A single male asks "WHY?"

[Playful1]

This is why i never give a reason when I tell someone I'm not interested. I either say just that and thank them for their interest, or, I say something a little softer like 'i dont think we'd be a good match'.

Otherwise I get e-mails back asking me to clarify/explain, etc. and trying to convince me wrong. Not to be mean, but I don't owe them an explanation. Particularly if they haven't followed what i ask in my profile (that single men not write me, or that they include a password for locked pics).

[WeMayTryIt]

Originally Posted by iapr

#3. By explaining the red flags to him you have now created an EDUCATED cheater who is going to try and cover his tracks better next time.

This is why we're never specific, we just say sorry, we don't think we're compatible. If we give them more, they're likely to tweak their profile to get rid of the red flags, even though the reality of the situation hasn't changed.

[LFM2]

Now that this thread was brought up again, today, I thought I'd go back and see if he'd tweeked his profile. Ya know, he didn't. He still had red flags all over the place. Oh well.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Now that this thread was brought up again, today, I thought I'd go back and see if he'd tweeked his profile. Ya know, he didn't. He still had red flags all over the place. Oh well.

Its natures way....

[Mr.Essex]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Now that this thread was brought up again, today, I thought I'd go back and see if he'd tweeked his profile. Ya know, he didn't. He still had red flags all over the place. Oh well.

As a single male, it took me a long time to figure out how to write my profile. If his profile isn't getting enough bait, he'll tweak it for maximum effectiveness.

[twoforone100]

#3. By explaining the red flags to him you have now created an EDUCATED cheater who is going to try and cover his tracks better next time.[/QUOTE]




We agree if you help them get better then the next couple who is looking for a single male does not get one but a " cheater" who is smarter.


We worry about this with couples too.. some of them are not " couples" and we worry about helping "them" get better too..

[Dave_kat]

We got this email for the club we work with a few months ago, and figured we'd share it, after this thread popped back up. Please keep in mind the stats are specific to our area and the time it was written.

From a single male who visited the club webpage and left a response:

"Your membership page popped up after I submitted my inquiry. Its just a shame
that myself as a single will be discriminated against for membership !"

Now Dave, who is all for equal oppourtunity and the rest, decided to reply:

"I hope that I am not wasting my time writing this email, but your comment in this email ranked up there as one of the reasons that single males feel persecuted while in the lifestyle.

Mind you, I write this not as the webmaster, but as a male member of a lifestyle couple. I fully expect that you will delete this email without reading further, but if you do choose to read on, and I hope you do, perhaps there is hope for you to join the two single males who ARE fully accepted in the club. Yes, we do accept select single males.

I used SwingLifeStyle to run some numbers, and did a search of people within 50 miles of my zipcode. I found the following:
205 Single Males
570 Couples
52 Single Females

By my simple math, this implies there are 775 men and 622 women involved in the lifestyle within 50 miles of my home. This translates to about 1.2 men for every woman, or 6 men for every 5 women.

By simple laws of supply and demand, this means that the ladies would have their choice in what they desire. This is evident in any Lifestyle event, as the women generally decide what action happens.

This is not to say that those single men do not fill a niche. There are women who want 2 men at a time. Yet there are also women who want another woman and their man. The potential combinations are endless.

Now, speaking to you from 12 years of experience in the lifestyle, the trends I have personally observed are as follows:

Another search on SwingLifestyle yielded:
147 couples where both members were straight.
10 Couples with a bi or bi-curious male (female str8)
383 couples with a Str8 man and bi or bi curious female

My personal experience tells me that bi or bi curious females tend to desire other bi or bi curious females in the mix. Now that doesn't leave out them possibly wanting a mfm session, but it does drastically reduce the odds of that.

Even with these numbers, and you can guess where this leads, percentage wise, males will tend to get left out of play more than women do. Realistically, you can expect that maybe 1 out of 10, and I'm being generous here, of the couples will actually seek a single male for play over a couple or a single female. If you have 30 couples at a dance, 3 might want a single male for play.

These are all based on personal observations. There are very few lifestyle clubs in the United States who will admit more than a few single males on any given night. In addition to the above, which shows a prediliction of couples desiring female-female interaction, there are other issues as well.

1. As an Alpha Male (I am a Soldier and take charge type), I am naturally more aggressive in my actions than a female. While in this day and age is not appropriate to say, the truth of biochemisty is just that. I have to be careful to not be too forward with others, and my wife helps stabilize that in myself as the wives do in other couples. Single males do not have that safety, and is often evident in their behavior in lifestyle clubs. Chasing the ladies, not accepting no for an answer, or thinking that they should be included in everything. This leads to single men achieving the poor reputation of not having the manners or the self-control required to survive in a female driven event. I personally know very few women who get aroused anywhere near as much as a male (the old study says males think about sex 6 times in an hour).

2. This leads further to the question asked by many ladies. "Why would I want this man if some other woman hasn't picked him out?"

3. Single males have a job to do to prove that they are in the lifestyle for any reason other than for stringless sex with a married woman, without having to develop their own relationship. I'll not go into what this says about maturity. It can be done, but does take repeatedly proving that you are meritorious of that kind of trust. Again I say this because there are 2 males in our small membership who have proved this, and we accept them.

Now, in my opinion, if you have actually read this far into this email, and haven't responded with the simple "fuck you" that I also expect, then let me leave you with this thought:

Webster's defines swinger as:
–noun 1.a person or thing that swings.
2.Slang. a lively, active, and modern person whose activities are fashionable or trendy.
3.Slang. a.a person who indulges in promiscuous sex.
b.a person who engages in the exchanging of spouses for sexual activities..


Yes a single male can count as a swinger by definition 3a, but most males cannot accept a role where the women do have complete control over all of the actions. If you are different than such, you have a chance to become accepted in a world where adults will make adult decisions based on their own desires. I will tell you that a lot of couples see single men as a dime a dozen, while they call single bi-sexual females "unicorns" based on the rarity of the mythical creature. You have to strongly differentiate yourself from that preconception.

I will also leave you with this fact. On 1 Jan 2009, I posted pictures of the new year's event and how wild it went. I'm sure you have seen those. Prior to 1 Jan, our hit counter was at 1709. As of 8 pm EST on 6 Jan, our hit counter is at 2376. For a webpage that has existed for over a month now, that is 600 people having hit the site in less than 6 days.

Another statistic. I built the member's area and posted it at 1000 am on Sunday, 4 Jan. In that time, we have had requests from 57 people to join. 14 were single males, 18 were from couples in the area who have not attended parties and do not have club memberships, and 23 were from couples who have attended our parties. At this time, there are 23 members in the members area.

Now tell me this. What has happened that our hits increased so much? I did not change anything other than to add some risque pictures from the party. Why is this the 2nd email from a single male complaining that we will not allow him into the club?

If you want into the club, I advise you of the following. Prove yourself to a couple that is a member, or find a single woman who wishes to participate with you, and sign up for an event. We don't deny couples to bring who they want, as long as everyone is over 21. We do place strict guidelines on behavior of single males because combined, between the owners of the club and the "staff", we have over 150 years experience in the lifestyle, and our EXPERIENCE bears out that single males often do cause problems and will drive members away. Notice our experience directly reflects the experiences of 99% of the lifestyle clubs in existence in the united states.

You claim prejudice against single males. So I advise you to prove yourself as different. Once you do, you are accepted by people in this lifestyle. Have some couples that you have played with refer you, and you will find a much different experience.

Now, if you have an intelligent response to my experience, and the experience of those around me, I'm sure we'd love to hear it. I have blind carbon copied this to several of the staff of this club because I send this email openly. I speak for myself, and I may get berated by my boss for doing so, but I take this action because if someone claims I am prejudiced against them, I have the right to explain where my "prejudice" comes from, and to have an intelligent argument with regards to it. They may agree with me, they may not, but I do know this from experience. IF you can prove yourself different, given the chance, Lifestyler's are very accepting people."

Needless to say, we never did get a response back.

[interested-05]

for us the truth with single males is this; we only play with couples who interest us. we do not dislike single males but we are not looking for single males. If we decide to play with single males we will change our profile, until then dont write us. If you do write us anyway, we consider you a "salesman" and should you show up, remember "our pitbull only bites salesman"

[If_You_Please]

You know, I've been turned down by couples before with a very simple, honest "Sorry, you're not our type physically, thanks anyway", or some variant of that. If, as a single male, you find yourself insulted by that, it's probably time to evaluate why you're pursuing the lifestyle at all.

I always politely reply with something to the effect of, "No problem, thanks for your time."

I think giving a true, specific reason or two is just good manners. Any single males that are participating in the lifestyle should face and realize one important rule...

To Each Their Own...Diff'rent Strokes for Diff'rent Folks...De Gustibus non est Disputandem (In Matters of Taste there is No Dispute)...etc.

...if you can't discriminate from innocent, preferential rejection and a personal attack, it's probably time for you to get some therapy and time for the people you're corresponding with to block you.