Wife has told me to find a girlfriend to pick up the slack

[poncho]

it's me again,when i found this site i new someone out there could help, i'm a happily married man with a good woman at home. My problem is that she is in the middle of menupause and her libido all but died. i on the other hand(no pun intended)still have a very active sexual desire.she has told me on many occasions to find a girlfriend to take up the tension. i know this happens , but i have not been able to just pick someone up for casual sex. ever. i have a few aquaintences that i would like to hook up with but not sure of the right way to approch the subject, HELP!

[JustAskJulie]

Hi Poncho,

First off I would make sure that you and your wife are on the same page with what she is ok with. If she is ok with you finding A girlfriend to take up the slack then that is different than you finding several acquaintances to hook up with or even a one night stand.

You are very lucky to have a wife who is open enough to be ok with you going outside of your marriage at all, so it is important that you and she are clear on the boundaries of what is allowed. There may be a huge leap in her mind between the difference of you finding one girlfriend in particular that you have sex with and the safety of doing so (less risk of disease being brought home, etc) and the idea of you out getting it from wherever you get it.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by poncho

she has told me on many occasions to find a girlfriend to take up the tension.

Poncho, I really would like to know the tone of the conversation when she told you to do this.

Was she angry ?

Sad ?

Feeling inadequate ?

Calm and understanding ?

There are many things I would have to know before giving tips to someone, about how to hook up with a woman outside their marriage.

I for one, am pro relationship/marriage.

[celtic239]

If you check some of my prior posts you'll find that we went through the same thing as yourselves about three years ago. My wife hinted that I could go out and 'play' but since we've been married for about 27 years now I thought that maybe I was inadequate and that she wasn't being satisfied and suggested that I wouldn't be upset if she went out and got her wants met. What attracts me to the whole Lifestyle is that it is generally a couples activity. I never cheated on the Mrs in the 27 years we've been together and I would't start now. But that's me.
The only advice I can give you is to flatter her and take her out to diner. Go on line and get some steamy dresses for her, maybe take her to a couples only resort. While the Mrs and I haven't swung yet, she is a bit more receptive to the idea. If it happens fine, if not that's fine too.

[poncho]

julie, yes the wife is totaly for me finding a " playmate" we used to have a great sex life but "the change in life" for her has left her with no sexual desire what so ever , we still have a good home life and i am regulary aroused,and with out chemical help we have no sex.it would be kind of awkward for me to have casual sex without having the wife at least partially interested in what i am doing.(or who), she told me if i find someone she would be interested in hearing about it afterwards. maybe its some sort of voyer thing, but if it makes us both happy ,,, well,,,

[BorisNatasha]

We used to play with a woman who had a hysterectomy, lost her sex drive, then started some sort of hormone therapy that whipped her sex drive right back into shape. This may be something that would apply to menopause as well? Maybe your wife would be interested in talking to her doctor about this sort of thing? I wish I had more details for you.

Of course if you pursue both courses of action then you wind up with a horny wife and girlfriend and have to introduce the two.

Boris

[sexychoclit]

First of all I would like to say that I am not married.

Now I would like to say that this probably won't be a good thing for your wife or for your marriage. If you go out and find a "playmate" and then come home and tell your wife all about it, she is probably going to start feeling left out or jealous. Especially if you start spending a lot of time with your "playmate" in intimate settings.

Maybe you're wife won't say anthing to you. Maybe, you will begin to see differences in her emotional state that will let you know that she is pissed off. Or maybe your wife is a little more assertive and will let you know exactly how she is feeling.

So what happens when you are out there sowing your wild oates and she tells you that she isn't comfortable with the arrangement anymore? Are you going to stop seeing your "playmate" or will you ignore your wife and keep doing what you are doing?" Are you o.k. with living the rest of your life in a marriage that is almost completely void of sex? At what point do you decide that your partner is enough even without the sexual aspect of your life?

Good luck on this one. I hope that it all works out for you.