it. I'm looking for something different, though I'm not sure yet what it is. It's quite possible I may be more polyamorous by nature, but I admit swinging has its own appeal.

I am attending my first off-premise club this weekend, with my ex-boyfriend. We are still good friends, still have passionate physical encounters, just don't consider ourselves a formal "couple" anymore. Yes, it was a very intense relationship when it was "full on" and I don't want that again.

I think I want a break from the intensity and "stranglehold" of most conventional relationships.

I have some questions about other issues so I'll post that in the Newbies section.

Just my ten cents

[JacobSky]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

You see where I'm going with this question then right? The idea that a woman who has just come out of a serious relationship is going to be a lot less likely to be looking for another one... and if anything would be interested in a situation where her sexual needs can be met while being around friends... without any pressure for more than that.

Does that sound about right?

You are putting things into words really well. I am just popping my head up here because I am trying to figure out how to ask some questions that I have. You have a good point.

[Malachista]

*bump*

I had two longer relationships (both ended shorty before the wedding) - but both of them left something to be desired in the sexual matter.
I stayed celibate for three years after that, not believing that there is such a thing as good sex.

Then I ended up at a swing club. The first few times it was strange, but after about five or so parties I managed to have good sex for the first time in my life.

I guess I am 10 years late for experimenting, and while I would not say no if a relationship would just happen, I'm still not seeking for one. (I also know that my non-9-5 work schedule is a big obstacle when it comes to serious dating or handling a relationship)

[sexychoclit]

I got into swinging because I was tired of dealing with men. I decided to explore my bi side and so the lifestyle is the place for me. I have tried to date men from the vanilla world since I have been in the lifestyle, but they aren't exciting enough for me.

[Playful1]

Well, I am single for the 'first time around', lol, and am only interested in swinging, not at all in finding a long term relationship, or even a date for a party for that matter.

My experience has been that most single females seem to be constantly in and out of relationships, but few have been married or in a LTR as far as I know. Though I will add that most of the single women I know are rather young, so it may simply be that the younger ones are less likely in general to have had a prior serious relationship/marriage.

[Clandestine]

I've had 2 "long term relationships" then I found swinging.

I'm not looking for a relationship at this stage in my life. I'm 27 and figure I have plenty of time to settle down, if I choose to later on.

Swinging is part of me. If I did have a partner, I'd want to be involved in swinging.

I certainly don't need nor want a man in my life, as a permanent fixture. Not at this stage.

I enjoy the company of men, I enjoy the intimacy we share but I get to have my space too, without any constraints.

I get the best of both worlds

[Nickii_Lee]

I had no idea single females could swing - I thought it was just for couples. I am sooooo glad I was wrong! I get to be naughty as I want, no strings attached. No dating dilemmas - just pure satisfaction! Also, since I'm single - this is all about me and fulfilling my fantasies. I have no obligations to anyone else. And, being in my peak, this is GREAT!

Don't get me wrong, if I met someone I wanted a relationship with, I would purse it. Just not going to sit on my couch waiting for it to happen - why not enjoy myself in the meantime.