Frustrated but Understanding

[Magemouse]

Hello i am not sure if i am posting in the right area but it seemed it had no other group related. I am a single Male in the Mississippi area i understand that this makes me one in a billion and usally overlooked but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now i just learned of this site and SLS so i gess there are a few good steps but if i could get some feedback on what else i might do to not be overlooked so much i would apprechiate it im not trying to push or anything just very fustrated.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Magemouse

but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now.

Can you expand a bit on what it is that you are looking for?

[sexcupid]

Have you tried going to meet and greets in your area? Not necessarily clubs, the meet and greets tend to be held in more public places and are usually a little less restrictive of single males.

Try going to these and actually meeting people. Don't expect anything. I'm not sure how to make you stand out from the pack of single males, altho I will say you at least have a picture on your profile. But you are kind of young-ish (25)...and your profile reads like so many others (I'm a pleaser, etc). So really the only way to set yourself apart is to put forth the effort to get out and meet folks.

Good luck!

[WesternSwing]

Welcome Magemouse. What exactly are you looking for? A long term relationship with a couple or more of just a swinging relationship? Both have to be approached differently since couples looking for each are looking for different things in a third.

Mr. WS

[Bama0468]

1) Here's my 2 cents, put up a pic with a nice smile, dump the pic with the Ipod and the 'whatup' hand sign.

2) (and I am a piss poor speller too) fix all those spelling errors in your profile, on my other puter I have a lil program that working in all areas called Tiny Spell its free and 'dings' when you mispell a word (unfortunately the mrs. won't let me add anyhting to "HER" computer unless she wants it)

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by Magemouse

Hello i am not sure if i am posting in the right area but it seemed it had no other group related. I am a single Male in the Mississippi area i understand that this makes me one in a billion and usally overlooked but i have been looking for a way to enjoy the company of someone else for over a year now i just learned of this site and SLS so i gess there are a few good steps but if i could get some feedback on what else i might do to not be overlooked so much i would apprechiate it im not trying to push or anything just very fustrated.

Magemouse,
The sad truth of this lifetyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it. (you've been trying for HOW long, and you've met HOW many people so far?) So in that sense, it's not "you" that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame.

They're only out to get your money. Read that again.

They're only out to get your money.

That doesn't make them bad people. We all have to earn a living. But that does make them somewhat unethical when it comes to using "swinging" to promote their scams.

Forget what you see and hear on swinger websites. Forget what some club owners tell you about meeting couples and "real swinging wives!" at their clubs. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective. If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because.....(say it together, class!)........

They're only out to get your money. Remember?

Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent. That's not a slam against you, the fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) would't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.

OK, to answer your original question about "how not to get overlooked" in this. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman

IMHO, if you can't find a woman to do this with, you're never going to find a couple.

[LFM2]

I have to disagree with NumbskullsX2. This is JMHO, but, we happen to think there is someone for everyone in the wild world of swinging.

We enjoy our single male whom we play with on a regular basis. Although he might have someone new to play with, he's a great single guy. We are a couple that really enjoy respectable, intelligent, single males, and I do believe that there are other couples out there just like us.

What I suggest is:
1. Know what you're looking for.
2. Write a good bio with PROPER SPELLING and grammar and be honest.
3. Look up at all the links at the top of the page. Look under "Swinger Advice" and then click on "Advice for single guys". Read that. If you have questions, please ask.

[gnb4u]

No actually numbskulls was about right on the money.

I am with JustAskJulie and think you need to provide a little more info as to what you are looking for in order for any of us to offer much pertinent advice.

If you are looking for quick and easy sex without having to get married or be in a serious LTR then join the other 3 billion men on the planet and take a number.

A single male in the lifestyle fills a couple roles and if you are attractive, flirty and charming and comfortable with those roles you stand a chance. Those roles are being the 3rd in an MFM and being an extra cock in a gang bang. Anything other than that and you stand a much higher chance of success with regular vanilla gals in normal situations.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by gnb4u

No actually numbskulls was about right on the money.

I am with JustAskJulie and think you need to provide a little more info as to what you are looking for in order for any of us to offer much pertinent advice.

If you are looking for quick and easy sex without having to get married or be in a serious LTR then join the other 3 billion men on the planet and take a number.

A single male in the lifestyle fills a couple roles and if you are attractive, flirty and charming and comfortable with those roles you stand a chance. Those roles are being the 3rd in an MFM and being an extra cock in a gang bang. Anything other than that and you stand a much higher chance of success with regular vanilla gals in normal situations.

You two make it sound almost impossible to to swing single. A lot of what you say is plausible. What I'm trying to say is that it IS possible. I do realize that there are a million other guys out there trying to swing single too and there are the jerks that give single males a bad name. Hopefully, this guy is adult enough, mature enough and wise enough to know how to make a difference.

Now, if the the guy is after a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of experience, well then... I withdraw my previous post. He has about a snowballs chance in hell of making it in this LS.

[LFM2]

Actually, when I think about it really hard, I think I'm projecting here. I'm wishing all single males were like the one we play with. We've never met up with a different male, but if they were all like the one we love to play with.... Hell, single males would be a booming business.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males."

How, exactly, do people get this notion? Not sure where your data comes from Numbskulls, but I'm a single female and I also know lots of single females in the lifestyle. To the tune of a couple dozen or so. All of them... let me repeat... all of them, every single one enjoy and definitely want to meet quality single males.

To the OP I would say... be patient, be kind and perhaps see if the people who cert'ed you would be willing to take you along to some meet & greets or house parties. And remember that there's about as many ways to swing as there are people swinging. Don't let some couples who think that their way is the only way deter you from getting to know people and enjoying yourself. That being said... fleshing out your profile a little bit and adding some nice smiling face pix to your profile certainly wouldn't hurt.

[Chris&Amelia]

Back in a prior life, I was a "Single Male" in the swinging world. But I found it quite my accident. More accurately, it found me.

I was straight outta' Basic Training and at a new posting. I was also lonely, horny, and pretty naive. But, first and foremost, I was (and still am) a computer nerd, so I do what any computer nerd does... hooks up his computer and starts to look for porn. This was before the Internet really took off, so the usually repositories of porn were BBS (Bulletin Board Systems) that you had to dial up into with a modem. I start looking around and find an "Adult-themed" BBS named Pacific Velvet. I create an account and start chatting with the folks there. I had no idea that it was a swinger's BBS. I didn't even know what swinging was.

Still clueless to the ultimate nature of the sight, I continued to chat... and slowly made friends. I was a little surprised at how almost everybody was part of a couple ("and on a porn BBS too!"), and at first nobody would talk to me. But I was lonely, and I enjoyed the companionship, even it was virtual. Eventually I was accepted. And I still had no idea what I was getting into.

Remember how I said I was a little naive? Change that to "very naive."

One of my chat friends admitted that he was also in the Army and actually worked at the same place I did! We arranged to have lunch one day and hit it off pretty well. Eventually he (Let's call them Mr. and Mrs. R) introduced me to his wife, who I was instantly attracted to. I thought she was pretty flirty... but I didn't take no action (he was my friend after all). And yet I still had no idea what I was getting into.

One day, I'm invited over to their place (which I've already been to several times to hang out and play video games) for a Saturday night party. I'm told that it's a "Pacific Velvet-only" party. I'm pretty hyped, as I had met some other people from the board (and yet I still had no idea...) but this would be the first PV gathering that I had attended.

So I park my car, ring the doorbell, and he answers the door. "Chris! You made it! Come in!" So I come in and I'm immediately handed a drink. I notice several people that I've already met... and they were making out... and not with the people that I knew were their spouses. I was a little confused. When Mrs. R came over, said hi, and immediately gave me a deep long kiss... well, I was VERY confused at that point. I finally break free to ask "Uh, what's going on? And why is your wife kissing me like that?" He replies "Well, she always thought you were cute, and what do you expect to happen at a swinger's party?" I'm silent for a couple of seconds just to reply "A what now?"

They were shocked... they really thought I knew. So they take me to their room to give me a (verbal...) primer into the Lifestyle. After they're done, they leave me alone to make my decision, while being assured that if I chose not to participate, nobody would think any less of me.

As you can see.... I chose..... wisely.

[screaminggood]

I disagree with Numbskull, too. I regularly look and find attractive, single men to play with...and guess what, I'm looking for good sex for the night, not a relationship! The club we go to most often must not be making too much money off of single men because they limit their numbers (and I sometimes wish they wouldn't)!

[two4youinswva]

I see a few people disagreeing with Numbskulls, but I'm not sure what exactly you all are disagreeing with (With the exception of Dynamar, who makes a valid point from her perspective and experiences. No argument there).

I would like to summarize what Numbskulls posted, and maybe that will help me see what the disagreement is over.

1. The sad truth of this lifestyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it.
- I have to agree with this. Many will try, only a few will succeed. It takes a special man to be successful in swinging. Think about how many single guy ads you see online. How many do you think are successful? We know a guy that was a regular at a couples only club for quite a while. When he and his lady friend went their separate ways, he has obviously struggled to stay in
the swinging community as a single male.

2. So in that sense, it's not "you"that's the problem, it's the bullshit that some clubs and swinger websites spread about "real swinging wives!" who "swing with single males!" that's to blame. They're only out to get your money.
- Ever see those ads from AFF on some of the sites you visit? "Meet these girls from (insert your city here)". Kyra, Delila, Monique, Portia, blah, blah, blah. All these hot girls wanting to meet you single guy! It's the biggest bunch of BS this side of the Nigerian email scams. Yeah, they want your money.

3. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective.
- I don't know if it's very few, but I do know it's a smaller portion of the general swinging community. Kind of obvious when you read the threads that sometimes evolve into "Single-Male Smackdown" sessions (which I don't really care for).

4. . If you attend a club or join a website that permits single males, it's not because the couples want you there, it's because the management wants you there. That is because....They're only out to get your money.
- Lots of clubs that allow single males do charge a larger entry fee. You can debate the reasons, but, fact is, they pay more.

5. Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent.
- I know it's not warm and fuzzy, but once again, it does take the special man to make the connection (For examples, see posts by Thrax, Curious Again, Eternally Single).

6. The fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) wouldn't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.
- Same here. I feel fairly confident that I would be on the outside looking in.

7. After reading your post and your SLS profile, I would (respectfully) suggest that you are not one of those select few guys who's going to be successful at this as a single male.
- Maybe. Maybe not. But the odds would suggest that Numbskulls is right.

8. But you might be, as part of a couple. Therefore, my advice to you would be......find a woman
- No doubt it would be easier. See my previous statement about the guy that was in, but now is out.

Overall, I'd have to agree with the general sentiments with the post. It may have been raw and very direct, which might be where some of the disagreement stems from, but, I can't really disagree with the post as a whole


So, where did I go wrong in my assessment of Numbskulls' post?

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by Chris&Amelia

Back in a prior life, I was a "Single Male" in the swinging world. But I found it quite my accident. More accurately, it found me................................................ .......................As you can see.... I chose..... wisely.

Man, that was a funny story!

Thanks for sharing that.