Swinging and dating

[Michelle21]

Ok
I am a single swinging female and i am wondering how you ladies date. I am fully in the lifestyle but i am concerned on how to tell somone i am dating that this is what i am into.. Normally, I stay single for this reason, but I would like to date at some point. So how did you ladies do it, and how did u keep the creeps away from you.. You know the ones who think u are good for a bunch of their friends to have a turn and all that...

[Chris&Amelia]

You talk about dating as a single swinger woman, looking for a single male for an long-term relationship? Does the male have to be a swinger too, or are you fine with a male who's not really a swinger but fine with you being one?

Just trying to clarify the question.

[JustAskJulie]

another clarification question (because I have been in your shoes and would like to help)... are you looking for a long term relationship? or are you just looking to date/ have sex in a non-serious way?

[absingleman]

You are a single woman, so most single men put you in one of three categories. One, you are not having sex with him because you are having sex with someone else and you just like to hang out with him. Two, you are not having sex with him because you don't have sex with anyone you are not in a serious relationship with and unless he wants to make a commitment he is not going to pressure you to have sex. Three, you are having sex with him, so as long as he doesn't screw up you will continue to have sex with him.

That was just to give you a little idea into how most men are going to approach you no matter what your situation is. We are easy to please, and we don't expect much beyond trust and honesty. So my question to you is would you be willing to not swing if you met a man who, within hours of talking to you, said he had a girlfriend who kept pressuring him to have threesomes and he could never see himself doing that just because she wanted to? This is not just some guy you met at a bar, but a guy who makes your knees weak when he smiles at you and everyone you have talked to says he has rarely done anything offcenter, and even then it was something small and easy to forgive and forget?

That is the question you need to ask yourself. I personally never swing when I decide to pursue a dating relationship. I don't see a difference between dating single women and swinging, until she decides to put as much or more time into me than she does her friends from work or school (I don't count long time friends or family because they will always come first until marriage), so telling someone I'm casually dating doesn't go further than saying "uh, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I do date other people." If that makes a difference, I start talking about expectations. If she says she does too, I start dropping subtle (I don't know how subtle...I'm just a guy) hints about some past exploits to see if she bites. Usually nothing happens, but occasionally I find a woman that actually gets me into more clubs and parties than I knew existed.


just think things through and you won't go too far wrong.

[curious24]

I'm a single guy and I guess I have a different point of view. If I don't meet you within the swing lifestyle then I'm going to expect a normal relationship without swinging. However, I'll drop lines and watch your reactions to see if you would be open to experiences like swinging. Basically give you opportunities to tell me you are interested. If you are interested in pursing a serious relationship but want to share the swing lifestyle with the one you are with I would suggest going this route if you are wanting to go with traditional dating.

For me, I have never found a woman like yourself. If I did I would be one happy man for sure!

[Michelle21]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

another clarification question (because I have been in your shoes and would like to help)... are you looking for a long term relationship? or are you just looking to date/ have sex in a non-serious way?

Not looking for anything to serious at this stage of the game.. Someone to hang out with and get to know. I am ok if he isnt a swinger but i would like for him to be ok with me being one

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Michelle21

Not looking for anything to serious at this stage of the game.. Someone to hang out with and get to know. I am ok if he isnt a swinger but i would like for him to be ok with me being one

If you aren't really looking for anything serious then i probably wouldn't bother with telling him you are a swinger, I would just make it clear that you are seeing other people (end of story, nuff said). If you need to expand you can say that you are not interested in an exclusive relationship nor do you expect him to maintain one. You don't need to give the details of your lifestyle at that stage of the game.

If he's ok with that, then all should be good. Oddly, what I found as a single is that guys are just as bad as most women about saying that they are ok with non-exclusivity (THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP - I AM SEEING OTHER PEOPLE) but then wanting more. At least that was what I ran into and until i was ready for more with someone I didn't see the need/point in expounding on my lifestyle.

You may find yourself in situations where your sex life (past or present) comes up and you may feel comfortable giving him some info, and as you do you will get an idea of how open he is to things and discover that maybe you want more.

If you get to a point where you feel you want to be more serious with him, then you will need to tell him a bit more and make sure that he is ok with it.

[magnum]

Originally Posted by Michelle21

Ok
I am a single swinging female and i am wondering how you ladies date. I am fully in the lifestyle but i am concerned on how to tell somone i am dating that this is what i am into.. Normally, I stay single for this reason, but I would like to date at some point. So how did you ladies do it, and how did u keep the creeps away from you.. You know the ones who think u are good for a bunch of their friends to have a turn and all that...

Well, that is a tough one, I for one am a single male that has been swinging for about 7 years now.

All the ladies I asked to "play" dropped me like a bad habit, one woman that I dated for about a year, recently, knew that I had been in the life style and she was OK with that. I did not swing while we where together but she did not freak out or get groused out by it either, which was nice.

I would suggest that you be careful who you decide to tell that you are into the lifestyle, make sure that they are very open minded and not an immature jerk, as some males can be.

Good luck.

[gnb4u]

The single gals that we know have actually had a lot of problems integrating their personal dating life with their lifestyle activities. Very few single guys understand the slightest thing about the lifestyle and when they find out the gal they are dating is a swingle. One catagory essentially freaks out and thinks she is an ammoral slut and bolts.

Another group will also think you are a slut but will want to keep you to themselves as their own private slut. They will want you to start bringing over your girlfriends for them to fuck and will want you to set their buddies up with your girlfriends so you all can have orgys and stuff like that

Another catagory thinks that you are going to be his ticket into the lifestyle and that he is going to become an overnight stud. This has been pretty problematic for a lot of gals and it is due in large part because the woman's different perspective from being a single gal to now having a man tagging along. Swinging for couples is quite different for couples than it is for a single gal. As a single gal you have a lot of attention and a lot of opportunity and those attentions and opportunities will not transfer over to him once you start dating him.

When you take him around to your friends he may think that he is going to swing with them too and it just doesn't work that way. You may think he is all that and a hot guy but most of your friends will NOT think so and will not swing with him.

A lot of your friends will also treat you a lot differently when he is around. You may start getting the cold shoulder from people that are usually all over you. Some will even be resentfull of the fact you are dating someone in "the real world." Many single gals have had to completely start over in the lifestyle and make a whole new set of friends as a couple in the lifestyle and that has been difficult for some gals to adjust to because swinging as a single gal is so much easier than for a couple.

JustaskJulie had good advice in that if you are just casually dating someone to just say that you are not exclusive and leave it at that. If you find that you are getting very serious with someone you may find yourself in a difficult situation. If he does not seem open tothe idea of being in the lifestyle or accepting of you being in the LF you may have to choose between him and the LF. If he is open to the idea then you have a lot of work to do and you BOTH will need to get some education on how to transition from single Fem to a couple.