Frustrated but Understanding

[MRSfun]

I'm with Julie, could you explain more of what you are looking for ?

Are you wanting a profile review ?

Your picture is kind of cute in your profile, but I don't understand your needs ?

Could you add to your post ?

[des1re06]

Here's what I find frustrating about single males.

Met a great looking guy and we had several chat sessions. We talked about normal things, not sex. He impressed me right away with his intelligence and humor. He was in his late 20s, owned his own business and was very interested in me.

We decided on a weekend when we would meet. We drove 2.5 hours and planned to meet for dinner and then go on to a swing club. Called his cell - no answer, left vm. He never called back the entire weekend.

Got an email back a few days later - he was sick.

Continued to chat with him and made plans for another meet.

Same outcome. We drove 2.5 hours, went to the club, called him several times. No answer or return call.

So, it was frustrating and we had to ditch him.

If you make plans, stick to them. If you arrive and there's no chemistry, then say so. Don't stand people up.

When we meet single males at a club, this doesn't happen. They're there to play and so are we. You do have to stand out among the crowd though. Be polite, talk to BOTH the husband and wife, dress nice and above all respect our relationship.

If you'd like more pointers on how to impress, just ask.


Mrs. D

[LFM2]

OK... here is what I disagree with... But remember, our swinging style might not be like others. We are after sex. New experiences, new men, new women, new couples. We try to keep things as simple as they can get and NOT to over think things. It's sex. Plain and simple. No strings attached sex. For the fun of it.

You summarized NumskullsX2 post very well, I'll add.

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

I would like to summarize what Numbskulls posted, and maybe that will help me see what the disagreement is over.

1. The sad truth of this lifestyle is that most single guys are NEVER going to connect with anyone in it.
- I have to agree with this. Many will try, only a few will succeed. It takes a special man to be successful in swinging. Think about how many single guy ads you see online. How many do you think are successful? We know a guy that was a regular at a couples only club for quite a while. When he and his lady friend went their separate ways, he has obviously struggled to stay in
the swinging community as a single male.

I just don't find this true. There are plenty of couples out there that like single men. At least there are in my area. Singles (including men) are pretty popular. But, we've also found that people have pretty much the same swinging style as we do. There are some couples that aren't going to be very successful in swinging because of their attitude just like some singles won't be very successful. It all depend on what someone is looking for.

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

3. Very few couples and even fewer single women are "looking for single males." The ones that are can be, and are, VERY selective.
- I don't know if it's very few, but I do know it's a smaller portion of the general swinging community. Kind of obvious when you read the threads that sometimes evolve into "Single-Male Smackdown" sessions (which I don't really care for).

Still, around here, singles are accepted into any swinging situation. There is a breed of guys around here that seem to have manners and are respectful of both partners. They don't focus primarily on the female. It's a mutual thing all around.

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

5. Occasionally a single guy does connect with a couple. But if you are not young, fit, attractive, and/or reasonably intelligent, your chances of that happening are almost non-existent.
- I know it's not warm and fuzzy, but once again, it does take the special man to make the connection (For examples, see posts by Thrax, Curious Again, Eternally Single).

Our single male is not young, fit or really attractive. What he does do for me though is give me one hellava good time. He's respectful, he and Dave have actually gotten to be good friends and he's intellectual. He can talk about a wide range of things intelligently. Again, geographically, that is just us.

Originally Posted by two4youinswva

6. The fact is that most husbands who swing as part of a couple (myself included) wouldn't be successful as single males if we had to proceed in this alone.
- Same here. I feel fairly confident that I would be on the outside looking in.

I had to include this one just because I found it so funny. I can't even imagine Dave as a single swinger. I can't say how successful he'd be, although he does bring a lot to a party. Then again, I'm biased.

I do understand what you guys are trying to say, yet I just don't agree with ALL of it, however some of it is very valid. And still, another thing to remember is that this just our experiences and my opinion. I have been wrong before, but empirically, it's been proven in my geographic area that single men are respected and welcome.

[screaminggood]

I also disagreed with Numbskull because I felt his generalities were, well, too general! I'm the fem half of a couple and I regularly enhance my experiences with single men, and lately I've been finding some awesome guys in the clubs! Yum, yum!

As for the husband question, I'm pretty certain my hubby could be even more successful if he were a single than we are together as a couple. You see, every time I leave to go get a drink or spend time talking to someone else, there are women literally all over him...making point blank offers.

[Dynamar]

I disagreed with Numbskull because my mama taught me that being nice costs nothing. Remember how your mama always said... "It's not what you say, it's how you say it?"

I felt that besides being flat out generalizing, he was very disrespectful to the OP, in my opinion.

[Magemouse]

Alright thanks for all the feed back.I have corrected the spelling mistakes in my SLS profile and i will be posting a few more pictures of myself (i just recovered from my coputer crashing so i lost most of my pictures). As for what i am ooking for is simple but i do understand that most single males say the same thing but i am truly honest when i say the only thing i want from meeting with other people eather here or on SLS or in real life is the pleaser of there company. I have come to understand theat my one true want (some would say need) in life is almost as obtainable as finding a dimand the size of a car in my backyard. that want is to find a Famale Dom that understands my background and can enjoy me fully

[Magemouse]

To add to what i am looking for since the end of my last post sounds bitter and i do not mean it to be is the company of another person single male single female or a couple. I had a meet 2 days ago with a couple that was everything I was looking for we went to a casino and had a great conversation ended up at a hotel and had a great time. Up till that experiance i had not been able to meet anyone that would even talk to me or get to know me so i was a little fustrated and wanted to know how to deal with it

[good times]

I have to say, while everyone makes some good points, as a general observation NumbskullsX2 post reflects our observations exactly.

We have three on-premise clubs in Reno, all of them admit single males to their parties, except for one club that has one couples only party per week, in addition to their parties on other nights when single males are allowed. The vast majority of the single males that come to the clubs never hook up with anyone, ever. The ones that do amount to less than 5% of the single males that go to the clubs. So while it is true that it is possible for single males to successfully hook up with couples, it isn't automatic, and it takes a lot of patience. Even at that, the majority of single males that we know that attend the local clubs never hook up with anyone. I have even asked a couple of them who are nice guys but never hook up with anyone, why they come to the club every week when they never get to play. They say they like the club atmosphere and maybe someday they will get lucky.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by Dynamar

I'm a single female and I also know lots of single females in the lifestyle. To the tune of a couple dozen or so. All of them... let me repeat... all of them, every single one enjoy and definitely want to meet quality single males.

Oh you do eh? Well no wonder the rest of us can never find one, you've got them all bottled up up there in "flyover country!" (wherever that is)

Maybe you could spring a few loose and send them up to Ohio some Saturday night? I know a lot of couples and even a few guys who would be most thankful!

Seriously, these dozens of "single female swingers" that you know, how large an area are we talking about? Your town or city? Your state? Several states? The internet?

Allow me to illustrate by way of example. I own something that is somewhat rare. So rare, in fact, that saying what it is would probably reveal my identity in this small community. I personally know about 25 or 30 other people who also own one of these items, so I guess it could be said that there are "lots" of us who own them. However, I don't know of anybody within 150 miles of me who has one (believe me, I would know) so you could also say that "very few" people have one. It all depends on your perspective.

The reason I stated to this gentleman that "very few single women were looking for single males" was because that has been our experience in this lifestyle. On a typical Saturday night at the last club we attended, they would usually draw between 7 and 10 single males, but never more than 1 or 2 single females, if any. Not only did the men far outnumber the women, but they were there for sex, while the women were more focused on dancing, socializing, and meeting other couples. I can't say they "never" connected with the single males because they probably did, but it didn't happen as much as you would think.

I wasn't trying to discourage Magemouse from participating in this lifestyle. He asked a question. I read his post, taking note of his spelling and use of the English language. I then looked at his profile, noting his choice of introductory picture (complete with iPod and gang symbol) and interests. It would have been easy to suggest he make some changes to the above, but one thing I've noticed about internet profiles........

You can change the profile, but you don't change the essential person behind them.

All-in-all, he didn't impress me as a guy who was likely to find much success at this as a single male. That's why I suggested he find a partner. I'm sorry if my recommendation came off as being cruel or unkind. I wasn't trying to come off like that guy on "American Idol," just trying to offer him a way to be successful at this.

It's a sad, but undeniable fact that this lifestyle is like the line at "Studio 54." Couples, single females, and a few very select single males are invited to "step over the velvet rope." The rest will still be waiting in line when the place closes.

[Dynamar]

Numbskulls, thanks for your kinder and gentler reply. Now... was that so hard?

In response to your question... the single fems I am acquainted with all live within a couple hours drive of Louisville, Ky., are in the age range of 25-55, all reasonably attractive & intelligent, and gainfully employed. Some are bi, some are straight. Some play with couples, some do not. None of them regularly attend swing clubs, preferring to make initial connections with people either online or via networking and Meet & Greets.

All my original reply was meant to relay was that there are plenty of ways to accomplish the same goal... and please be more careful and objective when advising a newbie. That is all.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by LFM2

You two make it sound almost impossible to to swing single. A lot of what you say is plausible. What I'm trying to say is that it IS possible. I do realize that there are a million other guys out there trying to swing single too and there are the jerks that give single males a bad name. Hopefully, this guy is adult enough, mature enough and wise enough to know how to make a difference.

Now, if the the guy is after a wham, bam, thank you ma'am kind of experience, well then... I withdraw my previous post. He has about a snowballs chance in hell of making it in this LS.

Not impossible just highly unlikely at any given time and place. And I would bet good money that the vast vast majority of the SMs that come on to LS websites and that try to get into clubs ARE trying to get a wham bam experience.

[gnb4u]

While dynamar and screaminggood are probably being sincere in their assertion that there are single fems that play with SMs the part they are probably missing is that of shear numbers.

There are very few active SFs in the lifestyle and of the ones there are they probably aren't really playing with large volumes of SMs. Each of them probably have a few favorites that they hook up with now and then and they probably are not out there screwing a new guy every night.

Same with couples, there are a percentage of couples that have a favorite or two that they play with and that is probably about it. when you throw in the volume of single guys that are out there trying to score a piece there just isn't enough to go around.

Yes there are some SMs out there that are getting some sack time now and then but for each guy that scores there are probably hundreds that are sitting at their computers getting nowhere.

I agree with numbskulls In that places that market to SMs about hot single gals and horny housewives wanting to screw SMs is marketing trying to get a buck. Any woman can screw any guy if she wants. she doesn't have to go to any club to get it.

I also agree with good times in that the guys that do attend LS clubs regularly realize that they will score very rarely and they realize that their odds are better at vanilla bars but they go to LS clubs because they like the atmosphere there better. They are not there because of all the sex they are getting.

I do think it is pertinent to let single guys know when they come onto a forum asking why they aren't getting laid by a different hot chick every night that it is not realistic for the them to think that all these hot single gals and horny housewives are going to drop their drawers for them.

[TNT]

Hello Magemouse and .

As you can probably tell, being a single man in swinging is not an easy task. It CAN be done.

Some suggestions for you are...

Never contact a couple unless they specifically state in their profile that they play with single men.

Be yourself, no one likes a fake.

Change the pictures on your SLS profile...a smile will go a long ways.

You are in an area the has a GREAT club that does allow single men to attend. If you go to a club, follow their rules and allow the regulars to get to know you. Never be pushy.

Join a yahoo group or some of the groups on SLS that allow single men. Some of these groups throw regular house parties that singles are invited to. Singles tend to have better luck at house parties than at a club.

Realize that there are a LOT of couples who do enjoy single men but, there will always be those that think single men have no place in swinging. Right or wrong it's the way things are and something you will have to learn to deal with.

Always show respect.

You've found the best place to gather information on swinging there is. Read over as many of the threads/post in the Single & Swinging forum as you can and if you have any questions, never hesitate to ask.

Teresa

[absingleman]

Magemouse...
I've been doing this swinging thing off and on for 22 years. The one thing I've learned is that on any given night I have a better chance getting laid by someone I met in the grocery store than by someone I met on a swing site or the rare swing club I decide to visit. Why? I'm more myself at the grocery store than in a swing environment. Think about it.

In one situation you are doing what comes naturally, and women respond to that. In the other situation, you are trying to do everything right, and women respond to that, also. Negatively. Nobody likes to be around someone who tries too hard. It convey's insecurity and insincerity. Don't try so hard.

Also, it has been my experience that when single men (myself included) think about swinging, they either fixate on the sex part, or they try to put the sex part on the back burner and get to know the people they are meeting. Look, eveyone who swings is doing it for the sex. Not the friendship, the chance for a long term relationship, or feeling of belonging to something bigger than themselves. Its about sex. Admit to it, and move on. Don't dwell on it, and don't try to ignore it. Thats being insincere.

If you learn how to be yourself, you will swing. Yes, being yourself doesn't work in dating (lol), but this isn't dating. You are not trying to meet a potential lifetime partner, so you don't have to make her want you over other men. You just have to make the couple or single woman trust you enough to let you have sex with them. Thats where most single men fail. They approach it like dating.

Even with single women who swing, the first thing you have to do is put them at ease and make them see you as someone they can trust. By that time, most objections they have towards you will be about things you can't control, like you looks or age.

Lastly, don't take this so seriously. I've read so many post by newbies who get frustrated because the porn sites didn't deliver on their promises. I turned down sex with three single women this week. That is two more than the number of couples I wrote to on SLS in the last year. Its all in the attitude. With the right attitude, you don't have to look for sex, you just have to make your self available for it.

(ugh...I thought the new name would eliminate the novella posts LOL)

[Magemouse]

Again thanks for all the support and advice i would like to point out that i may have been a bit unclear in my post about this but i am not looking for just sex i want to meet people that enjoy others company and if it leads to sex then thats good to. my problem i seem to keep running into is that someone will contact me once. then never talk again. i wait for like a month it is so fustrating ( i do need to do something about my lak of quality pic dont i)