Paying?

[myhw4u]

We've read several of the threads relating to who should pay for dinner/hotel/etc. My wife and I have mixed feelings on who should pay for the different parts of the evening, but we both agree it should be arranged before hand.

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc. We would love to take advantage of such offerings. However we have not because we feel we will be taking advantage of the single guy and then there is that pesky feeling of obligation.

Any advice on how to handle this situation?

[midnightplayer]

Agree to pay for some, let him pay the hotel and dinner, but you pay the sitter and it should be a fair arrangement. If you feel obligated pay the tip for the dinner

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Originally Posted by myhw4u

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc

Sounds like a cry of desperation to me, but I'm twisted like that.

As to your question, why not a simple "We'll pick up X and if everything clicks, you grab the Y bill, that cool with you?" and then handle things like drinks seperately. (maybe cash/ per drink -whatever just so the other party doesn't tank your bill )

[cocpl2007]

50-50 is the ONLY way to go with us! Of course we do not play with or have any interest in single males, so perhaps our response misses the mark.

[two42lovers]

When we play with a new single guy these days we tend to invite him to our home, or play at his, but in the past we weren't comfortable inviting a new-to-us guy to our home.

The first play-time needed to be in a hotel. We expected him to host - i.e. provide the place to play. Next time (if there was a next time) we'd offer to host at our house (but we'd never tell him that.)

We figured the only reason a hotel was needed is so he could join in, and if he didn't want to provide a room to do it in, we'd decline to meet. The room was no guarantee we'd play, by any means. He didn't need to get a room until the three of us met, and we agreed to accept his invitation to play. There was no obligation or expectation beyond meeting.

No single guy ever batted an eye at paying for a hotel. They've all invariably wanted to pay for drinks when we met at the bar, too. We didn't just assume about the room. Before we'd agree to meet, we'd ask if he was willing to get a hotel room to host in. If he wasn't, we'd decline.

[myhw4u]

Originally Posted by ANGEDKY(mr)

Sounds like a cry of desperation to me, but I'm twisted like that.

Trust me, we thought the exact same thing! lol

[JustAskJulie]

Obligation - would be the key thing there for me. What if he pays for everything then you don't click or something happens and NOTHING happens (or rather you want nothing to happen), are you going to feel obliged to have sex with him since he already put out so much money?

Even as a single, I payed my way with single guys, or at least alternated who paid if it was a repeated thing for that very reason.

I say treat it just as you would another couple.

[myhw4u]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

The first play-time needed to be in a hotel. We expected him to host - i.e. provide the place to play. Next time (if there was a next time) we'd offer to host at our house (but we'd never tell him that.)

I'm glad we're not the only couple with "hidden rules", lol. Like we never play on the first date...

Originally Posted by two42lovers

We figured the only reason a hotel was needed is so he could join in, and if he didn't want to provide a room to do it in, we'd decline to meet. The room was no guarantee we'd play, by any means. He didn't need to get a room until the three of us met, and we agreed to accept his invitation to play. There was no obligation or expectation beyond meeting.

No single guy ever batted an eye at paying for a hotel. They've all invariably wanted to pay for drinks when we met at the bar, too. We didn't just assume about the room. Before we'd agree to meet, we'd ask if he was willing to get a hotel room to host in. If he wasn't, we'd decline.

It all makes so much more sense when someone else explains it instead of you trying to justify it to yourself, lol. We've had guys want us to drive 100 miles (round trip) buy dinner and a hotel room for a couple hours of fun. Then we'd have to drive home and pay the sitter. To us that is a lot of expense just to have some guy enjoy my wife. On the flip side, we have out of town guys willing to pay the sitter and cover all the expenses for the night for the same enjoyment. There is something fundamentally wrong with that picture, lol.

[myhw4u]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Obligation - would be the key thing there for me. What if he pays for everything then you don't click or something happens and NOTHING happens (or rather you want nothing to happen), are you going to feel obliged to have sex with him since he already put out so much money?

When guys have asked B (better than saying my wife all the time) out, she's let them buy her drinks, they always meet knowing to expect nothing beyond a drink and maybe a game or two of pool. We have usually paid for dinner just because I think it would be odd to have separate checks.

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by myhw4u

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc. We would love to take advantage of such offerings. However we have not because we feel we will be taking advantage of the single guy and then there is that pesky feeling of obligation.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to pay for drinks, dinner, and a room (if it goes that far) since they'd be paying for all of that if they were going on a date with a single woman. The expense for the sitter should be yours alone, since the guy wasn't part of the "fun" you had making the baby.

We had one guy contact us who was all into this "I want to please you both, I'm all into pleasing couples, let's meet for drinks and dinner and see where it goes, etc etc" But when I told him we'd consider his offer of dinner, he starts back-peddling. "OK, I'll buy the first round of drinks, and we'll split the dinner and the cost of the room, yada-yada" So I said fine, since you're so into "splitting things down the middle", how about we split ourselves too, and you can have dinner with me (the husband) alone "and we'll see where it goes". He didn't seem to excited about that.

Cheap bastard. No wonder he's single.

[Thron&Thor]

Take the overhead costs (gas, car payments, car & health insurance, plastic surgery, teeth whitening, baby sitter, condoms, lube, etc.) out of the picture and the event costs (dinner, drinks, tips, door charges, etc.) should be "dutch". Only the cost of any required accommodations to do the deed(hotel room, limo backseat rental, gas for the plane or boat, cabin rental, private theater booth, etc.) should be equally split between the parties not the individuals (per capita).

Keep the balance with the monies and you keep the balance of the fun. When everyone goes home minus the same amount of cash, then everyone tends to remain friends later. When free dinner & drinks are the reward some will moan as you need to hear to keep the grattis going with each stroke to pillage your wallet the next time.

And not everyone has the disposal income of some, so each person's pride is preserved with a little dignity of paying their own way.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

Great question! And one we often get from new swingers.

Our rules of thumb are:

* A single guy, he picks up the motel room. We make very few exceptions to that. HOWEVER, to avoid any feeling of obligation, if it's the first time with a guy, we recommend he not get the room until after we've met and everyone agrees they want to play.

* When it's a couple, either we pay for the room or -- if they already have -- we offer to split it with them. Some accept our offer; some don't.

* For single women, we get the room.

* For L's gangbangs, we get the room. We appreciate folks tossing a few bucks into the hat to help defray the cost, but no contribution is required. We go into it assuming we'll bear the full cost. A small price to pay for the thrill she gets of being the center of attention of -- and wearing out -- a group of horny guys.

* When we attend a gangbang or party someone else is hosting, we chip in to defray their costs.

We know this isn't necessarily what all other couples will want to do, but it works for us. Most folks we've played with have been comfortable with our guidelines.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[JTcamp05]

Good question.....

If the single man are offering to pay, to me that shows that they are respectful, you need not accept if your uncomfortable, but at least they are offering, I think it shows some class, you must be attracting good people.....

[Mr.Essex]

I've always been partial to paying for the night, if I'm the person who's making the advances. After the first few dates, however, I do appreciate some reciprocity.

[vegaskid]

Ya, just like swinging, share and share alike