Is the lifestyle even a viable place to seek single fems?

[SnowwwWhite]

Honestly, I'm leery of swinging in an environment where there are singles. We'll be looking for primarily couples only nights or meeting trusted couples in stable, happy relationships. I just think that singles don't have as much to lose as a couple and couldn't possibly have the same level of respect for our bond.

Maybe I'm biased by having had too many female friends who chased after my boyfriends (and also chased after other people's boyfriends and husbands) to trust my man to a single woman. There would always be the suspicion that she is at an event "shopping" in hopes of ultimately finding a great man.

Even the "nice" single women who may not consciously think they're looking to find a man..... I just can't imagine a single woman NOT out on the prowl. I've known too many of them to be naive. I wouldn't feel as secure with them in the picture as I would with a couple.

[SexyNSingle]

As a woman who has been both a couple and now a single bi swinger, I have been thinking about this quite a bit and wonder where it will put me and in what perception those may think or feel of me now that I am a single woman versus a couple.

My thoughts were that I didn't want to instigate or cause any problems with those that are couples, because my perception is that as a single woman (and correct me if I am wrong) I "must be out" for something, and quite honestly I am not out for anything more than to enjoy the company of others in whatever capacity makes us all happy.

At the moment I am not looking for a relationship and am confident that when the time is right perhaps I will venture down that road again, but right now, I am happy to play with others who are comfortable with playing with someone who is single, secure, content, and happy with the choices she has made.

[JustMrJ]

SexyNSingle,

If you were in our area, I'd suggest one of the groups we have joined on SLS as the last house party (our first ever) was geared towards the ladies as there was a ratio of men to women of about 2:1 and most if not all of the single and attached males there were perfect gentlemen.

I think that most of the ladies there were part of a couple, although I believe I met one single female there. Some of the ladies there were bi as well.

That being said, last night, my wife and I had a 'double-date' with one of the single males from that party and he invited a single bi female to join us. Now, my wife is not bi, but she was willing to play straight and so was the bi female. We both had a nice swap date. Dinner and play was enjoyed by all.

According to the single male, this was one of his regular play partners, so they already were kind of like a couple anyway.

*HUGS*

[Vjklander]

We do not look for couples, single males, singles female, black, white or spotted, etc. We just look for fun friendly folk and let nature take its course from there.

[JustMrJ]

Vjklander,

In none of my stories do I mention color or race of any of the people... the only reason I mention single, is because the party had both married and single men and I do feel there are a lot of 'good' ones out there. Color and/or Race makes no difference to my wife... or me.

[SnowwwWhite]

I definitely respect everyone's points and agree that not every single female out there would interfere with a couple's relationship. But I guess my point is that if an average single female (or male for that matter) met a married or attached swinger at a party and felt "that spark," what would stop them from pursuing it and disregarding the couple's partnership?

I'll bet that some singles are honorable and would be respectful of the relationship and gracefully bow out, but how many others would disrespect it and go after what they wanted? Maybe this should be a whole new thread, don't mean to hijack..... but I guess exposing my man to random single women is a concern for me and I'm just playing it out in my mind. I just think other couples have more to lose and my comfort level will be higher playing with them.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by SnowwwWhite

I'll bet that some singles are honorable and would be respectful of the relationship and gracefully bow out, but how many others would disrespect it and go after what they wanted? Maybe this should be a whole new thread, don't mean to hijack..... but I guess exposing my man to random single women is a concern for me and I'm just playing it out in my mind. I just think other couples have more to lose and my comfort level will be higher playing with them.

There may be a greater chance of a single female becoming attached to, enamored with, or falling in love with your husband, but why worry about it? What the single female feels is powerless and a mute point in the scheme of things.

The husband is the only person a wife has to concern herself with. If you know your man, you will know if there is any reason to worry about him falling for another woman.

No single can take your husband away from you if your husband has no interest in wandering.

When a wife knows her man she's got nothing to worry about.

LM

[iapr]

This thread has taken a bit of an interesting turn the last couple days. I honestly don't mind the hijack at all as this is an interesting to point to ponder as well and it invariably comes up any time the discussion is singles.

At this point I need to add that neither my wife nor I are the least bit worried or concerned about what a lifestyle woman would be "OUT FOR". The stability of our marriage is our business and it doesn't matter if some uber hot single chick is laying naked across our doorstep begging to steal me it ain't gonna happen Maritial harmony is the couple's issue, not the single's.

Yes a single would need to be respectfull of a couple's maritial bond and to treat both parties with dignity and respect, but it is the couple's responsibility to protect that bond and to walk away if things seemed to be getting fishy.

From the limited exposure we have had with single fems in the lifestyle I don't think that single fems trying to steal married men is any more of an issue than vanilla single fems or unhappily married women at the office for that matter. In fact most of the single fems I have met in lifestyle venues have had more interest in exploring their bi side than with pursueing any activities with men.

A single woman can get cock anywhere. It is that assumption that had me originally wondering if "anywhere" was actually a better place to look.

[The_Ice_Queen]

I wanted to say that everyone here is excellent at being polite and considerate when it comes to sensitive topics - it's impressive, because I have been active on forums that did not show such consideration.

As for the topic under discussion - I would say, in my moderate experience, that finding bi-fems is probably easier on here because, as another above said, those people are already there for the same thing you are... whereas in the vanilla world, certainty is rarely in the cards. Admittedly though, it seems that bi-fems are not in abundance... But I deeply regret that your experiences with the bi-fems you have come across have been so disagreeable iapr - I promise you that they aren't all like that, we aren't all like that. Maybe for your personal methods and tastes this isn't the best venue for finding what you want in that respect - after reading all the posts in this thread, I think I am starting to believe that maybe it is simply on an individual basis what hunting method works for you best, and where you go for prey.

I am a single bi-fem, but I am not truly single. I am in a very loving, very good and strong long-term relationship in fact, a very healthy relationship. The reason I play in swinger circles is because I was doing it before I met this man I am currently involved with, he knew from the outset that I did it, and it turned him on tremendously for me to tell him of my exploits. He himself has never been interested in joining me (though I think in time he may come around), but has never tried to stop me or held me back from it in any way. On the contrary, he encourages it, because when I come home to him and tell him all about it (he is always very eager for the details), our sex life is roaring good. So I don't really fit into the stereotype of single bi-fem, but then I never agreed that stereotypes were a good way to evaluate anything - there is no "norm" and there is no standard, because everyone has a reason for being the way they are. I have always enjoyed playing with couples, and am strictly reserved for couples and married females who are curious because of my current attachment - I sometimes pursue them, sometimes they pursue me, I never felt it was more one way or the other, it just varies depending on the couple i'm dealing with.

And in the end, I think how you find what you are looking for ultimately depends on who you are and how you want to do things.

[absingleman]

Originally Posted by The_Ice_Queen

And in the end, I think how you find what you are looking for ultimately depends on who you are and how you want to do things.

I'm stealing this quote from you.

[The_Ice_Queen]

Originally Posted by absingleman

I'm stealing this quote from you.

Feel free my friend ^_^ I would be honored that you think enough of it to do so!

[iapr]

Originally Posted by The_Ice_Queen

As for the topic under discussion - I would say, in my moderate experience, that finding bi-fems is probably easier on here because, as another above said, those people are already there for the same thing you are... whereas in the vanilla world, certainty is rarely in the cards. Admittedly though, it seems that bi-fems are not in abundance... But I deeply regret that your experiences with the bi-fems you have come across have been so disagreeable iapr -

Again, I am not meaning this to be a bash against anyone. Noone has done anything wrong and the few single fems that we have met in person have been fine upstanding citizens and nice people, just not who we are interested in. Yes the individuals I was refering to are not for me for a variety of reasons but they are good people and I realize that there are lots of great folks out there.

On another note, this really didn't dawn on me untill reading your post and in looking back through my previous posts I didn't make this clear and it is pertinent. We're not necessarily looking for "BI" fems. Straight gals would be fine and in many ways even preferable. Obviously it would be for a close intimate experience so there would at least need to be some comfort in being in close physical proxity to another naked woman but my wife is not overtly bisexual and has no interest in any serious fem-fem play and I must be a freak amongst men in the lifestyle but I really coulldnt' care less about women playing one way or another. It doesn't bother me but it doesn't do anything for me either.

Since so many of the single gals that we have encountered have been so focused on the bi aspect, they have no interest in us nor we in them. I should have pointed that out earlier. So if that makes a difference I'll kind of rephrase the conditions of the question and say that the target audience is is single straight to single bi-comfy women.

[des1re06]

Is the lifestyle even a viable place to seek single fems?

Yes

I can't tell you why, be we've had the more luck meeting single females than couples. The majority are into the bi play, in our experience. Maybe it's because I'm openly bi to those women I'm attracted to.

Good luck and have fun!

Mrs. D

[Nickii_Lee]

mosmis84 - great post! I'm a single, sane female. I had a threesome with friends who have since moved away. Totally VANILLA at the time. It was a great experience. My friend and his long-time gf swing, and told me to try it since I missed that kind of sexual encounter in my life. It's actually pretty hard as a single female. I actually get hit on by couples more in a "vanilla" night club than responses to my ad on a site. I've yet to try a swinger club. That might be better, just have not tried it yet. Guess my advice to couples would be to try the "vanilla" girl. Many of us are experimental , and, I actually thought swinging was just for couples.

[twohots4u2]

We have been surprised that we have not met any single female via SLS, etc. We get hit on all the time by lots of single guys and a number of couples, but no single gals. And, most of the single gals we approach have not even had the courtesy to reply and say no, even though our messages are always respectful, address their interests, include photos, etc. In the clubs Ms. twohots4u2 is always very popular with bi-women. Interesting phenomena.