How to get started?

[KattnDawg]

I have recently become a divorce single male, not my idea. My ex brought up swinging two year ago then would not follow through. I find swinging fascinating and have had a little experience since the split and found the experience heady.
How should I go about entering the swinging scene? I have checked out the local swinger clubs but I am more interested in intimate settings. I have seen Craigslist mentioned. Is this a safe and reasonable way to meet people? I am a little old fashioned I guess. Thanks, Dawg formerly Kattndawg

[screaminggood]

You're in a tough position. You can certainly try the online sites and join the "groups" offered online, but my guess is those clubs might be the best bet. You may need to go to them to meet enough people to get invited into the intimate parties you desire. Good luck!

[JustAskJulie]

I would suggest sites dedicated to swingers moreso than a site like Craigslist. Single males do have a hard time regardless of the approach you take, so you have to stand out and by standing out I mean make sure that you understand the lifestyle, are respectful of others, discreet, etc.

[realcplub2]

I Concur with Julie... Craigslist ads are well... lets just say, I worry about the kiddies flirting and playing games, posting ads to see what kinds of replies they will get.

As a single, there is not a set formula.. However I can give you a few points of advice..

First, remember, always be respectful and courtsy goes a long way with most couples.. Way back in the AOHELL days, the constant IMs from single guys with a basic message"single M 38, 9" cock here" turned off the mrs right off the bat.. There were also times when talking to a single guy, he immediately wanted to start talking dirty.. another quick turn off..

Second, as was eluded to in the first part.. If you have an impressive piece of meat swinging between the knees.. Great.. its not a constant point that needs to be made.. it tends to be the quickest turn off again there is.

Third be prepared for whatever rules might accompany such play.. No kissing, or none of this or that.. maybe he wants to watch from the corner.. maybe they want to capture the moment.. Just remember, its their rules, and if you arent comfortable with ANY of them.. SAY SO.. in this case its no different than anyone else in the lifestyle.. Everyone has the right to SAY NO.. and we all have DEAL BREAKERS..

Finally.. Don't get frustrated with slow replies, or No replies.. it happens to all of us, and to be honest some of the best times we have had are with people we ended up playing with after months of "chasing" them or vise versa

Best of luck to you...

[KattnDawg]

Thank you for the advice. Nothing that is worth doing is easy or fast, if it were we would not appreciate it. I will check into the swingers sites and keep your advice in mind as I go.

[midnightplayer]

Realcplub2 has hit it right on the head, Absolutly right on, perfect advice. As a single male you are at a slight disadvantage but SLS is a terrific site to post a profile and to connect with people of your criteria. If you enter that chat rooms and participate and are kind and not pushy you will catch the attention of some couple or single lady for your pleasure and theirs. Don't dismiss meet and greets that allow single men, they are perfect and there are some parties open to single males. This is a good place to network. Good Luck

[vegaskid]

There are lots of free sites that offer the type of swinging you want. Most clubs require "couples" only but some allow a few singles. Too bad your wife wouldn't go along but I don't see a reason for divorce in that. It sounds like you left her because she wouldn't swing or you pushed her into making a decision, swing or leave and she left. All women would like to swing but most wont go there and it remains a fantesy.

[KattnDawg]

I need to clarify a few things. The divorce was about her need to fall in love, we married as the best of friends after dating for three years. We spent 11 and 1/2 years with no major problems, that I saw. After this time I noticed a change, and asked if there was someone else. She told me she had met a man a the gym and that they had connected when he said "Hi", but he already had a mistress. She then began fantasizing about a man she had a short fling with before we met. After we talked about these fantasies she brought up swinging and I agreed to try it, to help our marriage. Yeah right, I was turned on by the idea of seeing her with other men and getting to have sex with other women. But it never happened, although it became a big part of our fantasy sex. Although she claimed to want to make our marriage work she continued to be attracted to other men and finally asked for a divorce after 1 and 1/2 years and stepping out on me, once. None of this was caused by our rare discussions of swinging.
I am only continuing to look into swinging because I find it fascinating and erotic. I do not want to make the same mistake so I am trying another take. I enjoy pleasuring a woman, I get pleasure from their pleasure, I can be rough or gentle without being cruel. Oh hell I don't know what to do so I am looking at all the avenues out there for a divorced white male in his 40's.

[arvcpl]

First my condolences on your divorce, that sounds kinda creepy on her part and that had to be a tough thing to have to deal with.

What specifically is it that "fascinates" you about swinging? How you answer that has a huge bearing on if the swinging community is where you really want to be looking.


A single male in the lifestyle is essentially a dildo that talks. A single male is an extra cock, tongue and set of hands to help couples fulfill their MFM and gangbang fantasys and to use as a prop in their sexlife. If you are ok with that and that is a role you would like to play, knock yourself out. If you are looking to be an extra cock for a couple in the threesome or a cock waiting in line for a gangbang for a couple's gangbang fantasy then the swinging community may offer you something.

If you are looking at it as a way to find cheap and easy pussy where you get to call your own shots this isn't the place. If if you are just wanting to screw chicks without being in a serious LTR and you want to be "in charge" you would be much better off pursuing more traditional means of picking up chicks, like meat market bars, traditional dating sites etc etc.

In otherwords if you are looking for single women for 1-on-1 encounters where you get to call some of the shots you are best off looking in traditional singles venues. If you are wanting to be an extra cock for a couple to play with or to stand in line for a gangbang then you may find success in the swinging community.

A lot depends on your actual objectives.